He's a married man. But that doesn't mean he's happy. She knows it's wrong. But she's positive she can make him feel so right. Sheriff Graham/Ruby. ONESHOT. Don't own OUAT! R&R! This was originally going to be a David/Mary Margaret fic, but they seem too innocent for something like this! HAHA! Based on the song 'Va Va Voom' by Nicki Minaj. Lyrics from the song 'Va Va Voom' by Nicki Minaj. I don't own 'Va Va Voom' either, but goddamn it's a good song.


To say he isn't happy would be an understatement.

He's miserable.

He's pretty sure he isn't even alive.

Just an empty shell. Existing only to exist.

He turns the golden ring on his left finger, staring at it blankly.

Some would say it represents an eternal bond.

An eternal love.

He feels neither of those for Regina.

She is evil. Pure evil.

Who forces a man to marry them?

At first, he saw no fault in it.

A small town...marrying the mayor...a lot of possibilities would be open to him if he did.

He wasn't the lovey dovey type anyway.

And the girl he wanted was definitely NOT in his league...

Too gorgeous for words. He's pretty sure she barely notices him when he watches her wait tables at Granny's Diner.

So he thought, what the hell?

And Regina really wanted children.

So why not do that for her?

But a month into this 'marriage' and he realizes it was a big mistake.

She's nothing but a cold, heartless bitch.

And now he's supposed to spend the rest of his life with her?

Yes. He's miserable.

And there's no way out of it.

He skulls the scotch and it burns his throat, but he doesn't care.

After all, misery loves company.


She's miserable.

The man she's liked for years is married.

And not only is he married...he's married to the mayor.

Who is a bitch.

Nothing in life is fair, is it?

She's watching him drink his scotch and she knows he's just trying to drown his sorrows.

And it kills her to see him like this.

She wants to take his pain away.

But sleeping with a married man is just completely and utterly WRONG.

Even for the town slut.

She sees the men watching her from across the room. She sees their eyes roam her body.

She sees them slowly undressing her in their perverted little brains.

Usually she would act upon this.

She's earned her reputation of 'town slut' for a reason.

But she only does it to feel something.

She's lonely. She has no one. No one who loves her.

She knows every single guy she's slept with feels no love for her.

Nothing but horny men, after all.

But just once, she needs that spark.

That spark that she's important. That she means something to someone other than herself.

But she's never felt it.

Not once.

She's still watching him, wondering if she should act. She doesn't want anyone to see her. She knows what they'll say.

"There's the town slut again, and OH LOOK! She's going after a married man now! Tut tut..."

He looks at every single girl who passes him with regret, and wonder, and sadness.

And overall, desperation.

He's begging one of them to save him.

And he's unaware that she's practically dying for the opportunity to take him away from it all.

Cause I know, he got a wife at home
But I need just one night alone
If you keep playing those good old games
I'm a runaway-eh, I'm a runaway-eh-eh

She has no idea what to do.

She's conflicted.

To be honest, she's never cared what people think about her.

If she did, she would've left town long ago.

You can handle being called a slut for only so long.

But she just doesn't want HIM to suffer.

Because she knows, if Regina finds out that something's happened between them...

She'll flip out.

She'll probably have them burned at the stake, or ripped apart, or guillotined or something.

And there's no doubt in her mind that Regina could pull those strings.

She skulls her vodka and slams it on the table.

Enough stalling.

She's going to do it. She doesn't care about the looks she'll get.

She just hopes he won't be the one suffering for it.

But as she sits up from her seat, she sits back down.

It's always that same question.

What if Regina finds out?

But she needs to do this.

Not only for herself, but for him.

He's miserable. And she knows she can make him feel better.

She just knows she can.

I-I-I wanna give you one last option
I-I-I wanna give you one last chance
If-if you're looking for the main attraction
Just hold on tight and let me do my dance

She makes her way over to him. It takes her less than five seconds.

He looks at her with that sadness, that grief. That desperation.

And something else that she can't quite put her finger on...

"Ruby..." He says, surprised.

And she brushes her hand against his and leans in to whisper in his ear.

"Let's get out of here."

He looks at her in shock.

"What?"

"Let's go back to my place." She says firmly. He shakes his head.

"If she finds out..." He says, but she shrugs.

"Then she finds out. I'll take it. I don't care. I just...I can't watch you like this anymore. You need to be happy. You deserve to be happy, Graham." She says over the pounding music.

And he amazes her by shaking as sobs rack his chest.

"Thank you." He mouths. She smiles and takes his hand.

"We're getting out of here. Now."

If you want it I'm gonna be
Va va voom, voom
If you got it, you got it
You got that voom voom

She watches everyone watch them leave, but she doesn't care.

She'll take any of the consequences. Just to give him one night of pleasure.


Her whole body is on fire.

His kisses are burning her, but she can feel his heartbeat going crazy.

He's gasping, and he's sweating, but he's smiling as her hands roam all over his body.

And she can tell he's having the time of his life.

And she's glad she's giving him this feeling.

You got that hot shit, boy ya blessed
Let me feel up on ya chest
Flexing, you the man
You the man 100 grand
This same roll, game down
Yes I play it very well

She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him passionately.

And that's when she feels it.

That spark.

That spark she's been longing for.

She groans and pushes herself closer to him.

She doesn't want this feeling to go.

She doesn't want HIM to go.

She needs this feeling. This sense of togetherness.

This sense of fulfillment.

Come baby lay down, let me stay down
Lemme show you I run things in my playground
Come on get this va va voom voom!

Hours later, he lays down next to her, looking up at the ceiling and she props herself up on her pillow, cocking an eyebrow.

"Have fun?" She gasps out. He laughs.

"I've never felt this way before! Oh god, I don't want this night to end. I don't want to go back to my shitty life with that...that horrible woman." He whispers, running a hand through his hair. She places her hand on his chest.

"Why did you do it? Why did you marry her?" She asks. He sighs.

"She wanted kids. I wanted...you...but I knew I could never have you. I thought it was a good idea...I was wrong. Horribly wrong."

She's amazed and shocked at this revelation.

And to be honest, a little pissed off. Here's the guys he loves, loving her back and they never acted on it.

They're both stupid.

But she can still fix this.

It's the perfect idea.

Regina may be the town mayor. But she isn't the president.

"Let's run away."

He looks at her in shock.

"What?"

"We could do it. It's not like she can send an army after us."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she did." He says, scoffing. She places her hand underneath his chin and makes him look at her.

"We could do it." She whispers. He gulps.

"She'll kill us."

"She'll never find us. And what's life without a little risk?" She whispers breathlessly. He kisses her, but pulls away, looking at her such fire in his eyes, it sends shivers down her back.

"Ruby...where the hell have you been all my life?" He asks. She grins.

"At Granny's Diner, falling more in love with you every single day." She whispers back.

"If only I acted on what I felt, too...maybe things would be so different..." He says, sighing.

"If only." Ruby whispers. He's shaking his head before finally-

He chuckles, but nods.

"Let's do it."

"Really?" She says, grinning. He kisses her once more, then pulls away and looks at her, that same fire in his eyes.

"I can't live like this anymore. And I've...never...ever had what I had tonight...with anyone. I don't wanna lose that. So yes..."

He gulps, but nods, grinning.

"Yes. Let's do it."

I-I-I wanna give you one last option
I-I-I wanna give you one last chance
If-if you're looking for the main attraction
Just hold on tight and let me do my dance

She's waiting for him in her convertible when he runs out of the mayor's house, throws his bag of clothes in the back seat and jumps into her car, grinning.

"Left her a letter and the ring. Let's get the hell out of here, please!"

She giggles and kisses him passionately.

She's positive they can never return here.

She's positive she'll move from town slut to complete and total home wrecker.

But she doesn't care.

She's with the man she loves. And she's taking him away from his pain.

She presses down on the gas pedal and he whoops out in glee as they leave Storybrooke far behind.

If you want it I'm gonna be
Va va voom, voom
If you got it, you got it
You got that voom voom

If you want it I'm gonna be
Va va voom, voom
If you got it, you got it
You got that voom voom