Her bare feet pad across the cold floor as she paces back and forth, back and forth, biting at her lip anxiously. She determinedly avoids looking at the blue stick-like test as she glances at the clock that seems to be moving slower than it should, as if to spite her. Huffing, she plops down on the edge of the tub- it cannot have been only fifteen seconds since she last looked. Her legs are bouncing restlessly as she rests her elbows on her knees, covering her face with her hands- she needs to pull herself together.
It really wasn't possible...was it? She...she couldn't be- no, no definitely not. She doesn't even understand how- no, how isn't the best word. Of course she knows how- a small smile suddenly curls the edges of her lips. Oh yes. She knows exactly how. That is if…but she's not. She can't be.
She's been seeing less and less of her Doctor and she knows, she just feels, that their time together is rapidly running out. Her hearts clench painfully- that's always been a thought she's pushed to the furthest corners of her mind, as if it will never happen if she doesn't think about it. She's always pretended as if they have forever together, but she knows that soon she will be at that point where she never sees him again- they weren't meant to have a happily ever after.
Sometimes she feels as if time is laughing at her, mocking her for ever believing that it's not the boss of her. She is time's puppet, forced to be pulled through a back-to-front timeline. And it hurts to see him get younger and younger every time they meet- looking into those old eyes that hold knowledge from every corner of the universe and seeing nothing, nothing, for her.
His earlier self doesn't trust her and is constantly seeking answers to questions that she will not, cannot, answer. His eyes flare and his jaw clenches, and she can tell just how frustrated with her he gets, because all he wants is to know. But she would willingly give up everything she knows just to be back at the beginning again. To her it seems as if he's forgetting her and she knows that one day they'll meet and for him, it'll be the first time.
Now, on top of everything else, this is being thrown at her. And this is not something she's prepared for. But she's not going to have to worry about it, right? She's just fretting for no reason- everything is fine. It has to be.
Her eyes flit to the clock and she stands. Reaching out with shaking hands she picks up the test, quickly shutting her eyes before she can see the result. Her hearts are practically pounding out of her chest as she inhales deeply in a failed attempt to calm herself.
Her eyes open slowly and lock onto the test. She can't seem to look away as her grip tightens to the point that her knuckles are white and she crumples to the floor, suddenly feeling numb to everything around her. She's not aware of time passing or the phone ringing. Breathing suddenly isn't important as her world feels as if it's crashing around her. Her arm wraps around her middle as she closes her eyes tightly- as if she can make everything disappear.
When she opens her eyes, her vision is blurred with tears that roll down her cheeks. Her sobs echo off the walls and her fingers curl against the cold floor. In a sudden burst of unreasonable anger, she throws the test against the door and hears it clatter to the floor as she leans against the wall. She's going to be a mother.
Her eyes flutter shut as she places her hand gently over her flat stomach. She can handle battling an army of weeping angels or running from an outraged group of Sontarans, but this is something completely different and she just doesn't know what to do.
A small smile flits across her face as she entertains the thought of what he or she might look like- brown curls perhaps? And his eyes, yes, definitely his eyes.
Her smile fades again- how was she supposed to wake every morning to a small face peeking at her over the mattress and dragging her out of bed for breakfast, and not be reminded of her husband, her Doctor?
Could she even bring herself to tell him? Tell him that in nine months time he'll have a son or daughter who he'll only get to see when time allows it? And then what happens when they reach full circle and it's all over? Her child will be left wondering why daddy never comes around and that isn't something she thinks she can handle.
The phone rings and interrupts her thoughts as she vaguely remembers it having rung earlier. She pushes herself from the floor and exits the bathroom, her hands fisting the hem of her shirt in an attempt to stop shaking. The edges of her lips curve into a small smile as she looks at the number before answering it. Sweeping a curl behind her ear, she raises the phone, "Hello, John."
John- former archaeology student. She remembers the first day he set foot in her lecture hall- he had practically bounced down to the front row and plopped down in a seat, his brown hair flopping in accordance with his movements. His enthusiasm to learn was contagious and he never failed to amaze her with how quickly he could pick up the lesson. Over eight years she watched him grow, helping him whenever she could and becoming almost…protective of him, and when he had walked across the stage to receive his graduate degree, she couldn't help but swell with pride.
Now it was a few years later and she couldn't ask for a better friend, though he did have a knack for finding trouble, and in that way, he kind of reminded her of herself when she was younger. She's had to pull him out of sticky situations that, more often than not, involve civilizations that were prepared to skin him for setting up an archaeological dig on sacred ground. She would berate him for it later because he should know better, and he would always whip out some excuse to pass for reason. She would do nothing but roll her eyes at him and in a week he'd be in trouble all over again.
She often feels that it's her job to watch over him, but at the same, time he watches out for her. He is her confidant- the person she turns to when things are going wrong, and he is always, always, there.
Now he sits across from her at her kitchen table, a cup of tea resting between his hands and mirroring hers, having insisted on coming over after noting the very not okay tone of her voice over the phone. She's never elaborated on the complicated mess that she calls a relationship between her and the Doctor, and he's never asked. Somehow she feels as if he knows, as if he understands, and if she's being perfectly honest with herself, that scares her. So as she confides with him that she just doesn't know what to do, upset with herself for letting her emotions get the best of her as tears temporarily obscure her vision, he regards her with that same calm understanding.
John reaches over and gently takes one of her hands in his. When she looks up and meets his warm green eyes, he smiles softly, "I think you should tell him."
Damn him. Of course he's right, she's just not ready- but will she ever be? She takes a deep breath and returns his smile before nodding, suddenly feeling relieved. She'll tell him, and together they'll figure it out.
Thanks for reading :)
There should be two more chapters