Okay So Last Chapter Was Pretty Good , If I Say So Myself ^_^ . I Have A LOT Of People Reading , Reviewing , & Following This Story Which Makes Meh A Very Happy Writer ; So , Anyways , Because So Many people Are Begging Meh To Continue This , I've Decided That I Can't Simply Leave It Right Where It's At .. & So , I'm taking the Challenge of Continuing This Story ! Thanx to Everyone ! XOXO
Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Twilight Or Anything Belonging To The Quileutes , Even Though I Wish I Did.
Just Let Go, I'll Catch You
Everyone's had that feeling of complete uselessness. Feels like there's no way out, no matter which way one was to look. No one stops to care anymore, not even to question half-heartedly if one was "okay." Would they even know what "okay" was?
She lied on her bed that night, pondering as to what the fuck she was supposed to do. She'd found out the reason why La Push had called to her. She snorted. Called, really? What was she, a fucking dog? The irony of her thought made her laugh stop short in her throat and she swallowed the sudden lump that had formed. Suddenly, dog jokes felt vulgar and too obscene. Just like Paul…
Paul. Now what was she supposed to do about him? He had a bad reputation and he was known for playing with girl's hearts. But something about the way he had spoken to her made her believe him over all the lies she'd previously heard. Could this Paul be the real Paul? Or was it just another of his games? She sighed and rolled over onto her back, frowning at the ceiling. It was scary how well he knew her, how close she already felt to him.
Her lips still tingled from his kisses and she touched them hesitantly, remembering the silkiness of his lips moving against her, of his hot hands holding her bruisingly close. Her breath caught as her body gave a shudder of something foreign and dangerous. Was this what desire felt like? Hot and heavy and heady enough to drive you mad? She swallowed again and sat up, running a hand through her hair as she bit at her sensitized mouth.
Never before had she felt such stirrings. Not even with him. She let out a bitter laugh as she recalled his virginous state. He was a hundred and nine and still a virgin? She wondered now if he himself had ever felt desire, known it firsthand. She guessed not, for if he had, surely he would not have refused her. But then she wondered if it was not his lack of reaction to her femininity, but her lack of sensuality. She got up and walked slowly over to her small mirror hanging above her desk. She turned her face this way and that, trying to find…something. And, like she knew she would, she found nothing.
Maybe it really was her after all. Maybe she was the reason why he held back. Was she not attractive enough? She knew she was no beauty like Lauren or Jessica, but she'd at least hoped she'd been okay looking. His cold rejection of her and her previous scrutiny made her believe otherwise. She knew that he had liked blondes. What was her name, that vampire in Denali? Tanya was it? She didn't dare stay on that subject for too long, afraid of the memories it would dredge up. Sighing, she walked back over to her bed and lied back down, curling up on her side.
It took her a few minutes to realize she was waiting for a pair of cold arms to wrap around her gently and she sat up once more, looking out her window where he would sit and watch her sleep, having done so for almost two months before they ever started talking. A grimace crossed her pretty mouth as she thought about his actions. He would watch her for hours while she slept, just staring at her. And even when she was awake, he would stare. She realized that she was never alone when with him. Ever. He or one of his siblings was always around, watching silently. Almost like bodyguards…Or slaveholders.
A small, humorless laugh escaped her suddenly tight throat. Such a clusterfuck, she thought. And she felt that this would only be the beginning. This would not be the last of the pain and questions…With a sigh she lied back down, where she tossed and turned for an hour before giving in to sleep.
When she woke, she felt more tired than before, her mind still going around in circles. With a small sigh, she got up and dressed in black jeans and a dark purple T-shirt. She'd gotten rid of all the clothes she'd worn when he was around, even her favorite blue shirt, just to get the reminder of him out of her head. When she finished, she ran a brush through her hair and went downstairs where she ate some toast and drank a small glass of apple juice.
Her head turned and saw the calendar hanging up on the fridge. She walked over to it, scared to see the date. When she did, she gasped, feeling her hands go cold. Today was May 26. Shaking her head, she couldn't believe how much time had passed. But, she also couldn't believe how long it had seemed to take to get here. She had no friends, no money for college, and the biggest clusterfuck she could ever imagine. With a sigh, she tossed back the rest of her juice and gathered her coat, grabbing her keys as she locked the door behind her, heading over to her truck.
Feeling eyes on her, she turned…Only to find the forest. She swallowed hard and turned back around, gasping a scream as she collided with a bronze chest. Her keys dropped and she covered her mouth, her heart going into overdrive. She looked the long way up to Paul's face, immediately calming.
"Sorry," he said softly, apologetic. She swallowed and watched his muscles bunch and relax as he bent down to fetch her keys. "Going somewhere?" She nodded and flushed.
"I-I was headed to…La Push," she amended, biting her lip. He smiled and her heart did somersaults as heat coiled in her stomach and her palms began to sweat. She didn't know what was happening to her, and these feeling frightened her. She met his eyes and the world seemed to freeze. Her eyes darted to his mouth where she remembered the feel of it as it moved with hers, the woodsy taste of him.
As if he sensed her hunger, he stepped closer, his chest heaving. Her eyes met his and she gasped at the blatant hunger and need in them. Her lips parted and breathing became difficult. His eyes narrowed slightly.
"You want me," he stated. She could only gasp in response, her hands going to his chest, not expecting it to be soft and velvety. She felt a rumbling in his chest and looked down, swallowing hard before pulling away from him. He chuckled softly. "I would never hurt you," he spoke softly and she could only nod. "Hey," he grabbed her chin and tilted her head up to look at him, making her gasp. "I promise. I have never meant to hurt you…Ever. That's one of the last things I ever want." She bit her lip and he bent down to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth, earning a gasp. He pulled back but she wrapped an arm around his neck, bringing him closer.
She looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Kiss me?" She asked. His hands contracted on her hips and the breath escaped from her lungs quickly.
"Bella…" Her name died on his lips with a groan as he covered her mouth with his. She stiffened in shock and he gentled his kisses, soon making her melt in his arms. "Atta girl," he whispered against her swollen lips and she reached up to kiss him again, blind with a hunger she'd never known. This time he pulled back and she let out a groan of protest. "No more of that. I don't want to give your neighbors a show." That shocked her into reality and she pulled completely away from him, moving to open the door, sliding in. He got into the passenger side and closed the door, throwing an arm over the back of the seat as he watched her struggle with the ignition.
"What?" She snapped angrily, and he had to cough in order to hide his smile. When she finally started the ancient truck, she was very aware of his eyes on her as she backed out of the driveway and headed to La Push. The intense scrutiny made her nervous, made her cautious, and she bit her lip trying to concentrate. She jerked the wheel when he touched her thigh, and she saw his smile. "Keep doing it and your ass is gonna be walking," she threatened, hating the tightening deep within her at his touch. He laughed.
"You're not the same girl you once were, Miss Swan," he commented and she chanced a glance at him. He was looking at her in a way she'd never seen before. It both equally excited and terrified her. She managed to pull over onto a side road and turn off the truck before she got out of the truck, slamming her door to walk over to his side. He met her halfway and when they collided, their kiss was all lips and teeth, hot and heavy. She moaned and he pulled her tighter against him so that he could feel his arousal for her. Blind with need so strong, she pressed against him. Before she realized it, she had her back to the truck and he was five feet away from her, his shoulders hunched. She fought for breath before turning her eyes to him.
She watched him for a few moments before he turned and managed a smile.
"Sorry for that. You get under my skin, baby," he spoke and she wondered if he caught the endearment. Probably not, she thought as she smiled and he ushered her into the truck, taking over for her. He kept her tucked under his free arm and she sighed happily, feeling his heartbeat. She didn't know what would happen to them, and she was terrified to find out.
What if he came back? What would he say? Would he still love her? How could he when he left her? What would Paul do when he came back for her and she went with him? That last thought made her stop short. Would she go with him if he asked? She glanced up at Paul; saw his bronzed skin and his faded scars from fights, his slightly crooked nose from being broken, and his eyes as he looked down at her. So full of love and compassion…For her. The leech lover. That's what she was, a leech lover. She'd picked them over Jacob ever since they came back. Why had they come back? After so many years, why come back just as she was? Had Alice seen it? Perhaps that was why. Biting her lip she looked out at the passing landscape, taking a deep breath of the now salt-smelling air, and felt a sense of peace within her.
"Are you okay?" His voice, along with the question, startled her in the momentary quiet.
"Y-Yes," she answered after a moment. Her brow furrowed as the single syllable fell upon them like a weight. A heady, tense, uncertain weight. His arm tightened around hers gently and it was not the chill she was used to, but a warmth, a light. That was the difference between them, she realized. They were cold and brought darkness, but the wolves were warm and brought light. He kept driving until they passed by the Ateara's home, where he slowed the truck down to a barely crawling speed.
"Tell me and we'll get this fixed," he said so softly, she wasn't sure if he was really speaking.
It was the moment of truth, she realized as she sat up and watched his face, saw the emotions pass over it, the internal struggle he was going through. She had done this to him, she thought as she continued to watch. She was the reason for his pain, the reason for how he was acting. Was she really his imprint? Or could this be a new tactic he was using to get what he wanted? She didn't know what to believe and it showed.
"You're always pushing me away," she returned and his head whipped around to look at her, his eyes blazing. She was caught in their depths, his blue and green eyes alive and shimmery.
"Because you've given me no choice!" He yell-spoke. She could see his body vibrating faintly and he just gave her a spiteful look before getting out of the truck and slamming the door, running both hands through his hair. Feeling more than one pair of eyes on her, she got out of the truck and walked over to him as a light rain began to fall. She hardly noticed. Seeing him in such open pain broke something within her, something she had thought could never be touched again: her heart. He turned towards her when he heard her and he shook his head. "Don't," he warned but she shook her head back at him. The vibrating got worse.
"Y-You have to stop this," she said calmly even though her heart was hammering in her chest. She knew how dangerous the wolves could be when they were angry, but she was not afraid of him she realized. She never was. Her head screamed for her to see sense, along with her heart, but something else was pulling her towards this hurting boy who was forced to become a man far too soon.
"Stay away from me!" He yelled, vibrating furiously. "I don't want to hurt you!" The rain fell harder and she could see small amounts of steam coming off him as the cooled water hit his hot flesh. Just as she was within touching distance a voice stopped her in her tracks.
"Bella, back off." She glanced over at Jacob's hard face, which was currently glaring at her and Paul. Her own fragile face turned down into a glare and she turned to face Jacob head on. Her eyes darted around as the rest of the pack and the council filed around, ever present. Her chin tilted up as Jacob glared at her.
"Jacob," she began her heart in her throat. "This does not concern you. Go home." His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared out.
"I'm not going to tell you again," he growled out but she stood firm.
"Tell me what? How much you love me? How good we would be together? How much of a tease I am? Huh?" Her voice grew in anger and Jacob took a step towards her, as did Paul.
"Lahote, get the Hell away from her," Jacob barked and she felt anger swell deep within her stomach. Stalking up to Jacob, she pulled back her arm and swung. The sound of her hand colliding with his face resonated even through the storm. The force of it knocked Jacob back and her hand hurt. She was breathing heavily and before she knew it, he was shaking so badly, it was clearly visible. She backed a step away from him right as he shifted. Having raised her arm up, she cried out as she felt a horrible stinging down her arm and stomach.
Everything turned to chaos then. A millisecond after Jake phased, Paul did too, along with Sam. Now, two others had joined in on the fight, Paul's wolf staying in front of her at all times. The pain was searing and her vision was going fuzzy, but she tried to stay awake. The huge black wolf, Sam she suspected, growled out something and all wolves stopped fighting, although she could tell they were itching to do so. Sam phased back, as did Jacob, Paul, Jared, and Embry. She was immediately glad that Quil was still in school right about now.
Swallowing hard, she lifted her arm off her stomach, seeing that blood was dripping from it. She didn't feel faint though, and that scared her more than anything. The rain was falling heavily by this point and blood was running in the sand around her. She felt an arm touch her and when she looked up, she didn't see Paul's hazel eyes, but Jacob's brown ones.
"Don't fucking touch me, Black," she spit at him, ripping her arm away from his. He gave her a glare and pulled back. It was then that she saw the gash along Paul's side. She gasped, getting up and forgetting about her own wounds as she ran over to him. "P-Paul, are you o-okay? Oh my Gosh, please be okay! Paul?" She took his face in her hands and was breathing heavily as she made him look at her. He gave her a small smile and nodded. She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him tightly, not understanding these feelings.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair, breathing her in. They stood like that for a few moments, each trembling, and she had never felt more relieved. When he pulled back, however, dizziness overcame her and she placed a hand on her head, swaying. He looked down and saw that he was covered in her blood, which was still trickling out of her.
"Paul," she faintly heard Old Quil's voice call out, but the ringing in her ears was overwhelming. He said something else but blackness took over and she fainted. The last thing she saw was Paul's worried face above hers. She must have said something, but the words were lost on her lips.
Warmth. She was surrounded in warmth. Delicious warmth. It was encasing her and she smiled, burying her face in it. She felt a rumble, like a laugh, and was confused. Wasn't this Heaven? She didn't feel anything but warmth. Hesitantly, she moved her fingers, finding them rubbing against something soft but hard. Something touched her cheek softly and she smiled.
Opening her eyes slowly, she saw she was in a dimly lit room of sorts. She was on her right side and there was an arm wrapped around her, a bronze hand on her waist, holding her. Her left arm, she noticed, was in a cast of sorts and she remembered everything with startling clarity. She remembered Paul standing in the rain, her going to him, Jake getting mad, her hitting him, a fight…She gasped and her eyes opened wide as she tried to sit up, groaning as her stomach flared up in pain. The hand that was around her waist was now at her shoulders, gently pulling her back down. She looked back and saw Paul's troubled but warm eyes.
"Hey," she said softly, lying back down gently. She looked up into his eyes.
"Hey," he replied quietly, stroking her cheek. His eyes were stormy.
"What's wrong?" She whispered and his jaw clenched.
"I thought I'd lost you," he replied and she flinched at the pain in his voice. His arm tightened again and he reached his other to cup her face.
"You could never lose me," she replied gently and his eyes lit up but dimmed just as quickly. She bit her lip hard and looked down at his chest.
"You love him." It wasn't a question. She wondered then. But shook her head mentally, still biting her lip hard. Did she love him? Of course she did, she told herself. She would always love him…Right? Apparently her pause was longer than she thought because, next thing she knew, she was being lied down on the bed as Paul was getting off of it. She just lied there and watched him, but he wouldn't look at her.
"P-Paul…" She started. He cut her off.
"No, Bella. Trying to explain your feelings for that…Leech." He stopped to take a calming breath. "I honestly don't want to hear it. I can see that you want me, yes, but you can never care for me or love me, as I do you. And that's fine," he hastened to add and he picked up a shirt off the floor, cradling it in his hands. "But I don't want to hear anything about how you love him, and are waiting for them to come back. I know you are, Bella," he added when she tried to speak. She flushed and looked down.
"You don't understand," she began again and he snorted.
"Understand? What is there to understand, Bella? You love him, you want him, you are waiting for him. I know that, I see that, I get that. But goddammit, don't you ever think of anyone besides yourself? You couldn't even tell that Black was dying to be with you, or get in your pants at least," he amended bitterly. Her jaw dropped and she flushed. Biting her lip, she looked down, tracing circles in his worn bedspread. "You know as well as I do that you will always love the leech, but yet you insist on stringing me and Black along." He paused to look down at his feet before meeting her eyes. His betrayed no emotion and she felt saddened at that. "Don't come to La Push again. At least until you can figure out what you want. I've waited for you for over eight months, Bella. I don't know how much longer I can wait. I'll give you until the end of the week. And if you still can't decide, we're going to see Old Quil and that's that."
Her heart dropped at his words and she didn't know why. She couldn't lose him, but wondered if he was ever hers to lose. She loved him, he was going to come back, she knew it. He had to…Otherwise, she had nothing to live for. Shaking her head, she furrowed her brow. She had Paul…But not for long. Did she want him for keeps? What if she said yes and he came back? He held out a hand for her and helped her up, walking her out of the house and to her truck. He put her in, walking back to his small porch as he waited for her to start the truck.
She put the key in the ignition and was about to turn it when she gave a small laugh and shook her head, biting her lip as she looked back up. He wasn't there. Feeling the prick of tears, she sighed and turned the key, hearing the engine sputter and fight to stay running. Her stomach and arm were hurting, but she didn't have the strength to walk back into Paul's house and ask for help. The engine gave out with a loud pop and she rested her head on the steering wheel, letting out a small sob.
"Son of a bitch!" She yelled, banging her arm against the window, then crying out softly in pain. She sat there for a few minutes before she heard the familiar tang of water hitting the metal roof of the truck. She sat back, not caring if tears fell, before opening her truck door and slamming it closed, walking slowly down the road. She would look back every few steps, waiting for something, but was disappointed when it wasn't there. When the rain began falling to hard for her to continue walking, about 50 feet from her truck, she sat down on the side of the road, looking out at the surrounding forest.
When they left, she'd felt so numb. The pain only came when she slept. She didn't do much of that anymore, so she didn't feel so much pain. But now she felt it, and she didn't know why. Her heart hurt worse than when Jake walked away from her, when he said she didn't belong with him. She'd thought that nothing could compare, but this…This pain she felt over a boy she didn't even care for…A pain ripped its way into her heart and she hunched over, ignoring the pain in her stomach as she fought for breath.
And then…She felt it. Like a fire scorching her insides, she felt something so sharp and hot, she saw stars in her vision. She managed to stand and when she did, she knew where she had to go. She had to go to him, make things right. So she did the unthinkable: she ran. She ignored the burning in her stomach, the dizziness in her head, and forgot about her clumsiness as she ran back to Paul's home.
Getting to his small porch, the door flung open before she could knock and she was in his arms. She wrapped her arms and legs around him tightly, her face going into his throat as she sobbed. He fell to his knees with her in his arms, his hot tears hitting her neck. She pulled back and kissed him with everything she had, his lips moving in such sync with hers she didn't know where hers ended and his began. She broke their kiss for a few moments and made him look at her.
"P-Paul…" she began , out of breath. He looked at her, swallowing. "I want to stay with you…" His smile was radiant and he kissed her again. She smiled against his lips and eventually they made it inside, after the rain had stopped and the pack had stopped catcalling of course.
And when they lied together to sleep that night, she knew things had to be okay. She didn't know what was going to happen but at the moment she didn't care. She had her wolf to protect her and that was all that mattered.
Aweness! Otay, So This Chapter Was Kinda Hard To Write And I Apologize For That ! Please Be Kind and Review ! I Love Your Faces XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOX