Chapter 7: Waking Up In Vegas


Cold. I was laying down on something cold. Tile I think. I heard a small crash and groaning not that far away. I was laying on my stomach. There was also someone next to me with an arm around my waist. My head was pounding and I felt really nauseous. I didn't want to open my eyes either, until I heard a roar, a scream and then someone fell on top of me and then rolled off. I sat up really fast and realized it was Alan and he had tripped over me, and was only wearing a shirt.

"My god Alan put on some pants!" I yelled groggily.

"What the fuck." A voice said from beside me. My eyes widened, I knew that voice. I turned to see none other than Phil sitting up next to me holding his stomach.

"Jesus, control yourself, man. Goddamn, will you put on some pants?" Phil said squinting, looking away from Alan's visible crotch. Phil looked at me, finally noticing I was there, his eyes widened just like mine and a small almost non-visible smirk tugged at his mouth as he noticed us laying together half naked.

"Phil, do not go in the bathroom." Alan said freaked out. "Al, just calm down. It's me." Phil said calmly. I got up and walked over and sat down next to Stu on the couch.

"Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom!" Alan yelled. "What's going on?" Stu said from the couch, totally disoriented. "There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!" Alan screamed at Stu, covering his crotch with his hand and freaking out.

"Okay, okay, Al. I'll check it out." Phil said standing up and walking towards the bathroom. "Don't go in. Don't go in. Be careful. Don't, don't." Alan stuttered, still scared. Phil walked in the bathroom, but quickly backed out.

"Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding, there's a tiger in there!" Phil said, laughing a little. "No, there isn't." Stu said in denial. I hadn't spoken, I was still trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. I couldn't remember anything from last night.

"Yeah. It's big, it's gigantic!" Alan yelled. Phil grabbed his blue button up and slipped it on. "You okay buddy?" Phil asked Stu. "No, I am in so much pain right now." Stu said.

"Goddamn. Look at this place." Phil said in awe looking around. "I know Phil, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed." Stu said sounding scared.

"You okay Jamie?" Phil asked me.

"My back hurts, my head hurts, I feel like I'm gonna throw up.. ugh I feel like shit." I mumbled putting my head in my hands.

"How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me." Alan said pacing back and forth and still freaking out. "Alan, shut the fuck up about the tiger already! We get it!" I yelled annoyed. I felt like shit, I didn't remember a thing from last night, and I woke up next to Phil. Phil looked at me surprised, then turned to Alan.

"Hey, bro? You mind putting on some pants? I find it a little weird I have to ask twice." Phil asked, taking a sip of a Monster.

"Pants at a time like this? I don't have any pants." Alan said looking around the room. He wrapped a sheet around his waist and walked down one of the halls. He is such an idiot.

"Jamie, are you wearing my shirt?" Phil asked looking me up and down. I looked down and realized I was wearing Phil's button up black shirt from last night and my underwear. Most of the buttons were undone except a few at the very bottom, revealing my black bra.

"What the fuck?" I asked. "I guess so." I finished. I noticed, Phil was staring at bra.

"Nice bra." He smirked and I rolled my eyes. "Wait, why are wearing my-." He cut off and we both looked at each other in realization, our eyes widening. He looked down and noticed his belt was undone and his pants were unbuttoned. He quickly fixed that as I started buttoning up my shirt. Stu looked back and forth between Phil and I and furrowed his eyebrows.

"What the fuck happened last night?" Phil asked looking at Stu.

"Hey, Phil am I missing a tooth?" Stu asked Phil. "I can't- Holy shit." Phil started laughing and I tried not to but ended up giggling. Stu's eyes went wide and he grabbed an empty tray laying on the table in front of him. Looking in the reflection, he lifted his lip to reveal a missing tooth. "Oh, my god. My lateral incisor's—It's gone!" Stu yelled looking back and forth between Phil and I.

"It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down. We're fine. Everything's fine." Phil assured Stu. "Alan, go wake up Doug and Sam. Let's just get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows." Phil's said rubbing his eyes.

I had forgotten about Doug and Sam. I looked around the room noticing everything that was destroyed. There were chickens, blow up sex toys, beer cans, beer bottles, so many empty bottles of various types of alcohol. A chair was on fire. "Holy fuck." I whispered to myself.

"What am I going to tell Melissa? I lost a tooth. I have no idea how it happened!" Stu panicked.

"Who gives a shit about Melissa?" I muttered to myself. "You're freaking me out man. I have a massive headache, okay? Let's just calm down." Phil put his hand up and grabbing the Monster again.

"How are we supposed to calm down Phil? Look around you!" I said pointing around the room. Phil was about to say something before Alan interrupted.

"Hey, guys. They're not in there." Alan said. "Did you check all the rooms?" Phil asked. I started to silently panic. Where was my brother and my best friend? What did we do last night?

"Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, Doug's mattress is gone." Alan said with a chuckle. "Oh, whatever. They probably went to the pool to get something to eat. I'll call Doug's cell." Phil said taking out his cell phone.

"I look like a nerdy hillbilly." Stu said looking at his reflection again. Phil and I laughed. I got up and started to walk down the hall towards my room. I had a feeling Phil was staring at me from behind, considering the fact that I was half naked. I needed to change. I heard a phone ringing from the living room. I heard shuffling and then. He picked it up and answered it. "Hello?" Alan asked. "Alan." Phil said. "Hey." "It's Phil." "Oh hey Phi—This is Doug's phone. This is Doug's phone." Alan said shutting the phone. "No shit." Phil and I said in unison.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a pair of denim shorts and slipped them on. I rolled up the sleeves of Phil's shirt and decided to keep it on. I walked to the bathroom and examined myself in the mirror. My hair was knotted, my make-up was smeared and I looked like shit. I ran a brush through my hair and washed the make-up off my face. Then I heard a cry, but not from any of the boys. It sounded like a baby. I ran down the hall back to the living room. Looking around at the boys.

They looked at each other. "What the fuck is that?" Stu asked looking at me. "Please tell me that was you Jamie." Phil said.

"No dumbass, that sounds like a baby." I said rolling my eyes. We searched until we came across a closet. Alan opened it to reveal a baby. We all stood there staring at it. "Whose fucking baby is that?" Phil asked. "Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?" Stu asked worried.

"Yeah, I checked all the rooms, no one's here. Check its collar or something." Alan said. I looked at him. I smacked him on the head. "Moron, babies don't wear collars." He flinched and let out a small "Ow."

The baby continued to cry and Stu tried to shush it. "It's okay baby."

"Stu, we don't have time for this. Let's go hook up with Doug and Sam, we will deal with the baby later." Phil said. I gave him a shocked look. Stu stood up. "Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room. There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom!" Stu said point to the bathroom. "It's not our baby." Phils said shrugging. "You're such an asshole." I said shaking my head and grabbing the baby. He gave me a 'what did I do' look and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I gotta side with Stu and Jamie on this one." Alan said looking at the baby in my arms.

"Alright, fine. Okay we will take it with us. Can you at least just find some pants?" Phil said to Alan, pushing between me and Stu.

"Why don't you just go fuck Jamie again." Stu said irritated, pushing past me and Phil.

"What?" I said

"Excuse me?" Phil asked.

"Oh, come on. You guys woke up next to each other, she was in her bra and underwear and only your shirt. You pants were unbuttoned, her back hurts. It's not rocket science." Stu pointed out bluntly. Phil and I glanced at each other for a second before I turned back to Stu.

"We don't have time for this Stu! Stop being a dick!" I yelled, walking to Alan. Stu rolled his eyes and Phil walked about muttering 'fuck' under his breath.

"You're taking care of the baby." I said handing to baby to Alan.

"Yay, I always wanted to be a mom." Alan said. "Wha- you know what I'm not even gonna go there." I said, shaking my head.


The four of us were all standing in the elevator, Phil and I leaning against the back wall, Alan leaning against one side with the baby strapped to his chest, and Stu with a washcloth to his mouth leaning on the opposite side as Alan.

Stu, finally broke the silence. "Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night?"

"Because we obviously had a great fucking time." Phil answered. "Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute? Be proud of yourself."

The elevator dinged and a lady stepped on. She looked at the baby and smiled. "Oh how cute. What's his name?" she asked looking at me.

"Ben." I answered.

"Carlos." Alan responded quickly.

Phil sighed. "Carlos?"

The elevator doors shut as we all stood there awkwardly.


We were all sitting outside by the pool. I looked around at all the girls in bikinis and I felt a little insecure. Stu had gone somewhere.

"Hey, Phil look." Alan laughed. He was holding the baby's arm and moving it up and down so it looked like the baby was jacking off. Phil looked. "He's jacking his little weenis." Alan laughed even more. "Stop Alan that's gross." I said shaking my head.

"Pull yourself together man." Phil said laughing a little. "Not at the table, Carlos." Alan said continuing to do it. Stu came back to the table and sat down. "I looked everywhere, gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug and Sam. There not here." Stu sighed.

"There fine, there adults, well at least Doug is." I gave Phil a look. "Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice." Phil set a glass of juice in front of Stu, which made Stu lean over towards me and puke. "Eww." I groaned, scooting closer to Phil. "I can't have juice right now." Stu moaned.

"Okay. All right. Let's track this thing." Phil said grabbing a napkin and a pen. "Alright, what's the last thing we remember doing last night?"

"Well the first thing was, umm, we were on the roof and we were having those shot of Jager." I said rubbing my eyes." Stu gagged and coughed. "And then we ate dinner at the Palm right?" Phil asked.

"That's right. And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug and Sam were there." Alan said shaking his head. "That sounds right. No, no. They definitely were." Phil sighed.

"You know what, guys? I don't even remember going to dinner." Stu threw his hands up irritated.

I sighed. "Me either, fuck."

Phil slammed his pen down and put his hands to his face."I know. What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over."

"After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness. Ha-ha-ha-ha." Alan laughed. Stu shook his head looking at Alan like he was the biggest idiot ever.

Phil looked at the napkin. "Okay. We have up until 10 p.m. So that gives us a 12-hour window where we could have lost them."

"What is this?" Alan said holding something up. "Oh, my god. That is my tooth. Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?" Stu asked confused.

"This is a good thing. No. Check your pockets. Check your pockets." Phil said. We all started digging through our pockets. I didn't find anything, probably because I wasn't wearing these shorts last night. I moved in my chair a little and I felt something in my bra. I reached in and pulled out a HUGE wad of cash. As I looked down I noticed something folded in half in the small pocket of the shirt I was wearing, I pulled it out and opened it. It was a strip of photos and oh my god.

"Do you have anything?" Phil asked us all. Alan pulled out some change. "I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio, 11:05 for $800! I am so fucked!" Stu yelled throwing it on the table. I was still sitting there in shock staring at the pictures.

"What about you Jamie? Jamie? What's wrong?" Phil asked putting a hand on my shoulder, concerned.

"I got this strip of photo booth pictures, and a wad of cash." I said snapping back into reality. I set the money on the table. "Holy shit Jamie. Where did you get all this?" Phil asked. "I don't know, I just found it in my bra." I said shrugging.

"What is the strip of photos?" Alan asked. "Nothing Alan." I snapped. I looked back at them. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." I said shaking my head. I threw the photos on the table. Stu turned his head a little to see them and his eyes widened, grabbing them. There were 4 pictures, the first two I was making out with Phil and the second two, I was making out with Stu.

"What the fuck!" He yelled. "Oh my god. We are all so fucked. Melissa is gonna kill me and so is Doug." He panicked throwing them on the table. Phil picked the photos up and his eyes widened. He smiled a little at the first two, but when he saw the last two he clenched his jaw and threw the photos down.

"She's your girlfriend, why did I make out with her?" Stu said all pissy. "Oh come on Stu, she's not my girlfriend." Phil groaned. It kind of bothered me when he said that but it was true. We weren't dating. Phil, Stu and I sat there exchanging awkward, confused and angry glances.

Alan broke the silence. "I have a valet ticket from Caesers. Looks like we got it at 5:15a.m."

"Oh shit. We drove last night?" Phil put his head in his hands. "What didn't we do last night?" I muttered sarcastically.

"Ha-ha-ha. Driving drunk. Classic!" Alan cheered and laughed. "Ha-ha-ha-ha." Stu mimicked Alan sarcastically. Alan didn't get it.

"What's on your arm?" Alan pointed to Phil's arm. "What the fuck is that?" Phil questioned, looking at his arm. "Jesus, Phil you were in the hospital last night!" I yelled, grabbing Phil's arm.

"I guess so, yeah." Phil said not caring.

"Are you okay?" Alan asked Phil. "Yeah Alan I'm fine." Phil assured.

My hand was still on Phil's arm. "Jamie, what the hell is that?" Phil asked point to my finger. "Oh my god, Jamie you got married!" Alan said excitedly.

"What the fuck?" I said worried looking at Phil. "Oh my god."

"What the hell is going on?" Stu almost yelled, sounding worried. I was breathing really fast and I started to feel dizzy. Phil noticed and put and arm around me. "Everything is going to be okay Jamie, I promise. We will find out who you married and get it annulled. Okay?" He rubbed my back and I stuffed my head in his chest nodding.

"Guys, this is a good this we have a lead now." Phil said pointing to my hand and his wrist.

"Hey Stu, watch this." Alan laughed, making the baby pretend to jack off again. Stu laughed a little then quickly stopped. "You ever seen a baby do that?"

Stu sighed. "Dude, Alan, not cool."

I was really scared now, I think I slept with Phil, I made out with Stu and Phil, I married some random stranger, we couldn't find Sam and Doug, Phil was in the hospital and why couldn't we remember anything? What the fuck did we get ourselves into last night?


I really hope you guys are enjoying this story. Please leave reviews, the more reviews I get the more likely I am to update sooner. I love you all for reading! Thank you! ~M