So... I've been reading a lot of hurt/comfort fic and then to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what happened.

I also wanted to try out present-tense writing, so I'd appreciate it if you could give me concrit on that.

This fic does contain very vague mentions of child abuse, of a sexual nature, so if this is a trigger for you, please be warned.

As always- I hope you enjoy this


The first time Mello sees Matt have an episode they are both thirteen. Mello is the one that calls them episodes. Matt never talks about them; he never tells Mello what happened to him in the first eight years of his life to do this to him, and Mello hates it.

Mello never finds out what triggered the first episode, or if there had been ones before then, in the five years they had been friends but not roommates. (They are not roommates until the day after the episode. Everyone decides it's for the best.)

The first time, Mihael simply watches, holding Matt's hand as the redheaded boy shakes so hard that Mello is afraid he'll fall apart utterly. They are alone now, Mihael kneeling next to the shuddering form on the floor of the supply room. It is dark in here, and Mello thinks that it helps, because whenever the door opens, even if there are no people around, Mail shrinks back further, curling in on himself.

Mello hates it, because there's nothing he can do except wait it out, wait for Matt, Matt who is the only truly good person he has ever met stops shaking, and allows himself to be pulled into a hug so tight it's almost like Mello's trying to pull Matt back together again, to hold him there, whole. Anything, anything to make him okay again, as Matt desperately, inexplicably mutters cinnamon under his breath, over and over again, the frantic litany only occasionally broken by a desperate please.

Mihael Keehl has never felt so utterly helpless.

Afterwards, when Mail is asleep, in Mello's bed, because the blonde refuses to let his best friend be alone when he's so fragile. He knows how furious Matt will be for what he is about to do- the first time they met there was a wordless agreement that they would never ask about their pasts. Mello decides not to tell Matt that he is going to look through his file.

The things Mihael reads, in the cold, unfeeling black print make him feel as though the anger in him is in danger of making him fall apart, shaking, just like Matt. The way that each and every one of Matt's injuries and- Mello shudders when he reads the list- the STI's he'd had before coming to Wammy's has been written so coldly and dispassionately makes the blonde boy, who is anything but dispassionate want to punch something. There is one comment that stands out- cinnamon was Matt's safe word.

When he reads this, Mello hits the wall hard enough to split his knuckles.

As he lies next to Matt, holding him as he cowers from nightmares that Mello can't wake him from, Mello promises, more to himself than to Mail, that he is going to find the people who did this the boy he loves, and he is going to kill them.


I have also begun writing an AU LxLight oneshot which has the working title of The Great Game, so that's going to be happening.

It'll take a while. But it'll happen.