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Author's Note: Wow, I've managed to get some people all upset that this isn't a fanfic, but more of a blog. But in my own defense this is a dream sequence and now is the beginning of the fic. I made it seem that I was writing a blog and I personally was writing to Castle himself to prove that Kate has loved her for a very long time. However, you will now see it wasn't me. Just an illusion that I was building to, so here we go.

Disclaimer: You crazy cats, I clearly do not own Castle. Only in my dreams do I own this little spin.

It's 3AM and he is up staring out the window by the piano in the living room. The glow from the city lights are shinning in on him. It is pouring outside and has been for the past three nights. He loves the rain, the thunder and the lightning and he is sure that he could sleep through it all because he has always been able to. But lately, well who is he kidding he's been having these dreams almost always about Kate. It wasn't until recently; he was being led through these dreams by a narrator that he didn't really know. He here's scuffling of feet coming across the floor towards him.

"Richard, what are you doing awake?" Martha asked while rubbing her eyes. Her standing there in her neon green robe rubbing her eyes trying to wipe the sleep away, but still squinting at him waiting for him answer.

"Remember when you asked me if I was trying to get back at Kate for not telling me that she's known this whole time... All year?"

"Yes." She paused. "Is that why you are wide awake at 3AM?"

"Mother, I think I might need therapy. Did you know that Kate was seeing a therapist?"

She could hear the distaste and angst in his voice, but it almost felt as though his angst was at himself and a little at Kate. He is still mad at Kate for pushing him away like she always has been doing. "Why can't she just realize that I have been here the whole time? Right here, by her, for four years, right here." He moved over to the couch and sat down with his head in his hands. His mother sat down next to him and he leaned into her lap.

"Richard, what brought all of this on? I thought you were working your last case with Beckett and beginning to move on. Has something changed?"

"Mother, you and I both know that moving on from Kate isn't going to be like a light switch."

"Oh, I'm glad you see that now. And you realize that any new woman isn't going to replace her and working with another cop won't make it easy either."

"I've been having these dreams since the case with the mayor. It is like someone is narrating these dreams for me, but I could figure out who was doing it. It wasn't really a dream as much as someone knowing my past and present relationship with Kate. Telling me that I was being an idiot. They are trying to show me that Kate has loved me for a long time, trying to make me see this through this whole year of cases. Our interactions and conversations that at times, only she and I would know about. It is so creepy. And that is why I haven't been sleeping. Then you add to the fact that her mother's case has a connection to this case we are working on now...well I can't sleep. I want to protect her mother, but she doesn't want my protection. She wants revenge, a war and she doesn't value her own life to get this over with. It scares the hell out of me."

"Well did you talk to her? You stopped her before. You can stop her again."

"Not this time. I went to her apartment and asked her to stop. She found out that I was keeping her from her mother's case, but she didn't accept my reasoning. She told me it wasn't my decision...her life. I told her I loved her, I told her I knew she knew this for about a year and I asked her to stop if she cared about me at all. I laid my heart out there and she didn't budge. She is running at the cliff, about to jump and I can't stop her. Montgomery told me that they way he looked at it; I was the only one that could. But not now. She is going to take matters in her own hands and I told her I can't watch. I told her I was done and I walked away."

"Oh darling," she rubbed her hand through his hair. He was now stretched out on the couch with his head in his mother's lap. She was comforting him just like he was a child. Who cares? This was a matter of the heart and despite his actions during his hurt period.

"I can't close my eyes. All I see is his face."

"Who's face?"

"Captain Montgomery's, he is the one directing my dreams. He came to me last night and told me he was the one telling me I needed to stop her." He paused. "I know it is ridiculous and that is why I said I think I need therapy."

"It's not ridiculous and therapy isn't a bad idea. I know you follow her to protect her because you don't her to die. You watched her die in your arms last year and I think that trauma was enough for anyone to be in therapy. And her being in therapy is best for her considering what she went through."

"He told me that he was trying to make me see that she was evolving, healing and falling in love with me. After the bombing case, as you know I pulled away from Kate because I thought she didn't feel the same way about me, but he was subconsciously trying to make me realize that waiting for her to heal is worth it. And I see it now. I think she does feel the same way, but this one case has a hold of her. It has a gravitational pull into the darkest part of her soul. You know mother, I didn't tell you, but she asked me to wait for her when she came back from her summer at the cabin with her father."

"So that is what you should do...wait for her. Let her heal kiddo."

"But how long does she expect me to wait for her? And I can't watch her put her life on the line. I just can't put myself through that again."

"Look, tomorrow is Alexis' graduation and we are all she has got. We need to get our rest, get that beautiful girl through one of her life's milestones and then we'll focus on what to do about Kate. Okay?"

"Okay, Mother," and he made his way through the office.

"Oh and son," she said.

"Yes, Mother," he replied.

"Tell Montgomery I said hello and that you get it. He can let you get some rest now."

He smiled and nodded. He flopped on his bed and quickly he fell asleep in the same position he had landed.

xxxxx

Montgomery didn't come back in his dreams. Castle woke up feeling a little rested, but it would take him a week or two to get fully rested after his sleepless lights. He swung his legs to land on the floor next to his bed. He could smell something very familiar and deliciously like chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. He slid into his robe and made his way to the kitchen. Alexis was busy in the kitchen dirtying every pan and making the breakfast of champions. His mother was sitting at the bar reading the paper and sipping her coffee.

"What is all of this?" he smiled looking over the bar at all the food.

"Well I'm just feeling so much better about growing up and my speech that I just wanted to get this day started with a great breakfast. Can you believe I am graduating today?" she smiled and placed her hands on her hips. She caulked her head at her father. "Dad, are you ok? You look tired and sad."

"Well my baby girl is growing up. Some day you will know what this feels like," he rounds the island to her and ropes in with a big bear hug.

"Oh Dad, I'm going to Columbia and we have to set boundaries and rules, but we should get together for lunch or dinner each week. I love cooking together and there are things I'm not giving up. I am worried about you being here alone tonight. Gram's, can't you wait to go to the Hampton's?"

"No, no, no, you are going to the Hampton's and you are going to have fun at project grad. I have writing to do, movies to watch, video games to play and I need a little me time. Don't worry about me."

"Well maybe Detective Beckett, don't freak, but maybe you could invite her to watch movies with you?"

"I did invite her, but she has other plans sweetie."

"Well I am secretly hoping her plans fall through. Nothing wrong with that. Eat up Dad. I made too much food." She laughed and handed him a plate full of pancakes, eggs and bacon.

xxxxx

Castle is sitting at his desk in his office looking over his Nikki Heat notes and timeline for his latest novel. Who is he kidding? This isn't going to work. Writing about Beckett's alter ego isn't going to pass the time any easier as anything else that he trying to do to get over her.

His phone rings. He looks down at the caller ID and flashing on the screen in black letters with blue background says 12th Precinct.

He thinks about answering it. It can't be Kate because she always calls from her personal phone. Maybe they need my help. He slides his finger across the screen to answer.

"Hello."

"Castle, its Kevin. Listen, I don't have a lot of time to explain. Beckett and Javi are going after her shooter. They didn't tell Gates and they aren't calling in back up. Castle, I've never seen her like this."

"Kevin, I tried to stop her. I talked to her last night and I asked her to stop. She is out for revenge and no one can stop her. She isn't thinking rationally. You should fill in Gates and get to the location. Do what you have to do? I've got to go. It's my daughter's graduation today and I need to focus on this right now."

He didn't wait for a response. He just hung up and sat his phone down on the desk. He looked out the window and up to the sky. He turned to the murder board and the picture of Montgomery. "I hope that she will be okay. I'm leaving it to you. I can't save her from herself."

xxxxx

"Sir, I don't have a lot of time to explain, but can we round up swat and I'll explain on the way to the location." Ryan sucked in a breathe as he barged into the Captain's office without knocking. "Please, Beckett and Esposito went rogue on this case. We need to go make sure they aren't in trouble."

She didn't say a word. She picked of the phone and grabbed the address from Ryan's hand. She told dispatch to have a team at the address as soon as possible and she would meet them at the point.

"Ryan, I'm driving. Now starting talking," as they made their way to the elevator.

He explained everything. The connection of Montgomery with Beckett's mother's murder case then finding out that guy they are chasing was her shooter in the cemetery last year. "Captain, she's out for revenge."

"Yes, and she disobey a direct order because I told her that there is no room for personal vendetta's in my precinct."

They make it to the location and find Javi on the floor with a bad blow to the head. He waves them past him saying, "The roof. She followed him up to the roof."

"Go Ryan and you three go with him. I'll be up in a minute." She looked down with a glare at Esposito who was wincing from pain and rubbing the back of his head. Then she briskly walked off heading for the roof and all he could hear was the clicking of her heels as she walked away.

"Beckett!"

"Castle!"

"Beckett!"

"Castle, I'm here. Nooooo, Oh god. Castle!"

"Beckett, hang on."

"Castle!"

"Beckett!" She feels a grab at her arm and she pulled up. Back on solid grounding, she looks around, "Castle?"

Ryan nods his head in a no fashion and clears the path for her to view Captain Gates.

xxxxx

They load into the swat van. Esposito is holding an ice pack to the back of his head and he's taken his side. Picked sides with Beckett still, sitting next to her. She is leaning on her knees with her hands folded. Ryan is sitting opposite from them and just thanking his lucky stars that he made it to roof on time.

"Guys, I had to tell Gates to get the back up."

"What? Don't speak to me right now." Javier shouted at him.

"Javi, stop. Just stop. I was just hanging from the roof and Ryan saved my life. I could be lying in that alley way right over there lifeless." As she pointed out the back window of the van. "Face it. I was wrong in thinking we can fight this alone."

The rest of the ride to the precinct was quiet. You could hear each squeak from the suspension of the van it was so quiet. They van stops at the front of the precinct and they are met with Captain Gates at the sidewalk.

"Esposito and Beckett. My office. Now."

Esposito just glared at Ryan and Beckett followed Gates into the building. Esposito and Ryan followed.

"...lying to a superior officer, what you did dishonors this city and dishonors the badge. Not only are you off this investigation, I'm putting you both on administrative leave effective immediately."

"Sir," Beckett started.

"Don't you Sir me. You don't deserve to wear the uniform. Now hand over your badges and guns."

Esposito does his first.

"Detective Beckett."

She reaches for her gun and places it on the desk. She holds her badge a little longer and pads her thumb just under the numbers 41319. She throws down onto the desk and nods, "Keep it. I resign."

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