Summary: "McDonald Boys" verse, post-"Sky's Gonna Open." Nate now has new plans to fit his de-aged hitter's smaller size. Eliot is not pleased.

Inspired by a PM conversation. Title is a reference to the Discworld series.


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Campaign for Equal Heights

Sometimes, Eliot wishes that he'd never tried to be sneaky by climbing up into the air vents. See, if he'd been his normal (adult) size, he wouldn't have been able to fit in there anyway. And if he'd been Parker-sized, crawling around in air vents wouldn't have caused much extra work for him aside from the actual crawling around in air vents part.

But now? Nate has finally realized that Hey! Eliot's small now. As in stash into Sophie's luggage small. (Actually, the otherwise empty suitcase was pretty roomy because of all the stuff Sophie needs. Still, semantics.) So far, Nate's crazy plans have included him having to be wedged into a construction worker's toolbox, a wedding cake, a delivery package, a beer keg, a rolled-up sleeping bag, a mall Santa's sack of toys, and a computer.

A computer. At least it was a really big one of those clunky on-top-of-the-desk things instead of one of those thightops. Laptops. Whatever. But still. Where's the respect for his dignity?

Eliot is not happy about this arrangement. Not at all. He thinks it's demeaning and belittling, and he tells Nate so. He tells him that it's child abuse and that he refuses to participate in cons in such a degrading manner. He also informs him that he has a lawyer, Nate, a goddamned lawyer!

No matter that said lawyer is laughing his stupid ass off on the couch next to him and not helping at all.

"We could enroll you in school instead of giving you a part in the cons," Nate says, and the matter's settled.

Eliot's gonna put up with it, but only because he doesn't want to repeat second grade. He is still not happy about it. Very not happy. (And he can too color inside the lines and recite the multiplication table. Up to elevens. And occasionally remember how to do trigonometry. So there.)

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AN: Before you ask, yes, I am planning a "send Eliot to school" story, but I haven't gotten it written down yet. Still busy with non-fanfic stuff. Grr.