Action and reaction. A subject they teach us ever since children. In biology: every phenomenon will make another happen. In physics, Newton's third law: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. They even teach it in kindergartner, for Christ's sake! Any and every little thing you do will have a consequence, may it be good or not. And oh, the bad consequences…
Gravity can cause an object to meet the ground. A touch can cause a sigh to escape one's lips. If a domino fall, it can cause for the rest of the line to plummet. A sigh can cause questioning glances. Questioning glances can lead to suspicion. Suspicion leads to questioning. Questioning leads to tension. Tension leads to outbreaks.
… And let me tell you, when holding a sinful feeling, outbreaks can be your worst enemies.
Outbreaks… they lead to my favorite girl's tears. A gasp. Denial. She wanted to run away… But I couldn't let her.
I kept her from running. I held her back.
"Look me in the eye"
"How long have you felt this way?"
A question… A question I'm not only unwilling to answer, but to which I have no answer. I don't know…
A sob. I couldn't take her sobs. She was the cheeriest person I knew. My own personal sunshine- my egoism clearly palpable in the very statement.
"Please forgive me"
Another sob, more tears forming in her sky blue eyes. They now resembled the ocean more than sky- wet and dark from crying.
Then, I asked her for the impossible.
Pain, stinging, sharp, violent pain. The source? No, not my soul, it was beyond ashes now. No, the source was surprisingly… my left cheek?
She'd… slapped me?
"How can you ask me that?"
I'm a coward. Why? Because I only looked away and swallowed.
"It'll be the best for you-"
"I'm tired of people wanting to decide what's best or not for me!"
She fell to her knees and, as if tied by ropes, as if attracted by magnets, I fell too. She cried. I couldn't take it. She was my flesh. My half. My whole. My love.
"Please-" I begged, her crying was, unbeknownst to all, my worst torture.
She looked into my eyes. "How can you tell me to forget the best thing that's ever happened to me?"
And, as I've said before, every action triggers a reaction.
The action? Her lips unexpectedly posing themselves on my own.
The reaction? Too brute to translate to words.
I remember pushing her to the wall. Remember, hazily remember, hearing her moan my name. Remember, clearly remember, my body reacting to it.
My memories are hazy from that point on- too much adrenaline, too much release, too much of her, too much of everything.
In the few moments I regained the tiniest bit of consciousness, I remember reaching a conclusion, as simple and logic as Newton's very own laws: I was solely a reaction: the action? Her. I lived for her and moved around her. Unfortunately I discovered another side to the formula. This sides action? Still her. My reaction? Control loss.
And because my relationship with fate is bittersweet, my sister chose that sole moment to announce: "Mom and dad went to visit grandmère and grandpère. They won't be back until Monday"
Three days. Three whole days. No tie-backs. No restrictions.
Oh, but in mind, my apparently monstrous mind, they weren't three whole days. They were three whole nights.
I, out of character and control, asked my twin. "Are you aware of your own affirmation? Of what it means?"
She nodded solemnly, her breathing still erratic from our delirious, rampant kiss. Her chest moved up and down as fast and seemingly rhythmless as a hummingbirds wings. Her chest…
No, it couldn't be this easy.
"Would you like to pass the weekend at Miku's place?"
She moved her head no.
Another head-shake no.
"I want to pass this weekend with you"
I tried warning her. I swear I did, I looked at her meaningfully, and, just as I was about to open my mouth and warn her verbally, she cut me off.
"Do my feelings have a say in this?"
She took a deep breath. "Do you have an idea of how many years I've loved you?"
This mustn't be a dream, I'm sure this is a dream.
Hurt. On both sides.
"I thought you meant it"
"I thought you wouldn't joke around with a subject such as love" A sob "For a second I thought you loved me"
"I do love you"
Surprise, mostly my own.
"And I love you"
"Aren't you afraid?"
The truth. Fear. Would we never be forgotten.
Then an impact.
"Afraid of what?"
In that simple sentence, only three words long, she exposed all her thoughts. Society? Ha, they've got worse under their sleeves. Same blood? Don't all humans have blood? Oh, wait, we're both A-type… aren't another million people? Faces? Yours is the most beautiful in the world.
I smiled. Nothing mattered. Only she did.
But, as I said, fate and I, we shared a bittersweet relationship. Why? It knows just what to do to make me be the worst of me. And in front of whom I care the most for, to top it off.
But well, I've to admit, Rin isn't too innocent either.
I wish she were.
… But I wish she wasn't at the same time,
Because at that moment, just when hope had started to shine down on my twisted thoughts, I lost control.
How? Action and reaction. And this time, I completely blame my action. Why? Because she imprisoned me between the wall and herself, straddled my waist and gently whispered in my ear.
And the reaction began.
I don't recall exactly how we reached my room. Can't quite say the exact order in which the clothes came off. I only have a hazy, very, very hazy, memory of the last couple of hours.
And shame, because they truly were my best.
My memories regain clearness and composure merely moments ago, when I found an angel, my own personal sunshine- more mine now than ever- laying, fast asleep on my chest, her bare skin keeping my own warm from the harsh winter air just outside the window.
I smiled, still in a daze, even if my body sore.
I looked down at her face. She looked oddly calm, but so felt I.
I sighed. Our relationship so far was, in a word, an impulse. I'd have to fix that. I smiled. But I still had two whole nights ahead of me.
I took in a deep breath. I felt tired, but too alive to even consider sleep. So instead, I thought. Thought and reflected both life, principles and this flamboyant evening.
So now, as I caress my favorite, short strands of sunny-blond hair, still glowing even if only illuminated by the slightest rays of frivolous moonlight, I think I've finally figured out why I've always done so well in physics.