Author's Note: This is another little blurb for the show Breaking In. It's a tag to the episode 'Game of Jones' S2E4. In the episode Oz tells Cash to stop pretending to be Mr. Jones (a fake employee made up by Oz). Cash continues to do it anyway, and Oz catches him. You can watch the episode for free on the Breaking In page on imdb, or buy it over on Amazon instant view.
Did anyone else out there watch the newest episode 'Cyrano de Nerdgerac'? Wow - I'm apparently the female version of Cash – what with the writing of erotic Quantum Leap fanfiction. Good thing I'm a girl or I'd have never gotten laid. LOL And did you see Veronica slap Cam on the ass? Aww, Cam's ass is so slappable everyone wants to do it. Did anyone else find it hot when he said thank you? Just me? Does anyone else miss Oz's octopus picture? Just me? It's a good thing I'm happy with my own personal brand of crazy, and that I can laugh at myself.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, and I'm not making any money from these stories.
Warning: M/M disciplinary spanking of an adult by an authority figure. Dubious consent.
NO MEANS NO
Oz and Cash sized each other up as soon as Molly left the room. Oz could tell that Cash still didn't think he was in the wrong, and decided he'd let this go on for too long. With a reluctant sigh, Oz said, "This thing we do, where I tell you not to do something, and then you do it anyway? That ends today."
Cash shook his head and tried to play dumb. "Thing? We don't have a thing. And I always do what you tell me to do…" He took the green hood off the top of his head and said, "…mostly."
"Case in point." Oz held a finger up. "Don't fix the office equipment."
"Oh. Well…" Cash said nervously, while his heart rate started to increase. "… listen, I learned my…"
Oz put up a second finger. "Don't prank the new temp."
"Uh… that wasn't exactly…"
Oz put up a third finger. "Shut this down before we get caught!" He gestured to the laptop, and added, "You didn't, and we just got caught!"
"I'll admit things got a little out of hand this time but…"
"This time?" Oz said.
Cash gulped. "It will never happen again."
Oz smiled at Cash, and put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Your mom's a judge, so surely you've heard of the three strike rule."
Panicking Cash blurted out, "Please don't fire me. I need this job." He lowered his voice and said, "I mean I need it need it. I need it the way Gollum needs his Precious."
"Fire you?" Oz grabbed the back of Cash's neck, and gave it a light squeeze. "I'm not going to fire you, Cash."
Cash's eyes opened as wide as they could go, and he whispered, "You wouldn't get away with it. You'd never get my body out of here without Molly noticing. She notices everything."
"Don't be ridiculous kid, I'm not going to kill you." Oz patted his back and let him go.
"You have two options." Oz took his cell phone out of his pants pocket, and placed it on the table next to the laptop. Then he pulled a ping pong paddle from the inside pocket of his jacket, and set it on the table next to the phone.
"Why are you carrying around a ping pong paddle?" Cash asked.
"Why are you carrying around a Quidditch ball?"
Cash stuck his hand in his pocket to make sure it was still there and said, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Oz pointed to the cell phone. "Option one. I call your mother."
"What?" Cash whispered, and shook his head ever so slightly.
"Option two." He pointed to the paddle. "Six swats with the paddle."
Cash shook his head sharply, and backed around to the other side of the table. "No! No way, no how, not happening."
"Fine." Oz picked up the cell phone and started to dial. "I'm sure Allison will straighten you out tonight."
"No, no, no!" Cash quickly came back around, holding his hands up. "Just… just wait a minute."
Oz put the phone down, and said, "One minute." He pointed to his watch, set the timer for one minute, and put his hands on the table with one beside each item. He looked expectantly at Cash. "Tick tock."
"You can't just call my mom! You don't even know her! Besides that, I am twenty-six years old! She doesn't have any say in what I do at work."
Oz smiled. "I do know your mom. I had a little run in with the law a few years back when I was starting up this company. Allison ruled in my favor, and the next day I invited her out to lunch."
Cash shook his head, not wanting it to be true.
"I told her I was looking for new employees, and she told me about her twenty-three year old kid, Calvin, who had great potential, but was wasting his college education at comic conventions while living in her garage."
Cash didn't want it to be true, but he suspected it was. He hadn't thought about it at the time, but looking back, it was kind of odd that his mother had pointed out Contra Security's website to him, and even more odd that she suggested he apply.
"I promised her that I'd keep an eye on you, and I'm not going back on that. So option one, or option two?"
Cash wasn't sure which humiliation would be worse. Having his boss tattle on him, or having his boss spank him. He tried for option three. "My mom would never agree to that." He pointed to the paddle. "She's against spanking. She never spanked me, and if she found out that you tried, she'd sue your ass."
The timer went off on Oz's watch. He turned off the alarm, and picked up his phone. "Option one it is." He started to dial.
"No wait! Don't call her! If you tell on me, I'll tell on you."
Oz shrugged and said, "I'll allow it," and put the phone to his ear.
Surprising himself, Cash hissed, "No!" and waved his hands in the air in a gesture for Oz to stop. "Option two! I'll take option two. Please don't tell her."
Oz raised an eyebrow and said into the phone, "Veronica? Cash and I found a glitch in our alarm system. We need everyone out of the building for fifteen minutes." After a pause he said, "I don't know, tell them it's part of the murder mystery, but we need the area cleared out in the next three minutes, or the motion detectors are going to set off the alarm."
He hung up, and put the phone back in his pants pocket. Cash and Oz sized each other up again.
"How did you know I was bluffing?" Cash asked.
"I told you, I know your mom. I'd take a paddling any day over disappointing her."
The younger man crossed his arms and sulked. "This sucks."
Oz picked up the paddle, and pointed to Cash's laptop. "Get the security feed up, so we know when the coast is clear."
Cash found it difficult to keep his eyes off the paddle, and appreciated having a task to keep his eyes and mind off the damn thing. The idea of quitting ran through his mind, but he knew he'd never be happy at a regular office.
When Oz saw the last two people walk out of the office, he tapped the paddle on the edge of the table twice and said, "Right here."
Groaning, Cash got up, and went to the indicated spot. He bent over without being asked, resting his arms on the table.
Oz put a hand on the younger man's back and said quietly, "When I say no, I mean no." The paddle came down twice in a row. Each impact made a dull popping sound, and forced Cash to hiss in pain.
"No doesn't mean yes, and it doesn't mean maybe."
The paddle came down two more times, one on each side of his butt. Cash grunted with each swat, and then said, "Shit," under his breath. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other trying to dull the blossoming pain.
"It means no." Oz said, and swatted him two last times.
"Ah!" Cash went up on his toes with the second strike. "Damn it," he groaned, easing his heals back down to the ground. He took a few deep breaths, and tried to get a handle on the pain.
Oz patted him on the back once, and put the ping pong paddle back in his jacket. Cash pushed himself up to standing, and glared at his boss.
"Next time have some faith," Oz said. "I always say no for a good reason."
"Yeah but you don't always tell us what that reason is until it's too late."
"I shouldn't always have to give you a reason. That's what it means to have some faith." He pointed a finger at Cash and said, "If this happens again, I will go with option number one."
Cash crossed his arms and scowled.
Oz poked Cash gently on the tip of the nose and said, "There will be no whining, no sulking, no pouting, and no tantrums about this."
"I'm a grown man. I don't pout."
The older man put a hand on Cash's shoulder, and started the both of them walking towards the door. "Good. Get back to work. Go fiddle with the alarm system so it looks like we did something, while I figure out how to get us out of this mess you've made with Molly."
"I'm not the one who created a fake employee," Cash muttered.
Oz stopped with his hand on the doorknob, and gave Cash a look. "That sounded suspiciously like a whine."
The younger man swallowed hard and said, "I'm just gonna go check the alarm."
"Good idea." Oz opened the door, and Cash went directly to the alarm system. Oz went to Veronica's office and wracked his brains, trying to figure out what he was going to tell her about Jones.