So I'm back with a new story…I just couldn't stay away that long. Now before we start and I begin to thank the people that work with my gibberish, I would like to take a minute and explain that no, I am not abandoning my other stories…for this one. In all honesty, I just can't find it in me to write violence at the moment or anything too angsty.
Now to begin the thank you's…what can I say, that I haven't said before…my team is an amazing one and I feel incredibly blessed to have each of you in my life. To Steph, Rach, Cheryll…I love you all and couldn't ask for a better bunch of women to work with. Thank You for all the support and encouragement every time a new bunny explodes in my head.
A huge THANK YOU and I freaking love you to JA Mash for the fuckawesome banner she made for this story...Babe your work is amazing and I was completely blown away by how perfectly you put together my jumbled thoughts and made them come to life in the work of art you presented to me. She also made wonderful character poster for the blog...thank you girly, you are truly one of a kind.
Finally…Twilight aint mine!
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
Today was the dawn of a new day.
The sun outside was rising, bringing with it my resolve and giving me the courage to do what I have failed to do for the past six years.
I needed to learn how to not love you, once and for all.
It was a time for moving on…a time for me to accept my losses, carry on with my life and to try and find the happiness you never gave me, in another mans arms. I have spent the last six years pining away and dreaming that you would see me, the real me, behind all the marks and colors that adorn my flesh.
To see a woman who accepts you for all that you are…never asking for you to change or anything in exchange.
Just the chance to love you and be loved in return.
I'm tired of being nothing more than the woman who signs your paycheck at the end of every work week, only being worthy of your attention during those five measly minutes.
I want you to see a woman who loves you and needs you to breathe…a woman that sees the real you, the you that you try so desperately to hide behind that smartass mouth of yours.
The man I see everyday when I walk in and greet the shop is smart, thoughtful, and shy…a man who's passionate about politics and reads comics when no one is watching.
That's the man I love.
That man has starred in every one of my naughty dreams for the last two years after he claimed me and promised to love me forever.
The fateful night that sealed my fate and brought me pain as the next dawn came and you ignored me like all days prior.
Those glorious hours will be forever burned in my mind. The sound of our naked flesh slapping against the other's…lips devouring anything within their reach, the grunts and screams that left our lips as a pleasure so blinding erupted…propelling us head first into a dark abyss of ecstasy and love.
But that day never came…instead I've been left behind, watching as you surround yourself with beautiful women…all wanting a piece of the hot, nerdy bad boy that does amazing tats in my shop.
Too bad for them, and me, you only seem to have eyes for one Tanya Denali and her perfect everything.
I never quite understood her appeal to you…sure, she's pretty in a lab experiment sort of way. I mean…years of tucking, nipping and enhancing have made her into the All American cheerleader/porn star all men want, but I never pegged you for one of those…instead I saw a man who appreciated the culturally shocking and abnormal.
Someone who saw the beauty in ink and not conforming to what society deemed appropriate…guess I was wrong.
So, with my new found purpose and strength, I head to my shower and wash the memories of your lips and flesh on mine from my skin. I mourn what never was and watch it all go down the drain. A sweet and daunting memory to be forgotten, left where it should have always stayed…in the darkest recesses of my mind and never to be found again.
I had a date tonight with someone who's paid more attention to my need for affection and makes me feel as if I'm not invisible. A man who came into my shop with his buddies…laughing and with a genuine smile on his face when he noticed me behind the counter.
His flirting and obvious attraction made me blush…something that's never happened before. It took him nearly two months to get me to agree to see him outside my safe haven, but his patience and silly gifts made me crumble and agree.
Even a singing telegram was used to break down the walls Edward put in place, with his indifference.
I felt wanted and desired…something Edward never showed me, except that one night, and that only lasted for just a few hours. Instead, now I received glares and murderous looks every time my new admirer came into my shop, swallowing me up in one of his massive and infamous bear hugs.
Tanya was sweet and courteous to him at every glance…always asking questions and gushing over this sweet man's newest gesture, too bad I can't say the same for Edward.
He was rude, hostile, and not the man I once thought he was…disappointing, but a giver of hope as I prayed his actions meant he cared.
Never said a word…just made it his mission in life to make me feel invisible and small.
Was I not enough…unlovable?
Putting these thoughts of the past behind me, I focus all my attention on a few drawings I needed to complete for this Monday. I had two portraits to finalize for a sweet older couple that was still mourning the loss of their son.
The mother and father of a marine that died at war wanted to commemorate his life in two very similar, yet different pictures of his life.
The father choosing to put his son in full gear on his arm, while the mother chose a picture of his smiling face next to his daughters over her heart…to keep him close.
Hard to accomplish, but doable…especially with the tragic story that lay behind this horrible loss.
I worked for three hours straight, only stopping once for a beer and chips to snack on. The hours passed quickly and before I put the final sketch away, my date called and asked to see me earlier than originally planned.
Agreeing because I truly wanted to see him too, I rushed to my room and began to search my closet for the perfect outfit.
He claimed it was a casual outing…fun and games were all I heard and dressed in a pair of short shorts and a vintage Guns &Roses tee. My old green chucks came in handy and looked perfect with my low key outfit.
My hair was pulled in a high pony tail, while my bangs swept off to the side showing off my eyebrow piercing. Changing out my nose stud to a small green stone completed my look.
I never wore too much make up and kept it natural with liner and Chap Stick…the Florida weather too humid for anything more.
He arrived shortly after and whisked me away for a day of fun in the sun and laughter. Universal Studios was one of my favorite places to let loose and remember how to be a kid again.
We rode everything twice and ate like pigs…best date I've truly ever had thus far.
Dropping me at home around eleven o'clock with a small kiss and a promise of another date soon, he walked away and I entered my apartment.
We both wished it wouldn't have ended so soon, but I had to be up early for the two emotional pieces I had scheduled.
I had just changed into my usual night attire of a tank top and boxers when there was a sudden knock at my door. Rushing over, I pulled the door open and was shocked to see someone who wasn't my date standing with a look of pure, unadulterated pain in his eyes.
"Edward," I choked out as the shock of seeing him here left me barely able to breathe.
"W-what are you doing here?"
"Asking for a repeat and a chance to love you as you've always deserved," was his sincere response and my whole world and what I knew to be fact…flipped upside down without my permission.
I know this was a bit vague, but all the answers will come out in later chapters. We will be revisiting all the key points that led Edward to her door this night of all nights.
This story will post once a week until I am completely done writing it…after I will bump it up to two or three a week…cross your fingers and hope I finish quickly.
See u next week…now leave me some sugar!