Chapter 10- Show and Tell
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Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth
Big pill looming
-Flightless Bird, American Mouth, Iron & Wine
"Why are you here, Alice?" I say, in the calmest way possible.
"I've missed you, Edward!" She cries, tears welling up in her eyes.
"There has to be more to it than that! I'm not stupid!" I yell back, my jaw set tight and my hands balled into fists at my sides. "You think I need a babysitter? Is that it? You wanna be close in case I try to off myself again?!"
"I worry about you! You don't know what it's like, Edward! You didn't find me half-dead lying in a pile of my own vomit! I just want to be around you. To know for myself that you're okay! Please don't be mad at me! I love you!" Tears are streaming down her face freely now, my resolve weakening.
I do know what it's like to watch someone you care about almost die.
It was terrifying and haunting...
I don't want to say anything about it to Alice, now is not the time to bring it up, and she knows I can't stay mad at her. She's my weakness, my soft spot.
I just hate that she's treating me like a child. Why can't she just live her life and be happy? I don't want to be a burden to her.
"You don't have to worry anymore. I'm...fine now." I say, swallowing the lump in my throat.
"Is this because of Bella? What if something goes wrong? I just wanna be here for you."
"It is because of her. She makes me happy." I say through gritted teeth, anger still evident in my voice. "Look, Alice, you had a life in New York. Why in the world would I be okay with you throwing your dreams away for me?!" I scream, waving my hands. "I'm not worth it! Go live your life!"
"You are worth it! Don't you get it?" She snaps, her features becoming angry. "You have people who love you, Edward! People who want to be here for you. Just accept it! I'm staying and that's final." With that, she storms off, her heels clicking angrily on the linoleum floors.
I walk back over to Bella, trying to compose myself by taking deep breaths while I approach her. "Wanna get out of here?"
She smiles softly at me. "Yeah, let's go." She says, grabbing my hand and linking our fingers together. The second our skin makes contact, I finally relax.
"Are you sure...you can...take me back...to...my car tomorrow?" Bella asks in between hungry kisses. I hum my response.
She slams my front door shut with her foot, and I smash her up against it, running my hands up her shirt. I smile against her lips as she moans into my mouth, loving the sound.
"Wait..wait..." She whispers, softly pushing against my chest.
I give her a quizzical look, my eyebrows raising in question.
"What?" I smile playfully.
"We need to talk," She says, slowly walking us over to the couch and sitting down, discarding her purse on the coffee table.
I pull on her arm, guiding her to straddle my lap.
"Fuck...I don't know how we're going to get any talking done with you sitting like this," I chuckle, bucking my obvious erection into her for emphasis.
She giggles, trying to slide off my lap, but I hold her there. "No...stay, I like it," I say, biting my lip and smiling.
"God, you're so sexy," She murmurs before brushing her lips to mine softly. "But, we really need to talk,"
"Okay, okay, talk." I chuckle, gesturing with my hands for her to start.
"What were you and your sister fighting about?" She asks, her eyes searching my own.
"I..." I sigh heavily. "A while back I...fuck..." I set my forehead against her shoulder, taking a deep breath. Now or never. "I took a whole bunch of pills...and she found me..." I mumble.
She pulls my face up gently so she can look me in the eye. "You tried to kill yourself?" She asks sadly, a pout on her beautiful lips.
I nod my head yes, and try to hide my face in her shoulder again, but she doesn't let me.
"Why, baby?" She asks, her bottom lip quivering. Her eyes fill up with tears and I can't take it anymore. I throw my arms around her and hug her to me tightly, my chest constricted with emotion.
"I didn't want to live anymore...I didn't see the point." I cry into her shoulder.
"Do you feel that way now...?" She asks, her voice shaky.
I nod my head no against her shoulder, and she pulls my beanie off my head, running her hands through my hair lovingly.
"So you guys were fighting because of that?" She asks cautiously.
"Sort of...She moved here because she's worried I'd try again. I told her I'm not worth it." I whisper softly.
"You are worth it," She says, her voice rising with anger.
"I'm not worth her throwing her dreams away, Bella..." I say dejectedly. "She had a life in New York...I'm ruining her life. I don't want that."
"Maybe there's more to it than that," She sighs. "Maybe she's not throwing her dreams away...She just wants you safe, Edward. I'd want the same. I do want the same for you. If I never met you..." She lets her voice fade, swallowing hard. "I just want you happy."
"I am happy. You make me happy," I say, lifting my head and giving her a small smile, looking into her deep brown eyes.
She smiles sadly. "You make me happy, too." She clears her throat, and her face becomes serious. "Can I ask you something?" She asks, her voice unsure.
"Did you have sex with Rosalie?" She asks, a hint of anger in her tone.
I completely forgot about that.
"Yes," I murmur in answer, avoiding eye contact.
She immediately gets up off my lap, standing a few feet in front of me. Her face red, hands curled into fists. She looks like a kitten about to attack. It would be adorable if her anger wasn't directed towards me.
"When?" She demands through gritted teeth.
"I don't know? A while back. Why?" I ask, standing up and taking a step towards her. "Bella, why are you so mad at me?"
"When!?" She yells heatedly.
I think back to when. "A few weeks before I tried to kill myself! Why do you care so much!?" I scream back, mad at her irrational anger.
Her face softens and a tiny sob escapes her. "Because you're mine!" She cries, throwing her arms around her torso. "Did you know about Emmett?" She whispers, squeezing her eyes shut.
"What about Emmett? Were they dating then?" I ask. I didn't know she was dating anyone at the time. "No, I didn't know, Bella. We didn't exactly talk much." I laugh humorlessly.
Her eyes fly open. "Oh, so you didn't give a shit about Rosalie? You just mindlessly fucked her?" She shouts, a tear rolling down her cheek and in between her open lips. "I thought you were better than that!"
"I was on the verge of killing myself, Bella! I didn't care about anything or anyone! I just wanted to feel something! Anything!" I yell at her, my eyes stinging with tears. "She was just...there. She wanted it, too, I didn't think she had a boyfriend. Why would she be coming to me if she did?"
I tentatively reach out and brush the hair out of her face. She flinches away from my touch, her sorrowful eyes shining. "Do you just mindlessly fuck me?" She asks, her voice small. Her eyes boring into mine.
My gut clenches as I process what she's just asked. It's like she's just ripped my heart out. "How could you even ask that?"
"Why am I any different?"
"Because," I say softly, taking another step towards her, and looking into her eyes. "When you look into my eyes, I feel like you're looking into my heart, and I feel like I'm doing the same with you."
I have no idea where the words come from, but they couldn't be more true.
Her breath hitches, her eyes closing softly at my words.
"Kiss me," She whispers, almost inaudibly.
My heart practically skips a beat as I close the space between us. I slowly bring my lips to hers, cupping her face in my hands and caressing the apple of her cheek. She brings her hands up and entwines them in my hair, tugging lightly.
I pull back slightly and look into her chocolate brown eyes, the gold in them shining brightly against the red from her crying. I trail my hands down past her hips, to the underside of her thighs, picking her up and wrapping her legs around my waist. I place lingering kisses on her chin and down her neck while carrying her down the hall and to my bedroom.
I lay her down gently on my bed, crawling up her body until I've reached her stomach. I gingerly pull the hem of her shirt up, exposing her milky white skin, letting my fingers caress the soft skin there. I place wet, open mouth kisses up and down her stomach, making her gasp softly. I smile against her skin, and when I slowly pull on the button of her jeans, she lifts her hips up to allow me to take them off. I pull her jeans down past her thighs, and off her ankles, taking her socks off with them. I kiss up her legs to her stomach, and pull her shirt up and off. Since she's wearing the same outfit as the past couple days, she's still not wearing a bra. She smiles at me as I ogle her almost naked body, and my insides fill with warmth.
"You're so beautiful when you smile," I murmur as I kiss a path up to her mouth. I capture her top lip between my own, breathing her in, before sucking her bottom lip into my mouth. She smiles softly as I release her lip with a 'pop'. I slide my hand up her thigh and grab her right breast, kneading the taut peak between my fingers.
She moans quietly, her hands finding purchase on my hips and gripping them tightly. "Edward," She moans, dragging her hands up my sides and pulling at the hem of my shirt. "I need to feel you,"
I let her pull my shirt off, and her hands are quickly at my jeans. I pull those off, too, along with my boxers, before returning my lips to her stomach.
"God, you're so soft," I moan as my hands travel up and down her sides. She moans at my words, her hands in my hair, tugging and pulling softly.
My fingers find the hem of her panties, and I rip them down her legs and throw them. I take her delectable nipple into my mouth, moaning at the salty sweetness of her skin.
"Please, Edward," She moans, gripping my hair tightly and pulling my face to hers. Our lips lock, and our tongues clash as I line my body up with hers. The need to be inside of her completely overwhelming me to the point of making my hands shake.
I bring a shaky hand up and entwine it in her hair, pulling my lips from hers to look into her eyes as I sheathe myself into her warmth.
We both moan, the sounds almost coming out as sobs.
"This is...the best feeling I've ever known," I whisper to her. "I'll never tire of this feeling," I pull almost all the way out of her, pushing back in achingly slow.
"God, Edward," She moans. "So amazing, you're so amazing." She's writhing and gripping at the muscles in my back, my skin prickling under her fingers.
"You're body is perfect, it's everything I've ever wanted. You're everything I've ever wanted." I murmur, repeating the torture of going slowly in and out of her.
She crushes her lips to mine, pulling back slightly when we're both breathless. "God, baby," She sighs, running her lips along my jaw and planting kisses on my neck.
I moan loudly, throwing my head back and giving her easier access. I tremble from the feeling of her lips on me, slamming into her warmth harder and making her cry out against my neck.
"I've never felt anything like this before," She whispers against my neck, bringing her mouth up and sucking my earlobe. "You make me feel so good,"
I slam back into her with such force, she throws her head back against the pillows, squeezing her eyes shut as a violent moan pours out of her.
I pull on her chin softly with my thumb, watching as she complies to my silent request, opening her eyes to meet mine. I cover her mouth with my own, her lips enclosing mine. A deep groan starts deep in my chest as her hips gyrate, meeting my hips with every slow thrust. The pleasure it's creating making my mind fuzzy.
I pull my mouth from hers, setting my forehead against her shoulder, her hands immediately finding my hair. "Please don't ever leave me," I mumble, the thought of never getting to be with her like this weighing heavy on my chest.
"Never," She whispers, sliding her nails against my scalp, making me shudder violently. "Come, baby, come inside of me," She cries out softly, making me thrust into her harder and harder until we're both breathless and I can't hold out anymore.
I feel her hands tighten in my hair and her pussy tighten around my cock as I shoot my warm seed inside of her, panting and moaning against her shoulder.
One last guttural moan and Bella's body sags against the sheets, her hands falling limp in my hair.
I get up to move, but she stops me. "Stay...just for a little while..." She says softly into my hair, kissing the top of my head lovingly.
I smile against her, letting my full weight rest on top of her. I wrap my arms under her back and squeeze her to me tightly, our bodies fitting together perfectly.
And that's exactly how we fell asleep.
A/N: HOT MAKE UP SEX, SAY WHAAAAT :O