HK: Sanity's-Overrated, why you inspire me to finally finish this so late at night? XD Ah well! Here we have some Loki/Joker, because somehow (I don't remember how) we decided that this would be a good idea~! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: HK doesn't own Batman or Thor. Or the Joker or Loki, for that matter. :P
WARNINGS! Slash, death, destruction and some violence.
Loki is back in the world of mortals again, having grown tired of watching his brother constantly overshadow his efforts. At least on Midgard he doesn't have to look at his big, open, stupid face.
He definitely isn't sulking. Loki does not sulk. Not even when Thor had claimed all of the credit for their escape from yet another overpowering foe.
Never mind that it had been Loki's spell of fog that meant that they could get away in the first place. His stupid brother had no appreciation for how difficult magic really was.
Right now Loki was certainly-not-sulking in a reasonably nice little restaurant in a city called Gotham. It was one of Loki's preferred hang outs on Midgard, mostly because this highly exclusive and expensive restaurant catered only to the very best of Gotham's criminal classes.
It amused the god of mischief to spend time in a city run almost entirely by its mob. This time though, the restaurant was far less busy than usual.
Loki wondered idly about it as he sipped at his glass of iced water. Those criminals who were here seemed more subdued than usual as well. One of the waitresses, an obligingly attractive young woman with short brown hair bobbed over to his table, giving him a megawatt smile.
"Can I get you anything, sir?" A small smile curled Loki's lips.
The girl had been his waitress every time he had visited in the past few years, and he was about as fond of her as a human was fond of a dog. More like a cat, actually. She was very polite, she always got his order right (no matter how complicated he made it, he had tested this), and she seemed to know exactly when he wanted her and when he didn't.
Of course, that was what you paid for in a place like this. Excellent service.
He favoured her with the smile.
"Just the check, thank you." She nodded, taking his plate.
"Of course, sir." As she head back to the kitchen, Loki thoughtfully sipped at his water again. It seemed that something unfortunate had happened to the criminal class of Gotham lately. He would have to find out what, and maybe even consider remedying the problem.
Just as he was about to get up, the door burst open and a group of men in clown masks entered the room. All of them were holding guns, and the leader shot a few rounds into the air.
Loki swore to himself. He didn't particularly want to get caught up in the petty violence of humans… and more importantly he hadn't bothered to bring his knives when he changed into the suit. He noticed, though, that most of the other patrons of the restaurant were simply watching the display as though it were some sort of entertainment.
A second later he saw why.
Every single one of the pretty, petite waitresses had managed to produce automatic weapons of their own. The bar tender appeared to have a Gatling gun. Impressed in spite of himself, Loki leaned forward to get a better look.
The clowns seemed rather surprised. Their leader didn't.
As Loki tilted his chair to get a better look at the man, his view was suddenly blocked by his waitress. She too was levelling a gun, but she glanced over her shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile.
"Relax, sir, we're paid for this." This came as news to Loki, who smirked.
"Remind me to recalculate your tip." She very nearly giggled, returning her attention to the intruders. The leader seemed to be counting.
"I certainly will." She aimed directly for the leader, just as he tilted his head up and smiled.
"Ten." The clowns opened fire, and several of the waitresses shot back. At least, they tried to. The wall behind them exploded, knocking almost everyone to the ground. Loki waved a hand, diverting a rather large chunk of stone around himself.
The situation had changed in a second. The clowns had fanned out and were now covering each of the waitresses, and the leader himself strolled into the room, clapping his hands.
"Calm down, ladies and gentlemen, calm down… All we want is the money." One of the mob leaders got to his feet, brushing dust off his clothing.
"Listen to me, you jumped up little fool. Do you have any idea who you're trying to steal from?" The leader tilted his head at him, then shot him in the chest.
"Anyone else feeling brave?" Spinning around, he tugged off his mask. The girls gasped, and someone screamed.
The man had a pair of horrific scars curving up the line of his face, turning his expression into a grisly smile. He was wearing thick make up that actually resembled his clown mask a little. Reaching down under a table, he grabbed a skinny blonde by the neck and hauled her to her feet. "How about you, sweetheart? Are you feeling brave?"
"Let her go." Loki got to his feet, ignoring the way his waitress tried to pull him back down. The scarred man turned on him, obligingly dropping the girl.
"Ah, we have a winner! I do love to see some spirit in people. So, young man, are you going to save the day? Hmm? Gonna make all us bad boys run home to our mommies?" The man had the voice of a complete psychopath. Detached, slightly distant, and humming with malice.
Loki favoured him with a smirk.
"Hardly. Petty criminals are not worth the time." Centuries in his father's court had left Loki with a frosty tone that practically dripped disdain. This seemed to confuse the leader, who stepped closer and looked at Loki like he was some rare creature.
"Petty, am I… and why would you say something like that to me? Do you want me to shoot you?" He sounded almost curious. This was not how people were supposed to react to armed robbery.
Loki treated the man to his best sneer. The trick with the explosives probably merited it.
"I have no doubt that a low life like you would enjoy using the violent solution to the problem. If you don't mind, I'd like to have a word with my… associates."
And to the man's very great surprise, Loki turned and addressed the cowering crime lords. "Really, my friends. You have been letting the standards slip. Criminals in this town used to be respected. But now you, the leaders of the mobs, are letting a jumped up little rat like this rob you?"
He half turned back, winking at the startled clown. "No offense." The clown shrugged, still more curious than angry. Which was a good thing really. No one knew what would happen if he tried to shoot Loki.
"None taken." He scratched the side of his chin with his pistol. "I take it you're not a local boy then?"
Loki's smile widened. He was starting to like this guy.
"As a matter of fact, no. Would you happen to know what has ripped the back bone out of these… people?" The way he said people made it quite clear that he meant scum, and one of the other crime lords was offended enough to be bold. He poked his head out from under the table, highly affronted.
"Excuse me you young brat, but are you going to help the situation or aren't you!" He tried to fix Loki with a glare, but the look he received for his trouble made him wither and slink back under the table.
Satisfied with the effect, Loki returned to smirking at the clown.
"Oh, I'll definitely help. I just haven't decided who I'm helping yet. What do you call yourself?" He raised an eyebrow at the man. And for the first time, the clown smiled pensively back.
"Some people call me the Joker, but you can just think of me as an agent of chaos… and you?" It sounded suspiciously like a come on to Loki, but he grinned anyway.
"An agent of chaos? Well, I'm Loki, and I'm the god of chaos, bitch. You, over there. The safe is under the bar, the combination is 4-23-57-96-82." Loki pointed at once of the clown henchmen at random, who was quite surprised to be spoken to directly.
He looked to his boss for confirmation, but the Joker wasn't about to break eye contact with Loki. His smile widened.
"So, you're going to help me and my little band of scum? Aren't we too low class for someone such as yourself?" Something dangerous was edging its way into his voice, a hint of darkness that would have told a sane person that it was time to run. Loki simply smirked wider.
"Yes, you are, but someone has to raise the standards around here." In a flash, the Joker had a knife out and was holding it to Loki's throat.
"Would you like to know how I got these scars, boy?" His voice was full of the darkness now, but it was almost caressing. He knew he was in control, and he was relishing it. At least, he thought he was in control. Loki's expression didn't falter as he sneered at the man.
"What are you trying to do with that knife, turn me on?" Loki excelled at picking the strangest possible response to any situation. It was just a habit. And it wasn't like the human could hurt him.
And yet suddenly the Joker smiled, pressing his face closer to Loki's, his voice lower and almost seductive.
"Maybe I am. I think I like you, Loki. Are you free later?" The two were close enough now for Loki to feel the heat radiating from the man's body. He considered the matter. He didn't really have anything to do while he was on Earth… so he smiled, moving closer still.
"Asked on a date at knife point. How could I refuse," he purred, bringing his lips almost close enough to touch the other man's.
A few of the gangsters were making disgusted noises under the tables, but a second before Loki lost his patience and sealed the kiss himself the Joker took a step backwards, waving a hand at his boys.
"Do as the man says. Empty the safe, and you ladies and gentlemen had better empty your pockets! We have to be out of here quickly, I have a date to get to." He winked at Loki, who smiled sardonically back.
It didn't take long to round up all the money in the room, and then the Joker shot his associates before turning and offering his arm to Loki. "Where would you like to go?"
Loki had been rather taken aback at the cold blooded killing of the man's associates, but of course, these were only humans. Worthless ones at that. It was nice to see someone as ruthless as he himself. Loki took the Joker's arm, stepping over a few corpses.
The entire room was dead quiet. It wouldn't last long; soon the screaming would start. An idea took Loki's fancy and he smirked, pulling his new companion closer.
"Let's go shoot pedestrians." It had been a while since he caused some real disturbances. Odin would notice if he tried anything of this scale on Asgard, but on Midgard… well, the Allfather might not notice.
The Joker was practically beaming at him like he was the most delightful thing the man had ever seen. Loki was quite sure that this was the truth.
"I like the way you think… You're something special, Loki. I think this could be the start of something wonderful." Although the man sounded almost sarcastic, there was enough genuine pleasure there to make Loki chuckle.
"I certainly hope so, dear Joker." He led the way through the restaurant, snapping his fingers as he reached the door.
Behind them the ceiling fell in, crushing and killing all the former patrons of the restaurant. The Joker spun around at the noise, stared at the damage, and looked up at Loki like a man about to worship a new god. It was only appropriate.
"Call me Jack." Inside the last scream petered off, and Loki and his new friend Jack walked arm in arm into the sunset. Loki smiled to himself.
He had been worried that this latest escape to Midgard would be boring. Now the future looked to be anything but. He got the feeling that he was going to quite enjoy helping Jack remind this city what chaos really was.
HK: The shooting pedestrians thing is (as usual) all Sanity's-Overrated's fault! XD I have no idea if I'm going to continue this, but I think this fulfils the criteria for our mutual challenge of Loki/Joker! Unless she wants some smut, in which case this will have to continue. :P I'm going to go and die now, I was supposed to be asleep half an hour ago! Please enjoy, read, and review!