Today's Cliche manipulative/downright evil Dumbles!


"What are you doing?" Bree asked Draco one day in the room of requirement. Draco whirled around. He hadn't expected anyone to find him.

"Is that a the vanishing cabinet a student fell into a while ago?" Bree questioned, motioning to the piece of furniture Draco had been busy with.

"Er, well, yes." Draco stammered.

"And I suppose you're trying to fix it as part of some overly elaborate final attempt on Dumbledore's life." Bree said.

Draco flinched.

"Explain the plan so I can make sure no one I care about get's hurt." Bree ordered. "Unless you'd prefer the needle and the veritaserum."

Draco quickly explained is plan. Bree tilted her head.

"Why don't you just let them in through the front door." She asked.

Draco spluttered. "There are wards and protections!"

"Yeah, no." Bree replied slowly. "I mean, if you think about it, every threat to this school since first year had come in through the front door. Quirrel, Voldemort's diary, fake Moody, you. So really, there's no reason they just can't walk in, except they have no reason to since Dumbledore isn't really a threat to your dark lord anymore, what with being dead and all."

"What." Draco said flatly.

Bree smirked. "Yeah, you see I found out years ago that Dumbledore was skimming from the Potter's vault and paying the Dursley's to act abusive, not that they really needed the incentive, and he's been planning Harry's since he was a baby, and I got really angry, but Aunt Lisa pointed out that he has enough power to cause some problems if we act against him outwright so he started undermining him, shaking people faith in him in subtle ways, and well, he's been looking a so tired lately, don't you think? People have been saying that's he ill." Bree smirk turned into a grin.

"Of course, whatever he did with his hand has been helping that right along, but mostly it's been me. See, I did the research. The magical world had so many poisons you can brew up in a caldron, and they're so arrogant that they never check for the muggle ones when they do an autopsy, if they do an autopsy, but that's "barbaric" and very few are trained for it." Bree got a manic gleam in her eye.

"Did you know that in the muggle world most female murderers use poison?" she said excitedly. "And if there's a suspicious death they test for eveything that would show up in a test. In the muggle world I never would have gotten away with this, but here at Hogwarts? It was a simple matter of switching out his lemon drops for tainted ones and then I sat back and watched as he unknowingly killed himself, little by little, drop by drop. He got weaker and weaker and everyone thhought it was just old age and the stress of Voldemort's return, and then then in September he showed up with a blackened hand, and he started getting worse. But he just kept eating those lemon drops, until today that is, when he keeled over on the stairs, now all that's left to do is get rid of the tainted lemon drops and no one will ever suspect a thing since they won't be any double checking the cause of death since he was so old. And even if they do, well, you're the one they'll blame."

"But I didn't have anything to do with it!" Draco protested.

"But you have been trying to kill him all year." Bree pointed out. "Because that's what you were told to do, you just weren't creative, or skilled, or knowledgable, or sneaky enough. Everything you've been doing, you've been doing wrong. Unless you were trying to be as obvious as possible, in which case, bravo, you've done an excellent job, thanks, now if they do figure out he was posioned, all evidence points to you. And if you deny it, well, who would believe a dark marked Slytherin over a Gryffindor without a motive? Though I do suppose we'll have to find a new game to play hm? I mean you wouldn't want to bore me right?"

"No, of course not, what do you have in mind?" Draco asked, his sking paling rapidly.

"Well, the today at breakfast day I noticed Harry making eyes at Snape." Bree repled. Draco looked a little ill.

"Yeah that's what I thought too." Bree commented. "Well that and, "Oh god, not this business again." Anyway, I was on my way here when I got the news about Dumbledore. I keep my, uh, cleaning supplies up here in case of an infestation. You wouldn't happen to know how to use a shotgun would you?"

Draco stared blanky.

Bree sighed. "Well, I guess you can start with the axe. We'll start looking the dungeons since they seem to like nesting in the darkest depths of human depravity and work our way up."

"And what if we don't find anything?" Draco questioned nervously.

"Then we'll research the favorite food of fangirls and leave out some baited traps." Bree replied. "Now hand me those shells, pick up that axe and let's get to it."


And thus begins the saga of Bree and Draco: Fangirl Hunters.


So, yeah, in the Cliche-verse, which is what I'm calling it now, the solution to manipulative Dumbledore is an even more manipulative Bree and Bree's standard reaction for anything that seems off is to reach for a shotgun.

But in all seriousness, I honestly cannot comprehend the logic behind the Harry/Snape pairing or Snape/anyone. Snape had one love, she's dead, he's wracked with guilt for the rest of his life. The end. And don't even get me started on Harry/Sirius, Harry/Remus, or Harry/Lucius. No. Just no. I once saw a fic were Harry went back in time and started a relationship with his own father. Why? Why does that exist?

Oh, and the next chapter of Bree's World Tour is coming along, it's just required an awful lot of internet research.