I looked out onto the dark streets of the Victors Village. The only sound I could hear were the soft chirping of crickets and a pan crash on the floor in the kitchen, I just ignored it. I placed my hand on my stomach where there used to be a bump. My head fell back onto the headrest looking up at the stars. I wondered if she was up there looking down on me.
"Sorry, I messed up your kitchen." Haymitch walked outside, leaning up against the door. It was nice to know he could be sober when I needed him to be.
"It's alright," I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You helped me so much today and I want to truly thank you. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for you and Sae." I crossed my arms, feeling like I still needed to protect my middle, and stood up. "I just couldn't...Peeta...and he wanted one so bad...I just couldn't do that it him...I was already scared enough...all the blood and you and Sae were here visiting anyways..." I rambled for a while until Haymitch placed both his hands on my shoulders.
"Sweetheart, sweetheart." his grip was firm on my shoulders. "Peeta loves you, Katniss. He loved the baby too, but because you lost her doesn't mean he'll love you any less. There was absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening." Haymitch pulls me into a hug and I don't object. He still smells of liquor and I know when I let him go he'll go to his home to drink again. But for a moment longer I soak in this moment of him being sober and holding me like my father would have if he was here.
He kisses my forehead and pats my shoulder again before he leaves. I lean up against the porch, realizing the dread of having to tell Peeta that I lost our baby.
I feel like I'm in some sort of daze for the entire night after I made Greasy Sae leave, telling her I was OK. Every movement I make seems slower and harder to do. My mind wanders frequently to things that mean absolutely nothing to me.
I find myself wrapped in a blanket, shivering. Whatever brought me to this point right now all comes crumbling down around me. The sobs that come from my mouth scare me. They're so loud and so hard that I was sure Haymitch could hear me if he wasn't passed out somewhere in a corner of his house. I hated the idea that I was that loud, but I knew it was true.
All I remember was that there was a lot of blood. I didn't understand why there was so much; I didn't even understand why there was any at all. After Greasy Sae walked in the bathroom, I couldn't remember anything between then and when I woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by doctors talking in hushed voices. I didn't know how I had got there, only that my body ached. Every muscle felt like jelly and throbbed. I tried to find words to ask, but they got lost in a storm of questions my mind had. I lost consciousness multiple times; at least that's what they told me.
When I finally woke back up I was hooked up to a machine, a beeping from a monitor was loud in my ear. I turned my head to see Haymitch and Greasy Sae both sitting in a chair next to my bed. She had her head in her hands and Haymitch whispered something in her ear. When he saw me he slightly nudged her.
"Hey, baby," she spoke soft and she held her hand in mine.
"What happened?" My voice was hoarse and cracked.
Sae simply shook her head. "You lost her." She swallowed. "You lost your baby."
The rest of the day was blurred-fuzzy almost. I couldn't really grasp the thought of not having a baby inside me. I would continually look down at my stomach, hoping, by some odd miracle, that my bump would be there again and it was all a bad dream. The blanket wrapped around me feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. The doorknob wiggles and my stomach drops to my feet. I have to tell Peeta about what happened.
"Katniss?" I can feel the warm summer breeze come in when he opened the door. I normally loved the feeling, but right now it made me feel sick.
"Hey, Peeta," My voice was scratchy from me not using it. I tried to turn my body around to face him from the couch, but I was numb.
"Katniss, are you alright?" I stayed silent; I knew if I tried to speak again I might break down in tears. "Katniss?"
I could hear Peeta's voice in the kitchen come closer to where I was sitting. His footsteps reached the doorway to the living room, his blue eyes looking straight into mine. I pulled the blanket farther up over my stomach, hoping to cover up the nonexistent bump.
He smiled a smile that made my heart shatter into a million pieces; a smile that had yet to find out his daughter had died. "Hey Katniss," he walked over and sat on the couch next to me, placing an arm on the headrest above me. "Are you okay? Is everything alright?"
I softly shook my head. How was I going to be able to tell him? Haymitch's voice comes into my mind, 'He loves you, Katniss. He loved the baby too, but because you lost her doesn't mean he'll love you any less. There was absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening.' He was right. Peeta does love me, and I don't always realize it.
I lick my chapped lips and clear my throat, I can feel my eyes tearing up and that they're puffy. He rubs his thumb on my cheek. I lean into his hand, finding comfort in his tender touch. "Tell me, sweetheart."
"I lost her." my heart sinks as his small smile fades. He wanted this baby even more than I did. "I lost our baby," I bite my lip so hard and fast I taste blood.
"I lost her, Peeta. The baby, our baby. She's gone." I raised my voice. Why did he need to ask me to say it again? Didn't he understand what I said the first time?
"I don't understand," he whispered. His face was confused, hurt, and hallow. Almost empty, like I had sucked the life out of him. I gently pushed the blanket off of me and revealed my flatter stomach.
I watched a tear run down his cheek, I brushed it away.
"Peeta," my own tears began fall as he took me into his arms. The memories of the day seemed to fade away once he embraced me. The tears that I had shed alone I shared with him. I knew I wouldn't go through this alone. He was here he wasn't turning his back on me like so many people would. In that moment we were one, sharing something that you could never describe into words. He felt my pain and I felt his. In some way or another we were saving each other, just like we had in the arenas and just like we would for the rest of our lives.
A/N: I'm not sure how this idea came to me, but I liked how it turned out and for now it's a one-shot, I may decide to continue it if I have time because I do have an idea for the story. And I just may have talked myself into making it a series.