"Olivia I wanna know why you were there all night and why you were crying too." Elliot interrupted her.
"We can talk about it tonight. We don't have time anyway." Olivia mumbled as she pulled on her badge and gun.
Olivia had every intention to tell him tonight, but not because he wanted to know. She had decided that last night it was time they talked. And in the end, Liv knew what it was gonna come down to, and she knew what she would have to do.
The ride to the precinct was silent, as well as the rest of the day. Elliot couldn't figure out what was going on, not to mention Kathy had been calling him all day. Eli was sick with a fever and she wanted him home to help. But he couldn't go home. He told her he would be home late, but he didn't tell her it was because he was going to Olivia's.
The case they had been working on had finally reached an end when they nailed the man with DNA evidence. His arraignment had been scheduled for the next morning with Casey at 9 am. Olivia and Elliot were both going to have to testify, so Cragen had asked them to go ahead and head home.
"Captain, its only 10, shouldn't we go over our statements?" Olivia asked not even looking up at him.
"You two are both going home. You need some rest before tomorrow and I know Elliot has a sick child at home. Elliot can give you a ride home." Cragen said as he walked into his office.
Olivia didn't want to go home, or have Elliot take her. That meant she was going to have to talk to him about what was going on. She was afraid to lose him, and she knew tonight would be the night it would happen. She silently followed Elliot to his car and climbed into the passenger side. She felt his hand take comfort on her leg, making this seem even harder.
Elliot's favorite part of the night was always taking Olivia home. They would usually hold hands, or he would rest his on her leg. They would talk about them, not work. It was when they were the most honest with each other. He had learned so much about her in these moments, and it made him love her even more.
But tonight was different. She was silent, which made him worry. Usually she would be rambling about what was going on in her head. He would try and help her with the problems that she struggled with, and vice versa. But the silence was a sure sign tonight would be different, and he hoped the things she was going to say weren't the ones he was dreading to hear.
When Elliot pulled up to Olivia's place, she didn't even speak before getting out and heading straight in. Elliot wasn't far behind thought, and he was ready to get answers. She sat down on the couch, still saying quiet.
"Ok are you ready to talk to me now?" Elliot asked sitting down across from here on the coffee table.
"I don't know exactly what you're so interested in?" Olivia mumbled.
"You were asleep on the couch this morning, you refused to tell me why, and avoided me all day. You were fine last night when I left.
"I'm never fine when you leave at night."
"What do you mean? You weren't acting any different."
Olivia stood up and walked into the kitchen because she needed a drink. She grabbed the bottle she kept up hidden in the cabinet. She poured herself a glass, and out of nowhere it was snatched out of her hand. Elliot poured the drink down the sink, and pulled her towards him. Olivia pulled away from him, knowing she couldn't let herself fall for him.
"Elliot, every night you leave I feel horrible. You have sex with me, go home to sleep with your wife, and leave me here to feel like shit. Then the next day at work I'm suppose to ask like it didn't happen. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself. I'd rather feel nothing. It's better and easier."
"You know I am trying to change that. I want to be able to stay with you every night. I don't ever wanna make you feel bad about yourself."
"I'm sick of hearing the same thing over and over El. You have no intentions of leaving Kathy and you know it. I'm done feeling like this. I'm tired of being lonely. I guess I can't give you what Kathy can."
"Liv, I don't love her anymore. I told you that when all of this started. You're more than just a fling and I would think you knew that."
"Yeah, and I use to believe that. But I have waited all this time and we haven't made any progress. It's all just a string of one night stands."
"Do you honestly believe all I want out of you is sex?
"I don't know what to think anymore to be honest. I am the point where I think what we're doing just isn't worth it. You don't know what it's like to love a person you have to share. I can't have a relationship behind closed doors anymore Elliot. "Olivia said as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Why now? Why are things so different now?" Elliot asked as he looked at her with a confusing face.
"Because I am tired of dealing with this. Were both at different points in our lives right now, and I just think it's best for both of us if I break this off while I still can."
"I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted to be with me, no matter the consequence. I just don't understand what changed."
"I want things that you can't give me."
"Like what Olivia? I have tried my hardest to be there for you. Your just trying to push me away aren't you?"
Olivia wasn't sure she wanted to tell him the whole truth. She knew his world would come crashing down if she did. She didn't want to tell him she had forgotten to take her birth control three times this month. She didn't want him to worry that she was almost a week late. She didn't want him to go with her to the doctor when she found out if she was carrying his child. How could she tell him something like that?
"Elliot, I can't destroy your life or marriage anymore then I had. Maybe you should just go and forget this ever happen." Olivia said as she walked over to open the door.
Elliot didn't know what to say or do. He didn't understand why she was being so cold to him. He followed her to the door, but didn't bothering walking out. He just stood in the doorway.
"So you're going to throw all this away?"
"I can't… I just can't do it."
"Liv, I want to work this out. I want to be with you and I want to give you everything you want. I just… I just don't know how."
"That's why I think we should stop. This was a mistake, and I should have never let it happen."
"Do you really feel that way? You honestly think this was all a mistake?"
Olivia looked at him with tears rolling down her cheek, knowing she should tell him. But she couldn't. All she could do was open the door and watch the man she loved, the father of the baby she could be carrying, walk down the hall and out the door.
Olivia fell against the wall as the tears kept going. She couldn't hold on any longer, she needed him to be there to hold her up. But he couldn't be the stable foundation she needed right now.
Elliot came walking out more pissed off than ever. He took a few swings at his car door before climbing in. He didn't start it; he just sat there staring at the wheel wondering what had gone wrong. He knew though what he had to do. He had been trying to talk to Kathy for a month now, but for some reason the words could never come out. But now he had determination to be back where he belonged, and the only way was tearing apart his family.
"You look like hell Olivia. Did you get any sleep last night? Cragen told me he had you go home early." Alex said as Olivia took a seat in her office.
"No, I was up all night. I just couldn't sleep and I kept going over my statement." Olivia mumbled, rubbing her eyes.
"Well our hearing starts in 20 minutes so why don't you go get some coffee. I'm gonna try and get in a hold of the bonehead you call a partner, who hopefully won't be late." Alex said as she dialed Elliot's number.
Olivia walked back into the hallway to call Cragen. She had forgotten to tell him about her doctor's appointment and the factor she would be late getting back to work. She however didn't know someone was standing behind her, listening to every word. When she turned around, she gasped when she realized someone was standing behind her and ran into him.
"Why are you going to the doctor? Is everything ok?" Elliot asked as he caught her,
Olivia debated on telling him the truth, right then and there.
"Yeah, just a usual checkup. I need my yearly physical for work." Olivia mumbled.
Elliot noticed she was avoiding eye contact with him. He knew her well enough to know she was lying to him. He also caught her put her hand on her stomach, and one over her mouth. Her face had turned white and she looked like she was going to pass out.
"Are you ok Olivia? You look like you're about to pass out."
Liv didn't even answer before she was headed towards the bathroom with nausea, running into a stall before being sick. She hoped it was just a stomach bug, but she knew without a doubt it wasn't. After she had finished, she sat down on the floor, pulling her legs up. Olivia sat there a few moments before the tears began falling from her eyes, making her wonder what the hell she had gotten herself into.
What was she suppose to do now?