*Note: This one shot was inspired by the episode of Friends where Chandler and Joey babysit little Ben Gellar lol*
Famous Last Words
It was supposed to be a simple plan. Topanga and Angela were both about to burst out babies and were hormonal and cranky and insistent that Cory and Shawn had no sense of responsibility and zero parental skills. The girls truly seemed worried that their husbands would pretty much be horrible excuses for fathers. Cory took it as a challenge to prove them wrong and Cory convinced Shawn to play along with his grand plan.
"We'll borrow a baby for the afternoon and babysit and show what amazing dads we're going to be," Cory enthused and Shawn reluctantly agreed to tag along. They coaxed Jack into loaning his seventh-month old son to the cause after much begging, pleading and the slipping of a hundred dollar bill under the table. Everything was going to go right. Famous last words…
"He won't stop crying," Shawn complained as he tried bouncing the cranky little Blake Donovan on his bent knee. "He's got some serious lungs…. Hey, Cory, a little help here?" Shawn said.
"I am trying to fix him his bottle," Cory said as he shook the powder into the bottle, trying to remember if it was two or three little cups of formula per serving.
"He doesn't want a bottle. We already tried that half an hour ago and he spit it out."
"Well maybe he's hungry now," Cory said in exasperation as he finally settled on three cups, put the cap haphazardly on the bottle and shoved it in the microwave for thirty seconds.
"When is Jack picking up my sweet little nephew?" Shawn asked facetiously.
Cory shook his head as he looked at the clock on the kitchen wall. "Five hours, give or take."
"God that's an eternity. How long have we been babysitting now?"
"Exactly forty-five minutes," Cory said and then yelped as he heard a loud explosion coming from the microwave. "Oh no!" He cautiously moved to the microwave and popped the door open. "Great, the cap came off. There's baby formula everywhere!"
"And he's still crying!" Shawn pointed out.
"We'll give him some of those strained peas. Rachel said he likes those." Cory sighed and flipped a hand towel over his shoulder as he approached Shawn and Blake. "You ready to eat at Chez Matthews?" Cory asked the sobbing baby in a really bad French accent.
Shawn rolled his eyes. "Just open the can of yuck and feed him," Shawn said, continuing to bounce the baby on his knee.
Cory did just that and dipped the infant spoon into the creamy puke-green mixture. He then brought it to Blake's lips and Blake took a little bite before promptly spitting it back in Cory's face.
"You got sauced," Shawn said with a laugh but stopped laughing as Cory flicked a spoonful of the strained peas at Shawn's perfect hair.
"My hair!" Shawn cried out. "Don't mess with my hair."
"You deserve it for laughing," Cory returned irritably.
"He's still crying," Shawn said with a shake of his head.
"Okay we've tried everything to make him stop crying except …"
"No, don't say it," Shawn pleaded. "Anything but that."
"We have to try changing his … diaper," Cory said and shivered involuntarily as Shawn's face paled.
"No, Cory, no."
"Then you do it. This was your brilliant idea after all."
"Fine, fine," Cory groaned. "But if I don't come back in five minutes, send in an ambulance."
Cory emerged not five minutes later but rather twenty holding a very smelly diaper. He found Shawn sitting on the sofa watching cartoons and laughing uproarisly.
"Glad you're enjoying yourself," Cory said and was tempted to toss the diaper at Shawn but resisted by sheer force of will. He instead dropped it into the nearest trash can while juggling the baby on his hip.
"Hey, he stopped crying," Shawn pointed out. "I guess all he needed was good –" He broke off as his nephew began squealing again at the top of his lungs.
"Seriously?" Shawn said.
"You just had to jinx it," Cory muttered. "Should we try feeding him again?"
"I don't think he's interested."
"Then what do we do, man? What do we do? I am going insane here. Maybe the girls are right and we will be terrible fathers. They'll divorce us and take away our kids and we'll never -"
Shawn hopped off the sofa and gave Cory a good shake. "Get ahold of yourself, man. We can do this. We just need to think. Think like the fathers that we are about to be… Hmm, it's a gorgeous eighty degrees out today. I bet little Blake here doesn't want to be stuck in doors either."
Cory nodded. "Good idea. You get the stroller and we'll take this kid on the run."
Twenty minutes more passed as they struggled to open the stroller and get the squalling baby loaded into it. Finally it happened and they headed for the park.
As soon as they got there, they noticed baby Blake had indeed stopped crying and had fallen asleep. "See?" Shawn said as he sat down on a bench in the shade. "All he needed was a little air."
Cory plopped down beside him and nodded. "I hate to admit it but you were right."
Just then two attractive, leggy blondes pushing baby strollers with toddlers in them jogged over. "Cute baby," Blonde #1 said.
Shawn waggled his eyebrows. "Why thank you, ladies. And may I say that your babies are not so bad either."
Cory stabbed Shawn in the side with his pointer finger. "You're married, man. Stop flirting."
"How could I forget?" Shawn rolled his eyes.
Blonde #2 cooed. "Oh how sweet. I don't know why I didn't guess it before. It's really admirable to see two men raising a baby, so happy together. You're such a nice couple."
"Couple?" Shawn and Cory echoed and stared at each other. They started to protest but the ladies just winked at them and jogged off.
"They thought we were …" Shawn said.
Cory shook his head. "I know. Like I'd ever … with you …"
"Hey you could do a lot worse," Shawn said and then shook his head. "Anyway Blake is passed out so let's get him home. Maybe we'll be back in time for the new UFC."
"Great idea," Cory agreed. "But I don't want to walk all the way back."
"Perfect," Cory agreed and they stood and pushed the stroller to the closest bus stop.
They rode the bus one short mile and then climbed off it smiling and patting each other on the back. "We are almost at the home stretch," Shawn said. "Less than an hour and then the baby goes home and we can flaunt it in our wives faces that we are so father material."
"I know. The baby –" Cory looked around and then gasped. "Shawn, where's the baby?"
"ON THE BUS!" They screamed in unison just as the bus peeled off down the street with little Blake on it.
They immediately panicked and then cooler heads prevailed as Cory took his cell phone out and dialed information for the bus station. Once they were put through, a cranky husky voice answered. "Philadelphia Metro Line."
"Yes, sir!" Cory cried.
"That's 'missus' to you," the husky voiced one snapped.
Cory pulled a face. "Uh sorry… But hey, my friend and I happened to leave something important on the bus –"
Cory swallowed hard. "A baby …"
"So you're the two numbskulls who left the little baby on the bus?"
"Yes. How did you –"
"The driver Al heard crying in the back of the metro and radioed in."
"So he's okay?" Cory gasped out.
"Al will be fine."
"No, the baby!"
"Oh yeah. Al's bringing him here to the station as we speak. Are you gunna come get him?"
"Right now!" Cory said and closed his phone. "Ready to run, Shawn? We need to get to the bus station. We have to get the baby and return to the house in less than forty-five minutes or Topanga and Angela will divorce us for sure!"
"Yeah, just try to keep up," Shawn said, patting Cory's slight pot belly and then taking off running.
A bit later…
The door opened and two very pregnant women walked into the house to find their husbands asleep on the couch, a slumbering baby between them.
"Awww," Angela said. "They did it, they actually did it."
"I know," Topanga said. "Let's let them sleep until Jack and Rachel get here. They earned it."
"They did," Angela agreed and together they toddled to the sofa and covered the three sleeping men with a blanket.
Later that night …
Cory crawled into bed with Topanga as she was talking on the phone with Jack. "Yes, Jack, I'll ask him," Topanga said as Cory's hand naturally found the slope of her full belly.
Cory smiled as Topanga hung up the phone. "Does Jack want Shawn and me to babysit again?"
Topanga shook her head. "No, he wants to know why Blake's diaper had a stamp on it that said 'Property of Philadelphia Metro Line'."
Cory's face paled and he started to crawl out of bed. "Cory!" Topanga called after him. "You've got some 'splaining to do." She then let out a little cry. "Uh but not now. I think I just had my first contraction!"
Thirty-three hours later …
Cory and Topanga were sitting in a room in the maternity ward looking down at a gorgeous little baby boy. Bald as could be, but still gorgeous as heck.
Cory smiled. "What are we going to call the little guy?"
"How about 'Philadelphia Metro Line'?" Topanga said facetiously.
Cory shook his head. "About that ..."
"Explain, Cory, now."
The whole story of Cory and Shawn's adventure in babysitting came spilling out. He was sure that Topanga would divorce him for sure but as he finished his story, she laughed loudly.
"This isn't funny!" Cory insisted. "I am going to be a horrible father and –"
Topanga held up a hand. "No you're not, Cor. Look at the way our son is staring up at you right now. He loves you already and he trusts you. I know you're going to be a great dad."
Cory smiled. "You really think so?"
"So what are we going to call the little guy?" He asked as he gave Topanga a little knock on the cheek with his lips.
"How about CJ? Short for Cory Junior," Topanga suggested.
Cory nodded. "I like it. I think he likes it too," he said as the baby cooed up at his parents. "Little CJ, my boy, welcome to the world …"