AN: This was the hardest one for me so far. Ginger is very sweet and good but I tried not to make her too dramatic. She is sincere in her thoughts here. This also may be the last entry for a while. I'm moving today and where I'm going internet access may or may not be there.
I've met a lot of men in my life but none of them have touched me the way this annoying little twerp has. Sometimes I want to kill him! Sometimes I want to strangle him!
Now I want to see him healthy again! I feel tears in my eyes as I look him up and down. He's in his t shirt and boxers and lying under a blanket in the Professor's hut. His skin is pale and cold except for his face which has been burning with a fever for the past few days. His expression is one of pain that none of us can take away.
I swallow as I sit down next to him to take my watch. I take hold of the wet rag in the water bowl and ring it out before gently dabbing his face. He makes no move to acknowledge me but it's fine. I'm here to take care of him.
I look at his gentle face and used my free hand to stroke his other cheek affectionately. This sweet boy may be a pain but we'd all be lost without him. He's so different from the other men and boys I've known. He doesn't try to get me into bed with him. He's not normal.
Gilligan is special. He is solid proof that there are still gallant prince charmings out there that know how to treat a lady, even though he's uncomfortable around women and clueless when it comes to romance!
I grin as I think back to all the times I tried to get something from him. Usually I can make a man weak at the knees but he's the only one I know that knocks himself out when I try to kiss him! At first I had been insulted but I eventually learned that it was just the way he was. Eventually I was able to get him more comfortable around me and he went from a frightened fawn (still is sometimes) to being a cheeky little brat!
I giggle a bit and shook my head fondly. I smile as I think back to all the times Gilligan has proven his selflessness and courage. I was amazed at how he played four roles in the Cleopatra play better than the Skipper played just one! He did it again in our Hamlet musical! No matter what role he has to play he does it perfectly. Well almost. Can't be mad at him for trying his best even though we so often are.
I sighed. I've seen the hurt flash in his eyes every time he's yelled at by the Skipper or Mr. Howell. They don't. Sometimes I lose it and hurt him as well. He hides behind a smile but I'm sure it bothers him every time we blame him for a failed rescue. You'd think we'd learn to think before we spoke by now but everyone, including me, turns harsh and cruel and he takes the blame. He takes all of our anger on his shoulders and it weighs him down.
One time I remember finding him in the jungle sometime after Kinkaid left. Earlier that day he had one of his infamous accidents and the Skipper had bellowed at him an insult without thinking and once it was out he wished he could take it back. The Skipper had been on edge ever since the hunt…we all had been…and we knew the insult, the horrible name, was actually directed at him for what he'd done to Gilligan. He tried to apologize and make it right but it was no use.
Gilligan had reached his own breaking point. He had crumbled then and there and for the first time we all saw what we had been doing to him since we were shipwrecked. Before running off he had yelled something that echoes in my mind ever since he said it.
"I wish I'd died in that shipwreck!"
Those words froze us! We were speechless as we watched him dart off into the jungle. I remember looking at the others. Mary Ann burst into sobs. Mrs Howell had her hand over her mouth in silent horror and Mr Howell sank into a chair. The Professor was shaking. The Skipper's eyes were wide. My own face was probably just as shocked and horrified as theirs.
My mind had flashed back to all those times he'd been there for us and helped us. All the mistakes and accidents and failed rescues were unimportant as all I saw was the good he had done for us. All the good and we were an ungrateful bunch of jerks!
We ran after him calling him! I found him and said nothing as I fell to my knees and hugged him close and protectively. He was crying so hard he could hardly breathe. He was broken. I just rocked him and held him for the longest time.
I look at him now. We've been mending his heart ever since that day. It was a slow process but we were rewarded one day when Mr Howell told a joke and Gilligan laughed. The sound was the most beautiful music I've ever heard!
His eyes regained their life and shine once again with that innocence we hold dear. I love his eyes. I always have. They remind me of the ocean he loves so much. He may can hide behind a smile but his eyes always betray him. I love that even in his twenties they shine with innocent wonder at the world that can be dark and cruel.
I look at him and sigh. "Oh Gilligan…please come back to us," I whisper quietly. What can I do to help? I'm an entertainer not a nurse!
I then smile a little at an idea. In a voice I rarely use I begin to sing.
"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I dream of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow why oh why
His face softened during my song and I watch as his lips curl into a sweet smile. I smile myself and kiss his cheek. "Don't go over the rainbow yet, Gilligan. We need you here. We love you."
We need that one speck of light in the darkness. We need that promise of a rainbow at the end of this storm and the only way we'll see it is if…no WHEN he walks out of the supply hut and joins us at the table for meals.
It will happen. It has to. The alternative is too horrible to imagine.
Gilligan wrote in his diary that he thought I was good. What he doesn't know is that he is far more good than I could ever hope to be.
Please Gilligan don't go. If you leave us we can't get you back. We'll fall apart.
We need you Sweetheart.