Helloooo sweeties, I'm still alive lol, this one did originally begin as a vaugue idea for another chapter of 'Awkward', but, um, it changed lol, and it's a bit dark in places and very M rated so I wouldn't read if you don't like that sort of thing :) It's set during TTOA, obviously lol, and is AU a bit, I suppose. Big thanks go to Charina for beta-ing this for me! :) And other than that if you're still here please enjoy :)
River is glad to see him, as always, but she'd quickly realised almost as soon as she'd landed on him (literally) that the Doctor is young. She'd expected a version of him relatively early in his timeline as he always had been of late, but still she'd hoped she might have gotten one a little more familiar with her. Her mother was with him - and she wasn't entirely sure yet, but she didn't think Amy had even met her yet. This was clearly very early days for both of them.
But, well practised now with getting on with whatever him she encountered, River got straight down to business, dashing around him as they flew through space after the ship she'd just left.
She'd seen his brief glance of shock when she'd first flown up the stairs and begun expertly keying in commands, hanging her heels off the scanner, but it had quickly been covered as he pulled at levers and clung on as the ship lurched violently.
"We're losing them!" She cries frantically as she clings to the scanner to keep from being flung across the room. "Stay close!"
"Use the stabilizers!"
"It doesn't have stabilizers!"
"The blue switches," she says hurriedly.
"The blue ones don't do anything, they're just…blue!" He insists and she would have rolled her eyes had they not been in such a critical situation.
"Yes, they're blue - they're the blue stabilizers!" Leaning over him, she slams her hand down on them and the ship immediately settles, the lights brightening. She turns to him with a smug smile. "See?"
"Yes. Well." He turns a glare on her and she can see that he's genuinely cross that she knows more than he does about his own ship. Oh, she thinks fleetingly, he's quite adorable so young. "It's just boring now isn't it! They're boring-ers, they're blue," he jabs angrily at the buttons, "boring-ers!"
"Doctor," whispers Amy sounding awed. "How come she can fly the Tardis?"
"You call that flying the Tardis? Ha!" And, in a ridiculously child-like way that almost makes her want to laugh out loud, he stomps over and throws himself into the chair by the console.
"Okay," she says brightly, ignoring him to key in commands to land the Tardis. "I've mapped the probability vectors, done a fall back on the temporal isometry, charted the ship to its destination, and…" she presses a final button and turns to Amy with a smile. "Parked us right alongside."
"Parked us?" The Doctor scoffs from his chair. "We haven't landed!"
"Of course we've landed! I just landed her," she sings smugly back.
Shooting back to his feet the Doctor marches around the console and hauls the scanner in front of him, bashing at the buttons to get a reading of their whereabouts. He scowls at the screen when it confirms River's claim and he whips his head back round to look at her.
He stares at her, breathing hard, his eyes intent on her face.
"Amy get out."
Amy looks offended at his words, standing up straight and folding her arms. "What?"
The Doctor's eyes don't leave River's and she knows that look. Her heart speeds up as she stares back at him.
"Now," he growls slightly, his eyes still on River like a hawk locking onto its prey.
River swallows, turning her body to fully face him. "Amy," she says, her voice gentle but holding a warning. "It's really best you leave."
Amy looks confused. "But - why -"
"Amy!" River cuts her off urgently - her eyes leave the Doctor's just briefly to flicker over to the redhead's. "Please."
Amy looks at River for a few seconds, then at the Doctor, and still confused and frowning deeply in indignation she spins on her heel and ascends the stairs in annoyance.
The minute the sounds of Amy's footsteps vanish he advances towards her, fury in his gaze. "Who are you?" He demands.
River swallows, but stands her ground. "I can't tell you that."
"No!" He snaps, pointing a finger in her face. "I don't want to hear it - I want to know who you are and who the hell you damn well think you are to come in here and, and fly my Tardis and - and try and tell me how to fly my Tardis - who are you!"
He all but roars the last words at her and she swallows. Goodness, he certainly has a temper when he's young. She's seen his anger before but so rarely has it been directed at her in such full force…it's a little unnerving.
"I can't tell you that, sweetie," she tries to say gently but he points the finger further in her face.
"No - don't sweetie me - I'm not your sweetie, I don't even know you!" He backs her into the console as he accuses her and she feels her heart speed up, his words hurting her and she braces her hands on the edge of the console behind her. She feels the comforting hum of the ship beneath them and it soothes her a little, and gives her the courage to stand up a bit taller and speak back clearly.
"I know you don't. And I know this is hard for you. But you will know me…I just can't tell you how, not yet."
"Why not?" He growls, leaning in further, his eyes not moving from her own.
She swallows. "Your rules, not mine, my love," she utters softly, and realises the seconds she's said the words that perhaps the particular term of endearment was not the best thing to say at this moment.
His eyes narrow. "I'm not your love," he growls.
River says nothing.
"How do I even know I can trust you? You - you could be anyone!"
"Because." She swallows, frantically trying to think of how she could assure him without giving anything away…she couldn't. But oh, it hurt that he didn't trust her, that he thought she may be someone dangerous to him when she was his wife and he was her everything. "Because I trust you," she opts for admitting, her voice barely above a whisper. "With my life - with everything."
She sees him swallow too and knows he is thinking of her hurling herself out of that spaceship and into his arms earlier. "You shouldn't - you can't - can't know that I'll be there - I'm not your damn taxi service!" He exclaims, getting cross again, "I'm not gonna be there every time you feel like - like jumping out of a spaceship!"
She shakes her head. "You are so wrong."
He seizes her by the arms suddenly, shaking the smile off her face, demanding, "Who are you!"
Her breath hitches and her heart is pounding, his body pressed to hers, his fury, his passion…oh she can't help the whimper that escapes her throat.
The Doctor doesn't miss it, nor does he miss the lust that's clouded her eyes as he searches them with his own.
"Is this who you are?" He demands, giving her another shake before sliding his hands determinedly down her arms to her waist to yank her body tight against his, squeezing another whimper from her. "Is this what we are?"
She is breathing hard and she swallows, not knowing how to answer even as she's certain he can see the answer in her eyes.
With as much curiosity as want in his gaze, the Doctor leans in and presses his lips to hers, experimentally but not gently, pushing his mouth hard against her own, gripping harder at her waist. River's mouth opens of its own accord and she moans as he presses her against the console, letting him kiss her as roughly as he likes.
He leans back and watches her closely, she is panting and nearly trembling under his gaze because it is so long since she's felt his beautiful lips against her own and she wasn't sure she ever would again.
He leans in again and her eyes flutter shut, feeling his hot breath on her mouth as she waits for it to cover hers again…but the touch doesn't come, and she snaps her eyes back open to see his face mere inches from hers.
"Who are you?" He asks, his voice low and husky.
Without moving back, she shakes her head and he leans in another inch so that his lips are ghosting over hers as he speaks again. "Tell me."
"Can't," she utters back helplessly.
He growls in frustration then, and closes what was left of the gap to kiss her brutally once again, forcing his tongue between her lips and pressing her back so she is leant back on the console, her hands gripping the edge with white knuckles to keep from falling.
She feels his hands move quick and erratic over her body, exploring, experimenting, cupping her arse then squeezing a breast, skimming up her neck and touching her hair, back down to grip her hips as he grinds his lower body frantically against hers.
She cries out into his mouth, a sound of arousal and desperation that she can't hold back and he breaks from her lips to kiss and nip savagely at her neck, grinding into her once again. River realises she's lifted a leg to hook over his hip, and then she realises his hands are moving once again, agitatedly running all over her body, and when he tugs in frustration at the material of her dress behind her neck she realises he's searching for a zipper.
"Doctor - stop, we can't!" She manages to force out, getting herself upright and placing her hands on his chest to try and shove him back.
"Don't play coy with me River Song, I can see how much you want this," he mutters spitefully, grasping her hands by the wrists and shoving them away, wrenching them around behind her to press them to the console as he leans in further.
She does - oh she does but - it's too early for him, she knows it's too early. "This can't happen," she begs, although she doesn't struggle in his vice-like grasp.
"No," he shakes his head, he is breathing hard and his eyes are darker than she thinks she's ever seen them. "This does happen…doesn't it?"
"You don't need to answer. I can see it in your face."
She sucks in a sharp breath, and tries one more time. "Doctor…don't, please…"
"Who are you?" The question sounds like it's to himself this time, and he sounds so confused, and lost that she wants to throw her arms round him blurt out everything, just so he will be okay and stop looking at her like that but - she can't. And this…can't happen. She knows it can't - he's never told her about it, never mentioned this happening so early in his timeline it -
But then…would he? Later on, when they're together - properly, when he loves her…would he really admit to something like this? She knows he regrets enough about the way he treated her when he was - is - younger, he'd told her so many times in her younger days, apologised over and over, explained that he didn't know and that was what made him so angry and distrusting towards her…was he hinting at something like this?
No, she thinks. No, he wouldn't tell her. She knows her Doctor, and he wouldn't tell her about something like this.
This is not her Doctor, but this is still the Doctor, the man she will - does - always has - loved, and he is so young and confused, and if this was what he needs…she loves him. She has no problem giving it to him.
She makes the decision to give in - she couldn't fight him anyway, it was pointless trying. Oh - she knew she was physically capable of stopping him if she wanted but that was the problem - she didn't. Not when he was so young and so full of rage and passion and lust and so, so…unhinged and wild and beautiful. She couldn't fight it.
"Doctor, I - "
"Shut up," He snaps, shoving her around suddenly to push her forward down over the console and she gasps, her hands fly out to brace herself as she feels him drag her dress up behind her, yanking impatiently at the skirts until he has them bundled up between them. It's chiffon and silk, and expensive and it'll crease - and she couldn't care less right now.
He tugs at her knickers, his movements jerky, dragging the flimsy piece of satin and lace down her thighs and then his hand is there and she gasps, her thighs clenching as he feels her roughly, and she hears him groan behind her, his other hand gripping her side tightly.
"Oh yes, you want this don't you," he growls as he pushes two fingers inside her, making her gasp again and rock back against his hand. "I can feel how badly you want it." Helplessly, she whimpers and spreads her legs, tilting her hips back towards him. The Doctor lets out a sound that is somewhere between a choke and a moan and withdraws his fingers from within her with a slippery noise and she quickly hears the rustle of material and sharp sound of his fly being unzipped as she feels him fumbling behind her.
He slams a hand down beside her, gripping a piece of the console next to her own hand, and she feels him bend over her, feels his length press against her and she pants, and raises herself on her tiptoes so he can easily slide inside her. River can't suppress the moan that leaves her as he fills her, because she hadn't thought she'd ever have this again, and he groans in response and throbs inside her; she knows how much the noises she makes have always turned him on, and it's obviously something that affects him even this young.
With his knuckles turning white on the console next to her as he begins at a harsh pace, his other hand moves to her hip to drag her back against him in time to his thrusts. River gasps in pleasure, and she thinks she hears something over the far side of the console room but pays it no mind, quickly forgetting when he alters the angle of his thrusts and hits that delicious spot right inside her.
The hand on her hip glides up over her bottom, skirting up her side beneath the dress until he finds it can't go any further and pulls it out from under the material to slide around and seize a breast through it. She moans louder this time as he kneads her soft flesh and he gasps in response, his hips snapping into her in a jerky movement.
Her own hips buck back in response and she pants for breath, "Oh - I -"
"Shut up," he growls, in anger she knows is directed at himself, for his reactions to her and not really her. His hand moves from her breast to press over her mouth, stifling her cry of pleasure. "Not a word from you River Song, just…just shut up." His hand slides from her mouth to her hair which he yanks at harshly, tilting her head to the side enough for him to sink his teeth into her neck and groan hoarsely against it as his rhythm increases.
Understanding this is what he needs, River keeps quiet, biting the inside of her cheek so hard she tastes blood as she feels him getting close to his end. And oh - it's too soon for her, and her hand twitches on the controls of the console with the urge to slip down her own body and help herself along but she knows that's not what he needs to see right now. So she suppresses the urge and - and it's alright because this is about him.
She leans down further, letting him in deeper and delighting in his grunt of appreciation, and his movements loose their rhythm and become frantic, his hand releasing her hair so he can grab hold of both her hips.
As she throws her head back, a movement catches the corner of her eye and she looks up - and gasps. "Amy - no!"
Her blood running cold, River scrambles to get away in a panic but it is too late - he grips her hips hard and with one final thrust, grunts his release as he comes inside her, falling against her and collapsing them both onto the console. Panting hard and seemingly coming back to his senses, the Doctor registers her previous words and lifts his head from River's neck to look up in horror.
Amy is standing at the top of the stairs, wide-eyed and staring down at them.
"Amy!" He gasps, pushing himself up and stumbling back from River, frantically pulling his clothes back together as River pushes herself upright and hurriedly throws her dress back down with a horrible, horrible feeling in her stomach as she dares to look up to see her mother staring at them with wide, disturbed eyes.
River feels tears slip down her cheeks and realises she's crying - but they're not tears for herself, they're for what her mother has just had to witness…and she's so young! So young and so naïve and she wasn't meant to see this, and see the Doctor like this and her and -
Face still horror-stricken, Amy spins on her heel and tears away.
Shaking, River smoothes her dress down. She glances over at the Doctor who catches her eyes, and his own widen when they see the tears on her cheeks and for a moment he looks indescribably guilty before he glances away, turning to pull his clothes together properly. He will have mistaken the reason for her tears, of course, but she can't tell him the real one so she says nothing, wiping at her cheeks quickly and smoothing her hair back into place, knowing she has to pull herself together.
"So," she speaks, her voice unnaturally bright for the tension of the atmosphere in the room after what just occurred and he whips around and gapes at her. "Why did the ship land here?"
He swallows, looking shocked at her words, and still guilty. "River…"
Quickly, she pulls the scanner round. "Environment checks first - let's see…ah! We're somewhere in the Garn Belt - there's an atmosphere, eleven hour day, early indications suggest that this is Alfalfa Matrixis, seventh planet in the Dungrer System…so," she unhooks her shoes from the scanner and breezes past him down the steps to the door, pausing to glance back at him with bright smile. "Let's take a look shall we?"
Without waiting for his reply she walks out, taking in the slightly bleak surroundings quickly before moving forward to get a better look at the spaceship she'd been following, lodged firmly in the top of a huge Aplan temple. She hears the Tardis door open behind her and his footsteps approach.
"It didn't land," he confirms, stopping beside her to look up at the wreckage. "It crashed."
"What caused it to crash?" She asks rhetorically. "Not me."
"No, the airlock would have sealed seconds after," he agrees, as she pulls her hand-held scanner out of her bag.
They discuss the situation somewhat stiffly, avoiding each other's eyes as she peers down at her screen and five minutes or so later, the Tardis doors creak cautiously open and her mother slips out. River turns to look at her, seeing her eyes wide and looking edgy for a brief second before her face turns in to a picture of wonder at the alien atmosphere she's stepped into. Oh - this is very early days for both of them. River turns back to study the screen of her device as Amy approaches them, clearing her throat and saying in a forcedly bright tone. "So - are you gonna introduce us?"
River hears the Doctor pause before he clears his throat and says quietly, "Yes - er…Amy Pond…Professor River Song."
River gasps at that in genuine surprise, spinning to face them. "I'm going to be a professor some day! How exciting!" She laughs, turning back round. "Spoilers!"
Amy doesn't mention what she saw, and neither does she or the Doctor - to her or each other. It is like ignoring an elephant in the room but it's what they do, and they all soon loose themselves in the adventure and the dangers it brings.
Some time long, long after for the Doctor, and chronologically for Amy about a year on from the incident, just two weeks after leaving River with the sisters of the infinite schism, the redhead marches up to the Doctor in the console room one day and slaps him. Hard.
"Ow! What -"
"How dare you treat my daughter like that!"
He looks at her in complete bewilderment "Trea - what…?"
"River, Doctor - my daughter!"
"Yes - I am aware she's your daughter Amy, in case you've forgotten I was actually there when -"
"Don't you play smart with me - I remember!"
Slightly scared of the angry red-headed Scott (that could never be a good combination) with a finger pointed in his face he backs away a bit. "Remember what?"
"The Byzantium - remember that trip?" She fumes.
He scrunches his forehead up, wracking his brains to try and figure out what she could be so mad about. "Yes…"
"I saw you Doctor - remember that? You and River, in here - I saw what you did to her!"
The colour drains from his face as he - yes, he remembers. "Oh."
"Yes - oh!"
"Now Amy -"
"Don't you now Amy me!"
"I…" He hardly dares to ask. "…How much did you see?"
Amy pauses, her jaw tight. "All of it."
"Oh." He flinches, shutting his eyes and expecting another slap, but peeks out of one eye at her when it doesn't come to see her glaring at him very angrily, a finger pointed in his face.
"Now you get yourself over to that River right now and you get down on your knees and apologise to her!"
"But - I can't, that's -"
"I'd be crossing my own timeline Amy, I can't - "
"I don't give a bloody damn about your stupid timeline Doctor, you hurt my little girl and you are going to make it better!"
He opens his mouth to argue again but stops short at the look on her face and swallows, hard. Hanging his head, he turns and trudges over to the console. He was doing this because he knew he genuinely did owe River an apology, not because he was scared to death of her mother's fury (although, there was that too.)
Slowly, with a little dread, he punches in the co-ordinates for Stormcage at the appropriate date and time and the Tardis whirs to life, landing shortly after. Clearing his throat he turns to face Amy. "Well. Here we are then."
She raises an eyebrow, folding her arms and he coughs and straightens the lapels of his jacket. "Yes, well. Off I go then." He makes his way down the steps and opens the door of the Tardis cautiously, ready to step out but Amy shoves past him to march up to the cell they are parked outside.
"Amy!" River speaks in surprise, standing from her bunk.
"Where are you River?" Amy demands.
"In relation to him" she jabs a finger crossly a the Doctor behind her. "Where in your timeline?"
River looks a bit confused but answers anyway. "I've…just got back from the Byzantium…"
Amy nods. "Good." She says and turns to stalk back to the Tardis, pointing a threatening finger at the Doctor, who gulps, before she disappears back inside with a slam of the door.
River looks over to the Doctor who is standing awkwardly outside her cell, shifting on his feet and looking decidedly uncomfortable.
"Doctor…what's going on?"
"Well…you see, Amy - your mother, that is…"
River seems to relax and look so genuinely elated at the same time at his words that he feels a twang of guilt.
"Oh…it's you," she smiles, walking up to the bars of the cell to stand in front of him. "The you I just left was so young," she murmurs, reaching a hand out to stroke his face. The Doctor backs away from her touch, looking down to sonic the cell door open and slip inside. He closes it behind him and stands there in front of her, running a hand through his hair and looking so awkwardly uncomfortable that she almost wants to laugh.
"Amy, uhh…she made me come and see you - n-not that I don't want to see you, but she made me come here - to this you…" He trails off and scratches his face, shuffling on his feet and avoiding her eyes and River folds her arms, tilting her head at him.
"Oh? And the reason being…?"
"Well…" He coughs. "She's um…just remembered the Byzantium. She remembers what she saw River…" he swallows, and looks down at his feet. "Between us…"
Understanding clearly dawns and, surprisingly to the Doctor, River flushes red. "Oh," she mumbles. "Well that's gonna make for an awkward mother-daughter conversation…"
The Doctor gives a nervous sort-of laugh, a short, high pitched sound that he feels like an idiot for making the moment he has done.
"Yes, well…she insisted I come and see you…" Another scratch of his head.
River raises her eyebrows. "Why?" She asks with genuine surprise and the Doctor frowns in confusion.
"Well…b-because!" He stammers. "To, um - she said I have to…well -" He takes a deep breath and swallows, looking up finally to properly meet River's eyes. "River. I'm sorry. Really, really sorry - and I mean that, I'm not just apologising because Amy made me although she did but I should have done anyway and I do mean it and I am so sorry -"
"Oh - sweetie, sweetie!" She cuts off his fast rambling, laughing a little and he pauses, mouth open as he gapes at her. She steps forward, placing an affectionate hand on his cheek. "My love. You've got nothing to apologise for."
"What?" He gapes at her a bit, his eyes searching hers. "Of course I have, don't you remember what -"
"Doctor - it's okay," she smiles at him.
"But…" he frowns. "I hurt you River…"
Smiling, she shakes her head. "No, my love, you could never hurt me like that."
"But…" he looks bemused and guilty at the same time. He swallows, lifting a hand of his own to brush the backs of his fingers gently over her cheek. "I made you cry…"
Another shake of her head. "Oh you silly man," she says tenderly. "I wasn't upset because of that - you didn't hurt me sweetie…it was Amy, it -" She breaks off, chewing her lip. "She wasn't meant to see that she…she was so young, and you - she shouldn't have seen that side of you, I…" She bites her lip. "I thought I'd messed up, letting that happen, and her seeing…"
"…Oh." He shakes his head quickly. "It's okay…I think. I mean - she never mentioned it after until now…" He swallows. "But River, really, I should never have treated you like that, and I didn't -"
"Sweetie stop apologising, it's really fine."
"It's not fine, I -"
"It is. I'm fine. To be honest Doctor I'm rather more concerned about the fact that my mother saw me having sex…I'd hoped she'd forgotten about it with, you know, everything that happened to her and with us because she never mentioned it when she was older but…God she obviously has remembered. How embarrassing…"
He frowns, looking down and scratching his head. "You're not the one who should be embarrassed…it was me."
She giggles a bit, stepping closer to him. "Come on now sweetie, you know it wasn't all you…"
"It…" He looks up to meet her eyes and the guilt is there again. He brushes a curl from her face. "I was so rough with you…"
Surprisingly (although, he supposes he knows her well enough now that it shouldn't be) River laughs at that and steps in even closer so her body is touching his as she looks up into his eyes with a glint in her own.
"Oh come now sweetie, you should know by now that I like it rough sometimes."
"Well -" he blushes, and hates that she can still do that to him - "yes but - that's different…"
"No it's not," she giggles, leaning up to plant a quick kiss on his lips. "I love you."
He smiles a bit sadly down at her. "And I you. And I'm still sorry."
"Stop it," she says, firmly this time, sliding her hands up to grip his jacket.
Cutting him off, she kisses him properly then, her tongue snaking into his mouth as she presses herself close. When she pulls back they are both breathless. "If it's really bothering you that much sweetie you can make it up to me now," she breathes, her eyes full of suggestion.
The Doctor's eyebrows shoot up as he glances about her cell pointedly. "Here?"
She shrugs. "Why not? Wouldn't be the first time…"
He laughs in surprise. "Spoilers!"
"Whoops," she grins, not sounding sorry at all.
"But -" He stops her before her lips can meet his again. "River - we can't, Amy's in the Tardis…"
"Don't worry Doctor," River laughs. "I'm pretty sure she's learnt her lesson about going anywhere where we're left alone."
He looks at her a moment before he grins. "You have a good point." He says, but River reaches into his inside pocket and pulls his sonic screwdriver out, aiming it at the Tardis outside her cell until they both hear the click of the door being locked.
She winks at him, slipping it back into his pocket before throwing her arms round his neck. "Just in case."
There we go, would love to know what you think darlings I thrive on feedback! :)
And yes sorry for the lack of fics and updates lately, and I haven't abandoned them, I've just been too distracted writing my Mattex fic (if anyone wants a link let me know and I'll message it to you :)) but there will be more Doctor/River at some point :)