Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.

2. Oh! Christ on a bike!

Monday, August 4

12:39 pm, Train Station

Libby's train is arriving soon.

Moi not-so-loony teenage sister is visiting for le week.

It will be marvy to see Libby again.

Mutti tell moi that Libs has a boyfriend now.

Gosh... They grow up so quickly.

Libs is only thirteen.

1 minute later

Stood on the platform, holding the Hornmeister's hand.

'Is Kittykat excited to see Libs?'

'Vair much.' Dave wrapped his arm around moi.

Hmmm. I wonder if Libs' over the Hornmeister.

Libby's crush on Davey is a rather awkward fandango.

I'm sure Libs doesn't lobe the Hornmeister anymore.

5 minute later

Libby's train has arrived.

The Hornmeister followed, as moi ran up the platform.

I squealed and hugged Libs.

'Eww! Get off me you weirdo!' Charming.

Obviously my dearest sister doesn't remember her younger self.

'Fabbity to see you too, Libs.'

Libby smiled. 'Sorry Gingey.'

12:51 pm

The Hornmeister appeared next to moi.

'Lib-ster!' Libby looked tres tres horrified.

Dave laughed. 'Arr... You lobe that nickname really.'

'It's lame-osity.' Dave raised his eyebrows.

Libby raised her eyebrows higher.

I interrupted. 'Quick. The pants will escape.'

Libby and the Hornmeister just stared at moi.

The Hornmeister laughed like a loon.

3 minutes later, Walking Out the Station

Libby is complaining about the elderly loons.

The Hornmeister is dragging Libby's suitcase and holding moi's hand.

'They won't let moi have a shindig with her chums.'

'Arr Bitsy... Seems Kittykat has much to teach you.'

The Hornmeister laughed. 'Sex Kitten, you're not exactly a marvy role model.'

Charming. I biffed the Hornmeister in the abs.

'Kittykat. You were dancing on ye ole' table at our last shindig.'

Oh! Christ on a bike!

'The Hornmeister said he'd never mention that fandango again.'

Dave smiled. 'The Biscuit enjoyed Sex Kitten's table dancing antics.'

1 minute later

The Hornmeister is telling Libs about moi's drunken antics.

Dave's favourite story is one from moi's fresher's week.

He tells anyone that'll listen. Hmmm... And it features in his live show.

The nub 'n' gist of the story being that after many many drinks, Kittykat ended up prancing around le nightclub in her red lacy undercrackers... And the Hornmeister, being the fabbity horn partner that he was, took photos of Kittykat.

It was tres tres embarrassing.

1:19 pm, Garfunkel's a.k.a. Lunck

Libs is deciding what to order.

The Hornmeister raised his eyebrows at moi.

'Kittykat having her usual?'

I raised my eyebrows higher. 'Oui.'

'Libs?' Libby looked up from the menu.

'Err... Ham and mushroom pizza, please.'

3 minutes later

The Hornmeister has ordered the food.

'What has the Biscuit's favourite sister-in-law been doing with herself?'

Libs smiled. 'I'm the Biscuit's only sister-in-law.'

'Arr... That depends entirely on your opinion of Val.'

I interrupted. 'I'll speak to Mutti about the shindig Libs.'

Libs smiled wider. 'Thanks Gingey.' Dave raised his eyebrows at moi.

'The Lib-ster didn't answer the Biscuit's question.' I laughed.

Libby started dithering. 'Not... well... erm... not much. Like... I mean... went shopping with... erm... Zoe. J...Josh has... err... a new girlfriend... like totally... joined to his... lips. That's pretty... hmmm... gross...'

The Biscuit stopped Libs. 'No need to have a nervy b. on the Biscuit's account.'

Libby entered the land of the giant red loons.

1 minute later

Hmmm... Must remember to ask Libby what has her knickers in a twist.

Tuesday, August 5

1:04 pm

The Hornmeister is with his agent.

I am painting Libby's nails.

Libs is vair vair quiet. Must be thinking.

3 minutes later

Libby was inspecting her freshly painted nails.

'Georgia...' Awww. Libs' having a nervy b.

I raised moi's eyebrows.

Gadzooks. Not the waterworks Libs.

1 minute later

Hugging Libs.

'Get off! You'll smudge my nails!' I laughed.

'Libby... You know that can tell moi anything?'

Libs sniffled. Her eyeliner had already run.

'You'll think I'm a total floozy.'

I laughed. Again. 'Libby. I'm your sister.'

1 minute later

Running moi fingers through Libs hair.

'Is this about the gorgey bloke that Mutti was telling moi about?'

Libs glared at moi. I brushed back Libs hair.

1:15 pm

Libs was telling moi about Dexter. The boy she's currently dating.

'Dex is really sweet. He thinks he's funny but he really isn't. We snogged outside Foxwoods a few of weeks ago. I didn't mean to snog him. I was hiding behind a bush waiting to see Justin. I'm just leading Dex on and he's a really marvy bloke.'

Oh no... 'Who's Justin?' A small smile appeared on Libs' lips.

'Justin's a hockey player for Foxwoods. He's like totally gorgey... I had a pre-planned bumping into him incident at the park last weekend. I pretended that I jogged all the time and joined Justin on his jog. I almost died. On the bright side Justin now knows my name.'

Hmmm. Déjà vu.

'Is that all Bitsy?' Libs smiled.

'Justin is marvy. I rate him vair much. I just don't want to upset Dex.'

'Do you rate Dex? Even a little.'

Libby turned into a giant red loon.

'Maybe a little. He a vair gut snogger.'

1 minute later

Laughing like loons on loon tablets

Poor Bitsy has le general horn for Justin and Dexter.

'Bitsy... You must decide.'

'I have to think.' I smiled.

'I understand, Bitsy. I really do.' Libby hugged moi.

1 minute later

Hmmm. I'm going to tell Libs about our baby.

'Bitsy. I have something to tell you.'

Libs raised her eyebrows. 'What?'

I whispered into Libby's ear.

'I'm having a baby.' Libs' face fell.

'Really?' I nodded.


'With Dave?' Charming.

'Evidently... Your sister isn't a tart.'

Libs looked a little ashamed.

'Sorry Gee. That's really fab news.'

Libby hugged moi. Again.

4:52 pm

The Hornmeister is home.


2 minutes later, Breakfast Bar

The Biscuit is looking for plates.

I opened up the cartons of Chinese.

Dave had brought all moi's favourites.

1 minute later

The Hornmeister placed the plates in front of moi.

He wrapped his arms around moi's waist.

'The Biscuit even remembered the mango chutney.'

Hmmm. I snogged the Hornmeister.

Number 6.

4 minutes later

Libby interrupted. 'Erlack... That is tres tres gross.'

The Hornmeister winked.

Libby entered the land of red loon-osity.

I started to plate up dinner. Dave sat next to Libs.

'Has the Biscuit's sister-in-law found herself a horn partner?'

'Horn partner?' Libby raised her eyebrows.

Dave raised his higher. 'A bloke?'

'I... well... I mean... err... like... no.'

Awww. Libby is having minor tizz.

5:03 pm, Eating Dinner

I helped moi's self to some pink wafers.

The Hornmeister doesn't meddle with moi's cravings anymore.

Kittykat is vair vair grouchy pregger's lady.

'Eww... Gee that's gross.' The Biscuit laughed.

'Don't irritate Kittykat, Libs. Kittykat is tres violent.'

I biffed Dave. 'Why can't moi eat pink wafers dipped in chutney!'

The Hornmeister ran his fingers through moi's hair.

'Kittykat can eat whatever she likes.'

Hmmm. I must be a little hormonal.

A.N. Thought I'd swing by with this chapter. I have exams over the next few weeks so my write time is restricted. I have summer holidays after exams though, so I'll stay writing more regularly. Aim's over the summer is to get '... And so Kittykat is the only Loon in My Cosmic Bowl' finished and the continue work on my other two Georgia Nicolson stories. They are plans for a sequel to '... And so Kittykat is the only Loon in My Cosmic Bowl.' but it'll take me a little while to figure out the plot and what's going to happen. Hope you love this chapter. Love RoxannetheLaugh x