Rachel smiled, hoisting the one year old little girl up into her high chair and safely buckling her in. She turned around, grabbing the small bowl of mashed potatoes and a colorful green spoon.
"Who's ready for some mashed potatooesssssssss?" She asked, waving the bowl around in the air. She sat down at the kitchen table, pulling her daughter's high chair closer to be able to feed her better. "Okay, Sarah Barbra Patti Idina Kristen Judy Hudsonnn!" she said in her best baby voice. "Open wide so Mommy can give you your mashed potatoooessssss." The baby, clearly not amused, cleared her throat.
"You know what this conversation needs? A dead rat carcass." Rachel screamed, jumping back at her baby's violent first words. The mashed potatoes flew across the kitchen, splattering all over the floor. Finn rushed in.
"What's wr- Whoa!" he slipped on a chunk of milky potato, hitting his head on the counter on the way down. His skull broke open and his brains seeped out of his head. Rachel screeched, rushing over and sobbing uncontrollably. Sarah shook her head and sighed.
"He's just a fragile little butterfly. A butterfly that needs to be killed." Rachel kept sobbing, and screaming things like 'Why!' Sarah threw her tiny little hands up in the air. "Mom, I mean how are you not getting this? I feel like you're purposely Team Finchel just so you can see me squirm and flail uncontrollably!" Rachel cried some more. "Hey Mom?" Sarah said. "I have to go to the restroom." Rachel paid no attention to her daughter. "Okay, Okay, I'll just pee on the floor I get it."
Okee-Dokee. Another successful ridiculously-ridiculous story has been written. By the way, everything that 'Sarah' said in this fiction was actually said by my real life friend Sarah at some point in time. And yes, she's perfectly sane.
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