A Thousand and One Adventure Time Nights
By Henry J. Cobb
[Adventure Time is the creation of Frederator Studios for Cartoon Network. This work is done without their knowledge or involvement. -HJC]
I stood at the cave entrance and looked out over the snow covered mountains towards my distant kingdom. For the thousandth time I wondered how well the Earl was running things there and for the thousandth time I looked down the steep side of the mountain. I could use my powers to adhere to the side of the mountain and crawl down, but I would be too slow and he would just capture me again as always.
"Leaving so soon, my sweet?"
I turned at the sound of the Ice King's voice and addressed him, "I'd love to say that it's been the warmth of your hospitality that's caused me to tarry so long."
"But you hate to lie? It's warm enough in my bed, my dear Bonnibel. Let us retire there for the consummation of our marriage."
"Oh, your Majesty. There is no need for that, as I will be rescued shortly."
"You will tell me yet another story, of these Finn and Jake heroes who will rescue you? Somehow I always come off poorly in these stories. Tell me again, my Queen. How shall I be defeated by a puppy and a baby?"
We retired to the main room in his cave and I made up a new story about how Jake had secured the release of the princess of the Fire Kingdom and how Finn had fallen for her.
The Ice King smiled at this, stood and walked over to me. "So your great hero Finn has fallen for another girl, because you put him off so often?"
"A familiar tale indeed. So now that he has found another, he will not be coming to save you?"
He grabbed me into his arms and carried me to his bedroom. "Then let us do the consummation."
I cried out for help, but there was none on offer.