Life of tears and without feelings By Taylor French

It was February 14, 2008. I'm Taylor French and it's my granddad's birthday. But I never thought I would hate a day so much in all my life. Because one week later my granddad died. I have always blamed myself for that day. But let go back to that morning I had just woken up and I have the worsted feeling in the world. So I know something horrible would happen soon just not when. It's like this I'm not a normal 12 year old. I see the future in my dreams but nobody outside my family believes because my dreams always come true and because my dreams always come true I was always in trouble because I would try to stop the bad things from happening. I wish I wasn't the way I was most of the time. But I'm stock like this for the rest of my life. But when I try to tell them to believe me but until it happens they don't. Last night I saw my grandpa waving goodbye for the last time forever. When I woke up I was crying my mom wake me up most of the time I only dream about my family and my closes friends.

The day I had went to go see my grandpa was a sunless cloudy day. He had almost the same name as my nana Georgia but his name was George. I loved him very much and I was happy I got to see him that day but not the dream I had that night. The dream I had been like my other dreams it came true. That day when I got home my mom was there crying and I like I had no choose I said.

"Grandpa is died."

Then I drop all my thinks and walked to my mom and started cry until there was no more tears to cry. For the next few days I didn't go to school and my mom didn't go to work. I never stop crying because I remembered every day with him. But even when I cried I was happy because when I lived with my nana and grandpa I felt I was in a family. He was like a father to me. The reason was because I had never seen my farther. See my mom and farther had just got divorce when she was 6 months pregnant with me but the things got complicated. When my dad when to help train the new recruits but all of his "friends" started hitting on my mom so when I was born my dad sow them hitting on her and got really mad and will they got divorce.

When I was little I would ask.

"Mommy why can't I see daddy?"

She would start crying and say the same thing

"I haven't seen him since you were born. But if I knew where he was I would have gotten back with him and if he could see you now he would start to cry like mommy."

So I just stop asking but every night I wake up at 2 a.m. and stare at the old pictures of me and my friends from when I was a baby. The only thing I remember is the dream of me at the age of about 5. A boy that looked a little older then I was. But I didn't know who they where or who the adult male was. But I did know that my mom was on the love seat and she was sick and bleeding a little from her cheek. But I never know what the dream was about, but I know that it was not a good dream and not a bad dream. That dream didn't come true and that was the only dream that didn't come true.

The day I had gone back to school I was teased like always but that day I didn't feel like having any feelings. My teachers talked and they told me.

"We are worried about you today I see that you had gotten beaten. But you didn't cry you can barely move your arm and you sprained your ankle. Are you sure you're alright?"

So I said without care.

"I ok ….."

Ok is that what you think you are in bad shape. You can't just be ok with being beaten nearly to death."

"I don't care anymore there is nothing left for me in this place I just want to be with him but I can't and it's all that stupid…"

But before I finished I had ran at of the school and into my snow fort trying to calm down. I had fallen into a frozen slumber for mouths. But in the mouths I was asleep, the dream I had a dream that I wish was true.

I had a dream I had gone back in time to when I was living with my mom, nana, and grandpa. But I looked like a first grader with all of my memories. I didn't care if I had to repeat the grades I did care about all the pain I had during the mouths to come. Every day after school I would go home and see grandpa's belly. If I had to guess it looked like Santa's. And he would say

"How was your day at school today?"

I would just say,

"Good and I need to start on my home work."

But as school ended so did my dream. I soon woke up by a voice I had heard before but I didn't know who it belong to. It was just saying.

"Taylor wake up please wake up it's me."

Till I saw him it was my old friend Emile I hadn't seen her since my friend since my last day in Warwick. But then she had to leave so my emotionless life began once more. But I never had the dream again and 5 years later I was hit by a car. And had to have 5 surgeries on I heart and stomach. Now these surgeries where very dangers and there was a small chance I would make it with only a 10% chance I would survive them. But I didn't make it.