The sun did not shine.
I was too bored to play.
So I sat in the flat
All that cold, cold, wet day.

I sat there with Mycroft.
We sat there, we two,
And I Said "How I wish
For a murder or two!"

Too wet to track prints
And no DI to call.
So we sat in the flat.
We did nothing at all.

So all we could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!

And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.
And then
Something went BUMP!

How that bump made us jump!
We looked!
Then we say him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him!
The Cat in the hat!
And he said to us,
"Why do you sit there like that?"

"I know it is wet
And the sun is not sunny.
But we can have
Lots of good fun that is funny!"
"I know some good games we could play,"
Said the cat.
"I know some things too,"
Mycroft said to the cat.
"I know your secrets.
I could tell them to you."
"But John Watson
Will think you are rude if you do."

Then Mycroft and I
Did not know what to say.
For John Watson was out of the flat
For the day.

But the skull said "No! No!
Make that cat go away!
Tell that Cat in the Hat
You do NOT want to play.
He should not be here.
He should not be about.
He should not be here
When John Watson is out!"

"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Oh, my dears." Said the cat.
"My tricks are not bad,"
Said the Cat in the Hat.
"Why, we can have
Lots of good fun, that's not dull,
With a game that I call
Up-up-up with a skull!"

"Put me down!" said the skull.
"I am starting to shake!
Put me down!" said the skull.
"I do not wish to break!"

"Have no fear!" said the cat.
"I will not let you fall.
I will hold you up high
As I stand on a ball.
With your phone on one hand!
A cup of tea on my hat!
But that is not all I can do!"
Said the cat…

"Look at me!
Look at me now!" said the cat.
"With the tea and a cake
On the top of my hat!
I can hold up two phones!
I can hold up the skull!
And a violin bow!
And a beaker that's full!
And look!
I can hop up and down on the ball!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
That is not all…

Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me now!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
I can hold up the tea
And the beaker and cake!
I can hold up these phones!
And the skull on a rake!
I can hold Sherlock's bow
And some surgical tape!
And look! With my tail
I can hold Mycroft's cape!
I can twirl with the cape
As I hop on the ball!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all…

That is what the cat said…
Then he fell on his head!
He came down with a bump
From up there on the ball.
And Mycroft and I,
We saw ALL the things fall!

And the skull came down, too.
He fell in a pot!
He said, "Do I like this?
Oh, no! I do not.
This is not a good game,"
Said our skull in a snit.
"No, I do not like,
Not one little bit!"

"Now look what you did!"
Said the skull to the cat.
"Now look at this flat!
Look at this! Look at that!
You've broken the beaker.
The table has a new scrape!
You spilled all the tea
And you've torn Mycroft's cape.
You SHOULD NOT be here
When the doctor is not.
You get out of this flat!"
Said the skull in the pot.

"But I like to be here.
Oh, I like it a lot!"
Said the Cat in the Hat
To the skull in the pot.
"I will NOT go away.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so," said the Cat in the Hat.
"So
So
So…
I will show you
Another good game that I know!"

"And then he ran out.
And, then, fast as a fox,
The Cat in the Hat
Came back in with a box.

A big red wood box.
It was shut with a hook.
"Now look at this trick,"
Said the cat.
"Take a look!"

Then he got up on top
With a tip of his hat.
"I call this game Death-in-a-box,"
Said the cat.
"In this box are two things
I will show to you now.
You will like these two things,"
Said the cat with a bow.

"I will pick up the hook,
You will see something new.
Two things. And I call them
Thing One and Thing Two.
These Things will not bite you.
I'm the kinky fun one."
Then, out of the box
Came Thing Two and Thing One!
And they ran to us fast.
They said, "How do you do?
Would you like to shake hands
With Thing One and Thing Two?"

And Mycroft could see
It was not what I'd do.
So he had to shake hands
With Thing One and Thing Two.
He shook their two hands,
But our skull said, "No! No!
Those Things should not be
In this house! Make them go!
They should not here
When the doctor is not!
Put them out! Put them out!"
Said the skull in the pot.

"Have no fear, little skull,"
Said the Cat in the Hat.
"These things are good Things."
And he gave them a pat.
"It is nice to keep them
As pets and for play.
They will give you some fun
On this wet, wet, wet day."

"Now, here is a game that they like,"
Said the cat.
"They like to sharp shoot,"
Said the Cat in the Hat.

"No! Not in the house!"
Said the skull in the pot.
"They should not sharp shoot
In a house! They should not!
Oh, the things they will break!
Oh, the things they will hit!
Oh, I do not like it!
Not one little bit!"

Then Mycroft and I
Saw them run down the hall.
We saw those two Things
Bump their guns on he wall!
Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump!
Down the wall in the hall.

Thing Two and Thing one!
They ran up! They ran down!
On the scope of one gun
John's new jumper in brown!
His jumper with stripes
That are green, white and red.
Then we saw one gun fire
On the head of his bed!

Then those Things ran about
With big bumps, jumps and kicks
And with shots and big thumps
And all kinds of bad tricks.
And I said,
"I do NOT like they way that they play!
If Watson could see this,
Oh what would he say!"

Then the skull said," Look! Look!"
And he rattled with fear.
"John Watson is on his way home!
Do you hear?
Oh, what will he do to us?
What will he say?
Oh, he will not like it
To find us this way!"

"So DO something! Fast!" said the skull.
"Do you hear!
I saw him. John Watson!
John Watson is near!
So, as fast as you can,
Think of something to do!
You will have to get rid of
Thing One and Thing Two!"

I knew what I needed!
My bee-keepers net!
And I said, "With my net
I can get them I bet.
I bet, with my net,
I can get those Things yet!"

Then I let down my net.
It came down with a PLOP!
And I had them! At last!
Those two Things had to stop.
Then I said to the cat,
"Now you do as I say.
You pack up those Things
And you take them away!"

"Oh dear!" said the cat.
"You did not like our game…
Oh dear.
What a shame!
What a shame!
What a shame!"

Then he shut up the Things
In the box with the hook.
And the cat went away
With a sad kind of look.

"That is good," said the skull.
"He has gone away. Yes.
But John Watson will come.
He will find this big mess!
And this mess is so big
And so deep and so tall.
We can not pick it up.
There is no way at all!"

And THEN!
Who was back in the house?
Why, the cat!

"Have no fear of this mess,"
Said the Cat in the Hat.
"I always pick up all my playthings
And so…
I will show you another
Good trick that I know!"

Then we saw him pick up
All the things that were down.
He picked up the cake,
And the rake, and the tea,
And the beaker, and jumper,
And the phones, and the cape.
And the bow, and the ball,
And the surgical tape.
He picked up the skull
And he put him away.
Then he said, "That is that."
And he winked and was gone
With a tip of his hat.

Then John Watson came in
And he said to us two,
"Did you have any fun?
Tell me. What did you do?"

And Mycroft and I did not know
What to say.
Should we tell him
The things that went on there that day?

Should we tell him about it?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
Well…
What would YOU do
If John Watson asked YOU?