Title: Let me grieve with you
Pairing: River Song/11th Doctor
Word Count: 843
Summary: It was what plagued his dreams at night; the fact that he spent his life so determined to save everyone he could, and yet when it came to his child, he couldn't save her. It had been three weeks already since that damned planet and that damned adventure took everything from them and yet it wasn't getting easier.
Disclaimer: Do not own Doctor Who….
Special thanks: to the chocolate I ate that is keeping me up all night (As I wrote this, the clock read 1:07 am and I went to bed at 10:30 pm :/) and to my brain for being so spastic! Much love xx
Warning: Angst….lots of Angst…in fact, there is so much angst in this, you could make a pie with it…but there wouldn't be any pastry because it's only the filling of angst…So it's a angst soup….I think you get that it is angsty, yeah?
Authors Notes: This was a small angsty one-shot that I came up with as I was trying to sleep but for some reason couldn't (chocolate will do that to you). I know, my brain is twisted and sad and terrible but that's why you all love me :P Just kidding! Also, obviously, this is an AU story or at least FutureFic! Use your imagination to figure out what happened to the Time Lords' baby if you want to. Hope you enjoy! Please R & R!
The Doctor finished tying his bowtie as he clambered down the steps into the control room of his TARDIS, enjoying the soft hum of the engines around him and he yawned, slowly glancing around the room for his wife. He had awoken to find her already gone but that wasn't a rare occurrence, not since their child was taken from them; horribly, tragically and so unfairly. It was what plagued his dreams at night; the fact that he spent his life so determined to save everyone he could, and yet when it came to his child, he couldn't save her. It had been three weeks already since that damned planet and that damned adventure took everything from them and yet it wasn't getting easier.
He sighed and pressed his palm against the console in silent greeting to his trusty TARDIS and then moved away and looked around again.
"River!" He called, stifling another yawn. He really hadn't slept well last night and he knew that River hadn't either. They were both tossing and turning, the memories and guilt they both felt haunting them, though technically, it was neither of their faults that their unborn daughter was dead.
"River, where are you?" He called again and there was a zap of electricity behind him. He spun to see her in a long parka, leather gloves and a scarf, fighting against the cold she must have just been out in.
"Hello sweetie," She smiled, moving around the console.
"River where were you just then?" The Doctor asked as he followed her, watching as she pulled off her gloves. "Where did you go?"
He already knew where she had gone; it was where she always was when she thought he wasn't looking, or paying attention but he knew it wasn't good for her.
"Oh you know," She threw the gloves and scarf onto the chair and shed her coat, handing it to her husband as she began pulling at leavers and pressing buttons, "Here and there, a bit of everywhere."
She was lying through her teeth and he could see it. She knew he could see it.
"River, stop this, just stop it." The Doctors voice was as hard as stone and yet all of the worry, love and all of the sadness he felt resonated through his words as he grabbed her shoulders, spinning her to him. He knew she was hurting, he was too, but this was only going to make things worse.
"Stop what?" She asked coldly, trying to pull out of his grasp, but he held on, slipping his arms around her waist.
"This! River, you need to stop going to see her. You promised me, you had stopped going to see her!" He exclaimed, desperately.
"I can't!" She whispered angrily, tears threatening her eyes. "I don't want to stop going to see her, do you understand? She was our daughter, our baby and now she is dead. You didn't save her! You're always so worried about saving everyone, sweetie, about risking everything for someone's life, and yet when it comes to our unborn child, you didn't save her! I never got to meet her and the only way I can stop myself from breaking down every time I remember that I am never going to meet my child, is to go visit that headstone! That piece of stone that is the only thing that tells the world that she ever existed!"
The Doctor flinched at her words, his own eyes brimming with unbridled tears and he cupped River's face, wiping her cheeks with his thumbs.
"I know you blame me, River, and I am so very, very sorry that I couldn't save her."
"It hurts so much," she sobbed, closing her eyes tight, trying to hold onto the anger but it was slipping from her grasp. She was exhausted.
"I know it hurts, trust me, I do," He whispered into her hair as he buried his face into her shoulder. "I know, but if you keep doing this, if you keep visiting her and remembering what we lost, the pain is just going to get worse and worse until it consumes you. You need someone to blame, and you want to blame me, but the only one really responsible is that damned alien that killed our child."
"What do you want me to do then, Doctor? Hmmm?" She snapped, pulling back. "Forget her? Is that what you want me to do?"
"No! You know that's not what I am saying. But when you want to grieve, and trust me, it's okay to grieve, don't feel as if you need to do it alone. I am your husband, River, and I love you with all of my two hearts. Let me grieve with you. Let me hold your hand as we stand over our daughters' headstone and let me be there for you. It's okay to not be alright."
River broke into sobs, her whole body shaking as he arms circled the Doctor and they clung to each other as they grieved.