Chapter 9- Self-Control and Surprises

Thank you to the awesome ShellyCherea for all her amazing help!


So I'm sure some of you have heard 'I Was Broken' by Marcus Foster(Robert sings it, too) , and that will be mentioned in here, along with a few other songs. Such as, 'I Caught Fire' by The Used, and I'll Be Your Lover Too by Robert Pattinson. PLEASE LISTEN TO THESE SONGS BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER so you know how they sound. Links will be down there. Knowing what the songs sound like with make the chapter 10x better. :)

I Was Broken- youtubedotcom/watch?v=BJcfBmBP8Nk
I Caught Fire- youtubedotcom/watch?v=VLoOx86A6bE
I'll Be Your Lover Too- youtubedotcom/watch?v=KIKMnix_OJ0


The hours dragged on in a stream of nothingness. No thoughts. Nothing.

I don't know how long I've laid in this field, the sunshine warming my skin. My numb emotions match the numbness in my limbs from hours of laying motionless. The pale colored wild flowers tickling my arms and neck in a delightful way.

I lost track of how much Vicodin I've shot up, which I am currently running low on.

Eventually, the sun starts to set, igniting the sky in an array of pink and orange. The colors morphing together, the setting sun making the clouds almost look like they're on fire.

The beauty reminds me of Edward and how beautiful he is, and suddenly, all I wanna do is see him. Be in his presence and see his smile. Feel his strong arms wrap around me, making me feel safe and secure. Run my hands through his soft hair. Feel his stubble scratch against my face as I kiss his smooth, delicious lips.

I'm guessing by the sky that it's around 7. I don't know when Edward's gig is, but I'm guessing it's

I race to my car and take off towards Cherokee Street.


I miss Bella already. Is that pathetic? It probably is, but I just don't have it in me to care. She's become everything to me. It's hard to concentrate on anything when I'm not with her.

She's quickly becoming an addiction.

Great, another one.

I chuckle humorlessly to myself as I lay back down on the couch, checking the clock on the cable box.

5:47 PM

I have to be at 2720 in, like, forty-five minutes.

Jasper just left to go get ready for the gig. We spent all day practicing the songs we're playing tonight. He told me I'm whipped and laughed when I named the songs I wanted to play, but was nice enough to call Tyler Crowley to sit in on the drums for one of the songs. Which is perfect because Tyler knows the song by heart.

My hands twitch, reminding me of what I've been wanting to do ever since I shot up with Bella. I don't know why I tortured myself with not taking any since then...

I guess I'm afraid the high won't be as good now that I've shot it up.

Do I really want to start shooting it up? It's not a wise idea, that's for sure.

Why do I want it so damn bad? The craving has been tripled. It's unnerving.

I want that feeling. That amazing floating feeling that accompanies a happiness I've never felt before.

Just do it, my inner voice screams at me. It's not like you care if you die or not.

Yes I do! I scream back. Bella makes me care. She makes me want to live.

My inner monologue is silenced when I realize I'm standing in the kitchen with my stash in hand.

How in the fuck did I get in here?

Fuck it.

I shake four out of the bag and in my hand, re-closing the bag and stuffing it in my pocket.

I grab a spoon from the drawer, a bottle of water from the refrigerator and walk back into the living room, plopping down on the couch.

My heart races in my chest as I open the drawer in my side table, pulling out a needle and tourniquet from when I would practice giving shots at home. I pull a cigarette from my pack and rip off the filter. I set the Vicodin down on my glass coffee table, crushing them with a credit card from my wallet. I scoop up the crushed Vicodin, putting it on the spoon and adding water. I take my lighter out of my pocket and hold the flame under the solution, watching it bubble up and separate. I set the spoon carefully on the table and rip open the wrapped needle, and grab the cigarette filter. I shakily hold the filter barely touching the solution, lining the needle into the filter before slowly drawing it up into the syringe.

When I'm ready, I swallow the lump in my throat, flicking the bubbles out of the syringe before quickly tying the tourniquet on my arm.

Wow. This is it. I'm really doing it.

There's no turning back from this.

This is a test of my self-control...

I'm failing, miserably.

I line the needle into my vein and rip the tourniquet off my bicep before slowly releasing the liquid heaven into my veins.


Edward Cullen & Jasper Whitlock
at 7:00 PM
Alice Brandon-Cullen
at 8:00 PM

The Freevibe FunkTribe
at 9:00 PM

As I stare at the sign next to the door of 2720, I take deep, calming breaths. Why am I here? Shouldn't I be mad at Edward?

Why aren't I? Am I really not mad at him at all?

Maybe this was a bad idea...

I do miss him, though.

Ever since Edward came into my life, I haven't been able to fucking think straight.

Like, what the fuck?!

And, who's Alice? Is that his sister or something? He never told me he had a sister? I mean, family never came up with either of I guess he wouldn't have mentioned it...

I take out my phone and check the time.

6:53 PM

I look around the parking lot and spot Edward's car.

My heart leaps in my chest, and I sigh heavily.

I'm going in...

I reach for the metal door handle, swinging the heavy door open wide, and the smell of smoke and beer invades my nostrils. My eyes immediately hone in on Edward, the lights from the stage casting an angelic glow over him.

I grin widely at the scene before me. Edward and Jasper are setting the stage for their performance, both of them deep in concentration. A third guy, Tyler Crowley, who I met briefly in high school, is setting up drums behind them.

Edward's hair is covered beneath a black beanie, but he still looks like the most gorgeous guy I've ever laid eyes on. He's wearing a gray logo T-shirt that is ripped near the hem on his back, a pair of dark jeans that hug his delicious ass perfectly, and a pair of black vans adorn his feet.

"ID, please." A deep voice sounds from the right of me. A big burly dude with a black 'Security' t-shirt is smirking and holding out his hand.

"Oh, right..." I mumble, digging in my purse for my wallet. I quickly pluck my ID out and hand it to the guy.

His eyebrows raise as he reads my ID, and he quickly looks up at me. "You're Bella? The Bella? Edward's Bella?" He asks.

I laugh quietly, slightly confused. "Uh, I...guess?"

"Well, enjoy the show." He smiles, handing my ID back to me.

"Thanks," I reply, smiling.

As I'm walking away, I hear a mumbled, "It is for you, after all."

My brows furrow as I find my way through the crowd, the only chairs being at the back of the venue, by the bar. I decide to stand close to the stage, but not close enough for Edward to spot me unless he tries. I find a spot between a brunette with a lot of facial piercings and pink streaks in her hair, and a husky guy with a giant beard that smells like nachos.

The lights on the stage dim and the crowd goes eerily silent when a single spotlight falls on Edward and Jasper. Both holding an acoustic guitar, but Jasper has an electric sitting by his feet.

Edward's feet are tucked adorably in his stool, one hand on the microphone.

He clears his throat, a nervous smile on his lips. "Hi, everyone. Thank you all for coming. As most of you know, I'm Edward Cullen." The crowd erupts into cheers and whistles, and Edward smiles widely before gesturing to his right. "This here is Jasper Whitlock, and that back there," He points over his shoulder. "Is Tyler Crowley, and tonight we will be playing a set of songs..." His voice drifts off and his eyes search the crowd before falling on me. He smiles beautifully at me, and I can't help the smile that spreads on my face. I give him a small wave and he winks at me. "A set of songs for a very special girl. Her name is Bella and she is truly amazing."

A spotlight finds me in the crowd and I blush furiously from his words and the attention I'm receiving from the crowd.

My heart soars. He thinks I'm special. He just said it in front of 100 plus people. The spotlight falls off me and I quickly move to the front of the stage so he can see me better.

The girl beside me elbows me gently, a wicked smile on her face. "Lucky bitch," She says jokingly.

I laugh softly, muttering a quiet 'thanks'.

"I actually wasn't sure if she would even show tonight. I was really nervous." He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "You guys have no idea how relieved and happy I am. Thanks for coming, beautiful. It means a lot to me, but let's get this started, shall we?" At that, he starts strumming his guitar, creating a soft, beautiful melody.

"This song is called 'I Was Broken', it's by Marcus Foster."

I hear a soft, "Officer arrest that man," from somewhere beside me, but I am too engrossed in Edward to even break my eyes from him.

He plays a couple more cords before singing, "I was bro-" In a soulful, deep voice, before him and Jasper start chuckling softly. He quickly composes himself and his brows furrow in deep concentration before belting out the song in the most beautiful voice I've ever heard.

It's deeper than his regular voice, but the sound makes my insides churn, in the most amazing way.

I was tied but now unbound
My head is off the ground
For a long time I was so weary
Tired of the sound, I've heard before
The gnawing of the night time at the door
Haunted by the things I've made
Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade

His fingers flow easily over the guitar, his voice raw and rough. My eyes trained only on him, my heart beating wildly in my chest as I hear him sing the haunting melody, to me.

Said I used to think the past was dead and gone
But I was wrong, so wrong
Whatever makes you blind must make you strong, make you strong
In my time I've melted into many forms
From the day that I was born, I know that there is no place to hide
Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light

I was broken for a long time
But it's over now
Said I was broken for a long time
But it's over now

I feel tears prick at my eyes as the words flow from his lips, my hands shaking. My thoughts from the other day ring in my mind loudly, "The moment our bodies connected, something inside me connected, too. Something that was broken, but it's not anymore."

Yes and you,
yeah well you walk these lonely streets that people send, people send
There are some wounds that just can't mend
And I do pretend
Now I'm free from all the things that take my friends
And I will stand here till the end
Now I know I can take the moon
Stuck between the burning shade and the faded light

And I was broken for a long time
But it's over now, it's over now
Mm it's over now, now, now
It's over now, it's over now.
It's over now, now

Said I was broken for a long time
But it's over, but it's over
But it's over, but it's over
But it's over, but it's over
But it's over now, now, now, now
But it's over, but it's over
But it's over now
But it's over, but it's over
But it's over now, now, now
I was broken for a long time yeah
But it's over, but it's over now yeah
Over now, it's all over, it's over now

The crowd cheers loudly, clapping and yelling. I smile up at him and he smiles right back.

As the crowd quiets, he clears his throat and says a quiet 'Thank you' into the mic.

"This next one is called 'I'll Be Your Lover Too'," He says quietly, confidently. He winks at me before he starts strumming the guitar.

The chords ring out loudly as the crowd becomes silent, his eyes on mine, and a small smile on his lips.

I'll be your man
I'll understand
I'll do my best
To take good care of you

You'll be my queen
I'll be your king
And I'll be your lover too
Yeah yeah

Yes I will

Derry down green
Color of my dream
A dream that's daily coming true.
And ohhh when the day is through
I will come to you and take you on
Your many charms

And you'll look at me
With eyes that see
And we'll melt into each others arms

You'll be my queen
And I'll be your king
And I'll be your lover too

Claps ring out all around me, and I chime in. I'm so happy and ecstatic that he's serenading me with this amazing voice and his beautiful hands. My whole body is shaking from my restraint of not going to him and kissing the ever loving shit out of him, throw myself into his arms and stay there forever.

He clears his throat again, leaning down to take a drink of water from a glass down by his feet. "Thanks. This next one is called 'I Caught Fire' by The Used." He says softly into the mic, standing up from his stool and bringing it a couple feet away. "Bella," He says my name as he points a finger and crooks it towards him, silently asking me to come up on stage.

"You want me to come up there?" I mouth to him, and he smiles widely and nods his head yes.

I blush furiously and take a few deep breaths before climbing up on the stage and sitting down on the stool beside him. Jasper picks up the electric guitar and gives me a crooked smile before he starts playing. He's amazing, too. I love this song and Jasper definitely can play it well.

Edward bends down and brushes his lips against mine softly, as Tyler starts drumming to the beat of the song.

Edward takes a small step back and starts bobbing his head, before belting out the lyrics in a higher voice than the rest of his songs. His voice is still amazing, and it gives me goosebumps.

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
Edward steps close to me, standing between my legs and gently caressing my face from my temple to my chin, making me smile widely. He takes a step back and he and Jasper grin at each other.
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin...

Jasper softly sings the echo (I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while

And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Edward's eyes bore into mine while a smirk plays on his face, his stare setting my skin aflame.
Just stay with me
Lay with me

Never caught my breath
Edward steps close to me again, nodding his head and pointing at me as he sings the next line.
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
Why cuts aren't healing
(why cuts aren't healing)
Learning how to love

Edward stays standing between my legs, his eyes on mine.

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)

You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
We could take our HATS off
stay in bed and just make love that's all
Edward smiles widely as Jasper sings the echo, making me chuckle at his adorableness.
(stay in bed, just make love that's all)
Just stay with me now

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting

In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me lay with me
(Stay with me, lay with me)

In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

As his whispered words ring softly in echo, he drops his mic on the ground as I stand up and throw my arms around his neck, hugging him to me tightly. No one has ever done anything this sweet for me. With tears in my eyes, I pull back slightly and look into his, smiling widely at the goofy grin on his face. He crushes his lips to mine and I open my mouth greedily, wanting to taste him, not caring who's watching. His tongue meets mine eagerly, his hand sliding up to the back of my head and tangling in my hair. The crowd cheers loudly at our display and I distinctly hear Jasper shout, "Fuck yeah!"

When I'm out of breath, I pull back and smile at him softly. "Thank you," I whisper to him.

"You're welcome, beautiful. I'm glad you liked it, and that you showed up." He says, turning his head to look over at Jasper. "Can you...?" He points to his guitar and the rest of the set. Jasper nods and shoos us off the stage, and Edward and I weave our way through the crowd until we reach the bar in back.

"Want a drink? They're free." He smiles, pulling two bar stools together so we can sit close to each other.

I sit down and he quickly places his hand at the small of my back. "Yeah, sure."

Before we can even order our drinks, two tequila sunrises' are set in front of us. I smile over at him, and thank the bartender. It's one of my favorite drinks, and it's obviously one of his, too.

"I would say let's get out of here, but my sister comes on next. She sort of surprised me by showing up tonight. She lives pretty far away." He says, before wrapping his lips around the tiny straw, looking over at me and seriously being too adorable for his own good.

"Oh, yeah, I..uh..saw the sign out front." I reply, dazzled by the way his Adam's apple bobs up and down as he drinks. "That's cool she surprised you like that." I say, taking the straw out of my drink and taking large gulps to calm my nerves.

"I missed you today," He says sweetly, leaning in to nuzzle and kiss my neck. "Even if it was only a few hours." He chuckles softly, his breath near my ear causing me to shiver.

"Me too," I reply, smiling. My smile quickly vanishes as I remember what happened when I left him earlier. "I actually, um, have something I need to talk to you about."

"Yeah?" He nudges my neck, trailing kisses up it and causing a blush to spread to my cheeks and my heart rate to increase. His kisses trail up my chin and finally reach my mouth. His soft lips capture my bottom lip and the smell of him invades my senses. I lose all train of thought as he pulls back slightly and captures my top lip, his sweet breath mingling with my own, making me dizzy with want.

He pulls back all too soon, leaving me dazed and a little confused.

"What is it that you need to talk to me about?" He whispers softly, smirking, his breath fanning over my face.

"Um..." What was I gonna talk to him about?

He chuckles softly, tucking a lock of wayward hair behind my ear.

Oh, right...Rosalie.

" into a fight with Rose today," I state, not really interested in talking about this right now. "Can we about it later?"

He gives me a tight smile. "Yeah, okay," He sits up straight in his chair, keeping a hand at the small of my back, and downs the rest of his tequila sunrise.

I down the rest of mine, and before I have time to say anything else, a high-pitched voice sounds throughout the venue.

"Hi! I'm Alice Cullen! Yes, I'm Edward's sister..." She chuckles, and Edward and I turn in our chairs to look at her. "He actually didn't even know I was coming into town, so, I surprised him! That's not the only surprise I have for him, though. I'm moving back! Well, I moved back today. I got an apartment and everything! Okay, I'm rambling now," She laughs, and I look over at Edward and his mouth is hanging open in shock. It would be comical if I knew if it was a happy or pissed sort of shock. He signals the waiter and holds up two fingers.

"Well, I have a few songs I want to sing, I hope you guys enjoy. This first one is called 'Breathe (2 AM)' by Anna Nalick. Edward, I'm using your guitar," She chuckles quietly into the mic before she taps her foot three times, and begins to sing.

Her voice is beautiful, Edward's family is very talented.

"Your sister is very good," I say as our drinks arrive in front of us. Edward nods swiftly, avoiding eye contact, and I wonder what's changed his mood.

"Are you mad your sister is moving back?" I ask cautiously, taking large gulps of my delicious fruity drink. I dig in my purse and pull out two cigarettes and my lighter, lighting them both and handing Edward one.

He nods his head no, taking a long drag of his cigarette and ashing it. "I just...I can only guess her reasoning, and it's dumb. I don't need a goddamn babysitter." He snaps, laughing humorlessly.

I flinch at his tone, and he finally looks over at me. "I'm...sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just...can we talk about this later?" He asks, smiling at me softly. He takes a couples sips of his drink and pulls me closer to him, smashing our sides together.

I revel in his warmth, and wrap my arm around his middle, squeezing his side softly. "Yeah, later." I whisper, setting my forehead against his shoulder.

I breathe in deeply, my body relaxing from his smell. He smells like fresh linen, a hint of cigarettes, and something purely Edward.

The venue cheers, and I look up towards the stage. "Thanks, guys! This next, and last one is called, 'Ordinary Day' by Vanessa Carlton." She says, before quickly starting the song. I haven't heard this song in years, it's nice. There's no piano, but she's strumming the guitar accordingly.

We stay, sitting quietly and finishing our cigarettes until there's a tap on my shoulder. We both look back, and Alice herself is standing there, bouncing in her heels. She looks even more beautiful up close.

Wow...what a gene pool.

She waves excitedly. "Hi, Bella! I'm Alice!" I stand up, and hold my hand out for her to shake, but she pulls me in for a tight hug. I'm a little surprised at first, but quickly hug her back.

"It's nice to meet you," I say as I pull away, and she smiles brightly at me.

"We're going to be the best of friends! I just know it!" She says with a little too much enthusiasm.

I look at her, shocked. "Uh...yeah,"

"So," She looks at Edward. "Why haven't you mentioned Bella to me?" She puts her hand over her heart. "I'm hurt," She pouts adorably.

"Alice," Edward says, his voice a warning. "Can I talk to you privately for a minute?"

She doesn't respond, they just walk far enough away so I can't hear. They talk animatedly for a few minutes, Edward's hands flying up in gesture and his jaw clenched. Alice clearly looks upset.

Alice storms off in the other direction and Edward immediately walks towards me, stopping a few inches away.

"Wanna get out of here?"

A/N: I want your guys' thoughts! I really love this chapter so I hope you all did, too! Give me some reviews, and don't forget to check out the banners/pics/info for this story on my profile!