When I'm Gone



Rose raised her hand to the door, then faltered. What was she doing? She wasn't four years old. It's not like she needed to run to anyone for comfort just because she had a stupid nightmare. It hadn't even been a real nightmare. She had hardly been asleep.

He was probably fast asleep. He only got an hour or two every night. There was no need to wake him up for something so silly. Sighing, she turned to go back, only to find that in the time she had been facing his door, the TARDIS had hidden her door and blocked the exits to the corridor.

The only place she could go now was his room.

Sighing again, she quietly turned the doorknob and peered into the dark room. In the faint light, cast inside from the hall, she could see the Doctor sitting at the end of the bed. He had his head hanging heavily in his hands. He almost seemed to be pulling at his hair as he held on to his head. He was barefoot, his converse placed carefully beside his bead. His jacket however had been strewn across the room. He was wearing his light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows.

He looked… stressed… sad.

"Doctor?" she said tentatively. He lifted his head and looked at her in surprise.

"Rose," he said. He stood and came over to her. The next thing she knew, she was in his arms and he was holding her tight. Needing this herself, she hugged him back. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," she told him as he let her go and led her to sit on his bed with him. "I just couldn't sleep… or I had a nightmare… I don't know, it was kind of a mix of the two at the same time… Does that even make sense?" she said in confusion.

"Yeah, it does," he laughed. But she noted that it didn't light up his eyes quite so much as usual. "What did you dream about?" he asked cautiously. Rose cast her eyes down, she knew he'd read the truth there. But she couldn't help herself from giving a slight shiver. "Ah," he said, understanding perfectly.

"It - it was mostly memories," she told him.

The Doctor only gazed at her intently a moment. "Come on," he said gently. "You can stay with me tonight." Rose nodded mutely and he helped her back so she was on one side of the bed, under the covers. He jumped in the other side and snuggled down so he was facing her.

They just looked at each other for a long time, their eyes saying more than their lips ever could. Without her consent, her hand reached up and she began running her hand down his face, tracing the contours, memorising every part of it she could. He closed his eyes in content and she brushed her thumb over his lids. Then traced down his nose and softly across his lips, which parted slightly at her touch. Her fingers came to a rest on his cheek.

"Do you ever wonder," she said quietly, "what you're going to look like in the future?"

"Sometimes," he said. "I do hope I'll be ginger next time. But, I hope I don't find out soon," he chuckled. "I quite like this body."

"Me too," Rose smiled at him. He chuckled again and pulled her closer to him so that her head was on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest. They stayed quiet a while longer. Subconsciously, he began to play with her hair, stroking it. It was so nice that it was quickly lulling her to sleep. "Doctor," she said innocently, her voice starting to give way to sleep. "What would you do when I'm gone? If you didn't get the chance to say goodbye… what will you do?"

She heard and felt him take a deep breath. "I don't know. And quite frankly, I'd rather not think about it. I'm going to spend every possible moment with you I can. But you don't… you don't have to worry about what that Beast said. It can't tell the future. I mean, it said that we would all die there and it would escape… Well, we showed it."

Rose tried to smile. She knew what he said made sense, and she was glad that he cared about her that much… But what he had said, that he was going to spend every possible moment he could with her. That just confirmed her fear. If he couldn't see her anymore, he would go back to a time where he could.

Painfully, she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his hearts beating. The soothing rhythm with the Doctor's caresses had her on the brink of sleep. But still she remembered one more thing she wanted to know.

"What do you believe in?" she asked him, her voice now heavy with sleep. She didn't even have the energy to open her eyes.

"I don't really know, Time Lords don't really have a religion."

"If you had to pick one thing to believe in, in all of time and space what would it be?"

"Just one?" he mused. "One thing out of everything, everywhere and everywhen? Every concept, being, planet, star, item, myth, life, sky… through all of existence?" He looked down to see Rose breathing deeply and evenly, her eyes closed and her body relaxed. "I believe in you," he whispered. Careful not to wake her, he leant down and kissed her head.

In her sleep, Rose smiled.




Yep, because THAT makes Rose think she's safe! That probably has her thinking she's going to die. But despite the fact her fears have just been confirmed, she can't help but smile at his sweet words.

So that's it really. Just a little bit of bittersweet fluff, angst, and hurt / comfort!