I feel bad to be starting another fanfiction, when it seems that I can never finish them, but my goal for the month is to finish them!
I don't own iCarly, if I did, I highly doubt they'd still be on TV, I mean, I have LGBT couples everywhere. I mean, CARLY and SAM, SPENCER and FREDDIE… There would be riots of people if it was on tv.
Freddie grimaced. He woke up to being alone. But he should be use to this cold existence by now, but he never was. No matter how many months past, no matter how many seasons past, he was alone and it showed. Freddie couldn't feel anything but muted feelings. Sadness, Happiness, Anger, Depression, they were all muted by a sort of numbness. It was like the world was passing him by but he was stuck in place.
He had cut himself off, from everything that mattered. It showed in his face that looked like it hadn't smiled since the day he ran off. The way he did his work was like he cared about getting it done, but he didn't care to be there at all. Same with his apartment, it was furnished, and looked comfortable, but it was more like a show room than an actual home. But it would never be home, home was across from Carly and Spencer, home was warmth and happiness and having his mother nag at him through the phone.
He knew they were probably wondering where the hell he went. But Freddie didn't care so much. Even that was muted. Freddie wasn't fully a hermit, but he didn't have people he enjoyed around him. He went out with co-workers, but none of them were more than that. He didn't have any one special in his life because the only one for him was so far away. He was lonely, tired, and bored of this existence, but he had to admit, being alone fit him like a second skin.
It was better than what his past had to offer, companionship it had, but it would have hurt too much. The questions about why he was still single, why he wasn't looking into marriage, who Spencer was going out with… Who Spencer was going to marry. Not because he was against Spencer being happy, but… Freddie loved Spencer, with his whole heart. To be around the one you love while they love another can be worst than death.
It was stupid that one word, one stupid little word, had scared him away from everything. And the word was straight. S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T, Spencer was the s-to-the-t word. No chances for male Freddie in there at all. None. He wasn't going to put the moves on someone who was incapable of giving them back. Spencer's sexuality was Spencer's, no one but him could change it.
Spencer 's P.O.V.
Spencer got up, he didn't want to, but just because his heart was broken wasn't a good enough reason to not do anything. Especially since it seemed like it wouldn't get fixed until Freddie came back. Which seemed like it wasn't going to happen. No calls, no emails, no snail mail, nothing since he left. He didn't even say goodbye to us, Spencer thought.
Life in general had started to feel like a drag without the cute techie, without his male friend in their little family of mostly females. There was a hole that couldn't be fixed with dates, or art, or anything really. And that spot belonged to Freddie. Sometimes Spencer blamed himself for Freddie's disappearance, even through his note had said something about needing a break from everything. Spencer blamed himself because maybe he had made it too obvious that he had feelings a little more than 'friendly' for Freddie. Which was completely wrong! Freddie is his sister's age, he had watched him grow up into the brown eye wonder he was when he left!
Spencer finally decided that that was enough, and that it was time to get up, get dressed, and do something productive.
"Hey Carls!" Spencer said, going out into the kitchen, thinking that he'd have to make breakfast, but Carly and Sam where already making. It must be a weekend, he decided. Usually Carly and Sam where gone already. Sam moved in after college because her mom had eloped off with some guy. But even if her mom hadn't ran off, she'd probably move in anyways. It was impossible not to realize that she and Carly were in love. It was sweet, really, but it made Spencer feel that hole a whole lot more.
"Hey Spence." Sam said, smiling at him as she was setting the table. It wasn't unusual to have Sam so happy at him, but it was obvious that something was going on.
"Hi Spencer!" Carly said, in that voice she used when she was trying to cover something.
"Sam? Why do we have four plates? - Last time I counted there are only three of us." I said, looking at her.
"Because Mrs. Benson is coming over." Carly answered, tipping Spencer off. It wasn't a holiday, was it? Since Freddie had left, Mrs. Benson would stop by, but most of the time she came over was holidays and special dates, like birthdays.
"What's the date?" I asked, wondering what the hell was so important that Mrs. Benson would have to come over.
"March 5th." Sam answered, waiting for Spencer to make the connection. It was surprising that he forgot, but he quickly remembered.
"Shit. Freddie's birthday, right?" Spencer said, turning around and heading back to his bedroom. The hole never felt bigger.
Happy birthday to me, He thought. It wasn't all that happy, nor did it feel like his birthday. It felt like a regular day. Maybe somewhere else people were celebrating, but he wasn't. He never left Seattle, but he never had the impulse to go near there, near where he use to live. But today it was like there was a beacon, a pulse that was pulling him there. Freddie liked to believe it was the fact that he felt incomplete, and needed to see his 'family'.
So he decided, that for once he'd break his set rules and just sit across the street and have a smoothie. He sat there, by the window, with a medium smoothie and a donut, staring at the building. It looked like it had gotten some repairs, but it didn't seem to have changed that much at all. It was as if Carly and Sam where coming to meet him to just hang out.
Freddie noticed someone exciting the building and making they're way towards the smoothie shop. Someone with black hair, someone who had dominated his heart for as long as he could remember…. Spencer. The sight of Spencer hit him like a ton of bricks to his chest. Spencer was running towards him. It was a slim chance that Spencer actually knew he was there, but still! Spencer… Was coming into the building. Suddenly Freddie didn't know what to do. He hadn't changed that much since the last time he saw Spencer, and neither did Spencer, other than the fact that it seems that Spencer had bags under his eyes, but that could have been an art piece.
Freddie decided to just take out his cap from his bag and keep his face down. If Sam had been there, she would have made fun of him for his Man-purse. He heard Spencer come in and go up and get a smoothie. Berry-Berry Surprise. It didn't 'surprise' Freddie that Spencer was going for the smoothing that seemed to be the only one that didn't say what it was made of. Freddie spied out from underneath his cap at his black haired beauty. Spencer chose a seat where Freddie could see him, but Freddie was sure that unless Spencer turned to his side and looked straight at him, he wouldn't notice him.
Freddie drank in his looks, from his hair that seemed to be a bit longer than he use to have it, to his brown eyes, that were looking at a sketch book. Freddie wondered what he was drawing, but made no move to find out. It would have been too risky anyways. So Freddie left it to his imagination. Spencer was wearing a checkered shirt and a pair of ass complimenting jeans. Seeing Spencer after only thinking of him made Freddie feel more alive. If being these close to him for ten minutes made him feel more alive, what would happen if Freddie stayed around here more often? - He would probably be caught, but it was nice to feel again. To see Spencer again, made the daydreams he had come back to mind. The ones where he had Spencer right where he wanted him.
To comment, or not to comment, that is the question.
Next Chapter should be up as soon as I write it.