Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight. Joey, you can probably read this is public haha

I know what you're thinking guys… she's a bitch for posting an April Fool's Day prank fic. Blasphemous! ; ) I apologize for my cruelty. Hopefully this helps make up for it a little.

By the way guys, before reading this, Edward is a little more… uh dominant than usual, so if that sort of thing is going to bother you, stop reading now!

If not, then read on perverts.


Autumn- Bombay Bicycle Club.

The Mall and Misery- Broken Bells.



"Okay, dad, I'm leaving for school now!" I shouted to him upstairs, twirling my fingers around my hair as a nervous habit.

"Bye, Bells," he answered noncommittally. I could almost picture the look of boredom on his face. Of course, that's just was he was with me, bored. Most dads could describe their teenager as many… colorful words, but my dad could think of none.

That's me, reliable, perfect Bella.I thought to myself sarcastically. I sighed as I left, getting into my car that I'd never gone too fast in. As much as I tried to keep my thoughts positive, it never worked.

I didn't have anything to complain about; I was heading towards a fantastic future, I had straight A's, I had more academic awards than I could count, I was always the teacher's pet, I was well respected and trusted by everyone, I was in charge of any school function that you could name, and my record was spotless.

There was only one problem… I was bored.

I was bored by the perfection and the way everything in my life was planned out to every last detail. The word spontaneous was wiped out of my lexicon by a pathetically early age, and I hated it.

And now, I was going to do it again. It was so mechanical. I'd go to school, ace everything, do all my homework early, go to the ASB meeting after school, then go home to get ahead on even more homework.

Unlike most teenagers, I didn't have a cell phone, or a TV, or a computer. This would probably annoy every other kid that goes to my school, but I didn't really care. It isn't like my dad never offered to get me any of those things, I just thought they were useless and mundane.

Up until a couple of years ago, I was blissfully unaware of what my abnormal perfection had done to my free time.

I think the last time I had made plans with any of my friends was back in middle school. I still walked to all of my classes and ate lunch with them, but I was always too busy and always had some function to attend. Hell, I was even in charge of the school's funding.

At a stop light, I saw a couple of teenagers making out in a car. The guy was practically mauling his girlfriend's neck until he looked up at me, smirking. I blushed and looked away. Obviously, I never had time for a boyfriend either. I was too caught up in academics and things that would look good on college applications to even think about a relationship. I knew it was irresponsible to think so, but I always wanted to know what it felt like to be… sexually adventurous. I would never chase after those thoughts though, because I was too responsible, too smart, too boring.

Essentially, I was every parents dream, and every teenager's nightmare.

It was my junior year, and as every day passed, I got more angered by my boring routine. Would I have to endure another year of this? In retrospect, I suppose I was lucky I never ended up on Teen Mom or something, but as time passed, the more anxious I got.

I walked into first period and slumped down in my chair, looking at the clock and waiting for the next eight hours to pass so that I could be bored at home. As the rest of the students filed in, Mr. Boehm waddled to the white board and wrote down the daily 'calculus' problems. I made a loud noise of exasperation when he finished writing the first problem. It was December, and he was still reviewing Algebra 2.

Mr. Boehm made a show of turning slowly to face me and raised his eyebrows, "Is there a problem, Ms. Swan?"

That man was disgusting. I could see his hairy stomach trying to burst from the tight confines of his slacks, and his puke yellow shirt outlined his breasts nicely. The funny thing is that he was overweight everywhere other than his hands, they were smaller than mine.

"Actually, Mr. Boehm, there is a problem. I'm completely bored with your class. It's almost second semester, and you're still trying to teach us about parabolic functions and asymptotes. Asymptotes. We all know what they are. Just because there are some lackeys that somehow wound up in this class doesn't mean that you have to teach at their level! I don't know about your other students, but I'm heading off to a prestigious college in two years, and I need to be challenged. A monkey without a brain could teach this course more efficiently."

I sat back in my chair with a huff, staring out of the window angrily, "And you didn't even write down the problem correctly. X equals forty-seven, not fifty-eight."

I heard a chuckle come from beside me and I turned to glare at the offending person, "Sorry, I probably didn't make myself clear enough, Edward, but I was including you in that group of lackeys and misfits. Just because you don't care about your education and plan on working at McDonald's when you drop out in two weeks, that doesn't mean I don't either. Plus, you have no right to laugh, you look like a wannabe greaser in that ridiculous jacket."

Edward stood up next to me, towering over me, and glared at me. I could see the fire light up in his green eyes, "Shut the fuck up, you don't know anything about me, Harvard. I'm sorry I'm not into argyle sweaters and drinking tea with my parents like you seem to be. You're a fucking riot, Harvard! Who ever told you that you were anything fucking special, because the rest of us see you as a fucking joke. You sit here every damn day like you're so far above everyone else because you're so fucking smart and perfect, but here's a reality check. The only reason you get whatever the fuck you want in class is because the teachers are afraid that you're too smart for their class."

He turned to Mr. Boehm, "Yeah, she's so fucking scary, huh? One hundred and ten pounds of pure evil standing at a whopping five foot five."

The room was completely silent after his little outburst. I was speechless. It was the first time anyone, and I mean anyone, had ever contradicted anything I said. I expected myself to be angry at him, but… I wasn't. His words had my entire body shaking, but not in a way you'd expect. I felt all of the blood in my body rushing to one spot.

I was turned on.

The fact that he could affect me this way was insane. He was everything I stood against, and I should have had at least something to say as a retort, but I didn't. All I wanted to do was bend over the table and have him fuck me. I shivered at the thought. I just sat back down in my chair and blushed.

I'd never had such thoughts about a real person in my life. It felt wrong and exhilarating at the same time. There was an invisible electricity between us that was getting harder and harder to ignore, and I wondered if he felt the same thing.

Damn, do we really have an hour left of class…?

I crossed my legs tightly as to avoid Edward smelling how much he affected me with his little rant back there. My breathing was coming in short pants as I thought about how he would talk to me if we were actually having sex. The pulsing in my crotch was getting madly uncomfortable, and it was all I could do not to get up and hump him like a little dog.

Mr. Boehm coughed awkwardly and shuffled on his feet, "Calm down class. Right you are, Ms. Swan. Get out your textbooks and skip to chapter seven."

I was too shocked to be happy about the sudden change in academic pace. I noticed the other students glaring at me, probably because they welcomed the slow speed of this class, but I didn't give a shit. I got out my stuff and started working on the assignment, hoping to distract myself from the only person that had the courage to put me in my place.

When the bell rang, everyone turned to leave, and Mr. Boehm opened his big mouth again, "Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen, you will both be staying after school for one hour in detention."

I gaped at him, "Mr. Boehm, I have ASB right after school, and gymnastics practice right after that, I can't miss those, and having a detention will tarnish my academic record! Surely you see the redundancy of your punishment as it has so many horrid consequences!"

Mr. Boehm glared at me, "Although his little outburst in my class was inappropriate, Mr. Cullen is correct. I am the teacher here, and you need to respect that."

"Mr. B-!"

"Two hours. Do not be late."

Mr. Boehm left and I heard Edward Cullen's chuckles in my ear, "How does it feel, Harvard?"

I could hear him laughing all the way down the hall.


I walked as slowly as humanly possible on my way to Mr. Boehm's room for detention. This would be the most miserable two hours of my life, and I couldn't talk my way out of it. As I entered the room, I grudgingly sat down in my usual chair, glaring at Mr. Boehm. I'd managed to calm my libido down by the end of the day, although I was still quite uncomfortable. I groaned, realizing that I'd probably need to start engaging in self love today.

Edward was five minutes late, although I probably should have expected nothing less. He sat down right next to me, although the entire room was filled with empty chairs. I sighed, hoping he wouldn't say anything obnoxious and that I could maybe catch the last half hour of gymnastics.

Everything was silent, and I was bored, so I pulled out an essay that was due next month to pass the time. I honestly wasn't focused enough to write it, so I would probably need to rewrite it anyways.

Just a few moments later, Mr. Boehm's class phone rang, and he answered.

"Hello… yes, I have them… right now? I have two students in detention… I see… are you sure?... alright then, I guess I have no choice."

He eyed us distrustfully before sighing, "I need to attend a mandatory faculty meeting. Seeing as there is no way I can get out of it, I will be forced to trust you two to behave yourselves in here."

I groaned at the thought of being alone in a room with Edward for the next two hours. I was having trouble focusing on my paper as it was…

Mr. Boehm left the room, and I tried in vain to keep my thought process on the essay. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's fingers curl invitingly around his water bottle, and I had to take a deep breath. I thought about all the ways that those fingers could please me. I bit my lip to keep from moaning aloud. God damn, when did I become such a mind whore?

I'd never thought about Edward inappropriately before… he was an attractive guy, there wasn't a way you could get around that, but I couldn't stop thinking about how he looked and sounded when he stood up to me earlier. I was so turned on by the thought of him taking control of my body instead of our arguments.

Before I could stop myself, a low whimper escaped my mouth.

I froze, blushing as I crossed my legs and coughing in a desperate attempt to cover up my noticeable arousal. I looked down at my paper and at my paper only, doing everything but looking him in the eye.

It didn't seem like he had noticed anything, but right as I was beginning to relax again, I heard his low chuckle resonate through the room. My entire body froze, and I contemplated how long it would take me to run out of the room.

"What the fuck are you thinking about, Harvard? All of this extra calculus homework getting you excited?"

I blushed even further, squirming in my chair a little. For the second time in my life, I had nothing to say in response to someone.

God, his attitude was offensive, and probably should have turned me off, but I couldn't bring myself to be offended.

All I could feel was the wetness pooling in my underwear at his domineering tone. Somehow, he had a direct route to my dirty thoughts.

I looked up at him, my eyes lingering on his light five o' clock shadow, his sharp jaw line, his full lips… I needed him.

My pulse was pounding in my ears, and I couldn't control my breathing level. I'm sure I was looking at him like an animal in heat, but I had no control over my body at all.

He studied me for a few moments before a slight smirk spread across his lips. He leaned forward on his elbows and looked me in the eyes, "Am I fucking turning you on, Harvard? Do you like it when I demean you?"

He chuckled, shaking his head, "Are you that desperate?"

A heavy blush spread across my features, "I'm not desperate."

He quirked an eyebrow at me, "I know you are. I saw the way you were looking at me. I'm not an idiot."

He leaned closer to me and his lips curved up, "You're so fucking used to everyone doing everything you say. I think you get off on being controlled."

He was right, and I couldn't even pretend to be embarrassed at this point. All I could think about was him touching me, talking to me like he already was.

I felt more wetness soak my panties, and I sucked in a huge breath of air.

"You don't have anything witty to say now, huh, Harvard?"

I shook my head slowly, unable to break eye contact with him. I rubbed my thighs together, and he made a show of trailing his eyes up and down my body.

Finally, he ripped my hair tie out of my hair and watched it fall around my shoulders. My chest was heaving, and I didn't know how to control my reactions.

He grabbed my hair and yanked us closer together, "Am I making your pussy wet right now, Harvard? Do you need to bend you over this fucking table and spank you as a punishment? Do I need to punish you?"

There was a lump in my throat, and all I could do was nod, "Y-yes… Edward, please punish me."

He trailed his fingers down my body until he was massaging my inner thighs. I moaned out. This was so different, so exciting, and I needed it so badly. I looked up at him in need, and he cupped my vagina.

I gasped. Being the perfect child, I'd never… touched myself down there before, so the feeling was so foreign, so… good.

He started to rub me through my jeans, and my head rolled back into my chair.

He chuckled and started kissing his way down my neck, "Wow, baby, you really need me, don't you."

All I could do was nod. If his fingers felt this good over my jeans… I could only imagine what they could do inside of me.

I whimpered at the thought, and he chuckled, "Not so high and mighty now, huh Harvard? You fucking need a 'lackey misfit', how does that feel? That I can do something for you that you probably can't do for yourself."

With that, he pressed his thumb to my clit, and my breath literally faltered in my throat as I gasped for air.

"Isn't that right?"

I moaned as he roughly unbuttoned my jeans and shoved them off of my legs. He lifted me up and onto the table in front of him, spread eagle in just my underwear.

He massaged my inner thighs and smirked up at me, "But maybe I shouldn't give you what you want at all."

My eyebrows scrunched together in frustration and I whimpered.

He just laughed at me and stood up, "Stand up."

It wasn't a question, and I knew I had a choice to say no, but no part of me wanted to say no. I stood up and actually felt no shame in standing in front of him half naked. I gulped at the nerves running through my body. By the look on his face, he could tell how he was affecting me too.

"Get on your knees, Ivy League. I want that innocent little mouth wrapped around my cock. Maybe then you'll get what you want," that wasn't a question either, and I was literally shaking with need.

My breath literally stopped short in my throat and my mouth dropped open. His words were going straight to my center, and I had to lean on the table for support.

He quirked an eyebrow up to remind me that he was waiting for me to continue. With shaking hands, I got down on my knees in front of him and unbuckled his jeans. My heart rate was getting uncomfortably high, and I almost moaned when I pulled both his briefs and his jeans to his ankles.

Right in front of me was the exact thing that was tearing me apart. I licked my lips before cautiously taking him with my hand.

I heard an exasperated sigh coming from above me and I looked up, worried that I had done something wrong.

Edward bent down and tilted my chin up. For a minute, I thought he was going to kiss me, but he just waited for a while, "Did I say I wanted your hand on me? If you don't do as I asked earlier, then you'll be lucky if you walk out of here with one orgasm today."

I was getting impossibly wet at his demeaning words. I don't think it would matter whether or not he touched me, I would probably walk out of here with an orgasm anyways.

I wanted to test him, to not do as he asked so that maybe he'd talk to me like that again, but I decided against it… mostly because I wanted to taste him.

I opened my mouth wide enough to take him in, and slid him into my mouth until he reached the end of my tongue.

His strangled moan only spurred me on, and I reached out to stroke the rest of him that I couldn't fit in my mouth. I pulled him out of my mouth, and I could tell he was ready to chastise me, but I sucked one of his balls in my mouth, and then the other one, still stroking his pulsing dick with my hand.

"Fuck…" he ran his hands through my hair, "good girl."

The praise shouldn't have made me as proud as it did, and I focused my attention back on his penis, closing my eyes and taking as much of him in as I could. I felt the need to gag, since he was so big, but I kept my breathing steady.

"Mmm, take more of me, Bella. I know you can," he demanded, and I shivered, trying to comply. I opened my throat more and moved forward until my face was pressed against his skin.

He chuckled darkly from above me, "Oh fuck yeah, baby, keep going."

Being as inexperienced as I was, I had always thought that giving blow jobs was disgusting, but it was turning me on too.

I trailed my free hand down my stomach until I reached my center, and moaned like a fucking whore when I rubbed my clit between my fingers.

I could barely breathe, so I took my mouth off of him and licked slowly up and down his shaft, rubbing over his balls.

I paused for a second when I felt a tingling feeling spread along my legs, and Edward looked down at me.

"Are you touching yourself?" he asked, and I looked up at him with wide eyes, afraid I did something wrong.


"Did I say that you could touch yourself?" he asked me, crossing his arms over his chest.

I shook my head and bit down on my lip.

"Tsk tsk tsk," he said, shaking his head, "Suck me until I cum."

A part of me was excited to no end, but the other part of me was so disappointed and frustrated I could cry.

But nonetheless, I sucked him in earnest, keeping my hands on him at all times. It wasn't until I hollowed out my cheeks and sucked so hard that my mouth was sore that he groaned out me name in pieces and spilled his cum into my mouth. It tasted really salty and weird, but I swallowed it fast so that I wouldn't have to taste it for too long.

After a minute he pulled out, "Stand up," he ordered. I stood like he told me to and nervously waited for what he was going to do next.

"Strip, Bella," he said, eyeing my every move.

I was a little nervous, but oddly, I trusted Edward. So I slowly took off all of my clothes and tossed them on the floor until I was completely naked. He reached out and trailed his hand from my shoulder to my hip, then smirked.

But he walked around the table and laid down on his back, confusing me.

"Sit on my face, Harvard. I'm going to make you cum so hard you see stars."

I hesitated for a moment, frozen from shock. Right now, I was a mass of sheer sexual need, and I could barely move.

"Do it now." He demanded, and I moaned before hoisting myself up onto the table. I felt a little uncomfortable with brazenly sitting on his face.

Luckily, he got annoyed and just grabbed my thighs, roughly moving my pussy over his mouth.

"Oh mother of- fuck," I said in a low moan as I rolled my hips against his face. He was moving his tongue against my clit so fast that he was right- I was beginning to see stars. I held myself up with shaking arms as he sucked my clit into his mouth, using his lips and tongue so perfectly that I felt like I was flying.

I whimpered when I felt my stomach start to coil, and he hummed against me, moving the vibration throughout my body.

He let go, and I whined. Yeah, I whined. This boy had some skills.

"Make my dick hard again, baby. Get me ready to fuck this pretty little pussy."

I cried out as he began to lap at me again, and I bent down to take his soft dick into my mouth. I blushed as I realized what position we were in.

I felt like I was going to cum really soon, so I got to quick work. I took him into my mouth and rolled his balls in my hand. Curious, I started to stroke the skin under his ball sack and he really seemed to enjoy that.

He groaned loudly against my clit, and I smiled evilly to myself, finding him hard within a matter of a minute.

I thought he was going to lift me up and fuck me right there, but instead he lifted his hand and slapped my clit.

I screamed out his name loudly, and he did it again before pulling me off of him and shoving me back into the table. He leaned down to take my mouth in his and search my mouth with his tongue.

He smirked down at me before grabbing both of my legs and tossing them up over his shoulders and shoving himself into me without any other warning.

"Ow… fuck," I groaned into my shoulder, trying to keep the tears out of my eyes.

To his credit, he stayed still until I said I felt more comfortable. Then he fucked me so hard I thought we were going to break the table. It felt… indescribable. He was reaching this part inside of me that I couldn't describe as anything other than heaven.

He knew exactly where and how to work my body. I saw white flash behind my eyes before I screamed out his name, squeezing around him so hard that he smashed his fist against the table with want. That was the best orgasm I could ever imagine having. I don't think I could have moved if I had wanted to.

I could tell that he was close, so I pulled him down and started kissing his neck, scraping my nails up and down his back.

He groaned out my name again and came. By the time we were both down from our orgasmic highs, he pulled out of me.

I gasped, "Wait… what about a condom? Oh fuck, what did I just-"

He chuckled, "Relax, Harvard," he said, holding up a well used condom, "I'm always prepared."

My heart rate officially lowered, "Thank God…"

"As much as I'm enjoying the view, Mr. Boehm is going to be back in exactly three minutes."

I blushed and hurriedly dressed myself again, and made no secret of watching Edward as he dressed too. Just as we sat back down, Mr. Boehm walked through the door and looked at us distrustfully. We just smiled at him.

"Well… I guess you two can go… wait, what's that?"

He pointed to our desk, and we saw a huge crack going right down the middle… probably a result of Edward's caveman actions with his fist.

I blushed, and Edward just winked at me, "Bella was being very naughty, Mr. Boehm."