Once, in this very galaxy, you could say, Irk was home to a peaceful race. One which would never reduce itself to an all-about-conquering empire, for its leaders, the Almighty Tallest Red and Purple, couldn't think of a plan to make Irk such. In fact, they couldn't think of a plan relating to anything but snacks. They weren't even the true leaders of Irk; the Control Brains really did all the job running the planet, and the Tallest were just figureheads.

This planet, however, did not know that this premise meant that the planet was doomed.

One day, meteors started landing, one by one, on the planet. For a while, the massive computers, which were what the Control Brains practically were, started deflecting them back into space, reassuring themselves that they would hit a planet of a massive empire, and not a lone purple ball that no one cared about but them. However, during the years, the meteors started growing in frequency, and everyone was now sure that Irk would not survive for long. Soon after, one of these sprawling empires would simply watch as the meteors hit, devise a plan to get rid of them, and make Irk into a parking structure planet or something.

However, twelve Irken kids knew there was still hope. There was a site of archaeological interest over at Irk, the Frog Temple, and its mysterious hieroglyphs told a story of a video game that could save any doomed planet's select individuals, make a new universe for them and elevate the players to the level of gods of said universe. These Irkens, because of the elite survival skills that most of the population of Irk was demanded to have, but very few actually did, decoded the story into an actual video game, started playing it and left Irk forever.

Back on Irk, Red and Purple watched as a meteor obliterated their snack storage facility, and on a very brief moment of sanity, they thought of hiding underground. The Control Brains served what they regarded as the most important figures of Irk, and dug a nice hole below the nearly impenetrable rock of Irk, hiding Red and Purple from Irk and from its population. However, what the idiots that only were leaders because of their height did not know was that the meteors, as they became more frequent, also became bigger, and destroyed most major cities, and, in time, the Control Brains' living places and the place above the underground hole of Red and Purple, killing them in process.

As Irk was practically lifeless, the twelve heroes kept playing. They made progress, earned astronomical amounts of boondollars, forced their enemies to give them their way and became more anvilicious than anyone who ever lived on Irk. However, the game they played eventually won against them by exploiting the Irkens' lightheartedness and making the forces of light and darkness go against each other, which, as the twelve progressed, led them to wanting to set peace, not war.

At the last moments of the Reckoning, which would destroy the star that the twelve heroes' planets orbited in the same way in which Irk was destroyed, help came from Echidna, the denizen of one of the planets where one of the heroes presided. She offered the Irkens a deal to reverse the history of Irk, swapping the twelve heroes and their twelve „ancestors", which seemingly had met each other and worked together, just as the original Irkens. As Echidna said, she did, and the entire history of Irken race, including Red, Purple and every single Tallest before them, was forcefully rewritten, a maneuver which would lead to a better SCank session and to the eternal prosperity of Irk over a single planet, and, in time, everyone else.

What Echidna couldn't plan, however, was the re-tying of stable time loops that were broken in this „Scratch". The new session of the twelve people would make an entirely different First Guardian, a figure that was long dead in the pre-Scratch Irk, and the leadership schemes of this First Guardian would lead to the session not happening at all, which would produce a still different First Guardian, and it would go on in a crazy paradox-like situation. It would go on for a while, a moment that even the Control Brains would think of forever, until, when finally the time loops strung, we would have an Irk completely different from the pre-Scratch Irk. One that would no longer care about SCank, and instead be all about conquest and eventual, if temporary, rule of Irk over all other planets and galaxies.

The new history of Irk was a story written by, as well as enforced by, one of the former Tallest, the Almighty Tallest Spork.


Author's notes: The next chapter will be Doc Scratch and the Condesce introducing Alternian!Operation Impending Doom II. Stay tuned!