Alright everyone, Hiya! I know it's been a little longer than I said when I would get this out to you, but I had tattoos done on both of my wrists for my birthday, and that wasn't very conducive to typing. But, I did get this going and I've got plans!
This is mostly just a 'meet Bella' chapter. Giving you background on her life, but it's also I big part of the story. A lot of the reasons why she is the way she is.
Hopefully I'll be able to get these chapters done every two weeks, I make no promises though. I will promise that the story will be finished. One thing I can't stand is an unfinished story.
Be prepared for some Mobward! We will get there, so just stay with me.
And if you've read any of my other stories and don't know it by now, but Lola, (LaurieWhitlock) is my beta and awesome friend. Muah.
Anyways, happy reading, 'and may the odds be ever in your favor.' (Yeah I went to see the hunger games this weekend, leave me alone. That kinda stuck with me. Lol sue me.)
I'm sitting here in the park that I used to come to as a child. This place has always been sentimental to me. It's where I came to play, to escape my brother and sister because it was right around the corner from our house, where I met the first person I ever loved… but I'll get to that later.
What I'm really trying to figure out, is my life.
I don't really know when my life became… well, not mine.
Things weren't always so crazy, but being the youngest of three kids, you learn to grasp the fact that you usually get the short straw… all the time.
Basically, I'm everyone's bitch. That's really the all encompassing way to put it. I do everything, and I mean everything for my parents, sister, brother, boss, you name it.
My mom is sick. She's got Multiple Sclerosis, and she's in really bad shape. It's hard for her to get around and her mind is pretty much Swiss cheese. It being MS, there is no cure, so you, essentially, are watching a person you love slowly wither away and die. And the damage it does to the person's brain is just sad. It alters your moods, how you process things, and your outlook on any number of things. My mom, Renee, pretty much is a mess. She over reacts to almost everything, snaps at just about anything anyone says, her attitude about stuff is really the most negative I've seen out of anyone. It's so hard to even talk to her normally. She's not my mother anymore. She may have given birth to me and my sister and brother, but she's not the same person we knew growing up. She's basically a shell of the person I knew.
Everything changed several years ago. Well, seventeen years ago was when she was diagnosed with MS, but about eight years ago is when she started going downhill.
She started losing her balance a lot, falling, not being able to see as well, her speech got worse. She was losing a lot of her coordination and would drop things or miss where things need to be. It has gotten to where, now, I have to literally do most of the things she needs done for her; fix her plate for lunch or dinner, I do the cooking, cleaning, drive her around if it's the two or three of us. If she has dropped, can't find, or is physically unable to do something, I have to go handle it. I'm basically a 'go-fer' for her. I'm, literally like a nurse, cook, maid, and chauffer. It's like the tables turned, overnight. I became the mother, and she became this helpless child. Even though at the time, I was only seventeen.
I really have grown to resent this. I love my mother, dearly. But it gets to the point that I have to ask, 'what about my life and what I want? Does any of that matter to anyone?'
Ever since I turned seventeen, I haven't really been able to do much of anything but take care of Renee. Sure, most people would say, 'what about your dad or your sister or brother? Why aren't they helping?' well, my sister, Charlotte, is the oldest, she got married and moved to a neighborhood just outside of Seattle. She and her husband, Peter, have a little girl, Sofia, and a little boy, Ben. And then my brother, Garrett, and his wife, Kate, moved to Portland with their son, Alec.
They each have a family and life away from Forks. The only time we ever really see each other is holidays, or the odd occasions where they come to visit for the day. Or I'm asked to come watch the kids for them… basically because; apparently my life has to take a backseat to everyone else when they need something done.
That happens all the time, though. Everyone in my family thinks that I have nothing better to do with my time, that I can drop everything and rush to do whatever they want. It gets really old after a while and makes you feel like an employee in your own family.
And I'm completely serious on that part. With everything that I end up doing for my mother, sister, brother, or even my dad, Charlie, I just feel like I work for them.
And I don't really feel like a part of the group when we're together as a family. Everyone else just talks amongst themselves, but I get left out of almost all conversations. My sister-in-law, Kate, is pretty much the only one that has mercy on me. She usually does talk to me like I matter, but not so much from my other family members.
As for my dad, Charlie, well, he's not exactly what you would call 'supportive', or an 'active' father. Charlie never really was much of a father figure. More like he was just there. Pretty much just the sperm donor. Lord knows that man took Garrett under his wing when he was growing up, but when it came to Char and me, not so much. Even though he tried to teach all of us to hunt. Charlotte didn't really care for it. Neither did I, but I still took the time to learn to shoot. Just for the heck of it. But Garrett was the one that became Charlie's hunting buddy.
Charlie has always been a pretty heavy drinker, so growing up in our house wasn't always pleasant. He never let it affect his job, but when he came home, he became… well an asshole. Not gonna sugarcoat it. The verbal abuse from when we were kids was atrocious. Any and every name, insult, and degradation were thrown our way. Mom tried to stop him from talking to us like that, but it usually went in one ear and out the other.
It wasn't just verbal abuse, but we're not going there. Let's just say that I have no respect for Charlie anymore. Pretty much why I don't call him 'dad', he's Charlie to me. You don't get that title when you smack your kids around.
He likes to hang out with his friend, Billy, and drink till they can't see straight, which is most of the time. That's mostly how we grew up. Emotionally absent father who only comes in when he has to. And only stays married to my mom because he feels obligated to stay with her because of her illness.
Anyways, with all that being said, with me being the baby of the family and no spousal help, it falls to me… and I really hate it. I'm sorry, but I'm turning twenty-six, and I practically still live with my family, never had a boyfriend, have almost been raped when I was in high school (but no one knows that), and I have no real direction in life.
You know how they say 'people with a high school diploma have more options than someone without one'? I call bullshit! If you don't have, at least, a degree from a huge college, you're screwed. And even then, you still need a Master's, Doctorate, and whatever else they have to offer to get a job that's worth a damn. But of course, my sister and brother both have a degree and Master's, so they're all set. So who got left behind when the money was literally gone when it was time for me to graduate from high school and go to college? That's right, me.
I never went to college, like my sister and brother did. They both had mom and dad to pay for college for them. But when my mom started getting worse, medical bills started piling up. Then dad got hurt, and his bills piled up along with moms too.
So, when it was time for me to graduate from high school, there was nothing for me to go to college. And I know you're gonna say, 'well, what about school loans?'. Well, you would be right, if the economy hadn't been hit so damn hard right at the same time that I would have considered that. And the fact that I didn't really have a career chosen for myself, I didn't want to risk going into one field and not have a demand for it. Then I'd be up shit creek, without a paddle, trying to pay back student loans.
I don't want to get into a hole that I can't get myself out of.
Anyways, I at least do have a job to pay for my few bills. I'm a bartender at one of the only bars in Forks. But that still only gets me so far.
I also have a small studio apartment, but only get used, maybe half the time since I'm usually taking care of Renee. It's nothing fancy, but it keeps me away from Charlie and Renee for a while and I can at least have my own space.
What I really want from my life, is to make a difference. Make people smile. Do what I want.
I've always wanted to own my own bakery. Not just work in one of those grocery store bakeries, where someone else bakes the cakes and stuff, and then you decorate them however your advisor sees fit.
No, I want a real bakery. One where I can use my own creations. Somewhere authentic with the things you would find in an old school bakery. Cakes, pies, cookies, cupcakes, pastries. Not just the run of the mill stuff either. I want to make things that will surprise people and keep them coming back.
My mom taught me how to cook and bake. Sure, I've learned a few things here and there, but she taught me the basics. And I've added to it over the years to where I've got so many great ideas in my head, just waiting to burst out.
I think back to when I was little and had the first idea that I wanted to own a bakery, and rubbed the tattoos on my wrists, lightly.
I can remember the day, pretty clearly.
My mother had taken me to the park to play, again. I was always kind of a loner as a kid, even into my teens, but I always wanted to do my own thing. I usually stuck to myself.
I was six, and had been playing in this very park, when a couple of kids started picking on me because I wouldn't play with anyone else... But the kids that picked on me had always been the rude, abrasive jerks that they grew up to be.
They had been telling me that I need to grow up and ask someone else if they wanted to play, too.
I told them the whole time that I just wanted to play by myself and if they could just please leave me alone.
That's when one of the girls took my sand bucket and hid it behind her back. She just smiled at me like she hadn't done anything.
I just stared at her and hoped that the tears wouldn't fall down my cheeks. I hated crying in front of people. I always got picked on or yelled at for crying, so I just tried my hardest not to.
Then there was a little boy standing next to me. I had never even heard him approach. He had crazy bronze colored hair, gorgeous face with a straight nose and the greenest eyes that had ever been seen on a person. The scowl on his face made me want to run and stand by his side all at the same time. It was weird to me. Even at six years old I knew that he was special. Special how, I had no clue, I just knew he was.
"Hey, leave her alone. She never did anything to you. Let her play!" The boy, that I quickly started calling Green Eyes in my head, said sternly to the mean kids.
The girl that had taken my bucket smiled sweetly at him, but when he didn't smile back, she threw the bucket back at me and ran off. The other two kids with her ran after her as well.
I turned to look back at the boy and saw him staring at me like I was special.
"You ok? Are they always that mean?" He asked me in a quiet but concerned voice.
"Yeah, I'm ok. And yes, they are. Just because I don't like playing with the popular kids and like to keep to myself, they think I'm weird. I'm not weird; I just don't want to be around people that make me feel worse about myself. It seems to be a favorite pastime for some of the kids around here. Anyone who is a little bit different, they automatically don't want to be around you. I just cut to the chase. Saves time. If someone wants to be my friend, they'll see past the differences." I told him, meekly.
He reached over and put a stray piece of my hair behind my ear. "How old are you?"
"Six. Why? How old are you?" I asked him back, not sure why he was asking me.
"You don't act like you're six. You act older. Maybe that's why they pick on you. You're too mature for them and they're jealous. I'm six, too." He answered.
"Huh? Why would they be jealous? I'm just a nerdy little girl who is too shy and nervous around people to talk to or play with them." I answered, wondering if this guy was crazy.
"Nope. I think that's exactly why. And you're really beautiful, too." He whispered the last part, but I still heard him.
"Uhhh…." I was stumped.
He just smiled at me.
"Could I play with you?" He asked, hesitantly.
"Umm, sure." And we played for what seemed like forever.
When my mom called me over, I noticed another woman sitting beside her. She looked just like Edward.
I could hear the tail end of mom's conversation with the woman. "… 'I've never seen Bella take to anyone like she has to Edward. Wonders will never cease. I guess she'll actually be normal." Imagine how that makes a six year old girl feel. Yeah, not very confident, to say the least. Especially when she gets picked on for being a loner.
Renee has always been a little critical of us. She always wanted us to excel in school, have tons of friends, and make something of ourselves. Guess she's not very happy with how I've ended up…
I was introduced to Edward's mom, Esme, that day. She had a box with her, and when she opened it, Edward and I both dove into it. She had made the most amazing cookies I had ever had in my life. They were chocolate chip, with pecans and something else that I didn't know what it was; till I got older that is.
Esme invited us over to their house, later that day. Renee said she didn't think she could make it because she had to go pick up Charlotte from cheerleading practice. But she said I could go with Esme and Edward, if I wanted to.
So that afternoon, I spent with Esme and Edward in their kitchen.
Since Edward and I had eaten most of the cookies that Esme brought to the park, we made more. She taught me her 'secret recipe', which ended up being extra flavor. No I won't say exactly what. That is top secret and only between Esme and I.
That was the day that I started dreaming about having my own bakery and selling cookies like the ones Esme taught me how to make.
Edward and I had really hit it off that day, we had so much fun playing with each other. I had never clicked so well with someone before. He didn't expect anything from me. Not like Renee or Charlie did. Esme didn't either. She just wanted me to be a kid. She seemed to want to make sure that kids were actually kids before they had to grow up.
I also met Edward's dad, Carlisle, and twin brother, Jasper. It was odd because Edward looked exactly like Esme, and Jasper was the spitting image of Carlisle. Bright blond hair, sharp blue eyes. It was amazing to see. I will say that both Edward and Jasper seemed to favor Carlisle jaw line, though.
We hung out all the time after that. We played inside or out depending on the weather and even ate at each other's house most nights. We spent almost every waking moment with each other. The girls all tried to get Edward to talk to them to no avail, I was his only friend. I loved that fact, it made me feel special.
Our friendship prompted our parents to strike up a friendship. Well at least Renee and Esme.
Carlisle and Charlie didn't seem to care for each other, but weren't hostile towards one another either.
Things were great for about a year. But then, one day Edward came over nearly in tears. I had never seen him cry, so I knew something was really wrong.
"Edward? What's the matter?" I asked when I opened the door and saw him there.
He came in and sat down on the floor with me in the living room. He just sat there for a while with his head on my shoulder.
"We're moving, BEB." He said quietly. That had become a nickname for me from him. He would say I was his brown-eyed beauty.
I tensed at what he said. They were leaving?
"NO! You can't leave me!" I yelled and flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around him and holding on for dear life.
He held onto me just as tightly. I could tell he didn't want to leave either.
"You don't know how much I wish I could stay, B. But mom and dad have to go back to Chicago for a while, and I don't know when we would be back, if we ever came back." He whispered the last part, and I broke down.
We sat there and cried with each other for a long time. Renee finally came in a while later and asked, "What's going on? Why are you two crying?" She rushed over to us.
"Edward and his family are leaving!" I almost wailed. I couldn't lose my best and only friend.
"Oh baby. I'm so sorry. I knew we should have told you both sooner. Esme and Carlisle have been talking about it for a few weeks now, and we thought it was best to let you both spend your time, happy, instead of sad."
The next week, on the day that Edward and his family were leaving for Chicago, we wouldn't let the other go. We were either holding each others hand, or were hugging, or leaning against each others shoulders. Renee had let me spend the last two nights at the Cullen's house. I didn't really give her a choice; my best friend was leaving and I wanted all the time I could get in before he was gone forever.
We were sitting in their front yard. His left arm wrapped in my right arm, and my head on his shoulder.
"I got you something…" He whispered, then handed me a small, velvet box.
I looked up at him and took the small box. When I opened it, I found a heart-shaped locket.
I had tears in my eyes again. I took it out of the box and opened it up. There on the inside, was a picture of us together on one side, and then a picture of just him on the other. It was the best gift he could have possibly gotten me to remember him by.
"It's perfect, Green Eyes. Will you put it on me?" I asked as I handed it to him. Green Eyes had become one of his nicknames too. We each loved the others eyes. His, because they were so loving and bright and fun. They reminded me of emeralds. And he always said mine were the warmth of the sun, and melted chocolate.
He fastened it around my neck and then I turned around to see his face full of something. I was too young to understand it, but it was soft, and warm, and… everything that I've come to love about him.
"You'll always be able to look at that and remember me. You'll always be my brown eyed beauty. And I'll always love you, B." He told me with conviction. He turned the locket over to the other side where it said 'Ti amo'.
"And you'll always be my Green Eyes. My only protector. I'll always love you, too, Edward." I started crying again.
"Don't cry, B… I'll never be able to leave with mom and dad if I know you're still crying." He pulled me to him and hugged to heck out of me.
"Please come back, someday… I don't care when, just come back and see me. I don't think I could go without ever seeing you again."
"I will. I promise, B. I'll come back for you one day." Edward whispered.
As we stood there by their car, holding each other, I couldn't help but feel like my heart was being torn out of my chest.
"Edward, it's time to go sweetie." Esme had said softly from behind us.
That caused a sob from me.
Edward took my face in his hands and kissed my tears away. Then he kissed my nose. We had always given each other Eskimo kisses, but right now, I think it would have just hurt more to know we'd never be able to do that again.
He held onto my hand until he couldn't reach me anymore. I tried my hardest not to cry until they were gone. But a few tears slipped down my cheek.
As they pulled out of the driveway, Edward held his hand to the window as he looked out at me. Driving down the street, I ran out to the street and watched their car get smaller and smaller. I fell to the pavement and let the tears fall. I had lost my best friend in the world. The only person who really understood me. And now I'd probably never see him again.
Thinking back to that time brought tears to my eyes again. I wiped them away and looked around the park again.
I usually came here when I was feeling nostalgic or when I wanted to wallow in self pity. I found out a couple of years ago that it was a very large possibility that I wouldn't have children. My cycles had never fully come on, and the doctors never could really tell what was wrong. I had started out ok with them, like any other teenage girl. They weren't regular most times, but then they just stopped all together. The doctor tried hormones, birth control, but nothing seemed to help. The only thing they could come up with was that my ovaries weren't producing eggs like they should.
It took me a while to come to terms with that information, but for now, I just come and see the little lives that someone was blessed to create.
Oh I'm a little bitter that I can't have kids, but I still see them as a blessing. No one should be denied the joys of being a parent.
A flowing mound of bronze hair catches my eye from the jungle gym. It's a little girl, about six or seven, with bronze ringlets, pale skin, and wearing a pair of grey leggings and a pink and white flower dress. And on her feet, pink sparkly mary-janes. Too stinkin cute!
But then what I see next makes me angry.
A few kids had chased her to the jungle gym and had her trapped up there, taunting her.
Her eyes are searching around, looking for something or someone to help her. And I see a familiar pair of green eyes when I catch them and they are pleading with me.
As I was standing up to rush over there to get her down before she hurt herself, another flash of bronze hair swept past me.
The little boy runs up to the jungle gym and starts yelling at the other kids.
"Hey! Leave her alone!" He was like a fierce lion, protecting his own.
And then I caught his eyes too and was suddenly frozen in place.
Oh my god, no. I'm in some sort of twilight zone. There's no way in hell that he's the same boy. Oh my god, oh my god… I don't think I can breathe…
Green eyes… green eyes are all I can think of at the moment.
I still don't think I can breathe…
I can't look away, but the only other things I can see while I look at this scene, is the sad eyes of a little boy from the back seat of his parents car as they pulled away, the same green eyes I see now. I can see the locket that he gave me before he left the pictures inside it that I have looked at almost every day for the past twenty years, and the tattoos that are on each of my wrists.
I miei occhi Verdi on one, and Il mio protettore on the other.
I really don't think I'm getting any air right now.
And in true Bella Swan fashion, I faint.
A/N: Ok guys, this is the first chapter of the new story. Stay with me. I know this one was a little on the boring side, but you gotta have your background for a story before you can get to the good stuff :P hehehehehe
I may or may not post an outtake from Edward's POV from when they were kids, just to give you a little insight to his side. We'll see how this chapter is responded to. If you want the outtake, tell me. If not, I'll go on to the next chapter.
I will have an EPOV every so often. Not a lot, but if there's something that needs explaining, then I'm gonna explain it.
Ok so obviously, Ti amo means 'I love you' in Italian.
And I miei occhi Verdi means 'my green eyes' and Il mio protettore means my protector in Italian. If you're Italian and I don't have it right, sorry. Blame Bing and Google translators. It's their fault. Lol
I'm not a doctor, not in the mob, don't work in a bar. But I do have tattoos, a mother with MS, and most of the things in this chapter (and story) pertain to my life. So it's personal to me.
Let me know what you guys think!