A/N: This fic came about thanks to a conversation I had with Tim Ferguson about what he would wear if he was the next doctor. So that's where this fic was born…but it kind of went off in a totally different direction! XD I promised The-Doctor-Song a happier Doctor Who fic than my last and I have to thank her HEAPS for helping me with this…she is a master, a goddess if you will XD GO READ HER FICS! Please? Yes! Anyways, enjoy and review! Oh and also, this fic makes mention to 'Shada' by Douglas Adams (new DW book) (a definite must read)
Of all of the ridiculous, hysterical, unusual things the Doctor had acquired and worn over the years, River Song decided that this was most definitely the most horrendous. It didn't stop her laughing though. There he stood with his hands on his hips and the silliest grin on his face on the beach of Drornid, acting as if his appearance was nothing out of the ordinary.
River was so glad for his sake that Amy and Rory weren't back from getting ice-cream yet because she was sure she wouldn't be able to hold in the laughter she was so delicately trying to hold back when she saw the looks on their faces. She wanted to be nice to him, to tell him how strappingly handsome and brave he looked but she couldn't even get past the first word without breaking into fits of giggles. Oh what a beautiful, beautiful idiot he was, she mused, flicking his hair out of his face. He was her beautiful idiot, though.
"Doctor, River," Amy called through the crowds of people, "We've got the—" Amy stopped as she and Rory approached, her laughter ringing across the beach. Rory looked mildly disturbed, not sure where to place his eyes before he finally decided on the sand in front of his thong-clad feet.
"What in the name of sanity are you wearing?" Amy asked, clutching her stomach, tears streaming down her face.
The Doctors grin faltered a bit, his lips quirking noticeably downwards in that familiar pout of his.
"They're called Speedo's, and," He sent a pointed look towards River and Amy, his hands covering the tight latex swimmers, "this time it would be appreciated if you don't tear it off me and blast it into smithereens like you did with my Fez."
River chuckled and lent in to place a quick kiss on her husband's lips before she turned on her heel and swaggered off to get changed into her swimmers calling over her shoulder.
"Sweetie, at least put a shirt on so you don't get burnt."
He did as she instructed, not without poking his tongue at her and he slipped the nearest shirt on; a singlet, no less. What a sight he was, Amy though with a giggle but handed him his jelly baby and celery flavoured ice cream and sat down on a banana chair next to her husband. Rory smiled goofily at her as she kissed him lightly and then he looked over at the Doctor who was rummaging through his coat pocket, pulling out random items while he held his ice cream with the other hand.
"So why exactly did you choose this planet? You never got to tell us because River called and demanded we pick her up."
The Doctor looked up thoughtfully and then grinned.
"I didn't, did i? Oh well," He threw an origami swan and a chocolate frog onto the sand, "a very long time ago, hmm say about 400 years, a very old friend of mine, Professor Chronotis lost a book he 'borrowed' from Gallifrey and a very bad…well actually, he was mad….yes a very bad, mad man stole it and it almost dominated the entire universe. Luckily Romana, K9, Bristol, Clare and I—"
"You do love a bit of gloating, don't you sweetie?" River mused as she returned, the Doctors mouth falling open as he admired her dark brown bikini.
"I think I see drool," Amy laughed, kicking him. He snapped out of his trance and sent his friend a mock glare.
"As I was saying, before River so deliciously…" His eyes trailed over River's body and Amy kicked him again. "Rudely! Before River so rudely interrupted me; Luckily Romana, K9, Bristol, Clare and I were there to stop Skagra. Long story short, this is Skagra's planet, Drornid, holiday planet for all! It's what infuriated him so much."
Amy rolled her eyes.
"Yes that poor man. Who could deal with all year sunshine and beaches and any flavoured ice cream you've ever wanted?" She mused sarcastically. "How terrible."
The Doctor smiled wistfully.
"Sometimes Pond, you remind me of Romana." Before anyone could speak, he let out an "Aha!" and pulled a Fez from his coat, grinning triumphantly. He shoved it on his head and then took a bite of his ice cream, a sour look crossing his face as he spat it to the sand, the cone following it.
"What is that?" He cried.
Rory frowned. "Its ice cream, Doctor- the ice cream you asked for, remember?"
A passer by scowled at the Time Lord as he stamped the ice cream into the beach and River threw her head back as she laughed.
"Yes well, I may have once liked jelly babies and celery, albeit not together, but no longer. Ugh!"
The Doctor sat down beside River as she laughed, sending a look of contempt towards the crushed and melting ice creams. Amy shaking her head at the man.
"Come on Rory, let's go swimming!" Amy shook her head at the Doctor and smirked, pulling her husband from the banana lounge and they stumbled towards the water. The Doctor sighed with contentment as he lay back watching the couple, his hands behind his head and he felt River pull her chair towards his so she could lie next to him, her head on his chest.
"You're enjoying this aren't you?" She asked, watching him as he licked her banana ice cream. His eyes flicked towards her.
She gestured around them with her ice cream. "This. No planets or people to save, no running around and being able to wear that god awful Fez of yours."
He grinned and touched the hat lightly, leaning forward to kiss her nose. River giggled and pushed him away playfully, taking another bite of her melting food.
"Yes, I suppose I am, aren't I? This is nice…you know, me and the Pond family; the girl who waited, the Last Centurion and of course," The Doctor pushed a strand of hair from River's face, "Melody Pond, River Song, the girl who killed the Doctor."
River grimaced. "If you remember, sweetie, I didn't actually kill you and I didn't particularly want to either, but you," she poked his chest, "the impossible man, you made me."
"Well, yeah," The Doctor grinned, "But I trusted you. Plus, I had it all planned out." He planted a sweet kiss on her lips, his fingers tangling through her curls and River smiled against his lips.
"Oi, get a room you two!" Amy called from the water and the couple laughed as they pulled away, the Doctor burying his head in her shoulder.
"God mother, you're so embarrassing," River said, waving dismissively towards her parents as the Doctors fingers skimmed over her side, a mischievous grin crossing his face. River frowned suspiciously. "What are you planning?"
"Oh nothing…" he smirked and before she could protest, his long arms were wrapped around her, throwing her over his shoulder as he carried her towards the water. River shrieked, pounding her fists against his back but she couldn't help but giggle.
"Sweetie! Put me down this-" She never finished that sentence because she was being thrown into the water. The warm liquid engulfed her, plastering her curls to her face. She gasped as she came up for air and sent a glare his way, where he stood thigh deep in the water, a smug grin plastering his lips.
That meant war in her mind. She disappeared under the water, heading straight for his legs but at the last moment, he moved and dove into the ocean. He surfaced behind her as she did, and his arms encircled her stomach, his tongue darting out to lick a bead of water from her neck. She shivered and reached around to splash water in his face. He spluttered, some it being sucked up his nose as he gasped. He choked a bit and Amy laughed at the pair, her husband joining them. Playfully, he swept a handful of water towards his wife, catching her off guard as it hit her face, dripping down her pale skin. Without warning, she pounced on him, her hands forcing his head under the water and Rory flailed as liquid rushed into his mouth and nose.
"Mummy, please don't kill father dearest," River chuckled, clinging to the Doctor as he spun her around. Amy let Rory up, slapping his shoulder as he coughed and as the Doctor watched them, he realised that he was enjoying this. It wasn't often they got to muck about like this, purposefully trying to kill each other-it was nice. No, it was better than nice; it was a family, and something he hadn't had in a very long time.
"What's on your mind, sweetie?"
He smiled and kissed her nose.
"Nothing, River. Anyway," he turned to his mother and father in law, "Who wants to go dancing?"
"Dancing?" Amy said, raising her eyebrow. "In case you've forgotten, Doctor, but we're on a beach. I don't see anywhere to dance."
The Doctor stuck his tongue out, shaking his head.
"In case YOU'VE forgotten, Pond,I have a time machine/spaceship. Or... She has me... Either way, we don't have to stay here."
She narrowed her eyes, as River tightened her hold on him.
"But i like it here. It's... normal."
He grinned, leaning forward to kiss her nose, when suddenly, a shriek from Amy broke his focus. Turning, they were just in time to see Amy disappear under the water, a shadow of a creature dragging her under. Rory called out, flinging his arms around before diving under after her. River turned to the Doctor, grimacing.
"Maybe... Not as normal as i thought." She said, before she too, disappeared under the water.
The Doctor sighed, pulling the Sonic from god knows where.
"Every time." He muttered, shaking his head as he dove in after River.
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