"Kakashi."
Kakashi's backhand broke the head off the training dummy. He spun with the blow, chest heaving, to face the intruder. Raidou stood behind him, in full armor, white and black, the bone mask clipped to his belt. "What?" Kakashi said, and he didn't mean it to be a snarl, but it was.
"They've called up the whole roster," Raidou said, evenly. "I wanted to find you before I left. I heard about the kids."
Kakashi had been keeping his rage buried inside his ribs since he'd been summoned to the Forest of Death last evening and found Sakura dying in Sasuke's arms. Now that he'd begun to release it, it didn't want to be leashed again. He snarled again into the fabric of his mask. His whole body was shaking. Bits of wooden posts and straw men littered the ground. If he spoke, he was going to regret whatever he said. So he nodded jerkily, and stalked over to the severed dummy head, jamming it back onto its body.
Raidou stood solidly, unmoving, watching him as he paced around the small training yard collecting debris and flinging them out of the way. "No one could have predicted this, Kakashi."
The post Kakashi was holding snapped. "I sent them into a fucking death match! Of course I should have predicted this!"
Raidou picked up a singed straw arm and tossed it gently into Kakashi's pile. "An attack by Orochimaru is not within normal parameters. You couldn't have known."
"They shouldn't have been there. I told him it was a bad idea. I told him they weren't ready."
Raidou reached out, and seized him by the arm. "Don't, Kakashi." His fingers wrapped like steel around Kakashi's bicep, and Kakashi stilled, only barely resisting the urge to lash out against the contact. The pressure of his chakra flowered out around him, hot and crackling.
"Don't what?" The words grated out between his teeth.
Raidou didn't flinch, but when he spoke, it was very quiet. "Don't do something stupid."
"Is this what everyone thinks?" Kakashi growled, snapping his arm out of Raidou's grasp. "That I'm always halfway to treason? That I'm my father?"
"Tell me you're not," Raidou said, still keeping his voice low. Kakashi stared at him, the rage pounding through his veins, in his ears. This wasn't like him; he didn't get angry like this. He was supposed to be cold, collected. He was supposed to believe in his village.
He was supposed to have someone to kill when things went wrong. Some target to narrow his focus, to release his rage. Instead he had nothing to fight, nothing to do, nothing but chase ghosts or watch his kids sleep in hospital beds. He sucked a deep breath in through flaring nostrils. Though Raidou looked utterly calm, there was an edge of nerves to his scent, a weariness that suggested he hadn't slept.
"I'm not," Kakashi said, finally. "I'm just…fuck, Raidou. I knew. Not about Orochimaru. But I knew that if they went in, it would end badly. I told him, and he ordered it anyway."
"That's his job," Raidou said. "That's our job too, when it comes down to it. We've all made calls that have gotten people hurt for the good of the village."
Kakashi turned away.
"It feels different because they're your kids," Raidou said, gently. "But they're shinobi, Kakashi. You can't protect them from what they are."
Kakashi slumped. The rage was burning itself out, leaving ashy weariness in its wake. "I didn't know how young they would be," he said. "I don't remember ever being that young."
"I don't know if we ever were."
Kakashi tipped his head back. Grey clouds had washed in overnight, and today's sky was heavy and low. "So what am I supposed to do?"
"Be there for your kids," Raidou said. "Get them through this. You dragged me through hell more than once, and we both came out the far end."
Kakashi laughed, a bitter exhalation. "I ordered you into that hell."
A half-smile twisted Raidou's scarred face. "We do what we must, and we pick each other up after." He put a gentle hand on Kakashi's shoulder. This time, Kakashi let him. Raidou squeezed once, then let go. "I've got to report for deployment. I'll see you later."
Kakashi stayed in the destroyed training ground until it began to rain. Then he went back to the hospital.
Sakura's legs shook when she tried to stand. Iwao held her arm, guiding her slowly across the hall to the bathroom. He waited outside, until she opened the door again, and then she leaned against him again as they walked back to the bed. She leaned against the pillows and let him tuck the blankets around her. A nurse clipped the chakra monitor back to her finger, and looked at the results as they flickered and stabilized. "You're getting a little low, honey," she said. "I'll bring some apple juice, and then you should sleep."
"I don't want to sleep," Sakura said.
"If the numbers go too low, I'll have to call the doctor for a chakra transfusion," the nurse said. "It would be better if you slept."
"I'll read to you," Iwao said, brushing a hand over Sakura's hair. "Until you get sleepy."
Hiramitsu gave Sakura a hand mirror, and had her stand with her back to the bathroom mirror. He pointed out each section of the seal array, explaining it in simple terms. She nodded numbly. "The seal requires active chakra to function. If your chakra levels go too low," he said, "You'll begin to feel the influence of the seal. We don't know exactly what that will mean — nothing nearly so dramatic as what happened in the Forest — but you may feel strange. The curse seal wants to modify your chakra, and any taint in the chakra system often has other effects. It can alter your proprioception, decrease or increase your energy, or affect your mood."
"Anger," Kakashi said in an offhand tone, from where he leaned against the wall, looking at his book. "Detachment."
"Certainly possibilities," Hiramitsu agreed. "If you feel anything like that, you need to request a chakra transfusion. That's what this part is for. May I?"
Stiffly, Sakura nodded. He rubbed his hands together for a moment to warm them, and placed one in the handprint outlined on her back. "I'm going to sink my chakra into the seal, just a little." She shivered as if a cool breeze had passed into her skin itself. "And the hooks in the seal will do the rest, pulling what they need from my reserves. But I'll only give them a little bit." Hiramitsu lifted his hand away. "Because Hatake-san, you should test it as well."
Sakura grit her teeth. A curl of frustration licked up her throat, at Hiramitsu's touch and casual offering to Kakashi. She felt like a tool they were adjusting, or a puzzle for others to play with. Kakashi put his book away and waited, looking at her. She forced herself to unclench her jaw, and nodded. She watched Kakashi in her hand mirror as he came up behind her and pressed the tips of his fingers into her shoulderblade.
A pressure she hadn't quite noticed receded, like stepping behind a wall on a windy day, when the rushing noise that had been so omnipresent that it no longer registered as sound suddenly faded to a quiet murmur, leaving a slight ringing where it had been. Her shoulder felt warm.
Kakashi gave a small "Hmm," and removed his hand. "How do you feel?"
She shrugged. The sudden absence was a relief, but left her feeling off-balance, like she'd been pulling against a weight that was no longer there. "Fine."
"Do you have any questions?" Hiramitsu asked.
She should. She should have a thousand questions about this thing that was on her, in her, could change her without her noticing. But she was tired. And if she asked, she would have to think about the answers. "No."
"You can always ask me later," he said, as if he could guess how she felt, and smiled sympathetically at her. She looked away. "The last thing is for both of you to know: the transfer seal does most of the work in routing the new chakra, but it's best if you limit who uses it to those with training in chakra transfusion, and sufficiently high reserves. And you may wish to keep its existence quiet. The fewer people who know, the better."
Kakashi walked with Sasuke to the top of the Hokage monument. They didn't talk, but neither did Sasuke tell him to leave him be. At the top of the cliff, Sasuke slowed, breathing hard. Kakashi glanced at him, then walked deliberately to the edge of the cliff and sat down. Sasuke wondered if Kakashi had cataloged each of Sasuke's heaving breath, the tremble in his hands. It had been more than a full day since Sasuke had taken he didn't know how many soldier pills to get Sakura out of the Forest, and he still felt strange. His muscles felt wet, and his teeth prickled. He wished Kakashi would go away, that he wouldn't witnessed his weakness.
He roiled with anger. It had to be anger, this vibrating, pressurized feeling in his chest. This need to run or hit something or scream. Everything had gone so wrong. He hadn't been able to do anything, only flee, and freeze, and Sakura — "What did he want?" Sasuke asked abruptly. "Orochimaru."
Kakashi's single grey eye blinked slowly. "There has been no official statement."
"But you know," he accused.
His teacher sighed. "He wanted you. The seal binds people to him. He wanted to make you come to him."
"Why?"
Kakashi shrugged, and looked away. "Why do you think?" It sounded like a genuine question.
Sasuke clenched his fist. "The sharingan. He wants the power of the sharingan."
"Probably."
"Then why didn't he take it?" Sasuke's voice trembled. That made him angrier. His voice rose. "Why didn't he rip them from my head right there?"
Kakashi turned to face the empty edge of the cliff, his expression hidden now by the slanted forehead protector and his mask. "Maybe he wants the rest of you with them."
In the silence, Sasuke stewed on that. On the fact that Orochimaru could have taken him, could have killed him, could have done anything and he wouldn't have been able to stop it. Why hadn't he? Why was Sasuke still here? Again.
"You know why he left her alive, right?" Sasuke startled when Kakashi spoke again. He was still facing away, his gaze pointed somewhere off in the distance over the village. The breeze ruffled his hair, but it was the only motion besides the subtle shift of his abdomen as he breathed. Sasuke envied his utter calm.
"She was dying anyway. He didn't need to kill her."
"Only partially true. If you want your enemy really, truly dead," Kakashi said, as easily as if he were talking about the proper way to cook a chicken, "You take the killing blow. Cut off the head and burn the body. Never assume an enemy will die from a poison, or a wound, or anything you don't see kill them."
Sasuke grimaced. Of course he knew this. Even Sakura knew this. She had nigh on decapitated her first kill, in her first fight, after gutting him like a fish. "So you're saying he didn't want her dead after all?"
"Not quite. I don't doubt he wanted her dead in that moment." Kakashi turned to face him, met his eyes seriously. "But her death was not his goal. More than that, he wanted you to watch her suffer."
Sasuke clenched his hands. Anger roiled inside him, at Orochimaru for daring to attack him, for choosing to make Sakura suffer to get at Sasuke. Anger at himself for letting her get hurt. At himself for caring that she got hurt. Caring was a liability - this proved it. Not only did it give his enemies leverage, but it put other people in harm's way. As long as he had teammates, they were going to get in the way.
Kakashi wasn't done yet. "Do you know why he let you go?" He pried at Sasuke's thoughts, needling at the painful places Sasuke would rather avoid.
"Because I wasn't worth his time." The anger wanted somewhere to go, something to hurt. "Just like I wasn't worth your time."
"Wrong," Kakashi said, softly. His hands lay quiescent in his lap; he made no move to comfort his student. "He let you go because he is willing to be patient, Sasuke. He wants you to come to him willingly." A strange expression twisted his eye, the grieving cousin of a smile. "Sakura got in the way of the seal, so it will take a little longer, but he can afford to be patient."
Every muscle in Sasuke's body was strung tight. He took a shaking breath. "Why would I go to him? He just tried to kill me."
And your teammates. Sasuke could see the words hovering on Kakashi's tongue, in the slight narrowing of his grey eye. Which was true, but beside the point. Sasuke had a goal, and he couldn't fulfill it if he were dead. That was what mattered.
"I told you the seal would have given you access to power," Kakashi said quietly. "Twisted power, a strength that would have killed you in time. But power nonetheless. The offer is still open; now he's just waiting for you to ask for it. How long he waits…that's up to you, Sasuke."
Sasuke paced along the edge of the cliff. He said nothing, but glared out at the village spread wide below them. He felt Kakashi's eyes on his back, and his anger at the man grew. Kakashi was supposed to be training him, giving him the power he needed to avenge his family. And instead he built dams and weeded fields. This village, when had they ever stood up for the Uchiha? Where had they been for Sasuke, when he was a child, alone? Where had they been when their citizens, their own neighbors, were being slaughtered? Where were they now, when he needed to learn, needed to become strong enough to take revenge on a village traitor, a mass-murderer?
"Orochimaru," and Sasuke hated that the name made him cringe inside, "one of Konoha's most wanted missing-nin, waltzed through all of Konoha's defenses, infiltrated an international tournament, killed participants, attacked three of Konoha's own, and disappeared. At least he has power."
"Power is not the most important thing. It won't get you what you want."
"Then what will? Friendship?" Sasuke sneered. "Teamwork? You think that's going to kill Itachi? Where was your precious teamwork when he was slaughtering my family? Where was your precious village?" He swept a furious arm at the web of lights far below. "Where were they?" he shouted. He was supposed to be better than this; able to keep himself under rein. Rage would get him no closer to defeating Itachi. He took a long, shuddering breath, fighting for control.
"Do you think no one tried?" Kakashi's voice was quiet enough Sasuke wasn't sure he'd actually spoken.
"What?"
"On the night of the massacre. Do you think no one tried to help?"
Kakashi stood, moving as if his whole body hurt. Still, he was graceful in that way Sasuke remembered Itachi being, when he watched from the bushes as his brother trained. A subtle, internalized confidence shaped each motion, from the repeatedly confirmed knowledge that he would be the one to walk away alive. The man walked a few paces away, turned his face to the sky. "ANBU was spread thin, that night," he said, to the wind. "Internal deployment was spotty; many of us had been sent to an attack on the northern border. So the news came late. Still, those of us who were in the village, we were at the compound in moments. There were three of us dead before we recognized the barrier."
The trap of Kakashi's words caught Sasuke like a fly. "Barrier?"
"There was something around the compound; anyone who touched it died instantly." His tone was utterly flat. "Three dead, and still two more tried to make it through. And died." Kakashi took a slow breath. "We hammered at it with jutsu, with seals. One woman tried to translocate inside; she never reappeared. So we watched the Uchiha die, from outside. We watched them run into the barrier, trying to flee, and die. We watched Itachi, wearing our armor, holding our sword, kill our friends." Kakashi fell silent for a moment. "We tried to get in."
Sasuke couldn't catch his breath. Kakashi was a dark silhouette against the setting sun, a shadow rimmed in blood-red, hiding a stolen eye. "You weren't strong enough," Sasuke hissed. "And my family paid for it."
Kakashi snapped his head around, to fix that fierce grey gaze on Sasuke. The headband that hid the spoils of his old shame caught an edge of light and flashed gold around the symbol of the Leaf.
Sasuke kept going. "I wasn't strong enough, and the other two nearly died for it. Now tell me power doesn't matter!" He found himself wanting Kakashi to say it. For some final revelation from the mysterious teacher, from the man who carried the sharingan, from the man who fought legends and won. For a way out.
Kakashi stared at the sunset and said nothing.
"I was so worried when I didn't see you at the tower!" Ino squeezed her so hard that Sakura finally felt like she was here, really here, and not somewhere that moved a second slower, a step out of pace. An involuntary smile twitched her lips.
"So you made it?"
"We did! We're going to the third stage!"
"I knew you could," Sakura said, and finally getting her arms to move, hugged her back. "How are Chouji and Shikamaru?"
Ino let go of the embrace, but reached for Sakura's hand in the next motion, and Sakura was grateful for a touch that was neither the medics' impersonal professionalism nor pity. "Shikamaru is put out. Says now he has to train all month instead of getting a break. Chouji's been quiet. I think he might be worried. I don't think he really wants to compete. Asuma-sensei said he didn't expect us to get this far, and I think he's worried too. But we have a month to train, and even just getting this far feels so good Sakura! We really had each other's backs in the forest, and it felt like everything just worked. When we stole the scroll, we…"
Sakura let Ino chatter, relaxing into the normalcy. When Ino clucked at the state of her hair, Sakura turned, letting Ino's nimble fingers card gently through it before she picked up a brush. It was so easy to know that Ino would see the problem, and fix it without needing to ask or explain. It felt good to have Ino's gentle hands undoing the tangles, Ino's familiar voice chatting nonstop, the bright energy and colors of Ino surrounding her. She had brought a vase of pink and purple carnations to brighten the hospital room, and Sakura smiled softly as she looked at them.
Ino swept Sakura's hair over one shoulder. Her hands stilled. Gently, she pulled at the collar of Sakura's shirt, where it was slipping down her left shoulder. "Sakura…"
Sakura grabbed the cloth and yanked it up. "It's nothing."
Her blue eyes were wide. "What happened?"
"We failed the exam. It's not important."
"That's medical-grade sealwork," Ino said. "I knew you got hurt — but that is serious."
"It doesn't matter," Sakura insisted. She got out of bed, walking to the window on still-shaky legs. She should have put on a high collar before Ino visited. She would from now on. She didn't need questions. People weren't supposed to know. If they knew, they could hurt her.
"Sakura, it matters to me." Ino followed her, reaching a hand to her arm.
"Let it go, Ino," Sakura snarled, pulling away. Her blood pounded in her head, throbbed around her shoulder. "I'm tired. You should go home and train for the third exam."
The medics discharged Sakura in the afternoon of the fourth day. Her chakra levels were normal again, and stable. The gentle woman with pale green eyes who had asked her questions about how she was feeling each day, and whether she had any urges to hurt herself or others, must have been satisfied by the answers.
The next day, with gritted teeth and Iwao's worried eyes on her as she left, she went to training.
If there was a saving grace in this world, it was Naruto. Sakura and Sasuke had been waiting at the training ground in unbroken silence for ten minutes, neither looking at the other. But now Naruto had just arrived, running full-tilt across the training ground; he barrelled into Sakura at full speed and wrapped his arms around her. Sakura's lips cracked into a smile. Relief took the breath from Kakashi's lungs where he waited, concealed in the treeline. "She smiled."
"I can see that," Pakkun rumbled.
A little later, Sakura sat on the ground, leaning back against one of the training posts. Naruto sprawled in front of her, looking between her and Sasuke, talking animatedly. Sasuke stood stiffly to the side, pretending to inspect a kunai. Kakashi wondered if any of them had talked about it yet. From the way Sasuke wouldn't look at Sakura, he doubted it.
"What are they saying?"
Pakkun turned his eyes up, giving Kakashi his best pathetic puppy gaze. "It's so far," he whined, "And my old ears aren't what they used to be. But perhaps if you massaged my head, I could hear better…"
Kakashi scratched his head. Pakkun's stub of a tail wagged. "He's saying how "badass" the man at the ramen stand thinks all the Konoha genin are. He got free ramen this morning. It was pork. And beef. He asked for both and the man gave him both and didn't even say that it wasn't supposed to be like that, and —"
"Alright, enough, old man." Kakashi gave him a last scruff of the ears, and stood up. "Guess we should get started."
Sakura barely blinked when he appeared with only the slightest of breezes in between the three of them. Naruto gave a whole body shudder, and rolled to his feet. "Hey, you're—" he started to yell, then finished more quietly with, "Not actually super late."
"Laps," Kakashi said amiably. "With your eyes closed."
While they ran around the field, stumbling and (at least Naruto) complaining, Kakashi leaned on the training post and wondered what on earth he was supposed to do with them. Talk about what had happned? And say what? Sorry you got attacked by an insane missing nin, it was only supposed to be regular people trying to kill you? Or Your teammates all nearly died, how are you holding up?
"Can we stop yet?" Naruto shouted.
"Backwards!" Kakashi yelled back. All three groaned, but dutifully turned around, eyes still shut, and kept running.
It was easiest just to go back to the normal routine. Maybe that was what they needed too, to put it behind them and return to some semblance of stability in a village suddenly strung tight and panicked. He should get them a nice, familiar D-rank after they warmed up.
Maybe pulling weeds.