A/N: Holy crap. It has been ages! Welcome back to the land of craziness! I missed you all! I hope that life has been good to all of you!

Fun Fact: This is a legit thing I thought about having.

Disclaimer: Yeah, I still own nothing.

The Shower

"Alec, on a scale of one to ten, how cool do you think having a talking shower would be?"

Now we all know that this isn't the strangest question Magnus had ever asked, so of course it barely even caught Alec off guard.

"A talking shower? Magnus, come on, seriously?" Alec sighed looking at his boyfriend. Magnus chuckled.

"Just think about it! It could help you make life decisions. It could be one of your closest friends! Doesn't that seem cool?"

"Uh, Magnus," Alec said, "I really don't want a shower as a best friend. That's creepy."

"Fine. Whatever. Crushing my dreams.. AGAIN!" Magnus whined. Alec laughed but was a bit unsure. He had a feeling that this wasn't over.


Alec stretched and sat up in bed. He looked at his boyfriend next to him and smiled softly. The fact that Magnus was his still made his heart flutter. He slowly pushed the blankets off of him, careful not to wake the warlock. His feet hit the cold floor and he shivered, quickly standing up and retrieving some clothing before heading to the bathroom. Closing the door behind him, Alec turned the shower on, waiting until it was warm enough before stripping and stepping under the water. He stood in silence for a few moments, just letting the water calmly flow down his body.

"Good morning, Alexander!" Alec jumped at the sound. What was that? That wasn't Magnus.

"Hello?" Alec asked quietly.

"Hello!" the voice said. Alec turned around and looked at the wall where the shower head was. That's when it struck him.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me." Alec muttered under his breath. He lifted his hand and tapped the showerhead.

"Please, don't touch that. I'm quite sensitive." the voice had a slight British accent. Alec lowered his hand, turned back around, and tried to forget what had just happened. But oh no! That wasn't possible. "Alexander, since we are going to spend quite some time together, you can call me 'Greg'." Alec just shook his head and washed up as quickly as humanly possible. Stepping out of the shower, Alec wrapped a towel around his waist and stormed out of the bathroom, ignoring the "Goodbye, Alexander!" Greg said. Reaching the bedroom, Alec stood by Magnus' side of the bed and yelled,


The warlock groggily lifted his head and smiled at Alec.

"Good morning, love. What seems to be the problem?" Magnus lolled, stretching out his body.

"Magnus, why in hell does our shower speak?" Alec tried to keep from smothering the other man.

"Ah, but you already know the answer to that one! Greg is going to be so useful! It's going to be amazing, darling!" Magnus smiled. The nerve of him. Alec covered his face with his hands and walked out of the room. He decided breakfast would be a good thing right now. Magnus giggled and stood up, before heading to the bathroom himself to test out their new friend.

About an hour later, the warlock emerged from the steamy room looking fabulous. He met Alec in the kitchen, who was staring into his coffee cup as if it would show him the future.. Or a way to destroy the world. Either one would do at that moment.

"Greg says that we should go to the park today." Magnus said, getting himself breakfast. Alec sighed the longest sigh that could be possible.

"Since when did Greg join our relationship?" Alec spat out the name like it was poison. Magnus gaped at him.

"Alexander! You watch your tone. Greg is a part of this raspberry famjam even if you don't like it! So take off the diaper and put on your big boy undies because you need to live with it." Alec just rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath. "So come on! Let's go to the park!" Magnus yanked Alec's arm and dragged him out the door in record time.

Surprisingly, Greg was right. It was a good thing they went to the park because they had the greatest time there. They stayed for almost the whole day, eating ice cream, walking around, laughing at the people who wiped out. You know the usual.

The next week went on like that. Just add in Shadowhunting and a few hundred annoying clients that Magnus wanted to strangle. Alec had learned to ignore Greg, pretending that he wasn't there. It was an okay setup until..

It was late afternoon one day. Alec had just gotten in from Shadowhunting and was dying, figuratively, for a shower. Magnus was somewhere in the flat doing whatever it was that Magnus did. Once he stepped into the shower, frickin' Greg was right on his case.

"Good evening, Alexander." the voice seemed to purr. Alec ignored that little crap like usual. "You know," Greg continued, "From what Magnus has told me, you are a very beautiful creature." Alec slightly blushed but still said nothing. That seemed to encourage the useless machine. "You're too perfect for him, Alexander. Much too amazing." what was happening? Was Greg actually hitting on him? This was new. "Run away with me, Alexander! Be with me, not that Magnus thing!"

That's when Alec snapped.

"Listen here you little shit," Alec spoke in a scary calm voice. "The only reason you're around now is because I know Magnus would be mad if I tore you out of the wall. Run away with you? Are you high? You are a showerhead. You can't even move. Plus, I would never leave Magnus. Not now, not ever." with that Alec exited the shower. Like a boss. Proud of himself, Alec later found Magnus walking towards him and quickly moved closer. Magnus grinned and went to say something but before he could, Alec had their lips pressed together. That led to other activities *COUGH* Sexy times *COUGH* which lasted the rest of that fabulous day.


Alec was chilling in dreamland, it was a beautiful day. He was at a quiet beach listening to the water. His world was shattered by screaming. Alec shot up in bed and looked around for Magnus, fearing the worst. He jumped out of bed only to get tangled in the blankets and flop down on his face. Groaning he kicked and wiggled until he was free before scrambling up and searching for Magnus. He found the warlock in the bathroom. Yelling at Greg. Finally.

"Listen hear, son!" Magnus shrieked.

"I am not your son." Greg said.

"I put you in this world therefore, you are my son. NOT ANYMORE THOUGH! I'm disowning you. I brought you into this world with love and you threw that love away like it was some burnt, nasty ass, gross cookie. Well not up in here. I won't stand for that! NOT UP IN MY KITCHEN! You're a moldy piece of cheese compared to me. I'm a fabulous, awesome cherry." Magnus went on with his rant. Alec was still trying to figure out why his boyfriend was comparing them to a piece of cheese and a cherry. To each their own he supposed. He was quite shocked however when Magnus grabbed his hand, pulled him out of the bathroom, closed the door and snapped his fingers. A loud boom was heard and the apartment shook. Smoke came out from underneath the bathroom door. Alec gaped as Magnus opened the door and more smoke poured out. Coughing, they stepped back in.

"Magnus, was that really necessary? You could've just pulled him out instead of blowing up the whole freakin' bathroom!" Alec tried to swat the remaining smoke away from his face.

"He didn't deserve to live. That douche nozzle." Magnus spat. Alec cleared his throat.

"Uh, what did he do anyways?" he hoped that he didn't bring up what happened the other day.

"Bitch insulted my hair. You don't do that under my roof. I am the man, the boss, the pimp, the master. That is a no no!" Magnus huffed. Alec laughed in relief.

"Well, if it helps, I think your hair is amazing."

"Thanks, love. That's why you're my favorite now."

"I wasn't your favorite before?" Alec asked. Magnus blinked.

"I said no such thing!" Magnus hugged Alec close. "You have always been my special muffin." Alec smirked and they pulled apart. "Now, let's get this place organized."

That was the last time Magnus tried to bring any objects to life. For that month anyways.

The End

A/N: Thanks for reading. I know it's not a good one but this'll have to do for now. I love you guys! Has anybody seen the Mortal Instruments movie yet? I'm unsure if I want to see it. Anyways, how about a wonderful review? Until next time! Xoxo.