Disclaimer: All of the characters and settings in the drabbles below belong to JK Rowling. However, the essay component belongs to the various writers that I have cited as well as myself.
A/N: Here are just the drabbles that were included in the paper in the last chapter as well as an extra 250-drabble that I wrote, but couldn't fit into my paper.
The One Where Hermione Discovers the Wonderful World of Harry Potter
Hermione stormed into the room, "Do you know a Joanne Rowling?" she asked dangerously.
He thought for a moment, "Rowling…Rowling… Ah, yes. They're a pureblood family that started to produce a squib a generation. There hasn't been a Rowling in Hogwarts since I was in school. Dianne Rowling, I believe her name was."
"It seems that Dianne's been telling her sister stories about our world."
"You tell your parents things about the wizarding world all the time," he stated calmly.
"But they didn't write a bloody book about it! Or should I say three books out of a seven book series! They're even planning to release a movie next year!"
"It's a good thing she didn't know any of the real secrets about how to access Diagon Alley. Though we should strengthen our anti-muggle charms," Hermione started to worry.
"Don't worry Hermione, if there was any real danger about the wizarding world being revealed, something would have been done about it."
"I suppose… Do you know the worst part? She's written a book for each of the years that we were in school and it's all based on those rumors that used to surround Harry. It's depicting him how the public saw him for so long. It's not right… Not to mention how she depicts me!"
"And how did she depict you?" he asked patiently.
"Like some obsessive about the rules, teacher's pet, know-it-all!"
Severus gave her a steady look.
"I was not that bad!"
He chose to stay silent.
The One Where Hermione Discovers the Wonderful World of Fan Fiction
It had started off innocently enough.
"I borrowed my mum's laptop computer to do some research on this J.K. Rowling and I found these fan sites for the books. The "Harry Potter" series has become so popular that fans are writing stories based on the book. It's surprising how many there are. And reading these summaries… it's kind of funny. Oh Severus, look at this one! The writer has me paired up with Ron!" she laughed, "Oh, and I'm paired up with Harry in this one! That's so ridiculous! They're like my brothers."
And then she was obsessed. At first, she had started reading them for a laugh, but soon she started to find that many of the stories were written well and the plot lines seemed almost plausible, other than the fact that their concept of magic was completely flawed. After all, how could all their spells be Latin translations of the intended result of the spell? Did they think that anybody who spoke Latin was magical? She began to consume them like she consumed potion journals. At first, I didn't pay much attention. After all, Hermione always became utterly enveloped in her current project. However, when I found out that she was reading stories about her and Viktor Krum, I knew I had to put a stop to that! And so, I did the only thing that I could. I found her fan fiction that was based on the two of us. Thank God for Ashwinder and WIKTT.
The One Where Hermione (and Severus) Discover the Wonderful World of Slash
Hermione rushed up to Severus with a gleeful look on her face, "You'll never guess what I found!" she exclaimed.
"I wonder if it could have anything to do with that fan fiction that you've been addicted to all week." Severus drawled without lifting his eyes from his potions journal. Hermione swatted at him with a pout on her lips and he put his journal down, allowing her access to his lap.
"I was browsing and I found some new pairings," she started to explain.
"Oh, please don't tell me you've found some horrid story about Longbottom and Bulstrode."
Hermione glared at him for interrupting, "No. I found several stories featuring you," she paused for a second, "and Harry!"
He blinked and she continued, "In fact, slash fan fiction is quite popular and many authors seem to think that you'd go great with Harry or Lucius or Draco or Sirius… Should I go on?"
"Oh, come off it. Even I thought you were gay. Remember that one Christmas party where Madam Hooch was throwing herself all over you? You didn't even blink!"
"That was because I was in love with you!"
Hermione smiled at the exclamation.
"Do you know what I did find curious though?" Hermione said thoughtfully, "There was a bunch of stories about Dumbledore and Grindlewald."
Severus chuckled and Hermione raised an eyebrow, "Well that makes more sense than me with anybody else but you. After all, they were an item once upon a time."
The One Where Severus Tries to Immerse Himself in the Wonderful World of Fan Fiction and Doesn't Understand
"Hermione, what does 'Drabble' mean," Severus asked, "and 'HP/GW' and 'HBP compliant' and 'OOC'?"
Hermione looked up in surprise to see Severus standing in the doorway with her mother's laptop in hand.
"Are you reading fan fiction?" Hermione asked with shock.
"Well, I'm trying to, but I don't know what any of these blasted words mean. What good is a summary if you can't understand it?"
"Well, 'drabble' just means that it's a very short story usually 100 words exactly or a story made up of 100 word portions, 'HP/GW' indicates the ship, the romantic pairing, for this one, it's Harry and Ginny. HBP is short for Half-Blood Prince, the 6th Harry Potter book, and complaint just means that the stories follow the book's timeline and are compliant with its events. OOC stands for out of character."
"And why are they telling you all this?"
"They're warnings so that you know what the story is about."
"And what about this," he pointed to the screen, "This sentence doesn't end. It just says 'character death'."
"That's another warning to tell people that there will be character death in the story."
"They're giving the whole story away."
"They use warnings so that people aren't offended. Wouldn't you be offended if you read a fan fiction that had explicit slash scenes that took you by surprise?"
"Well, how do I find those ones that you showed me the other night?" he asked with a completely straight face.
Hermione laughed, "Try searching for PWP."
The One Where Hermione and Severus Discover the 8 Wonderful Ways in Which They Could Have Fallen in Love
"Severus, I found a parody about the clichés that are used in fan fiction about us. Thunderspeak neatly summarized the 8 ways we could have possibly gotten together. Amusingly, from all the fan fiction I've read, I think she's pretty spot on." Hermione said in an amused murmur.
"Oh? And what are these 8 ways that would have thrown us together?"
"Well, we either suddenly realise how attractive the other is and fall in love, I become your apprentice, Dumbledore sets us up, we're forced together by a crazy marriage law, I find you hurt in the corridors and nurse you back to health, I go back in time and meet the teenaged you, I have some extraordinary talent that you didn't know about and, upon finding out, you fall in love with me, or sometime after the war we bump into each other coincidentally, you find out that Ron and I have split, and we fall in love."
"Most of those are ridiculous."
"Not really. I mean, Dumbledore set me up to be your apprentice and that's when I discovered your nightmares about the war, similar to my own, we bonded and became friends and you found out that I'm a terrific singer, which attracted me to you, and then I peeked into your pensive and saw bits of your teenaged life, making me realise that I was in love with you, forcing me to quit my apprenticeship and live with you.
"Well that marriage law one is ridiculous."
The One Where Hermione Discovers the (not so) Wonderful World of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban the Movie
Hermione dragged him onto the sofa after turning on the muggle movie playing machine and forced me to endure this suffering. The movies, although preposterous with their beams of light trying to imitate magic and concept of broom flying, among other things, could be ignored, but he was forced to entertain the ranting of the woman beside him.
"I can't believe they picked Emma Watson to play me. I don't look like that at all! They're not even crimping her hair anymore! How is that bushy?"
"It's true, no one could ever equal your beauty," he said silkily, hoping to distract her from the movie so that he could escape from this misery.
Hermione continued on without a hint of having heard him, "When did I ever wear pink? Pink is for blondes. I look hideous in pink! Also, why aren't we wearing our robes anywhere?"
Hermione continued her criticisms, but paused when the credits played.
"It seems that everybody likes her though, wearing pink, being weepy, picking a pretty girl to play me," Hermione trailed off before saying, "It's just that…with fan fiction, I feel like people somehow understand a part of me even when they don't know me and I feel good knowing that they're using me to express themselves. With this…I feel like it's telling me who I should be, how I should look..."
Severus took her hand in his, "Hermione, it is a Hollywood movie after all. That's not you, that's just Hollywood's adaptation of you."
A/N: I would just like to extend thanks to Thunderspeak. Her fan fiction, Severus and Hermione FanFiction Clichés, is great. You can find it here on fanfiction. net