A/N - For April Fools Day I'd originally planned to do a Good Omens crossover chapter in TFT, but for some reason I just wasn't feeling it. Instead, since I promised y'all something, I decided to quickly finish up a parody of "Trib Force: The Movie" that I started a year ago (which was a dumb idea, since last time I decided to 'quickly finish up' a Left Behind fan fiction it turned into a 2-year project :p). This is in fact a sequel to a really stupid LB parody I wrote in high school, which I won't bother publishing since it was mostly inside jokes and random character crossovers from novels I was trying to write at the time. All you need to know from that story is that prior to the Rapture (1) Bruce was a porn addict and (2) Buck had a fan club that followed him around. There will be five acts out by the end of the week, but it's just Act One for today!
Rated T for language and a whole lot of fun sexual innuendos!
TRIB FORCE: TEH MOVIE
Scene I: Our scene is set in New York, or somewhere, where the new Secretary General of the U.N. is watching Buck Williams on GNN!
Nicolae: As you can see, now that I've been revealed to the audience as the Antichrist, I got a new, more evil-looking haircut to reflect how thoroughly evil I am.
Hattie: Oh. My. God. Nicolae, you look so hot with your new evil-looking haircut.
Nicolae: I'll tell you who's hot: Buck Williams! *indicates screen*
Buck: *from TV screen* Heeeey. *winks—fan girls around the globe swoon* By the way, world, sorry for your loss.
Nicolae: He's young. He's charismatic. He's good-looking. I want someone that hot on my team!
*Hattie and Steve stare.*
Nicolae: I mean—not that kind of team. I—I'm not gay. I mean I want him on my evil taking-over-the-world team.
Hattie and Steve: Ohhhhh, yeah, that team.
Hattie: But say, if you were gay, I'd totally get a sex change for you.
Hattie: Just throwing that out there.
Scene II: Next day. Buck walks into work where Steve Plank is waiting.
Steve Plank: Buck! Big news! Carpathia wants to have dinner with you!
Buck: He knows I'm straight, right?
Steve: I mean he wants you on his team.
Buck: Like I said, I'm not really into guys-
Steve: Not that team! His evil taking-over-the-world team!
Buck: Oh! In that case I'll, uh, call him right back.
Steve: Make sure you do. Oh, and make sure you watch the news tonight. *Walks off*
Scene III: A UN Press Conference that's being broadcast all over the world.
Random guy: *to Nicolae* … And that's why we need you to assume dictatorship of the world or everything we ever loved will crumble apart!
Nicolae: I couldn't possibly. I am but a humble pacifist whose only concern is bringing the world together in this troubled time. I am hardly fit to rule...
Random guy: Oh, well then I guess we can find somebody else-
Nicolae: (quickly) On second thought I'll do it! Because it's the will of the people. And stuff.
*Everyone in the world watching the press conference cheers.*
World: Yay! We know this wasn't Nicolae's idea because nobody has ever publicly staged such a request before in history!
Richard III: Never.
Nicolae: I'll take this opportunity to announce that religion is such a divisive force that from now on we're just going to have one world religion! Ours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever!
Muslims/Jews/Buddhists/Hindus/athiests/anyone who's not a Christian: Our new ruler just declared a one-world religion by using a blatant reference to Christianity? OH WE ARE SCREWED!
Nicolae: No, no, no, the one-world religion isn't going to BE Christianity! It's going to be a mockery of Christianity! Get it? Because I said the glory is ours instead of God's? Totally different.
Anyone who's not a Christian: Oh, well, that's ok then.
Christians: OH WE ARE SCREWED!
Scene IV: Back at the church, the Trib Force is watching TV.
Bruce: So it looks like the government is covering up something that's happening at the wailing wall that has to do with these two guys breathing fire. That kind of reminds me of the passage in Revelation where these two guys appear at the wailing wall and start breathing fire.
Chloe: I don't see how the two are related.
*Entire Trib Force stares at her.*
Bruce: That's ok, sweetheart. You don't have to be smart. You just have to be a good wife and mother. Anyway, Rayford, in light of recent developments, I need you to go work for the Antichrist. Kthx!
Rayford: That's bullshit! *storms out*
*Bruce follows Rayford outside*
Rayford: I'm not going to fly the most evil man in the world from one victim to another! That's just barbaric!
Bruce: If you don't, someone else will!
Rayford: Let them!
Bruce: But you could spy on the Antichrist! We need the information!
Rayford: Fine, I'll think about it.
Buck: Actually, after talking with Steve Plank I'm 99% sure Nicolae wants to hire me to run his media empire. So if it's information we need, I could get a lot of it that way-
Bruce: Are you kidding? It's way too dangerous!
Buck: But you just told Rayford-
Bruce: That's a completely different situation.
Buck: Well at least let me go to Jerusalem and get a look at these firebreathing guys.
Bruce: Fine, whatever.
Scene V: That evening. Ivy arrives at Buck's apartment.
Ivy: Well, I'm stuck here in Chicago without a place to stay until my fiancé gets here.
Buck: You should crash at my place.
Ivy: Great idea! I sure hope nobody mistakes me for your girlfriend while I'm staying here.
Buck: Don't be silly. I've got to run though. Important international stories to be told!
Ivy: You mean like you're reporting on the disappearances, which only happened like a week ago?
Ivy: Or maybe Nicolae Carpathia's sudden and unprecedented rise to power?
Buck: Um … not quite.
Ivy: Then what?
Buck: These two guys at the wailing wall claiming to be prophets.
Ivy: Seriously? Wow, they really demoted you after you missed that meeting with Carpathia at the end of the last book, didn't they?
Buck: I didn't miss it! Carpathia brainwashed everyone so that they'd think I did! Because he has brainwashing powers!
Ivy: *patting his arm sympathetically* You keep telling yourself that, Bucky. You keep telling yourself that.