An attempt in exploring the other sides of the enigmatic brother no one seems to know about. A more angst side to the usual malevolent and insane Kol. And because I'm feeling kind of depressed because school is starting tomorrow.

Memento Mori

It has always, always been him alone.

Niklaus, Elijah and Rebekah have always been together since young. When they were children, they were as thick as thieves. Sometimes, he envied them and their closeness. His relationship with Niklaus and Elijah has always been clear. He shared a younger-older brother relationship with the both of them. Elijah watched out for him, as what an older brother should do. Niklaus wrestled and sparred with him, like what brothers do. But the line between them has always, always been distinctively clear. They were brothers, nothing more.

But what Niklaus and Elijah have with each other was different. It was something he couldn't really explain, but the both of them seemed to understand each other without words. They would hold silent conversations with each other whenever they were in his presence, relaying a thousand words with just a single glance. Even after a thousand years, that didn't change, despite the various conflicts and fights they had before their mother resurrected.

Among his siblings, he had always been closest with Rebekah. He loved Henrik, but the younger boy was an introvert. They have no similarities other than the fact that they were the two youngest sons in the family. And Rebekah... she was more alike to him than the both of them would admit. His sister was a spitfire, easily riled by his teasing and was stubbornly headstrong in a family of men. Sometimes he wondered where her temper came from. Definitely not from their parents.

But he admired her temper. Her strong will. Her determination. He has always thought his younger sister the strongest woman he has ever met, and that's saying something, considering he has been alive for more than a thousand years.

But of course, he would never tell anyone that.

He shared a love-hate relationship with Rebekah. They both had the same temperament, and it's like adding oil to the fire when they clashed. It was the same with Rebekah and Niklaus, the latter whose temper was even worse compared to both Rebekah and himself. And that temper seemed to have worsened after they became vampires.

But there was Elijah, whose calming and steady disposition seemed to balance this odd triangle relationship of theirs. He doesn't have his own Elijah to balance his and Rebekah's tempers. And Rebekah slowly drifted to Elijah and Niklaus.

And then there's Finn, he thought bitterly. Other people used to comment how alike Finn and Elijah were, but there had never been two persons much more different than the both of them. Elijah was quiet and good-natured, but Finn was aloof and distant to the point of cold. He hated Finn, because he has always needed a brother, but Finn has never been there for him. He was their mother's darling that could do no wrong. He could not remember a time where Finn was not by their mother's side.

He was alone. He has, and would always be alone. That's why he left. After their mother's death, Finn was the first to leave, disappearing to somewhere far away from his siblings, disgusted by his abominable self. He didn't even said goodbye to any of them.

He left second. Niklaus, Elijah and Rebekah, of course, stayed together. He knew Niklaus had probably seen his leaving as betrayal. But who was really betraying whom?

For all the talk of family being above all, he loathed his family. To them, he was just Kol, the crazy brother who seemed to cause trouble for everyone. The one no one wanted to deal with.

And that's why he left. Because wasn't it better for both parties?

He was a human before becoming a vampire after all. The Originals might be almost invincible with very little weaknesses, but the one thing that could destroy him utterly has always been his family.