Chapter 8
October 15th, 2003
Late one Wednesday afternoon, Ennis was in class, trying to pay attention but failing. His mind was across campus, where he knew that Jack was also in class. All he could think about was his lover and what they had been up to lately. They didn't have sex every night, but they always did something, and they were growing closer. Ennis had considered telling Jack that he loved him, but he feared that Jack's feelings might not be quite the same yet. Then again, he had thought that Jack didn't have any feelings for him at all, only to be proved wrong.
He tried to listen to the lecturer, but his mind kept wandering. He found himself mentally going through everything he loved about Jack. First off was definitely those bright blue eyes that drew him in. All Jack had to do was fix him with that gaze and he'd do anything for him. Ennis didn't understand it but he didn't particularly care. He just knew it was true.
He also loved Jack's dimples, and how they formed whenever Jack smiled. He was doing that more and more lately, and Ennis hoped that he could keep Jack smiling forever. He wanted to make Jack happy.
And Jack's body...Ennis thought it was amazing. His muscles were visible and he was quite strong. Ennis quite liked this aspect of being in a relationship with another guy. He'd always had to be quite gentle with any girl he'd been with before, because he didn't want to hurt them. But he liked how things were allowed to get a little rough between him and Jack, and he knew that Jack was more than a match for him. More than once they had rolled around on the floor, pinning each other down and kissing. Ennis found himself wanting to spend all of his time with Jack, and every time they were apart he missed him terribly. He wasn't quite sure what was happening to him.
He thought about his parents, and what they might say if they knew about his relationship. He knew what people back home thought about gay people; they could be downright cruel and life wasn't exactly fair for people like him and Jack. He knew that Jack had it better than him as far as their parents were concerned. Jack's parents had accepted him and still loved him. Ennis dreaded his father finding out.
After about an hour into the lecture, his cell vibrated in his pocket. He glanced up to make sure that he wasn't being watched, and flipped it open. There was a message from Jack.
Really bored over here. Can't stop thinking about you.
Ennis went red and threw caution to the winds. He was right at the back, after all, and there weren't many people back here. He decided that he and Jack could have a little fun.
Me neither. Kinda sore after last night, but it was worth it.
He grinned slightly at his own boldness, and he hoped that Jack was enjoying this as much as he was. After a minute, there was another text.
I'll say. You're gonna wear me out one of these days. But don't ever stop.
Ennis stared at the last sentence. He wanted things to keep going as they were, and it appeared that Jack felt the same. He sensed that Jack needed a little reassurance.
Never gonna stop. Wanna keep doing this forever with you, bud.
After another few minutes (he had a feeling that he'd surprised Jack with this declaration) another text arrived.
Really? I want that too.
Ennis sighed in relief, glad that Jack had confirmed the reciprocation of his feelings. He felt a warmth settle into his stomach and his head filled with loving thoughts of Jack.
Then that's that. We want the same things, I say let's go for it. I'm real happy, you know.
He kept glancing up and around him, but everybody was blissfully unaware of what he was doing. He was perfectly happy to keep doing this for the next couple of hours. He would prefer for them to be alone in their room, but this would have to do. He longed to be able to call Jack and engage in some phone sex, but that was out of the question. Maybe one day, if they were ever alone and apart, like if one of them was on a business trip or something.
He realised that as time went on, he kept thinking about a possible future with Jack. He had no desire to return to Wyoming, and he knew that his future didn't lie on that ranch. Maybe he could settle here in Massachusetts, or wherever Jack wanted to live. He was perfectly happy to leave his old life behind, and start over with Jack. He knew that he would be much happier.
Ennis's thoughts were interrupted by another text from Jack.
Me too. I'd like for us to keep doing this. Wanna spend more and more time with you, as much as I can. I know we're together nearly 24/7 as it is, but I wish we could be together all the time.
Ennis's heart melted at the words, and his heart knew that he wanted the same thing. He hoped that the next two and a half years would pass quickly, so that they could graduate and settle down together.
I do too. Still, I think we've got it pretty good. At least we can share a room at night without people getting suspicious. Couldn't do that if we were in high school, right? At least we can do stuff and be alone.
That was true; they did have it pretty good. People knew that they were roommates, so no questions were ever asked. That was how they preferred it, at least for now.
He spent the remainder of the lecture talking to Jack and thinking about him. He was head over heels in love, and he didn't care that Jack was another guy. All he knew was that this was real, and he wanted to hold onto it.
Meanwhile, Jack was in his own class, also trying to concentrate but not having much success. He just couldn't stop thinking about Ennis, and what he might be doing. They'd only been apart for about an hour, but Jack missed him terribly, and wanted nothing more than to be lying in bed with him. He knew that they were both free this afternoon, so maybe after lunch they could go back to their room. Most of their time together was spent in bed these days, but Jack wasn't about to complain. He loved spending so much time with his lover and best friend like this.
He shifted a little, wanting to talk to Ennis. He knew that Ennis would have his cell on vibrate, so decided that he could spend his time a little better. He dug his phone out of his pocket and settled back. Nobody was sat near enough to see the screen, so he felt safe to do this.
Really bored over here. Can't stop thinking about you.
He smiled to himself as he sent the text, hoping that Ennis would reply soon. He glanced up at the front of the room and around himself; nobody was watching. His phone buzzed in his hand and he looked down.
Me neither. Kinda sore after last night, but it was worth it.
Jack couldn't help but grin at this. Last night had been pretty good; they'd been quite energetic as they'd made love, rolling around in Ennis's bed. They'd nearly rolled out and onto the floor, but managed to stop themselves in time. Jack loved how passionate they could get sometimes. He hoped that Ennis knew how much.
I'll say. You're gonna wear me out one of these days. But don't ever stop.
He took a deep breath as he sent this; he didn't ever want them to stop. He wanted them to be together for a long time, and he hoped that Ennis felt the same. After a few moments, Ennis sent a message back.
Never gonna stop. Wanna keep doing this forever with you, bud.
Jack stared at the message, digesting what Ennis was saying. He wanted them to be together for a long time too. He smiled a little as he felt love fill up his heart. He didn't know what to say to that, except what he knew to be the truth.
Really? I want that too.
It was true; being with Ennis was all he wanted. To lie in bed with him, to kiss him and make love with him, and to be with him for the rest of his life. That was all he wanted, and Ennis had just basically told him that he wanted it too. He looked at his phone to see another text from Ennis.
Then that's that. We want the same things, I say let's go for it. I'm real happy, you know.
Jack grinned. It looked like they were set; that they would be staying together for at least the foreseeable future. That was something to look forward to. He'd never been this happy in his life, and his relationship with Ennis was driving out any pain he had still been feeling from last year. He trusted Ennis and had a feeling that he would never hurt him. He loved Ennis a lot and he hoped that he could pluck up the courage to tell him soon. But they had ways of showing each other how they felt, including these texts.
Me too. I'd like for us to keep doing this. Wanna spend more and more time with you, as much as I can. I know we're together nearly 24/7 as it is, but I wish we could be together all the time.
At the moment, their time was mainly divided between classes, the diner and their room. The only time they spent apart was in class, like this. And even if they had to restrict intimacy to the privacy of their room, or down a dark alleyway, they still loved to spend time together. They also found that they liked working together. Parts of Jack's major involved the study of animals, so he had a common ground with Ennis. They were best friends as well as lovers, so their relationship was pretty solid.
I do too. Still, I think we've got it pretty good. At least we can share a room at night without people getting suspicious. Couldn't do that if we were in high school, right? At least we can do stuff and be alone.
Jack saw the logic in this. They were pretty lucky in that they could spend the night together. This wouldn't be possible if they were in high school; they would be living with their parents, trying to keep things even more of a secret than they were now. But they were adults and free to live their lives how they wanted. And they wanted each other. Jack was worried about how Ennis's father might react to their relationship, but he made a mental note to promise Ennis that he would be there for him when it happened.
The pair of them continued to talk throughout the lecture, about what they would do for lunch and whether or not there might be a game on later. They were considering going for a long walk sometime, maybe spend the day in the park together. Jack was thinking that during the summer they could drive to the coast and spend some time on the beach. Despite how new things still were between them, they couldn't help but make plans, at least for the near future. They both had a feeling that they would end up together for good.
When the lecture finally finished, Ennis left his building to find Jack waiting for him, sat on the bench again. He smiled and made his way over to him. Jack grinned and stood up as he approached, wanting to kiss him but restraining himself. He hoped that one day, they would be comfortable enough not to censor themselves in public.
At lunch, they walked into the diner to see Lureen in their regular booth, waiting for them. They joined her and sat side by side, legs brushing together enough to make Jack squirm with pleasure. He felt a twinge in his crotch at the feeling, and he gulped.
"Hey, guys," Lureen greeted them, noting how happy they always seemed to look these days. She surmised that it was a result of them having confessed their feelings to each other and getting together, and she was happy for them. Jack had told her that he'd told Ennis about his old roommate, and how he'd come out, and that Ennis had been very supportive. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest at having told Ennis everything, and that the pair of them could look to a future together. Lureen hoped that everything would work out for them.
"Hey," they said in return. Debbie came over and took their orders of cheeseburgers and fries, leaving them both a glass of water. "Everything okay?"
She nodded, smiling as she looked between them. "Yeah, I'm fine. How are you guys?"
They looked at each other, eyes full of love for one another. Jack wrapped his leg around Ennis's ankle, locking their legs together, and Ennis went red. Jack could make him feel very strange sometimes; could give him butterflies just by looking at him.
"We're good," Jack replied softly, looking back at Lureen. She nodded in understanding. "We're doing okay."
"That's great, you guys. I'm really glad things worked out for you...God knows Jack was goin' crazy all that time." Jack grinned and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Well...I dunno about that..."
Ennis shook his head and gave Jack a nudge. "Don't worry, I was goin' crazy too," he said, looking at Jack. Their eyes met and all they wanted to do was lie down on this seat and do what came naturally to them. Jack was overwhelmed by how much in love with Ennis he was. These were the strongest feelings he'd ever had in his life.
"Well...we got there in the end," he managed to say shakily. Ennis brought a hand to his leg and squeezed it. He too was taken aback by how strong his feelings were.
"We sure did, bud." Lureen looked between them and could see the love between them. She hoped that one day soon they could tell each other.
After a little while, Ennis got up to go to the bathroom, leaving Lureen to swoop in with all her questions.
"So how are things with you guys?" she asked Jack, looking directly at him. He swallowed his food and smiled.
"Pretty damn good, Lu. Can't even begin to describe how he makes me feel..." He looked down at his food and grinned a little. "He's just...there's no words for it."
Lureen smiled at him. "Guess you feel pretty strong on him, huh?" Jack met her gaze.
"Yeah, I do..." He looked over at the bathroom door, thinking about his lover. He then turned back to her. "I love him, Lureen. I'm in love with him."
She nodded, seeing that this was the truth. "I know, Jack. I can see it every time you look at him. It's really obvious."
Jack grinned sheepishly. "Well...I can't help it. Just the way it is..." He glanced at the door again. "Thing is...I don't know how to tell him."
Lureen tilted her head. "What do you mean?" Jack shrugged and picked at his fries.
"Just...I've never told anyone that before. Never been in love before..." He sighed. "I wanna tell him how I feel, and that I want us to be together forever, but...what if he doesn't feel like that just yet?" Lureen sighed too and placed her hand on his arm.
"Jack...I'm sure he does. You know he cares about you. I can see it when he looks at you; I'm sure he feels the same. You've got somethin' good there, an' I know he wants it too."
He sat there, digesting her words. He thought about the texts that Ennis had sent him that morning; that he wanted them to make this work and wanted to keep things going. Warmth filled him up as he remembered all the nights together that they'd shared. He knew in his heart that Ennis had strong feelings for him, but some part of him was still scared. He figured that this came from his bad experience with Kevin, but Ennis wasn't like that. He was shy and sweet and could be very gentle. Jack had the sense that he would protect him if needed, and that was part of the attraction for him; a strong man that would look after him. He needed that security in a relationship; someone stable that he could depend on.
"I guess, Lu..." he said as Ennis came back. Their eyes met again and Jack smiled widely at him, wanting to grab hold of him and kiss him until he was out of breath.
"Everythin' okay?" Ennis asked as he sat down, hand brushing Jack's leg. Jack took a deep breath and nodded.
"Just fine, cowboy." Lureen caught the endearment and smiled, knowing that she was right. Ennis felt just as strongly as Jack, and she figured that it wouldn't be long before they finally told each other. She had a feeling that they would continue to go from strength to strength.
When lunch was over, the three of them decided to go to the library until it was time for their afternoon classes. They found a table for three at the back, and Jack kept playing footsie with Ennis, making him blush and unable to concentrate. Unable to hold it in any longer, the pair of them excused themselves and headed into the bathroom. They locked themselves in a cubicle and started making out, hands dipping into jeans and stroking at each other. For several minutes afterwards they just stood there with their jeans around their knees, holding each other close and kissing softly.
October 18th, 2003
After their afternoon classes, Ennis and Jack decided to take a walk together to a nearby park, to enjoy what was left of the good weather. It was still chilly, but they could keep warm. They wanted to hold hands as they walked, but they didn't want to run the risk of any fellow students seeing them, so decided not to. But they were happy to spend some private time together.
They entered the park and climbed up a hill, seeking a bench for them to sit on. When they looked around and saw that they were alone, Jack tentatively reached out and took Ennis's hand. To his relief, Ennis didn't pull his hand away, just looked at him shyly and squeezed back. They found a bench and sat down, still holding hands. Jack shifted a little so that he could look at Ennis, smiling at him warmly and running his thumb across Ennis's hand.
"You doing okay, Ennis?" he said softly. "Managed to talk to your dad at all?"
Ennis shifted slightly too and looked into Jack's eyes. "No...called my mama a few more times, but she says he won't come to the phone. Still pissed at me for leavin' him to do all the ranch work..."
Jack brought his fingers to the curls falling around Ennis's ear. "You're allowed your own life, Ennis...you can't let him make all your decisions. You have the right to live your life how you want. Look what you did...you faced a lot of pressure to stay and help him, maybe take over one day...but you didn't. You decided to break away and do what you wanted. That takes a lot of guts, you know." He brought his fingers to Ennis's face, stroking gently. "I'm proud of you..."
This last sentence filled Ennis with happiness, and he looked away a little, starting to go red. "Really?" Jack smiled and turned his face back to his.
"Yeah, I am. You were brave." He leaned in and gently kissed him, massaging Ennis's lips with his own and feeling him relax under his touch. They kissed a few times and then moved apart, staring into each other's eyes. Ennis touched Jack's hand and took a breath.
"I ain't all that brave, Jack. Can't even be honest about us..." He looked away shamefully. He loved Jack so much and couldn't even face the world about it. Jack's heart sank a little to see Ennis like this.
"Ennis...it's okay. It doesn't matter..." Ennis shook his head, still not meeting Jack's eyes.
"It does...feels like yer my dirty little secret or somethin'..." He pulled away a little, not feeling worthy of Jack's affection. But Jack just shifted closer; he wouldn't let him put himself down like this.
"Hey...where'd this come from? I thought we were fine with how things are..." Jack didn't understand what was going on in Ennis's head. They had been fine earlier.
Ennis shrugged. "I just...see couples walkin' around, all guys an' girls...an' they're always holdin' hands...just...I wish we could do that, but...I ain't brave enough. I'm sorry, Jack..."
Jack gripped his shoulders, making him face him. "Ennis...look at me." Ennis unsurely met his eyes. "It doesn't matter. We've only been together about two weeks, and with us being two guys...it's bound to shake us up a little. And even though we're not doing anything wrong, there are people out there that would think we are. You know what people can be like, especially at our age. It won't be easy for us if and when they find out. But...we'll be okay."
He looked into Ennis's face, seeing that his words were having an effect. Ennis was at least looking at him now. "Really?" he said quietly, hoping that Jack was right.
"Yeah, we will. If someone says something, we'll just ignore them. As long as we look after each other, we'll be okay. I promise. But I know we're not ready to tell people, or go out holding hands. I don't care, because...I'm happy. You make me happy, cowboy. I care about you a whole lot, you know."
Ennis looked into his eyes, seeing the truth in them. "Jack...you're real good to me..." Jack smiled and kissed him again. He loved Ennis with all of his heart and somehow, he knew that Ennis felt the same.
"You're good to me too. You just don't see it, and I wish I could get you to...I..." He couldn't quite say the words yet, but he hoped that Ennis knew how he felt. He just sighed. "You wanna get something to eat and go back to the room? I think you'll feel better if we get away from all this." He waved a hand around, meaning people that might be around; people that might judge them. Ennis nodded and they stood up, Jack still holding onto his hand. He placed his hands on Ennis's face.
"When the time is right, we'll feel comfortable about being honest. We'll be able to hold hands and if people say anything, we'll deal with it. I promise, we'll be fine." They kissed again and Ennis looked a little happier.
"Thanks, Jack," he said shakily. "I ain't ready to be lettin' people know just yet. I mean...I'm fine with Lureen knowin', 'cos she's our friend, but...I like it better when we're on our own, like in the room..."
Jack nodded. "I do too. So...let's stick with that for a while. See how things go and...you know?" Ennis was nodding, breathing deeply.
"Yeah. Thanks, Jack," he repeated, making them both grin. Jack pressed one last kiss to Ennis's mouth and they started walking back, eager to be alone again so that they could relax. Jack didn't feel like Ennis's dirty little secret at all; he actually liked the idea of them being alone most of the time. There was still so much about each other that they were to discover, especially sexually, so Jack figured that the current arrangement worked just fine. He was perfectly happy with the way things were.
Back in the room, the pair of them were lying down on Jack's bed, fully clothed and slowly making out. They weren't feeling rushed, or under any pressure to get things moving along. Jack was trying his best to get Ennis to relax, and to forget about his feelings of worthlessness. Jack hadn't even thought about how much they were keeping private, and it certainly didn't bother him. He liked it best when it was just the two of them, and he knew that they weren't ready to tell other people or go out holding hands. He was perfectly happy with how things were.
They pulled apart slightly and Jack stroked Ennis's face. "You feeling any better?" he asked softly, seeing that Ennis looked more relaxed. Ennis sighed and reached for Jack's hand, lacing their fingers together.
"I guess. Dunno where that came from earlier...just..." He looked into Jack's eyes. "The two of us bein' outside like that, made me think of all those couples that don't have to be scared, an'...I remembered you tellin' me about when you came out, an' how brave you was...made me think that I could never be that brave. I don't deserve you, Jack..." Tears pricked in his eyes and he looked away in embarrassment.
Jack leaned in and kissed him, pressing their lips together firmly. "You do, Ennis...you deserve to be happy. You are, aren't you?" Ennis nodded in earnest. He was happier now than he had ever been.
"I am, Jack...I'm real happy. Just gets to me sometimes that I'm such a wuss. Can't go out there holdin' yer hand..." Jack sighed and pulled him into his arms, rubbing his back in an effort to comfort him.
"Ennis...you're not a wuss. You're just human. It's natural to be scared about things, especially something like this. Think about it...this is your first relationship with a guy, and you told me that you've never looked twice at another guy before, so...everything you ever thought about yourself has been shaken up. And that's okay, because I know how you feel. I went through the same thing last year. And I promised you that I'd help you with this, didn't I?"
He felt Ennis nod against him. "Yeah, you did..." He pulled away so that he could see Jack's face. "God, Jack...you're just..." Words failed him as he tried to describe how he was feeling. Jack understood anyway, and just kissed him again.
"It's okay, Ennis. I'm here. And we'll be fine, I promise." They leaned in again and their hands started wandering. When Ennis's hand touched Jack's lower stomach, he squirmed.
"Hey, I'm ticklish there, careful," he said with a grin, moving away slightly. An evil glint appeared in Ennis's eyes and his mood started to lift.
"Oh really?" he said mischievously, reaching for Jack's stomach again. Jack grinned and shied away.
"Come on now, cut it out," he said, trying in vain to get away. Ennis was half on top of him and his legs were pinned underneath him. Ennis started tickling him again and he started laughing.
"Stop! Cut it out already!" he said between his helpless laughter. Ennis kept tickling him, loving the sound of him laughing. He wanted to keep Jack laughing and happy forever. Jack managed to squirm away from him and get up off the bed. Ennis followed him and grabbed him, pressing his crotch against Jack's ass. Jack kept laughing and broke free of his grip. He tried to head for the door but Ennis tackled him, and they landed on Ennis's bed. Jack kept trying to get away but Ennis pinned him down, looking into his eyes and continuing to tickle him.
"Stop!" Jack pleaded, now almost in tears of laughter. "I'm gonna piss myself if you don't stop!"
"I'll get you a bucket," Ennis replied, straddling him and lifting his shirt up. He finally stopped his tickling and Jack panted for breath, still laughing a little. They looked into each other's eyes, full of happiness and love. Ennis leaned down and kissed Jack, pressing his weight onto him. Jack lifted his arms up around Ennis's back as they kissed, this time feeling a need to connect more. Their tongues played together between their crushed lips and Ennis's hands were in Jack's dark hair, massaging his head in a way that made him moan softly into his mouth.
"Mmm...Ennis," he murmured against his lips, needing to feel more contact. They pulled apart and Ennis started to move down the bed. Jack's eyes widened as he realised what Ennis was going to do. He'd only done this to him once, and he had been aching for it to happen again. Ennis was very talented despite his rookie status.
Ennis unbuckled Jack's jeans and slowly pulled them down, revealing the treasure that he'd come to love feeling inside him. He glanced up at Jack, who was breathing heavily. Just before Ennis went to work, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Ennis, wait," Jack whispered. He sat up and pulled his shirt off, and then removed Ennis's. They were both soon naked and Jack flipped himself around to face Ennis's erection, in a sixty-nine position. Ennis was watching him in fascination, until he felt a warm mouth on him. He gasped a little and then looked over at his own target. He figured that if Jack could concentrate on two things at once, so could he. He moved forward and wrapped his mouth around Jack. They lay there, sucking at each other with a hand on each other's hip. They were lost in their passion and unable to think about anything but each other.
They finished simultaneously, holding onto each other tightly and swallowing. Jack rolled onto his back, sighing with contentment. Ennis managed to turn himself and curl up next to Jack, who put an arm around him.
"Feel good now?" Jack said dozily as he ran his fingers through Ennis's curls.
Ennis smiled and wrapped his arm around Jack's stomach. "Never better."