A Wolf Kind of Girl
Life definitely wasn't what it was 13 years ago. When did Jacob become so handsome? Thinking back over all the years of my existence, I couldn't remember a moment when he wasn't. I mean… he's got beautiful copper skin, a gorgeous smile, and, God… did I mention his body? Geez, it was sin just to look at him. Women definitely noticed him. Grown women, young women—even little girls would gawk. When I was younger I didn't notice as much; but now, I couldn't help but look, myself.
He was in the front yard playing football with my dad and uncles. Seth was with him, trying to get Leah to play; however, after years of everyone always singling her out because she was a girl, she sat on the porch next to me, calling out obscenities while the game carried on.
I looked over at her; she was beautiful, in an exotic kind of way. I wonder if Jacob ever noticed. He had seen her naked after all, and read her most private and intimate thoughts that were privy to the rest of the wolves. Now that I think of it, I wonder if she sees him in any kind of way. Most of the time, from what I've noticed, they've only treated each other like brother and sister. They would bicker, make up, fight, make up, laugh and call each other names; still, it was hard for me not to wonder, even if Jacob imprinted on me.
I knew we were, at some point, destined to be together in one form or another and, even after I had fully reached an age where I was an adult, I still saw Jacob as just my friend… my best friend. Now, however, I was starting to notice other things. Like the way he was currently shirtless… and the way his muscles looked in his back as he tackled Emmett to the ground. With sweat-dampened hair, he got up from the ground looking down at Emmett with a triumphant grin before looking at me with a cocky smile. Instantly, my heart stopped and then redoubled. Yeah, I was definitely starting to see another side to Jacob.
Leah looked over at me with a shocked grin on her face.
"What?" I wondered, mirroring her smile with my own.
"Ness, I heard that," she explained, looking like she was trying not to laugh.
What had she heard? I mean, she wasn't my all-knowing, always listening father, who was currently looking at us with an unusual expression growing on his face.
"Your heart beat," she said, before looking back at the game.
"My heart beat?" I asked, before realizing just what she meant. Yes, as of late, when Jacob even looked at me my heart fluttered open like a blossoming rose trying to kiss the sun. I wondered if he heard what he did to my heart. I felt a certain heat flush my face. Why couldn't I be a normal vampire for once? Unable to blush, or have my heart give away my emotions to all the supernatural beings around me with convenient spectacular hearing.
"Yes, I heard your heart kind of… stutter, when Jacob smiled at you just then," she said as nonchalantly as if she were reading a recipe out loud.
"What? You're crazy Leah," I said, trying to hide my emotions from prying ears and eyes. The guys may have been caught up in a rough, outlandishly loud football game but I knew they could hear everything we said.
She looked at me with her mouth open and, before she could say anything, the look I gave her shut her up. It was bad enough that last week, my dad pulled me aside about the new thoughts I was having about Jacob. They weren't sexual thoughts… but not very "lady-like," either, as he put it. But what was he going to do? Age-wise, I was almost 17; but because I was a freakish hybrid, I was much older. In fact, from what Carlisle said, I was in my twenties.
I was used to having a father that could read minds; but lately, I wished he couldn't. I saw his mouth twitch a little, which meant he was listening to my thoughts.
Butt out of my head, would ya, dad?
He gazed at me with the Dad Look. Ugh, so frustrating. This place held no privacy for me. I mean, how would he feel if I could hear what he thinks when my mom walks by him and he looks like cupid smacked him in the face with a happy stick? Bet he wouldn't want his daughter hearing the things that run through his mind, would he? He looked down for a moment. Good. I wanted him to hear that.
"Alright, guys—we got patrol in about an hour, and I'm starved. Time to call it quits," Leah yelled before standing up. The guys looked like they were wrapping things up anyways. They were talking to each other while Jacob tossed the football between his hands. I watched as the small activity made his biceps dance a little. God, he was beautiful.
"You're no fun! Can't play with the big boys so you have ruin it for everyone?" Emmett yelled back at Leah. Her eyes squinted before a devilish grin appeared on her face.
My dad laughed and slowly stepped away from his brother. Leah instantly leapt off the porch and landed in another form. Tattered clothing floated down around her. Her eyes were intense as they locked onto Emmett's. I never grew tired of watching the transformation the pack made. Humans one second, huge wolves the next—it never ceased to amaze me.
Jasper laughed and punched Emmett's arm playfully. "You asked for it," he said, smiling as he also stepped away. I couldn't help but smile, too, as I watched the scene around me. Emmett crouched a bit, anticipating whatever Leah had in mind.
"Oh, doggy wants to play," Emmett prodded teasingly. Leah growled deeply.
"You think it was something he said?" Jacob asked jokingly from behind me. I turned from the steps I was sitting on and looked at him oddly. When had he gotten there? It was difficult to sneak or even creep up on vampires—even half ones like me.
"I think he loves goading her because he knows she'll always rise to the occasion," I answered as I watched him sit down next to me. I breathed in deeply. He had such an amazing smell to him. It was a mixture of the woods, damp mossy earth, and honeysuckle. I felt a funny twist in my stomach. Man, the things he was starting to do to me.
"Yeah, she's easy to piss off," he replied with a knowing expression. Everyone either loved or hated Leah. I loved her. Maybe it was because I understood her. She was different than those who surrounded her, like me. I'm not a full vampire, and I'm not completely human—just somewhere in the middle. She's human and wolf, but the only female in the wolf-pack. She and I started getting along when I was about three or so. It was only a few years after that she finally became comfortable about being around my vampire family. Now, she was one of my best friends. Emmett liked her, too, and I think she liked him. Jasper was iffy about Leah. I'm not really sure if I've ever seen them have a real conversation. Edward loved Leah. He said she pretty much tells it like it is. Whatever she thinks, she says, and doesn't add any variations of the truth. My mom loves her, now; however, she used to tell me about stories before I came along. But Bella is known for loving those she shouldn't. Thank God for that, because if she didn't, I wouldn't be here.
"You got patrol tonight, huh?" I asked, looking at Jacob. He leaned back with his elbows on the step behind him, his abdominal muscles on public display for my eyes. I was used to seeing muscular men in my life; but my father's and uncles bodies were like marble. Jacob's body was supple, warm and beautiful.
"Yeah," he sighed, before nervously sitting up again running a hand back and forth quickly in his hair, staring down at the ground. He was acting funny. Normally he'd be yakking my ear off… not that I've ever minded.
"Eh, nothing," he answered, his eyes still averted from mine. Was he messing with me?
"Jacob, I know you… what's wrong?" I whispered, dipping my head so he had to look at me. His eyes met mine but he didn't say anything. "Jake?" I looked at him curiously.
"Ness, it's nothin', 'kay? Just drop it." His aggravated tone caught me off-guard. It wasn't like Jacob to ever snap at me, unless you count when I was younger and getting into things I shouldn't, like Aunt Alice's sewing box.
"Thorn in your paw, dog?" Rosalie asked as the sound of her heels clicked on the stained wood of the wrap-around porch. She'd sensed his agitation too.
"No, just vampire stench in my nose," he shot back with a smile.
She looked at Emmett and Leah wrestling in the front yard and rolled her eyes. "What did he say?" she asked, knowing her husband all too well.
Jake answered Rosalie's question, but I was still staring at him. Was he just going to ignore me like that? I was his imprint, for goodness sake. Frustrated, I let out an unnecessarily loud huff and stood, leaping off the porch instantly. Maybe my dad would tell me what was on Jake's mind. They were, after all, the two men in my life that I could always count on giving me what I wanted. I never took advantage of it before, but now, curiosity was getting the better of me.
Edward watched me uneasily as I walked towards him. Okay… something was definitely up.
What is it? I asked him silently.
My father just shook his head negatively as a response. He gave me one of those looks, like he wasn't even getting into it with me.
Seriously? I asked loudly in my head.
Again, he shook his head no. This has to be some kind of joke. What was everyone being so secretive about? I looked around the yard wholeheartedly exasperated. Then, I caught sight of someone else: Seth. Maybe he would tell me. As I started walking over to Seth, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Jacob was watching me closely. Satisfaction coursed through me; I knew Seth would spill the beans. He was one of the closest friends I had. Trudging through the stark green grass that was a part of the huge property my family owned, I made my way towards him. He saw me coming for him and smiled, meeting me halfway.
"Hey Ness, how goes it?" he said, rumpling the top of my head.
"Good, how are you?" I asked quickly, wanting to get to the crux of the matter.
"Great, as always," he replied honestly with a sincere smile.
It really was hard not to like Seth; he's just that kind of guy. I sort of felt guilty for having alternative motives for talking to him.
I could smell my father closing in on us, his footfall as quiet as the air.
"Renesmee, can I have a word with you?" Edward asked. Oh, now he wanted to talk? Who cares? Whoever could give me the answers I wanted was who I needed to talk to.
"We'll talk later?" I asked Seth.
"Sure! I've got patrol tonight, but we can talk soon."
"Okay. See you later then," I said as I turned towards my dad. My arms folded over one another and a curious eyebrow was sticking up. "What's up?" I asked, as if I didn't already know.
My dad rolled his eyes before he said, "Privately."
Okay, this is getting stranger by the moment. How many private conversations can one really have here?
"You're right," he said, placing a hand on my back as we walked towards the five-car garage. "Let's go for a drive."
I saw Jacob watching us with a hardened look on his face. He must be curious. He always knew where I was, where I was going, and when I'd get there. He worried constantly. But that was the life of an imprintee and I accepted it. In fact, I more than accepted it; I embraced it. I couldn't imagine life any other way.
My dad flipped on the lights in the garage and grabbed the keys to Carlisle's new Aston Martin. Even I had to admit that this car was gorgeous. It was the shiniest candy apple red I'd ever seen. Of course, with vampire eyes one could see certain details that humans couldn't. When I was old enough to drive my dad took me car shopping with Aunt Rose. She basically willed the car salesman into practically giving me any car of my choice. I ended up picking out a fully restored 1977 black Chevy Camaro displayed in the showroom. Jacob and Edward brought me up to respect two things: human life and old muscle cars. Still, I preferred to run anywhere I wanted to go. I could usually get there quicker anyways.
We both got into the small convertible and pulled out. My mom was standing outside the garage eyeing us curiously.
"We're going for a quick drive, be back before you can miss me," Edward said softly to my mom as she bent down to kiss him.
"I already miss you," she said smiling softly at him. Ugh, could they be any more sickening? "You two be careful—Rose and I are meeting Alice to go shopping in Portland. We'll be back later," she said before walking into the garage, Aunt Rose not far behind her.
"Bella, before you leave, can you tell Jacob I'll be right back with Nessie? He's quite concerned at the moment," Edward said softly; he must be listening to Jacob's thoughts.
"Yep," I heard her reply from inside the garage.
We pulled away and went down the familiar unpaved road that led to the highway. We'd moved to this house two years ago. We moved a lot but always stayed within two or three hours of Forks, Washington. Mom always wanted to be close to Grandpa Charlie and, of course, Jacob always needed to be close to me. La Push was his home and my father respected him, the treaty and the imprinting enough to stay close.
Once we hit the highway my father drove fast, like he always does. I wondered where we might be headed, just to have a talk.
So what did you want to talk about? I asked silently.
"There are some things I think we need to discuss," he answered, pulling off the highway. He put the car in park and shut off the engine before sighing heavily. I prayed it wasn't going to be about what we talked about last week. That conversation was just way too uncomfortable.
"How do you think it felt for me?" he asked, hearing my thoughts.
"Dad, I get it. Do we really have to go over it again?" I asked, with an uneasy face.
"No, that is not what I wanted to talk about."
"'Kay, so what, then?" I wondered.
"Well… it's about Jacob." Edward said, looking down at his hands. Obviously, this was uncomfortable for him.
Dad, what is it? You're kind of freaking me out.
He bit back a laugh. "This isn't easy for me either, Ness, its new territory for all of us," he began before saying, "I knew it was going to happen eventually, but…"
"What on earth are you talking about?" I asked, wondering why he was being so cryptic.
"You and Jacob," he answered simply.
"Me and Jacob what?"
He just looked at me with a raised brow as if I was supposed to figure the answer out for myself.
"Dad, just spit it out, 'cause I'm not getting it," I stated, annoyed.
He made an uneasy face again and rubbed his neck nervously. "Your feelings are starting to change for Jacob, right?"
"Dad, you said this wasn't going to be the same conversation we had last week," I said, rolling my eyes. Gosh, this was almost painful.
"It's not; I'm not talking about you," he responded, looking forward out the windshield as if he were driving.
"Your feelings for Jacob have changed right?" he asked again.
"Kind of, I guess," I answered confused—I hadn't quite figured out my feelings just yet. I was just starting to see Jacob for the handsome man that he was… I really hadn't gotten any further than that.
"Well, when Jacob imprinted on you when you were born, I saw what imprinting really was. It's about being whatever the imprintee needs. A protector, a friend, and so on."
"Okay…" I said when he didn't continue.
"How do you think Jacob knows when you need a friend, or a hunting buddy? Do you ask him?" he asked, finally meeting my eyes once more.
"No, he just sort of knows," I answered. Edward's brow lifted again, waiting for me to catch on. Then it hit me. Jacob knew I was starting to see him differently. Heat rushed to my face. Oh my God, how embarrassing!
"Don't be embarrassed sweetheart. It's just a natural part of life. But I'm not sure Jacob knows exactly how to handle things. He's conflicted… as I'm sure you can guess."
I bit my lip nervously. This is so confusing; I can't help but wonder if his feelings have changed for me, too. He's never hinted at anything. Not like other boys I've known throughout my life. My parents forced me to go to school, keeping up with the human façade. I always had to pretend to be a certain age, a certain level of intelligence and a certain level of human. It was difficult at first; but then I just got used to it and enjoyed it. It was nice having some type of normalcy to my life. I liked having friends and going to dances, as well as college life and its experiences. Not once did I see any jealously or unhappiness when I told Jake about the boys that asked me out.
"So, have his feelings changed for me?" I asked my dad, though I seriously doubted that he would tell me.
"I think that is something you should talk to him about."
Figures. Edward wasn't saying anything.
"He did come to me, though."
What do you mean he came to you?
"Well, he sensed your feelings, and came to ask me…" His voice trailed off.
"Ask you what, dad?" I asked anxiously.
"He asked me…" He began turning his head away again. He was just as uncomfortable with the conversation as I was. "Permission," he finished.
"Permission?" I repeated.
"Yes, he knows I'm kind of… old-fashioned when it comes to certain things."
Certain things? Try all things dad.
His lips twitched into a smile.
"So his feelings have changed too?" I asked, still confused.
"Talk to Jacob, Nessie," he said, before turning the car back on.
"Whoa! Wait, we're not done talking are we? I mean, you can't come out with this information and then just end it like that."
"I promised I wouldn't say anything else," he said simply.
"Promised who, Jake?" I asked. It felt like everything was just turned upside down. Things felt off-kilter, like there was a shift in the earth.
"Yes… and your mother," he said quickly, as though he didn't want to admit it.
"Oh my God, mom knows too," I said. This was so mortifying. The whole house must know… The only person who didn't know was me.
Edward didn't reply. Confusion didn't really cover how I was feeling at the moment. I couldn't help but think about Jacob. He hasn't acted any differently towards me, not in the slightest, except earlier when we were on the porch. I replayed it in my head. He sat down; I asked him if he was going on patrol tonight… nothing out of the ordinary. Then, I thought about what my dad said. He "senses" my feelings. I looked over at the side mirror and saw my flushed face. I remembered then, that I breathed in his scent, and then, while watching him… Oh my gosh, how many times can a girl get embarrassed in one day? This was record-breaking I'm sure. When we pulled back into the garage I didn't want to get out. My father and I were gone hardly ten minutes. I knew Jacob was in my house. I could hear him laughing at something Seth was saying. Even if I didn't have super-immortal hearing I would've known he was there—my body just senses when he's near me. What was I going to say to him? What was he going to say to me? This is ridiculous; it's just Jake; the same Jacob that's always been there for me. That thought didn't comfort me. It's different, now—that's what the change I felt earlier was. My life shifted into something else. This was just getting weird. I didn't know how to proceed.
"Just talk to him," my father said, intruding in on my thoughts. I welcomed it.
"How? What do I say?" I asked, looking for any sign of help.
"Just be you, honey, and it'll all come to you," he answered opening my side of the door. I got out feeling shaky. Was this how girls felt around boys they like? I'd never really liked any other boys, never even kissed one before. I saw my father's smirk.
We made our way up the porch as I listened to the conversations going on inside. The sound of Jacob's voice was making me even more nervous. This was all kinds of new for me. I almost felt a pull towards him. Not really knowing what to do, I stopped at the door and looked around anxiously.
"I'll let him know you want to talk. I think he's been expecting it a little," my dad said, going through the door. How could he be calm about this? He was my dad—did he know he was throwing me to wolves? (Pun intended.) I saw a smile on his face before he disappeared inside.
What have you gotten yourself into, Ness? I walked over to the wooden rail and leaned on it, watching the sun starting to set. I felt like I wanted to go back to this morning and have a do-over. But, then again, I'm not sure I did. A part of me wanted this to happen—no, needed this to happen. I tried really hard to remember when my feelings started to change for Jacob and I couldn't think of a time when I didn't look at him with admiration. I guess for the past year or so it's changed a little, picking up momentum every day. I just thought that, when the time came, he'd be the one to take the first step.
Jacob's scent became stronger and stronger and I couldn't help but breathe him in again. It was hard to control myself around him lately. And that was saying something, because I was always able to control myself well. You have to when you have a father that can read minds and an uncle knows when there's the slightest shift in your emotions. It becomes difficult to have any privacy whatsoever.
"Hey," Jacob said with a smile, like he was happy to see me safe. I looked at his face, lit up from his smile. He was just so beautiful to me. His smile faltered at my thoughts. Oh great, another mind reader.
"Hey," I said back.
"You okay?" he asked with an arched brow.
"Yeah, I just…" My nervousness hit me like a ton of bricks. I do not know how to get this out. I don't even know how he feels. I'm not sure I could deal with rejection from him; anyone else, sure, but not him. Never him. "Wanted to talk," I finished in a rush.
"'Bout what?" he asked, sincerely curious. He walked forward and leaned his shoulder against a porch beam. He was so comfortable with himself; I envied it.
"I think you may already know," I said looking away from him quickly.
He became instantly quiet, too quiet. In fact, I couldn't even hear him breathe. I looked at him hesitantly, not really knowing what emotions I'd see on his face. He was looking down at his feet. Maybe he didn't want this. I'm barely certain that I want to move things forward. Worry crossed over my face as I bit my lip. I felt fidgety, like the way my mom was when she was human. If she had the feelings like I'm having now, I understood why.
He finally looked at me, and I stepped forward. I couldn't help it. It was like he pulled the invisible string around my waist. Still, no emotion showed on his face. Did he feel nothing more than friendship for me?
"Jake, please say something." I couldn't take his silence anymore.
He took in a deep breath and stood up straight. I continued to chew on my lip, waiting for him to say something… anything; but nothing came from his lips. His silence was like a slap in the face and the invisible string around my waist grew slack. I stepped back, but as I did, he took a step forward with his hands reaching out towards me. I watched closely as he balled up his fists and dropped his arms at his waist.
If I were someone else, looking on the outside of this situation, I'd say he was struggling with something himself. Maybe he felt caught between his feelings too. Whatever it was, I grew bolder in that moment. This was Jacob, my wolf, my best friend—nothing to be nervous about… right? I walked forward and stopped an inch away from him. When I wanted to get something across without really knowing how to say it, I'd just use the talent I had since birth. My hand touched his face as I showed him memories of the past few months that I had. Moments when we'd laugh together, but I stopped just to enjoy the sound of his laughter. Or other times when he would just look at me and my stomach filled with butterflies. I showed him today, when I couldn't help but enjoy looking at his body. And finally, I showed him the conversation I had with my father before we got back home; every single word, every single moment, even when I'd caught a glimpse of my reddened face in the side mirror.
After I was done, I slowly let my arm fall. His eyes bore into mine and there was something in them I hadn't seen before, something primal. I wasn't sure how he was feeling, but I knew this felt right. Embarrassed at my revelation, I looked down, now I was the one looking at my feet. I felt his hand tilt my chin up and I looked back into his eyes begging for him to respond.
"Do you have any idea how long I've waited for this moment?" He said almost pleadingly. Then, he smiled my favorite smile. The string around my waist pulled as hard as I ever felt and I flung myself into his open arms. He spun me around, hugging me crushingly tight. It probably would have broken human bones, if I had any.
"Why didn't you say anything a minute ago?" I asked when he set me back on my feet.
"I guess I'd just waited so long… it's like it wasn't real. That and I didn't want to say anything that would creep you out," he admitted. Leave it to Jake to say the wrong thing at the right time.
"This is hard for me too, especially since I don't really know how you feel about me," I said, before I became too nervous to admit it.
"You're kidding right?" Jacob said with raised brow.
"No." And I wasn't. I gave him many admissions tonight… was I wrong to want to know that I wasn't the only one feeling like this?
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, if I could only show you the moments when you've taken my breath away. Or the times when you looked so beautiful my heart ached. I don't have your gift of projecting visions, but don't ever, for a second longer, not realize my feelings for you."
I felt tears sting my eyes. I only ever seen women on television cry happy tears, and here I was with the rest of them. I reached for him again and we embraced. I wonder how long he's had these feelings for me, feelings that were not for just a friend. Unable to ask myself, I touched the back of his head again, still locked in our embrace.
How long? I mean, how long have you had these feelings for me?
"Not sure; about a year or so," he replied, with a voice as smooth as silk. I felt butterflies burst in my stomach. "What about you?" he asked, with a nervous edge to his words.
"The same," I admitted sheepishly. We let go of each other but his hand grabbed for mine.
"Wanna go for a walk?" he asked, lacing his fingers through my own. So much had changed. The feeling of his hand in mine made the butterflies inside me explode with fire. This was so unexpected—and, to think, I wanted to go back to this morning and have a do over. I wouldn't change this moment for anything.
Looking up towards the pink and purple sky from the fading sun, I walked hand-in-hand with Jacob out into the yard. The last step off the porch and onto the grass made me feel like a new woman. Like, again, the world shifted.
What are your thoughts? Lemons will follow soon!