Loki Who

A/N: Good grief I can't believe it took so long to get an update out, I still feel awful about that. BUT, here's chapter nineteen :B

Chapter Nineteen

Well, enjoy, I hope ^^;


It's….all black


Loki wasn't sure if he had his eyes open or closed. It was anyone's guess. Or, well, just his guess as it turned out, no one else was in this black void he seemed to be floating through.

'Or….' Loki thought. 'Maybe I'm drowning.'

He frowned, he was a demi-god, those didn't just drown. Breathing in deep, Loki found his chest felt heavy, like a boulder were sitting on it quite happily and not preparing to move any time soon. Gritting his teeth he growled out lowly, he hurt and he felt as if he were both burning and drowning, which made no sense. Aggravation and anxiety both crept up on Loki, making the confusing situation all the more unsettling. All he remembered was that the battle was over. Hadn't they won? Hadn't Tony carried him from the castle and left Doom's broken, battered body on the floor to bleed out? The Trickster thought they had, but….but what if they hadn't?

What if it had been a dream, and this ….this was still his dream. What if he had yet to waken! What if….what if he was still trapped, imprisoned not only in Doom's dungeons, but his own mind as well! That meant Tony….everything he'd said, everything he'd done….none of it….none of it had been real.

None of it….


Fury watched as Tony worked over Loki, following the orders Banner was giving him over the intercom. The others stayed quiet for the most part, apart from the quiet talking between Fury and Natasha. The Widow was doing her best to help Hawkeye, his chest slit wide open and coating the bright metal floor of the carrier with not only his blood, but Loki's as well. Thor flew outside beside them, protecting the small air carrier when it needed it. They had to get back into the states as soon as possible. Looking back at Tony, Nick watched, the billionaire working quickly, trying to stabilize the Trickster. Loki himself was still, a limp, lifeless arm dangling off of the seats he was laid out on. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was shallow and silent. It was unnerving to see the Demi-god so weak. His life was hanging by a thread and no one but Banner knew what to do, however the scientist was in New York, which was still over a days journey.

Both Hawkeye and Loki had one foot in deaths door, and Nick wasn't about to let either walk off. Knowing Clinton was in safe hands with Natasha, Fury hurried over to Stark, wiping the archers blood on his jeans, trying to clean his hands the best he could. Then, going onto the other side of the table, Fury quickly began helping Tony, ignoring the shocked look Tony and Rogers gave him. He wasn't about to let several weeks of work to go to waste. Keeping Loki alive had apparently become his pastime. However, Fury once again didn't have it in him to sit by and idly watch someone die, no matter what they'd done. And for Loki, Fury's devotion turned out to be his salvation, for Nick knew much more about quick medical care then Stark.


Loki started to panic. This wasn't right, it didn't make sense. He'd worked out his little problem of memoires and control, and had sent his other half to the back of his mind, locking him away safe and sound once again. However now, memories that he'd long since shoved away spilled into his mind, memories that not even his other half had recovered. Loki breathed harder as black spots in his memory lightened, coming into the light and shattering the calm he'd fought so long to build. Loki tried to fight away the onslaught; however he was paralyzed, unable to move, both physically and mentally. He had no control over anything now, not even his own mind, and Loki could do nothing but try and scream, however his throat was burning, choking on itself from the fire that had to be blazing inside.


Bruce jumped when the almost deathly still body he'd been leaning over suddenly shot to life, a strangle gag ringing through the air as Loki thrashed, clawing at his throat. Banner barked for help as Loki's hands shot up, grabbing at the breathing tube pushed deep into his throat. The Demi-god's brilliant green eyes were wide open and staring at the ceiling, blazing and seeming to glow despite the bright light of the early morning. Fighting against the two men, Loki arched high, the stitches in his side stretching and pulling at his pale, weak skin, blood running thinly from the wound after a moment. Growling Tony grabbed Loki's wrist and held tight. The Trickster might have regained his memories and himself, but he hadn't regained his powers. While he was unreasonably strong for someone so horribly sick at the moment, he was still no stronger than an average person.

Thor had stated that even after Loki had recovered physically; it would take months to regain all of his power. Which meant Loki would be human for a little while longer, no matter how much he would dislike it when he woke. Ragged coughing brought Stark out of his thoughts and he looked to Loki, who gagged and tried to pull his hands free, his eyes squeezed shut as his throat tried to rid itself of the breathing tube. Looking down at the Trickster and shifting both of Loki's thin wrist into one hand, Tony leaned closer, putting his lips at the Demi-god's ear and placing his free hand softly on Loki's sweat drenched chest.

"Stay still Loki." He hummed softly. "You'll only make things worse if you fight. The tube has to stay in. It's the only reason you're breathing right now."

Stark's voice was soft and smooth, offering some small comfort to the confused and panicked Trickster, who calmed and stalled in his weak protest. Loki coughed roughly, strained tears glistened in his eyes and the searing green orbs turned wearily to Tony, searching for his deep, dark brown eyes.

Tony smiled softly when Loki's eyes landed on him. "Hi," Tony said lazily, running his hand through the demi-god's damp, ebony hair.

Loki tried to speak, however no words came. Weather it was from the tube shoved down his throat, or the fact that he was exhausted, he didn't know. Letting his eyes slip closed, Loki began to fade once again and soon returned to his bleak, black void. Tony watched Loki fall back into his stupor, his breathing labored and pained. Looking to Banner, Stark frowned worriedly.

"How long does the tube have to stay in?" He asked, mainly for conversation.

Bruce stalled. "I don't know. The infection is bad Tony….even Loki's heart has been damaged by it. The infection's put a lot of strain on his body." Banner said, watching as Stark swallowed hard at the news. Bruce would have liked to keep Tony in the dark for as long as possible, but, he knew it would be wrong to hide it. Banner knew Tony had to know.

"Until he gets stronger, the tube has to stay in. I honestly think it'll be a few days to a week before he's able to breathe on his own." Bruce said, his dark eyes layered with sympathy as he looked from Loki to Stark.

Tony sighed as he gently laid Loki's hands back down, and letting his own rest on the Trickster's head. Loki was so cold, but burning up with fever. Stark didn't say anything, and Bruce shifted, both for relief and because of the odd silence. He didn't know what had happened to Loki or Tony in the time that he'd not seen them; however the change in both was obvious. While they both seemed exactly the same, and in many ways acted as such, something drastic had changed, something important.


Loki was floating again, this time vivid memories floating with him. He watched idly as his life passed before his eyes, smiling as he saw his beautiful mother and her gentle smile. Her smiles were always so full of love, even toward him, the little black sheep of the family. He had loved his mother; she had always been so good to him, even when he didn't deserve it. She was at one time, the only thing he'd come to care about, to love. However, just like everything else with Loki, that to had come and gone. He held his mother at arm's length now, and made sure never to let her get to close. He distrusted her just like the rest of the world, for despite her good intentions, she too had lied to him. And she to, had abused him, just like the rest of Asgard. However her fault in his abuse was not acting, not protecting someone she claimed to be her child, from the tortures the Trickster had to endure. She had abandoned him and idly and almost contently stood by as her child was attacked and tormented. She had failed horribly in her role as a mother, and for that, Loki would never forgive her. He had needed one person, only one, to stand by his side, and the one person who was supposed to do that, didn't.

Loki closed his eyes, trying to wipe away the memories once again. He hated thinking of his mother, of the family he'd never truly had. However no matter how hard Loki tried, the memories simply became greater, more vivid and more disturbingly clear. And now, he was looking at a part of his life he hadn't known he'd had in eons.


Stark frowned as he sat by Loki, noting how the Demi-god's face suddenly twisted with shock. Leaning close, Tony wrapped the sheets closer around Loki, watching as the Trickster trembled uncontrollably, a whimper sliding from his dry throat. It was both relieving and unnerving to hear any noise from Loki, who, for the past three days, had been motionless and deathly quiet. After his fit with a few days ago, Loki had recovered enough that the breathing tube could be taken out, and his fever had broken. He seemed to finally be on the mend, albeit slowly. However, now that the first sound to leave the Tricksters mouth was a painful, disturbed cry, Tony felt suddenly unsure. Maybe something was wrong….what if….what if Loki wasn't getting better. What if he were just getting worse…..

Stark felt his heart skip a beat at the thought, and it clogged his throat. Taking the Trickster's cold hand in his own, Tony gripped it softly but firmly.

He wanted Loki to know, that for once, he wasn't alone. Neither of them were.


'My Child!' Loki screamed, breaking through his paralysis. 'My CHILD!'

The Demi-god screamed, fisting his hands into his long, black hair and thrashing. His violent movements and wretched screaming was the only way he could vent his rage and agony.

His beautiful child, his innocent, beautiful child. What had they done! Loki's son was nothing! They had gutted him, gutted an innocent child. His body was empty, all of his intestines wrapped around Loki, tying him down onto the hard stone. What had they done to his son!

'I'll kill you Odin; I'll slit your throat and watch you bleed out, you fucking bastuard!' Loki wailed, tears falling from his blazing green eyes as he screamed into the blackness.

There was nothing left inside the Trickster now, his chest felt as if it had been crushed, that one blood soaked memory now replaying over and over in his head. The cold emotionless face of his Father as he watched Loki's child be gutted and his entrails used as rope. The sneers and jest at the Trickster as he cried for forgiveness, begged for his child to be spared. Odin had turned away; cursing the Trickster's weakness and making it know to the Loki's son that his father was his murderer. His mother had stood there, still and calm as she watched her grandchild be gutted, slit open like an animal at slaughter. Thor had frowned, his gesture pointed at Loki. Thor had looked apon him with disappointment and indifference. And the others in the grand hall had all laughed, drinking and joking.

Loki screamed out, cursing Odin and Thor both, wishing with everything inside of him that he could kill them both at that moment. The one memory he had locked away forever, had finally resurfaced, its barrier had finally broken. Odin had killed Loki's son in retaliation, and Loki had failed his beloved child. The Demi-god was nothing now, he'd been stripped of his humanity and soul completely now.

The Demi-god bellowed as the memory repeated once again, and Loki could almost feel the blood, the heat of living organs wrapped around him, the smell….the sight….the feel of that poison venom running down….


Loki shot up in the bed, his brilliant green eyes burning with fear and pain; however the infection and fever running rampant through his body had nothing to do with it. These new emotions came from something much more, something much different. Hurrying Loki tried to wipe away the blood and guts that weren't there, and he panicked, unable to realize that he was now awake. Tony jerked back at first, shocked by the sudden movement from the otherwise still Trickster. The Demi-god hadn't moved for days, apart from the subtle rise and fall of his chest. However now the Trickster was gasping for air, gaping like a fish out of water, as he looked around, unsure of his surroundings and company. Stark frowned deeply and reached out quickly, stalling Loki just long enough to look at him for a moment, confused.

"Loki?" He asked, his voice unsettled and cautious.

The Trickster looked to him, his skeletal body trembling. His long ebony hair hung low in his eyes, giving him a more heart pulling look. He looked so innocent in that one moment, so innocent and so incredibly broken.

Tony's weary brown eyes softened, he'd seen that look before. Loki continued to look at him, his glowing green eyes cutting through right to Tony's very core. And in that look, that one solitary look the Demi-god gave him, Stark decided to build everything that might occur with Loki, on lies. No truth would ever be said, and deception would hold everything in place.

Reaching out, Stark gently touched a hand to Loki's face, in which the Trickster jerked roughly. However he calmed when nothing else happened, and looked back at Tony, who carefully and gently pulled Loki's face close to his own, their foreheads touching. Closing his eyes, Stark spoke softly, his voice strong, calming, and full of lies.

"It was just a dream, Loki, it was all just a dream." He said.

Loki choked on the sob that tore itself from his throat as he leaned on Stark, trying to believe the lie, and wishing it were true.

A/N: :o IIIIIIIIII'mmmmmmmmm bbbbbbbaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkkkk X3

Egh! I missed working on this and talking with everyone so bad, I didn't even realize until I started a few days ago. I've missed it horribly. I'm So sorry I completely stopped posting and writing guys, I won't let that happen EVER again. That I promise.

BUT, another little history note on Loki (Real Loki). Loki had two sons, and a wife. He was a good parent to his children, even the alternate species. He never did wrong to them, apart from Helena, the goddess of the underworld; they never really got on from what I can understand. However, after killing Baladar in a jest of revenge/morbid show of power/ even more morbid joke, Loki was hunted down and one of his sons was gutted. Loki was then tied to a bolder by his child's entrails and forced to stay that way until Odin decided to release him. And, to top it off, a venomous snake was placed over top of him, and venom constantly leaked out of its fangs. His wife stood by him, catching what venom she could in a bowl. However when she went to go and dump it, Loki was left defenseless against the venom and was horribly tormented by it, the pain unbearable.

In Loki's defense, Baladar was an asshole, he was asking for mistletoe through the heart…. :c