Hey guys! So this is my first attempt at writing a fic.. and I hope its ok!
I owe a huge thanks to Coconutters for convincing me to write in the first place. Without her, I probably wouldn't have even attempted this. I also want to say thanks to my awesome beta Freewaffles! I have definitely been a pain in the ass, but she has been great.
Going to be T for now.. may change in later chapters but I'm not sure
Disclaimer: I own nothing! as upsetting as that is :(
Moving back is going to be hard. After being away for nine months I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back to the humiliation of being a Lima loser. If anyone found out about my secret then matters would be even worse. Why did I even decide to come back?
Oh, yeah; I have nowhere else to go.
After packing up everything I had brought with me, which wasn't all that much, as well as Skylar's things, we begin our journey from Pittsburgh to Lima.
Skylar luckily sleeps soundly for most of the trip. I don't know how I would handle this drive if she were crying the whole time; it breaks my heart to listen to her cry and not be able to help. Although I would have preferred flying, bringing a five-month-old on a plane would not have been a good idea.
When we finally cross Lima city lines I begin having mixed feeling. By the time we reach the house I'm still unsure, but some of my uncertainty has subsided.
After everything that went down here before I seriously cannot believe that I am back here again. And yet, here I am.
Unfortunately, my dads were quite thorough in their disownment and packed up my entire room and left everything in boxes in the basement. All that was left was my bed and my dresser, both of which were stripped and bare.
This is going to be so much fun.
My first week back was hectic, to say the least.
I managed to get Skylar all unpacked and set up in my old bedroom and had unpacked my things in the master bedroom next door to Skylar. I managed to find a babysitter for Sky as well. I did not want to have to bring her to a day care center at this age, but I would have had to if I wasn't able to find someone to watch her. No matter how much I hated the fact, I did still need to go to school after all.
Barbara is a godsend. I had found her name on a nanny site on Tuesday morning and she conveniently had an opening to meet with me later that day. When the older, graying woman showed up I'dfallen in love with her almost immediately. She had years of experience taking care of infants, and Sky seemed to take just as easily to Barbara as Barbara did to Sky. It usually takes a lot for my baby to trust new people; she's used to being with me most of the time. My aunt and uncle in Pittsburgh pretty much left us alone most of the time, not bothering to get to know Skylar, and that was fine with me because. I did not want Sky getting hurt in anyway by them.
The only thing that I regret by making Skylar so dependent on me is that she cries whenever I leave her with someone else. I was pleasantly surprised, after leaving the two for a moment to use the bathroom, to return to Skylar giggling while Barb tickled her feet. Needless to say, Barbara was hired on the spot. She even offered to start immediately so that I could get everything settled before I had to start school the following Monday. After Barb began working for us things went pretty smoothly.
That brings us up to the present. I hopped off the elliptical and showered earlier, and am currently getting dressed before I go to check to see if Sky is up so I can get her ready and start to feed her before Barb gets here. Because I haven't yet developed a set schedule, I decided to get up extra early so that I can get everything done and still be on time for school. I'm probably going to be exhausted later, but it is worth it if I manage to get everything done.
I look at myself in the mirror while I am waiting for my curling iron to heat up. I am wearing a light blue tank top with a white t-shirt over it with dark blue shorts that have stress holes in them. I really hope I get through the day without being slushied; I really like this outfit and getting food coloring out of it would be hell. Maybe just the fact that I lost the ugly sweaters and skirts will be enough to save me from the torment.
I doubt it.
I never really liked my old outfits anyway, but my dads bought them for me and I just wanted to make them happy. I used to do anything thing to make them happy, I think that's why they took the pregnancy so badly.
I quickly finish up my hair and walk into Sky's room just as she is starting the stir. When she finally opens up those big brown eyes she looks over at me and gives me one of her huge smiles that never fails to put a smile on my face. She raises her little arms for me to pick her up and I oblige instantly, giving her a big kiss on the cheek that elicits a giggle out of the little girl.
"Good morning, baby. Did you sleep well?" I ask her while I lay her down on the changing table. In return I receive a bunch of babbles, which I occasionally respond to just too keep our makeshift conversation going. After I have her in a fresh diaper and a cute pink onesie, I put a bib on her and sit on the couch to start feeding her.
I've started cutting back on breastfeeding her since I am going to be gone more often, but I just can't bring myself to stop all together. The time that I spend breastfeeding her is really special to me; it gives us connection that is inexplicable. So, I made the decision that I am just going to breastfeed her first meal of the day and right before I put her to bed at night. The rest of her meals will be pureed fruits and veggies and cereal, which she really is still not too fond of, and milk that I have already pumped for Barb to feed her throughout the day. I have also been trying to get her to start to drink formula just because it is easier but she seems to detest it. Every time I try to feed it to her she throws a fit.
Just as I am burping Skylar the doorbell rings signaling Barb's arrival. I get off the couch with Sky's head resting on my shoulder as I try to get one more burp out of her and go to let Barb in. As I open the door Sky finally gives me the burp that I was looking for but also managed to spit up on the spit rag on my shoulder, getting a little bit on her onesie as well.
"Well good morning to you too Miss Skylar," Barb jokes as she watches me clean off the baby's face with the rag I just took off of my shoulder. "Rachel, why don't you go finish getting ready for school and I will clean up the Little Princess for you," she offers, and for the first time I look at the clock and realize that I am indeed going to be late if I don't finish getting ready and get out the door soon.
"That sounds like it is probably a good idea," I respond as I run up the stairs towards my room where my backpack is while throwing a 'thank you' back down the stairs towards Barb. Once I finally have all my things ready for my first day at school I run back downstairs and find Barb sitting on the recliner in the living room with Baby Einstein blurring from the television while rocking Skylar back and forth. For the most part Sky is quietly cooing in her arms as her eyelids are starting to droop shut again.
"You really are amazing with her," I comment. "It is actually impressive how quickly you got her to trust you; it is seriously making this transition so much easier on the both of us. I honestly do not know to thank you."
"Rachel, you don't have to do anything to thank me. This is what I am here for," she tells me with a smile. "I am willing to help in whatever way I can."
I smile back at her and lean down to kiss my daughter on the head. Standing, I look at the clock once more and realize I really have to get going.
"Alright, school lets out at 2:30 and I am supposed to have a club meeting after that will be about an hour long. If you need me to come back straight from school just text me and let me know; it shouldn't be a problem," I tell her and she just laughs at me and shakes her head.
"I see no reason why you would have to skip out on your club meeting, but if it makes you feel better I will abide by those terms." She is still laughing at me but I cannot help but be paranoid that once I leave Skylar is going to throw a fit.
"Well, I have to be going" I say reluctantly, realizing now just how hard it is going to be to stay away from my baby for eight hours straight.
Barb must notice my hesitance because she gives me a soft smile. "Everything is going to be fine. You deserve to be a teenager for at least eight hours, so go!" She gives another full laugh and a little shove to get me on my way. I just smile at her again and lean down to Sky for one more kiss.
I was planning on using the drive to school as time to calm myself down, but now that I am in the car and am confident that Skylar is in good hands, I am starting to become nervous about just how my first day back at McKinley is going to go. I am close to a panic attack when I finally pull into a parking spot.
As soon as I am out of the car I can hear the whispers start and I feel like everyone is staring at me. I really just want to get back into my car and run away back to my house where my beautiful baby girl is, but I know that I have to do this. I take a few seconds to collect myself and start to walk towards the double doors that lead the hell that is McKinley High.
I have been hearing the rumors going around all morning. I don't know if I want to believe them though. I mean, Rachel just got up and left right after Sectionals last year without a word; what are the chances that she would just randomly show back up again? Although I don't know why the idiots at this school would start a rumor about her being back if she wasn't, I still don't want to get my hopes up that she is back if she really is not. I am so deep in thought that I don't even notice Brittany sit down next to me until she lays her head on my shoulder.
"What's up B? I didn't think that we had class together until sixth period today." She looks up at me with a really confused look on her face.
"I thought this was sixth…" She looks around like there was magically going to be something that lets her know exactly what period she is sitting in. "I just figured since I have been moving around so much that it must be sixth period and when I saw you I just followed you in here."
I just look at her for a third because honestly how much moving around could she have been doing this morning so far? "Britt, it's only third period," I tell her and she just looks around again.
"But we don't have third period together S so you must be wrong" She is completely serious right now. How do I even respond to that logic? She seems to be settling into her seat so I guess she is going to sit through my third period class. "Anyway, have you heard that Rachie is back?" she asks excitedly while bouncing up and down in her seat.
"Yeah, I've heard rumors, but do you really think that they are true? I mean, why would she just come back? Obviously she left for a reason, and I doubt that she would just come back. Plus, if she was coming back don't you think that she would make a huge to do about it all? This is Rachel Berry we are talking about. She would have thrown a party for herself or something equally lame like that."
Brittany stops her bouncing and is now slumped in her seat pouting. "But wouldn't it be awesome if she really was back? We could totally use her for glee, and even though she talks in words that are way too big I still kinda miss her. And I know you do to, even if you are still in Nar-." As soon as her last sentence starts up and lunge over to cover her mouth since she is talking way too loud and is seriously about to out me to the entire class. I look around and thankfully it doesn't seem like anyone is really paying attention to us.
I never actually told Brittany about my feelings for the diva, but she somehow figured it out. Actually, B told me that I loved Rachel last year and I thought she was crazy. We ended up in my room arguing about how she was wrong and she had no idea what she was talking about. After she left that night (okay, so I kicked her out), I started to think about it more and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried myself to sleep that night because I realized that after all the shit I had done to Rachel, she could never possibly love me back. I still have my hand over Britt's mouth when I feel her bottom lip protrude out even more and I know that when I move my hand I am going to see her signature pout. I am proven correct when I move my hand away from her face.
"That was not very nice," she says as her pout gets impossibly bigger.
"I'm sorry, but you have to be careful what you are screaming in the middle of Classrooms, B," I say and then lean closer to her and whisper to her. "And you know why I am not out yet, B; if I were to come out no one in this place would respect me, and I just can't have that." I lean back a little more so I can see her whole face and it seems like she's not even listening to me anymore. She's staring at the door with a huge smile on her face. I follow her line of sight and when my eyes hit the petite brunette that everyone seems to be talking about today my jaw drops.
Not only is Rachel really back but she is wearing normal clothes. Correction: cute clothes. She looks amazing but also seems to be a little run down. She is still just standing in the doorway, just looking around the classroom, and I wonder why she isn't taking a seat. I get my answer when I look around the classroom myself and realize that there are no open seats. Apparently this classroom had just enough seats for everyone in the class and since B technically doesn't belong here, there is a shortage of seats.
"B, you need to go to your own classroom," I tell my best friend which again causes a pout to form on her lips. "I'm sorry, but there aren't enough seats in here for you to stay," I try to reason with her, but it doesn't seem to be working because the pout doesn't move and neither does she. "If you stay then Rachel won't be able to sit and she will have to stand the entire time," I try, and it seems to work because her pout turns into a frown and she nods her head.
"Okay, but only for Rachie," she responds with a sudden smile which I return as she gets up and leaves. I don't really know why or when Brittany became so protective of Rachel, but last year right before Rachel left Britt started to get very defensive whenever someone said something to or about Rachel. She even tried to hang out with Rachel a couple of times but the diva always turned her down. This caused me to have to get involved since no one makes Britt sad and gets away with it. But whenever I went up to Rachel and threatened her if she didn't do whatever B wanted, she would just shrug at me and say sorry then walk away. It was so strange. Then she disappeared.
I guess I got lost in thought again, because the next thing I know I feel someone tapping me on the shoulder. I look up and open my mouth to tell who ever it is to leave me the hell alone when I see that it is Rachel. "I, ah, can I sit here?" she stutters out. At first I just stare at her because I haven't ever seen Rachel like this before. Even before she left she didn't seem scared of me, or anyone for that matter, but right now she seemed like she was terrified. "There- there's no other seats, or I, ah, wouldn't ask," she says after a second. I guess she thinks I am going to say no to her request since I took so long to answer.
"Oh, yeah sure, whatever," I say, trying to seem nonchalant about the whole thing. In reality I am so glad that Brittany came into the wrong class and accidentally saved a seat next to me for Rachel.
Rachel sits down and takes out a notebook and pencil and waits for class to start. She has pretty much kept her head down since she got into class, and it is starting to worry me a bit. She has never been like this. Even if she didn't feel it she always made sure people thought that she was confident and poised, even after a slushy attack. But right now, she is not even looking up from the desk. She hasn't made eye contact with me once. I have to figure out what is going on with her.
"How was your summer? And, you know, the end of your year?" I realize how lame I just sounded, but there is nothing I can do about it; after I realized how I felt about Rachel it became even harder for me to talk to her. When she finally looked up from the desk she was giving me a confused look, frowning, but still did not say anything. "What, do I have something on my face?" I ask trying to make a joke, but instead of laughing her frown just got deeper.
"Why are you talking to me? Usually if you are not spouting out random insults or nasty names you're just ignoring my presence." She asks while keeping eye contact with me. I can tell that she is forcing herself not to look away, but still she's keeping contact.
"Well, a lot can change in a nine months," I say with a small smile that I can't seem to keep off my face, even though I am trying to keep up my badass persona. What threw me off what the small "I'll say" that Rachel mumbled to herself, because it didn't seem like she was talking about me. Her eyes seemed to get distant, like she was somewhere inside her own head where no one could find her.
I was about to ask her what she meant by it but as I started to ask our teacher walked into the classroom to begin class. When I looked back to Rachel she seemed to snap out of the land inside her head and started to write what the teacher was saying in her notebook.
When the bell rang signaling the end of third period I expected Rachel to race out of the room. But instead she was texting someone on her phone and didn't even seem to realize that the class has ended.
"Must be someone important for you to text during class," I say, making another attempt at a joke, hoping that I will be able to get through. It seems like it actually worked this time as she looks up to me and cracks the smallest smile.
"It is" is all I get as she starts to pack up her stuff so to leave for third.
"What class you got next?" I ask so that I don't seem like a creeper as I watch her pack up.
"You don't have to wait for me Santana, I have a free period anyway so I'm in no rush, unlike you who probably has an academic class that you are going to be late for if you keep dawdling," she says as she looks up from the bag she is packing.
"Well, seeing as I have a free also, I don't see that happening," I say with a smile. Now that we are alone in the room I don't have to protect my rep by keeping up appearances. "You want to go get some coffee or lunch or something, I mean, senior lunch is fifth period so we have plenty of time and all..." Man why do I sound like such an idiot? I have game! Where is it?
"Actually, since as you said there is plenty of time I think I am just going to run home for break instead, but thanks for the offer Santana," she says as she swings her bag around her shoulder. I can't help the look of dejection that crosses my features before I manage to wipe it off. "You have been the only one who has been nice to me all day," she continues, "which in and of itself is strange." She gives me a strange look like she is trying to figure out where the catch is but then gives me another small smile. "I really appreciate it." She finishes as she starts to walk towards the door of the classroom.
I smile at her again; this actually seems a little bit like progress. But my smile quickly fades when I comprehend the rest of the sentence, the part that wasn't about me. "What do you mean that I am the only one being nice to you? Haven't the others from Glee come up to you and told you how happy they are that your back?" I ask because, really, the entire club should be glad that our star is back.
"Well, technically Brittany gave me a smile and hug when she walked out of our class before but I never really expected anything else from Britt; she's nice to everyone," she says with a smile as she opens up her locker and I lean against the one next to it and proceed to give dirty looks to anyone who even thinks about looking in our direction.
"But, besides that, no, I have definitely not been welcomed back with open arms from the rest of the club. In fact it has been almost the opposite,. Kurt and Mercedes came up the me as soon as they heard that I was back and let me know that just because I am back does not mean that I will be lead again," she says coolly as if it does not upset her, even though I can see in her eyes that it really does. This alone makes my blood start to heat up. The worst part is that I can tell that she's not done.
"Then there was Finn who came up to me between first and second to let me know that he is now happy with Quinn and that my return will not reignite the spark between us, which lead me to believe that Quinn had actually wrote that script for him to say. Nonetheless, he made it clear that he also did not want to sing anymore duets with me," she says as she zips her back and closes her locker.
At his point my blood is boiling. She hasn't even been back for a full day and not only has the school been talking about her the entire time, but the club, the group of people who were supposed to be a family, completely made her feel unwelcome! Without her there would be no Glee club! It would have ended before it even got a chance to begin!
"You know what? Just ignore them," I say, and she looks up at me with even more confusion in her eyes. "They are just jealous of your talent, and well, Quinn's just a bitch." At this, she let out a little giggle and I decided that I will do anything to hear it again.
"Well that may be, but I am still debating whether I really want to rejoin Glee this year" I almost fell over at this confession. She can't just not come back to Glee! "I have more important things to worry about right now and while I would love to be part of that family again and help to bring us to a national win, I really don't want to be anywhere that I am not welcomed," she exclaims and looks down at her feet. "Anyway, it was nice talking to you Santana, but I really must be on my way."
And with that and a little wave of her hand she starts to walk towards the doors that lead to the parking lot.
So i know that things seem really confusing right now! Slowly but surely things will start to make sense.. If there is anything that you are really confused about let me know and I'll try to clear it up for you!
Thanks for reading! please review to let me know what you think!