A/N: Written a while ago. Posting it here for the first time. Written after 2x12, He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother.

"Jane, stop. This is ridiculous!" Maura attempts to grab at the detective's arm but Jane's swagger is already full force and Maura's hand merely swats at passing air. "Jane!" The doctor runs behind the woman, attempting to catch up with her, the clip of her heels against pavement making a sharp contrast to Jane's stomping.

This had all started with a very willingly Maura. She'll admit to it, though probably not with brief and succinct responses. No, it would most likely vanish into a swirl of referential vocabulary that would exhaust almost any audience. But at first, yes she had gone along with the plan because surely Jane had been kidding, embellishing, exaggerating. Jane's tone when she had informed Maura that she was indeed returning the bottle of wine Tommy had given her had been so overblown, so amplified, so Jane.

And Maura knows Jane. So Maura had gone along with the fake plan because talking seriously about something that is in fact not serious at all, well Maura figured that's what people do. Women do that. Friends do that. She hoped lovers might do it as well. She was practicing her sarcasm, after all. Practicing her sarcasm just for Jane.

Maura even went as far as to use her work database to narrow down which store Tommy most likely would have thought he was buying a 1994 Chateau De Gourgazaud from. It never once occurred to Maura that Jane was in fact all together serious, that the fake plan was about to be put into actual reality.

It was suppose to be silly. Maura should have known better than to think she could do silly.

Maybe it should have struck Maura as off when Jane strapped her into the passenger seat and drove to the not so class-act wine shop. Because Maura knows Jane never does anything half ass, surely her jokes would be the same. It would end as Jane did a drive by of the desired location, playing with Maura as if she were actually serious but in the end simply turning around. They would laugh at their own cleverness and then the conversation would shift to where Jane was taking Maura for dinner. It wasn't until Jane was striding across the parking lot of Bargain Wine that Maura got it.

Jane was serious.

And Maura was mortified that it took her this long to get it. Embarrassed that her social skills were so inept that she'd missed the entire point. Yet Jane was being ridiculous after all and now Maura was having to resort to running in a parking lot, late afternoon, a full day of work already exhausting her bones.

Running after a tall tall woman with long long legs.

And now? Now Maura is not embarrassed. Now Maura is pissed. Low-cut Giuseppe Zanotti black python-print boots are not designed for running or well, trotting. They're designed for strutting and Maura's strut is far too perfected to be wasted on the pace Jane is setting.

Maura stops running.

And if Jane is in fact the top-notch detective she's rumored to be she'll notice the absence of Maura's heels. Or she'll get that famous gut feeling she's always talking about and notice Maura is no longer behind her.

Jane keeps walking.

Maura barely makes out the detective as she stops in front of the store doors. She watches as the other woman appears to settle her appearance and then it's just the whoosh of the opening glass and a flash of fake Jane compliance.

This is not going to go well.

Maura tugs her coat tighter around her body and settles herself a few feet from the store windows where she can see Jane pretending to peruse the shop. She literally watches as the Ah-Ha! floats in front of Jane's brain when she notices the scarlet mousseline satchels the store keeper is packaging his fine wines in.

Maura turns away as Jane approaches the man behind the counter. She turns to watch a group of young girls in entirely inappropriate dress for the coming winter gossip by. She hears the ring-ding of a Salvation Army volunteer who is collecting donations for underprivileged families and the impending holidays. She glances over her shoulder just in time to see Jane set the bottle from Tommy onto the counter. Jane's face is still controlled but Maura can imagine the harsher tone that is probably starting to make an appearance. And then it's literally a countdown that plays through the doctor's brain.




Maura watches Jane flip out her badge.

The bell attached to the shop door makes its cheerful sound on Maura's entrance at the same time that Jane's voice comes ripping through the store, the sound washing over the blonde. Luckily, the store is almost empty, save a few other shoppers who pretend to continue browsing.

"You think it's okay to cheat people out of their hard earned money?"

"If you could just calm down ma'am, I'm sure we can discuss how on occasion a poor bottle of wine does slip through-"


Maura closes her eyes for a brief moment. That poor man is now most definitely screwed.

"Did you just tell me to calm down!" Jane is leaning against the counter, her nose in front of the man's face, goading him into digging a bigger hole, a mote if he pleases.

"Should we maybe notify the police?" A small whisper to Maura's left alerts her. She turns to find two middle-aged women huddling around a display.

"Please don't." Maura throws her comment at the shocked shoppers. "She is the police." And then she finishes crossing the store's threshold to stand beside Jane.

"Jane. How's it going in here?" Maura's voice is full of fake but at least it gets Jane to turn towards her.

"It's going wonderful Maur, thanks for asking." Jane's sarcasm has hit a whole new level but at least this heightened infliction is easier for Maura to detect. "This man, who won't give me his name, is insisting that it was an error and not an intentional wrongful sale. Insisting he isn't in the-" Maura watches Jane raise her hands in sloppy mimed quotations, "-business of counterfeiting wine."

Maura gives a pained grin to her friend before turning to the owner. "I advise you to give her your name."

"But I haven't done anything wrong lady! You can't prove anything!"

Maura again closes her eyes as the man continues to choose language that will most certainly enrage her friend.

"I'll have a warrant so fast for this place you couldn't make all these bottles disappear in time." Jane's Bostonian slash Texan slur channels forward, flying out of her mouth as she actually pulls out her phone and punches her speed dial, Frost's name lighting up on the screen.

All Maura wanted was an early day off and a fun time with Jane.

But before Maura can do anything like convince Jane to stop overreacting or question the detective on the fact of can she even get a warrant without any evidence or remind her of the repercussions of a homicide detective spending tax-payer's dollars on busting a shady wine store, the man speaks up.

"Ah. Ah. Please can't we just discuss this first. I might be able to, well, I..."

Maura and Jane both snap their heads up from looking at Jane's phone, taking in the store manager's face. He's panicking. Big time.

"You'll..." Jane just glares a little harder.

"I'll be happy to reimburse the purchase, no receipt necessary."

Maura nods along, encouraging him to keep it up. Jane just raises an eyebrow.

"And I'll let you choose from anything here that you'd like. You can taste any selection first."

Maura keeps nodding, staying silent. She may just get her calm evening after all.

Jane isn't reacting but Maura can hear her brain starting to soften and then the detective speaks.

"Cheese too?"

Jane knows how much Maura enjoys a fine cheese.

"Of course, of course, whatever you want. We aim to please our customers."

"Oh spare me the bullshit."

Maura watches as the man submits and Jane tugs at her belt-loops like she's readjusting her dick. She tries not to roll her eyes. Instead Maura pushes the bottle towards the man and watches as he immediately picks up on the movement. He goes to start scanning the label, the cash register springing open with a sharp ring.

"Maura!" It's a bark, but a protective Jane bark.

"Yes Jane."

"Pick us out some wine."

Maura blinks and hops to.

Thirty minutes later the two emerge with three bottles of red, two bottles of white, one bottle of champagne, four individually wrapped wheels of gourmet cheese and three-hundred and twenty-two dollars in cold hard cash.

Maura's eyes are a mixture of glee and apprehension as she trains her eyes first on the packages and then on Jane's face as the two cross back to the car.

"Well that went well."

"Humph." Jane transitions the bag from her left hand to her right and unclips her phone from her belt.

"Who are you calling now?"



Jane just jerks her head to where they just came from.

"But Jane! He was so helpful!"

"Maura! He's a crook. Crooks are always huge softies when they're about to be hung." Jane rolls her eyes at her naive and pretty friend, hitting the send and holding the phone to her ear.

"Oh Jane. You promised you wouldn't."

Jane just holds a finger up, silencing the other woman. "I did not promise."

The conversation replays, humming around Maura's face and getting tangled in her hair. Hm, technically Jane never promised anything.

"Won't it be suspicious when the store owner goes on about the coercive tactics that some detective used on him which resulted in free goods?"

Jane pauses, potential trouble slapping her face, and then snaps her phone shut.

"I was not coercive."

"You were."

"It was deserved."


"He's selling counterfeited wine!"

Maura considers that. "Either way a customer would deserve some compensation."


And then she considers this. "But we weren't the original customers."

Jane bites on a fingernail. "I doubt he remembers my name."

Now it's Maura's turn to shake her head at her naive and pretty friend. "Okay, fine. Right. BP won't connect that the female detective with an attitude was you. You're right."

Beat. Pause.


Jane digs her keys out of her pocket, slipping one of the bags off Maura's fingers and starts to load them into the trunk. Her cellphone remains at her hip.

"Nice sarcasm by the way."

Maura colors, immensely pleased with the compliment. "What sarcasm, Jane?"

Jane jerks her head up from closed trunk to bright green eyes. Maura smirks as her friend scrutinizes her face. Jane just peers harder then snorts as she makes her way to the driver's side. "I hate when you do that."

Maura laughs, slides into her own side, smoothing her blouse before pulling the seatbelt across her chest. "So what now?"

"Three hundred and twenty-two dollars could get us far."

"Oh Jane. I've always wanted to take a trip with you. One day we should go to France, I would love to show you where I grew up."

Jane grins as she slaps the visor down to block the vanishing sun as it slides into the car, she squints at Maura who is bathed in a halo of light, her features ignited. "I was thinking more something expensive for dinner."

Maura smiles. Of course. She wasn't suggesting now. She was just suggesting. And Jane ignored the comment like a pro but again Jane ignores blatant love yous. Future fantasy trips would surely be nudged aside as well.

"Of course Jane. Anywhere you'd like. But I'm buying, we are not spending Tommy's hard earned money."

"He spent his money on a joke of a wine bottle. What? He really thought a six hundred plus bottle of wine would go for only-"

Maura stays silent, only half listening to Jane's rant. She drums her fingers against her thighs as the car falls quiet. The sound of Jane's hands as they slide along the steering wheel lulls Maura into a soft haze of contentedness. It's one of her favorite things about Jane. Comfortable silences.

But then Jane breaks it.

"So France huh?"

Maura grins.

"Oh yes, you and Paris would agree." Maura nods because Maura thinks often about her and Jane somewhere without the threat of Boston crime spilling into their lives.


The question throws the blonde out of her fantasy. She reconsiders her words, mulling Jane's personality over in her mind.

"Well actually I guess not. But I would still love to show you."

Jane just laughs. "Paris the city for lovers. Maybe you should take Tommy."

And Maura could have seen that coming. The brief conversation over grilled cheese and bad wine wasn't nearly suitable to settle the detective's fears. The doctor is just about to pipe up about the fact that Tommy would in fact be a much more agreeable travel partner except the dying sun hits her face as Jane turns onto a different street. It makes her eyes hurt and she slaps them shut at exactly the same moment that Jane reaches out and flips Maura's visor down. Maura turns to the detective and catches sight of Jane's lip caught between her teeth.

Oh, the detective is being serious about this Paris thing. Vulnerable.

So Maura swallows the smart ass part of herself that she usually taps into to reflect Jane's snark. Instead she goes with this.

"I'd rather take you."

Jane pulls the car onto another street, Maura's street.


Maura inwardly giggles. Her Jane can be so very stubborn. Her Jane has to marinate on certain things as well. It would be a disaster if Maura attempted to push her. Push her, no. Tease her, yes. And until then Maura will take what she can.

And if rants from Jane about how Maura needs to trust the other woman to protect her are it, she'll take it.

If busting bad wine shops are it, she'll take it.

If suggesting the possibility of one day trips are it, she'll take that one too.

And if comfortable silences and grinning Jane are it, yes. Might as well toss that one in as well.