I was wrong.
Dios mio, forgive me. I was so wrong.
I, who saw what his father did to him—I was no better. His father destroyed his childhood; I destroyed his adulthood.
I was so sure. I saw a savior in him, a little boy. He was never intended to be a savior. Whatever he was intended to be, I destroyed that.
I am old now. This is a laughable statement. I have been old for over a hundred and fifty years. But now for the first time I am actually old. I have white hair, wrinkles, shaking hands. And I am dying. I, Richardus. So now at last I am ready to face the truth of what I did to an abused child. What I did to Benjamin Linus.
I have avoided it for a long time, but I have never really been able to deny it, these years away from the Island. They have been very clarifying years. I have seen that at many times I was really a very stupid man, seeing what I wanted to see and doing what I wanted to do. Needing God to forgive me, I turned to mortals to give me meaning. I saw in Jacob a god, when he was only a mystically powerful man, not too much unlike me, perhaps, given a power he did not completely understand. I saw in Ben a savior, when he was only a clever, confused child.