Hey everybody! I am so happy to have been able to write this one-shot! I think it's going to be something really cool, especially because it seemed like people were shocked, and a little bit confused, about Onyx's death, and why she just decided to kill herself off. I know it didn't make a lot of sense. But hopefully this will help you all to understand. Thank you so much to Falconflight, who wrote the Bloodbath point of view where Onyx's death was first written. I seriously wouldn't have written it any differently. And I am so happy to have had this experience to write a tribute to participate in these Games. It's been so much fun, and even though Onyx is gone, I am going to keep reading with bated breath on every chapter. Enjoy the one-shot!
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
The Death of Onyx Marshal, District 2
I hadn't planned on this being the way my Bloodbath experience worked out. I figured I'd kill some people, go find Hyre, get to my allies, and be the Career I had seen every year on my TV screen at home. I wanted to be that Career. The person that everyone remembers for being not only the winner, but the girl that killed the most people. The best warrior.
That wasn't exactly working out very well.
From the moment I stepped onto my plate my mind wasn't in the game. I'd gotten finished with a very...strange experience, and then realized my jacket wasn't even zipped all the way, which was notusual for me, since I always wanted to keep myself clothed around my stylist, Sven. I wasn't ready to go so quickly. I went into that tube the exact way I figured most of the weaker tributes would do it—fearful, and afraid. But it wasn't the Games I was scared for. It was what I had just left. The Capitol, and its crazy people.
I am currently standing in the Cornucopia, getting ready to kill Maia Spring. The one person here I truly wanted to kill. I have a knife up and in my hand loosely at my side, getting ready to fling it into her. Aleah Armani beats me to it, and Maia is dead before I even get my arm into position.
"Hey! That girl was mine for the killing!" I shriek.
Aleah looks up at me from her own spot, eying me with a wicked grin on her face. I had seen it a lot now that we had been in a few fights.
"Aww. You learned how to talk," Aleah mocks, still grinning, and giving me a run for my money at being head bitch. "Good girl! Good doggie!"
What is her deal? This whole dog thing bothered me in the beginning, but now it's just making me look down on her even more. It's not angering me. It's just plain stupid.
"What the—" I start, but she cuts me off quickly.
"Where are those mongrel friends of yours?" Aleah interrupts.
"Shut up, Armani, or I'll slit your throat right now!" I snarl, still making sure to maintain my cool. It's very important I don't lose it. Losing it could cost me my life. And if there is anything my brother taught me in training, it's that you always have to be careful, and calm, throughout these situations.
"Ooh, big talk, Marshal. Why don't you come over here and we'll see where you really deserved that eleven in training?" Aleah taunts.
I am speechless. What can I possibly say to her right now to make her shut up? I had all kinds of things I was going to say to Maia, but with Aleah, it's different. I have nothing I can say to her to make her back off. Make her scared. She's more like me than I will ever be able to understand.
"Bad dogs are always punished, pooch." Aleah's voice is the only sound I am hearing, even though I know there are more things going on inside the maze. I'm pretty sure there's a graveyard somewhere, too. Or maybe the smell of death is just natural here.
"And you're no different." She pauses, as though to give a thought to how to form an educated response. "Maybe carving my initials into your back will remind you not to mess with me."
Carve. Her initials. Into my back. This girl is insane! Does she think she can take me or something? Oh screw that shit! None of that is happening on my watch.
Instantly, Aleah pushes me face first to the ground, one foot settling onto my back, pushing me further, and I can feel the knife pushing into me. Maybe I overestimated my own ability…ha. No, she just got me while my guard was down. Why didn't I guard myself better? I will not let her get a rise out of me, even though this is so intensely painful. I will be strong.
The heel of Aleah's boot is grinding into my back, working the pain up even more. I learned it in training that this could make a victim feel in incredible pain, but this is the first and only time I have ever experienced it for myself. The knife is a different story. It's plunging deeper then I wanted, cold as its tip was dragged along the surface, and fiery hot as it tore open the skin, exposing all the blood and the pain. This is so excruciatingly painful, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming, tasting the metallic taste of my own blood in my mouth, mixed in with the taste of dirt and grass, since I was pushed down open-mouthed.
Hyre rounds the corner, stopping almost as quickly as he comes. He notices what's going on the same moment I notice him.
Run away. Just run away, Hyre. Go. Win. Leave me here. I'll die silently.
Surely this was a sign. I wasn't meant to win this. I try and keep my fear and terror and altogether sadness out of my emotions, but I know I'm not hiding it very well. I'm not trying to, either. I have completely let my mask falter.
Hyre pulls his own weapon, a wooden spear, out of a basket on his back and aims in at Aleah's heart. I almost scream out to him to run, but that would make me open my mouth, and I know I would just keep screaming once my body got the opportunity. I will not scream. The pain is getting worse now, filling up my entire back. Everything hurts.
Aleah notices Hyre and grins again, looking down at me as I look over at him.
"This is your boyfriend, right, doggie?" she asks.
Now is the time. I have to think of something to say. Something people will remember me by, even after I'm dead.
"Shut the fuck up," is my immediate response. My voice comes out raspy and weaker than usual. This certainly isn't looking any better.
"Oh, this is so great!" Aleah exclaims in that psychotic, happy way of hers.
"Now, I wonder which one of you will cry more seeing the other die. Hmm…"
Before I know it she is down on my level, pulling me up and putting the knife to my throat instead of my back. The metal is extremely cold, making me want to squirm my way out of Aleah's grasp, though I know that would only cut me faster and deeper, and make me look weak and useless if I did.
"Drop your weapon unless you want me to put down your bitchy girlfriend."
Hyre stares at her, and yet again, I silently urge him to run. She'll slit my throat anyway, but Hyre will have had a chance to run away. But he doesn't. He stands there, and I go for a blind attempt at saving both of us, grabbing her arm and getting it off of me. The knife goes flying, and I grab it, scrambling backward and getting up, poising my weapon. Onyx is back, bitch.
"You wouldn't fight two Careers, would you?" I say menacingly.
"Careers? Where?" Aleah scans the area, still faking the nerves, and I want to kill her now. Maybe more then I wanted to kill Maia.
"All I see is an injured bitch and her pathetic master," she quips.
I cry out in fury and lunge at her, but she's fast, and runs into the maze before I can get to her. I try and go after her, but Hyre grabs my arm, pulling me back in. I ignore his touch for a moment, trying to get to Aleah. She's my victim. I have to kill her.
"Don't chase her," Hyre warns me, "It's what she wants."
I struggle for a moment longer, and then give it up and scowl, getting out of his grasp.
"She took my prize," I mutter as I walk away. Hyre looks confused, and I decide to fill him in.
"She killed Maia." I clench my fists, the anger rushing back in. "I would have completely destroyed that bitch, and she just came in and took away my only kill!"
Hyre doesn't say anything for a moment. "Wait, you haven't killed anyone?"
And here comes where he thinks I'm a disgrace and kills me.
"Shut up!" I snap defensively. "Have you killed anyone yet?" I quip.
Hmmm. And he's judging me. Well at least we're both on the same level….maybe he won't find me such a disgrace after all.
"I injured Aspen from District 7, though."
I purse my lips. He's done more than me. Damn. "He's part of the Anti-Career alliance, right?" I ask. Hyre nods.
"Good job, then. I hope you managed to slow down those assholes."
A boy runs out, and I take the chance, wanting to kill somebody to make myself feel less….weird. I grin. "I've got this," I say.
I run over and get my knives ready, not letting this guy get away.
"Wai—" But whatever he was going to say dies as I throw my knife and it lands in his stomach, causing him to fall to the ground. I crouch, picking my knife out of him. It's bloody, but I wipe it on the grass and move on, although I am unable to mask my fascination. Killing felt so….good. I had trained for 11 years to be able to do that.
"I did it," I whisper, shaking a little bit.
"I did it!" I stand up and start dancing around like a crazy person, but I don't care. I am so happy and pleased with myself.
"Congratulations," Hyre mutters in disgust.
I stop dancing and frown at him, slightly disturbed he isn't as happy as I am about this.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"He didn't even put up a fight," He explains. "It wasn't right of you to kill him."
I glare at him. "He would have died soon anyway, and it doesn't matter whether it was right to do it or not. I'm going to do whatever I have to do to get you back home safely."
I notice my mess up, and he stares at me while I keep walking.
"What?" I ask.
"You said 'you'," Hyre replies. "I'm going to do whatever I have to do to get you back home safely.'"
"You're hearing things," I snap, "Now come on. There are still some tributes here, and I don't intend on letting them all escape into the arena unscathed."
But I wasn't joking. I knew what I had said, and what it meant. It meant I was giving up, and no matter how hard I tried to push that thought away, it was there, haunting me. Tempting me.
The thought of that stops me from getting Nella too. I almost got her, but she, like Aleah, got away too fast for me to catch.
She has just retreated, and Hyre and I are at our usual antics again, him holding me back and keeping me from running after her.
"Don't go after her," Hyre warns me. "She's not worth it, and we need to catch up with the rest of the group."
I spit in the direction she went in and turn back to Hyre, mad at myself for not being able to kill Nella. She was so much weaker than me. I should have been able to take her down easily, but I couldn't. My mind was playing tricks on me.
"Do you think I should have spared her too?" I ask. "She got a seven for her training score, and she's carrying an axe. You can't say that she's not a threat." I sneer.
"She wasn't attacking you, though," Hyre reminds me.
"She could have," I argue, ashamed now that I'm snapping at him. I don't want his last memories of me to be like this.
"I could attack you too," he retorts, "I could kill you right now if I wanted to."
I mentally laugh. He's so…wonderful. I don't want to crush him like I've been doing to others. I like Hyre a lot more than I like other people.
"No, you couldn't," I reply.
He raises an eyebrow at me, and I concentrate on every feauture of his face to make up for not knowing what to say next.
"I couldn't?" he asks.
I'm smirking now. Then I finally come up with what I want to do. I go over and stand on my tiptoes, my arms around his neck and shoulders, my lips so close to his, yet not touching. I can't kiss him yet.
"You like me too much," I whisper, keeping my lips where they are, hoping and praying he'll kiss me.
"You're probably right," he agrees, smiling slightly.
"Hyre, dear, I'm always right," I assure him, tracing a hand down his chest suggestively, and when he does nothing, I press my lips into his.
I've never kissed a boy before. Well...I have, but more like...forcefully...Sven liked me a little too much. We were saying goodbye, he had too much to drink...and I was changing while he was watching. That tempted him, and he...kissed me. Hard and long. And then he started taking off his own clothes, and I put mine on quickly. I didn't want that, what he wanted. I didn't have any feelings for him except fear for what he would make me wear next. I had run into that tube so fast I didn't know it was possible, just to get away from him. Most tributes say goodbye to their stylists before getting in. My final words to Sven were 'Go fuck yourself, because I'm not interested' before bursting into sobbing with no tears.
I hadn't really kissed anyone before. I'm surprised I know how to do it correctly. I had read about this in books, and seen it on TV and in movies, but this was real. I felt like a real person doing this. I pull away, smirking again.
"I bet you're a better kisser than your brother," I say. That's the nicest thing I can think to say. I want to say 'I love your sexiness, and your hair, and your eyes' and just keep telling him how much I love him, but I don't.
"Well, when you win, do me a favor and don't find out," is his reply. Does he think I'm stupid? I would never do that! That is, if I was leaving this Arena alive, I wouldn't. But for all I know, Jaime could rape my corpse. Mason might refuse to take it, too overcome with grief to even look at me in a state other than alive.
"When I win?" I echo. Every emotion is gone. I'm sad now, knowing what I have to do.
"Yeah, when you win," Hyre repeats, "You're going to win, Onyx."
He's so kind and wonderful and sweet. I wish that we could both come out of this, but since we can't, I am going to finally give Hyre the chance he needs to live. He's going to win this. I swear on my life. Literally.
I look down at my feet, and when I look back up, my vision is blurry. And I realize I'm crying. I haven't cried in so long. Since I was a child. A young child.
"Hyre…" My voice cracks. "I'm not going to win."
He opens his mouth to protest, but I force my knife into his hand so he's holding it. I take a deep breath, knowing what I'm about to do. I grab his other hand as well as I can with my hands shaking, though he probably can't feel that, and before he can say anything or drop the knife, I pull him forward and kiss him again.
The pain sets in slowly, at first barely a pinch, and I try and keep myself focused on the kiss, and not what's happening to me. Slowly, the pain starts intensifying, until it's so painful I am almost crying as I'm kissing Hyre. My eyes are wide open, so I can see him before I die.
He pulls away, what happened now dawning on him. He had no idea.
I try and tell him this isn't his fault, just in case he thinks it's his fault or something, but I can't utter a word. Nothing is coming out. I am trying to keep my breaths steady enough to let me talk to Hyre, but I don't want to live through this.
I fall to the ground, unable to stand on my feet anymore. Hyre catches me so I don't tumble and crack my head open, which I am thankful for. I'm getting slightly dizzy, and the pain is rising still, even though the knife is no longer there. It's already done it's damage. It did it's job.
"Onyx, damn it, what did you do?" he looks around, desperately looking for something. I struggle to say something.
"I'm tired of being a monster, Hyre," I whisper, "When you win, you do me a favor and tell Mason that I love him."
He shakes his head, tears building in his gorgeous eyes. "No, Onyx. I can't. You can't ask me to do this. You have to live."
"How can I continue to live when I can't live with myself?" I ask. It hurts me to finally reveal the truth. This has been building for a while, I know it, but I kept pushing it aside. If I slowly let the truth come, maybe I wouldn't have gotten to this point.
Thank God I wrote that note. It was the last thing I could think of doing last night. I couldn't sleep, and I had to write this...just in case. I can remember it word for word.
To Hyre and Mason,
If you are reading this, it means that I am dead. This is also inside my locket, so it means you had the brains and the lack of it as well to pry it off of my neck. I admire that, and I admired everything about the two of you. Sorry it's addressed to both of you...I had to get this to both of you. You were the only two people I truly loved, and don't take that lightly. I am so sorry that I am gone, but please...don't mourn for me. I am in a better place now. A place where all the most deadly and vicious people go. You both know how much I wanted greatness...and I achieved it. Feel proud of yourselves, because you made the person I am now...or was...sorry. I keep forgetting I'm dead now. I love you both. I'll see you one day...hopefully not too soon...but I know this isn't going to be the last time we'll see each other. In Heaven, I know I'll see you. Hyre...um...since this is the night before I go into the Games, I don't know how or when I died...but I hope that you are alright, darling. I hope that I was able to help you at least a little bit. I know you're at home right now, reading this...or you just got it from Mason. I want you to know that I am watching you. Like a stalker (you are NEVER getting rid of me! :p), and when you get up here, as a lover. I intended to kiss you before I passed on. Hopefully I did that. And Mason...mom and dad would be proud of you, too. Thank you for teaching me right and wrong...and trying, if not succeeding, to teach me how to treat people correctly. I hope that I have made you proud, and I am watching over you, too. To both of you, I might be gone from Earth now...but the two of you will always be in my mind, and in my heart.
I break out of my thoughts, remembering what and where I am, and what is going on.
"I told you. I'm tired of playing the role demon. You are good and pure, and you deserve to win more than any of the other assholes here," I say to Hyre as strongly as I can.
I can see the sadness starting to build in him. I don't want him to be sad. He'll read my note. Mason will read my note. And everything will make sense.
"Promise me you'll win for me," I command. He nods. "Now promise me you'll never forget how much I love you."
He's shaking so much, and I feel terrible, for making him feel terrible. "I…I will never forget," he stammers.
"Good," I reply, trying to make myself calm, for his sake. No matter how much pain I am, I am not letting him know that I am in pain. I want him to remember me as I was. Strong. Brave. Not bitchy. Not cruel. Just brave and strong.
"I love you," I murmur.
"I love you too," He answers.
And that's all I hear.
Slowly I am fading into darkness. Not just because I closed my eyes.
I see my mother first. She's exactly as I remember her at home, even though I only know her from pictures. Her glossy brown hair, her sea green eyes, and her smile. Her huge smile. The reason I never truly smiled. If I smiled, I thought about my mother. People thought I was a bitch because I did it, but it was either that or be a sobbing mess.
My father joins her, with his brown eyes looking so happy. My parents are back, and I can see them. I go to them, and slowly, everything starts getting really dark. I can feel my heart beat getting slower, but it's there faintly.
I am reunited with the parents I never knew, and they welcome me with open arms. And that…that's when it all ended. Eternal happiness.
Back in District 2...
Mason (Onyx's brother) POV
Dead. Gone. Onyx has killed herself. Why would she kill herself? She just had to go noble. She was supposed to win. She was supposed to come back to me. She wanted to win. This was the opposite of everything the two of us had planned for her. I told her it was alright if she had died, but she didn't just die. She made herself die. She kissed that boy, and intentionally stabbed herself with her own knife.
She also said she didn't want to be a monster. Monsters? Was that what we trained here? I don't think so, but I can see some of the other mothers and fathers going to their children as they shriek about not going to train anymore. Little kids cry about monsters, and some seem absolutely heartbroken, like me. One girl outright cried over it.
I will never forget the sound of that cannon.
"She did it with style," one drunk guy calls out.
"DAMN! I was waiting for them to have sex. I owe you 40 dollars, Mason."
I whirl around to my friend. "I can't believe you bet on my sister having sex in the Arena," I snap.
"Ha! I knew it wouldn't happen. She doesn't love him." A voice comes from behind me, and I turn. If I didn't know better, I would say it was the boy my sister had just kissed. But I know it's his twin. Jaime Fletching.
"What the fuck is wrong with her?" he asks, tossing me a wicked smirk. A smirk that makes me think of Onyx all over again.
"Go home, Jaime. This isn't a place you want to be in," I warn, already feeling my anger skyrocketing.
"You know, your sister has a really nice body. I would know. She offered it to me for when she got home."
"Go home, Jaime," I repeat.
"It's too bad she went stupid and killed herself."
And that's when I lose it, lashing out and punching him. Jaime falls to the ground, clutching his cheek.
"Don't ever talk about my sister like that," I say to him.
I look back at the screen, trying to see what's happening next. Hyre takes the locket off of Onyx, holding it. Cherishing it. He loved her so much...and she loved him. Never have I seen something like that before. Ever.
I walk home, knowing Onyx is in a better place. A happier place. Where there is love, and joy, and all the things I know she loves so much. One day I'll see her again. I know this isn't really goodbye. If I think of her, and keep her in my heart, it'll be like she's just away on vacation. But I will see her again. And I'll miss her for every second until I do.