Set after 3x18. That scene broke my heart into a million tiny pieces and then set them on fire. Seriously, these two... I can't even.

Title from 'Not Your Fault' by Awolnation

I don't own TVD.


Find my sun in the dark side of my shadow


He wants to scream.

There's something burning inside of him, something bitter and heavy and frightening. Rage and despair and sheer emptiness are overwhelming him; he's confused and tired, sick of feeling so much and feeling absolutely nothing at the same time, permanently surrounded by guilt, always drowning in darkness.

And then there's this feeble ray of light that actually scares him so much more, a feeling he doesn't want to recognize, warm and soothing and right, and he starts shaking because he really can't deal with this right now.

He wants to scream.

It's too complicated (except it isn't) and he doesn't even want to know what is going on (except you do know, don't you, Stefan?), doesn't want to understand why this is happening, why he's always spared (except you've already understood, you liar).

Klaus kills anyone who dares to betray him. Klaus punishes his own siblings every time they disappoint him. Klaus always gets revenge.

But Klaus clearly has a soft spot for him, and he's not sure whether to feel thankful or terrified.

He wants to scream.

He wants to run away and destroy (everything, the whole world, the entire universe) himself, wants to disappear and become someone else. Or maybe he just wants somebody to find (save) him before it's too late.

But maybe it already is too late and he's as fucked in the head as Klaus is, because apparently Klaus knows him better than he knows himself.

'I have given you someone to hate, to loathe; a target for all of your anger so you don't have to turn it on yourself.'

He wants to scream.

Use me, hate me. Just don't hate yourself.

Don't hurt yourself.

And he screams.

He screams, because this thing between him and Klaus, this thing that he doesn't dare to name, doesn't dare to understand – it won't stop. It's too powerful, too intense, too much and now he knows that it won't ever stop, because after everything that's happened, after everything he's done, Klaus still cares.

Klaus is so damaged that he still wants him, still won't give up, still looks at him like he's the sun and the moon and the stars – but he's not.

He can't be who Klaus wants him to be. He can't be his savior.

He needs help too.