Beckett walked into her apartment and slammed the door shut behind her. She angrily kicked off her shoes and threw her jacket and bag on the couch.
Looking at her apartment she knew she had to do something to get her mind off him, and her. She immediately regretted not putting in a punching bag. Stalking over to her laptop Beckett pressed the power button and watched as the thing came to life. Maybe if she went through her emails she would calm down. Ryan was pretty good about sending her funny emails he had received from his family. Esposito's were few and far between but were usually strange but true emails which she enjoyed. Lanie's. Beckett rolled her eyes, Lanie's were usually of a pornographic nature, some funny, some well interesting. Even Castle had her email address, well one of them. She had multiple, for work, friends and other pursuits, thankfully now all linked to the one log on. It saved so much time. As the machine went through is usual start-up routine Beckett walked over to her fridge looking for something to get the bad taste out of her mouth.
Going for a drink with Hunt had been bad idea, the whole time she kept thinking of Castle and what he was doing. Hunt noticed her distraction and tried to get her to talk about it, which led her finishing her beer and getting the hell out of there. Now she was home and her mind was still on him. How could he just up and go date someone else, why, what happened. What happened to him waiting. She realised he wasn't going to wait forever but why now? Why when she was finally being able to see past the wall. It was still there, but it was like when you see something as a kid and it looks huge but as an adult you realise it wasn't very big to begin with. Maybe she was growing, was that the reason why her wall looked more like curb than the great wall of china?.
Glancing at the contents of her fridge Beckett sighed at what was in there. Yes there was still half a bottle of wine and some beetroot dip left over from Lanies visit, but it didn't appeal to her. The food have been consumed with a friend over girl talk it didn't seem right to be eating it on her own. Grabbing a soda she ambled her way back over to her computer and clicked the icon that would bring up all her emails. Scanning at her inbox she Immediately began deleting all the subscriptions she had signed up to. Why exactly had she agreed to get the weekly newsletter from a recipe site?. That was one good thing about combining all email addresses into one log on, she could regularly delete those kinds of emails. Unlike what she had been doing before, which entailed logging in once a week and having to sift through hundreds of emails to find the two she actually wanted to read. After deleting a few she scanned the rest to see what she wanted to read now compared to what she would read later. Seeing and email from Face book she clicked on it, Notifications pending. She realised it had been awhile since she had logged on. Yes she had a face book account, well technically she didn't. Face book had never been something she was into until a case a few years back. A young girl had been killed and it turned out the killer had been a friend on face book, where the girl hung out 24/7. Beckett had heard of Face book but had no idea about it and felt a little lost in the case. Something she hated. So she did some research and created an account, just not under the name Kate Beckett. She was a cop after all and couldn't just be posting stuff for the whole world to read. Ryan had an account but was careful to ad only close family and friends, not people he knew back in the day that were trying to get there friend quota up. She used a fake identify she had created years ago, not for undercover but for internet stuff. You couldn't be too careful these days so she had a created an email and id for when she logged into different sites. The cooking site was one of them as well as a few of her favourite tv shows, and yes she used that same identity for Richard Castles fan site. He had been so excited when she had given him her email only for him to looked despondent 20 minutes later when he got off his phone. She had no doubt in her mind he had some person low on the food chain check to see if it was on his subscription list. It wasn't, she gave him her person one, not her fan one as she dubbed it. Using her wireless mouse Beckett moved it slightly made a few clicks and suddenly the familiar white and blue page popped up. Her profile pic was of the New York City skyline and there was her name emblazed across the top. Kathy Kett. Not exactly original but it was easy to remember and gave her anonymity. The one thing about face book, was to be legitimate you needed friends. It also helped in order to see and use the sites features, like understanding what it meant to be poked. So she had begun by joining sites for allot of her hobbies and the sites that sent her those annoying subscriptions. She often commented on threads or photos and embarrassingly enough got her first friend off of Richard Castles page. He had 2 pages, one for Richard Castle, the author and public figure and the other for his friends and family. She had only joined the public one not wanting him to know about her alter ego.
After she had commented about a challenge Castle had put out there another user had commented on her comment. To which she had replied back and so on and so forth. Now she had 25 friends none of whom she knew in real life only from her dealings on the site. Scrolling through the updates page Beckett stopped when she saw a photo of a horrible nature. Castle with THAT Blonde.
Look at the souvenir I got in Vegas.
Beckett couldn't believe Castle was stupid, to post something like that, was he drunk. Beckett couldn't help herself she clicked on comments, and there were quite a few of them, to see what others had written. There were a few comments on him being a lucky man and hot and gorgeous was mentioned a few times. Then Beckett smiled as she saw a comment from one of her friends, Lizzie.
Like all souvenirs, Cheap and tacky.
Ouch. Lizzie wasn't usually that nasty but it definitely fit as far as she was concerned. Beckett continued to scroll through the comments seeing if any of her other friends had said something. She then saw another of her friends, Natalie, had also made a comment.
Looks like you have gone back to your old philanderers ways, for those who think she is hot as far as I am concerned she is a D S B (you can fill in what you think D S and B stand for)
Beckett laughed. Oh she was glad the day she met Nat. she always spoke her mind and didn't care who it offended, it was her opinion and she wanted the world to know it.
Mmmmm DSB. She wondered what Nat was insinuating.
Dumb Stupid Blonde.
Nope that wasn't fair to blondes and based on comments a few weeks ago Nat had just gotten blonde highlights in her hair.
Dim-witted Skanky Bimbo?
Beckett liked the sound of that and immediately clicked "like" on Nat's comment. Looking at the comments Beckett itched to write her own. She often did that, commented on things Castle posted. That's what she loved about Facebook she could say what she really felt without the recriminations. Biting her lip Beckett winced as she hit comment. Once it was done her fingers flew across the keyboard.
Oh look its a picture of two brain cells
Not the wittiest of comments but it would do. Clicking back to check on a few emails she couldn't help but go back to the face book page she had left open a few minutes later. She wanted to see if anyone commented on her comment or had written anything new. Beckett practically jumped when she saw the flashing window at the bottom of the screen. Castle was online. He wanted to chat to Kathy. Beckett bit her lip; it wouldn't be the first time she had chatted to him under this guise. He had commented a few times about some of the nicer things she had said in the past. Even sent her a huge email once. This was different, she had answered questions about his books which was why he had spoken to her. Now she knew it was about her comment. Tentatively she moved her mouse and clicked watching as the window popped open.
Richard Castle: That wasn't very nice, you don't even know her.
Beckett rolled her eyes and shook her head. If he wanted to start a fight the she was all for it, at least this way she would be able to talk to him.
Kathy Kett: Do you ?
Beckett waited for a response but when he didn't reply right away she went back to look at the other comments people were making. Maybe he was contacting all the bad ones, he could be awhile. She was hesitant to log out of the page just yet though.
Richard Castle: I know she is funny, nice and uncomplicated and I need something like that in my life right now.
Beckett shook her head yet again. Uncomplicated, since when did Castle ever do something that was easy. He liked complicated, it made him think, used that big squishy organ that was in his head. It looked as though he was using another she hesitated to use the word 'big' organ to think with. That thought had her going back to the photo and posting another comment.
Sorry I made a mistake; I meant to say two brainLESS cells
Beckett waited a whole of five seconds before Castle was writing to her yet again.
Richard Castle: If the comment wasn't about me, I might actually find that funny.
Beckett had to smile at that; her comment was a bit Castle-esque. She was so tempted to write back, ask him what was wrong, but she couldn't. She wasn't Kate on here, she was Kathy, she had to be careful about what she said or risk revealing her identity.
Richard Castle: So I take it you don't like my new friend for some reason.
Beckett sighed, was he in a chatty mood or something. Wanting to discuss his personal life with a stranger. Then a thought hit her, if Castle was online there where was the DSB. Was he using his phone to chat on face book while she was in the bathroom? Or had the night already ended, Beckett hoped not in the bedroom.
Richard Castle: No comment?
Beckett bit her lip, he wanted to talk she would talk.
Kathy Kett: What I don't like is the fact that you seemed to have flipped over night.
Richard Castle: Flipped?
Beckett was in trouble. how did she he explain his change without revealing who she was.
Kathy Kett: When I first started reading your books I was going through a very bad situation and they helped me get through it. I was so grateful to you.
Beckett accidently hit the enter button, shit she wasn't finished.
Richard Castle: I am glad my words helped you.
Kathy Kett: When I started seeing you in the papers with different woman on your arm every time I had a hard time figuring out how a person who could write such deep and meaningful words could be so shallow.
Richard Castle: shallow?
Kathy Kett: Yes shallow! It got to a point where it was hard to read your work as I kept thinking about the latest scandal not the words on the page. A few years ago I heard you were working with the police helping them solve cases. You started to disappear from the headlines, I felt guilty for misjudging you. Then you flipped again. What happened ?
Beckett waited and waited for a response. Had she gone too far?
Richard Castle: You do realise you have no right to comment on my life right? I know I am a public figure but I am technically a stranger to you.
Beckett laughed; the brainless cells comment couldn't be more true.
Kathy Kett: If you don't want people to comment on your life then why post a picture online?
Richard Castle: touché : )
She should log off. End it now. Yet she wanted to know more and if he wouldn't talk to her in real life then this would have to do.
Kathy Kett: So what's the deal with the DSB?
Richard Castle: So what's DSB stand for? Daring, Stunning and Beautiful!
Kathy Kett: Only if it's referring to you.
Beckett's mouth dropped open had she really just written that. Castle did not need his ego inflated anymore.
Richard Castle: Well thank you, I thought I had lost a fan there. As I said earlier The DSB is uncomplicated.
Beckett laughed he was using Nat's catch phrase, yet dread still swept over her. He wanted uncomplicated and she was anything but.
Kathy Kett: Tangled Christmas lights are complicated but in the end they are always worth it. You deserve something better than a Dumb Stupid Bimbo (DSB)
Richard Castle: Again thank you for your kind words. Your right Christmas lights are worth it but obviously I am not.
What the hell was he talking about?
Kathy Kett: What ?
She waited and waited yet he still didn't reply.
Kathy Kett: Hello you still there?
Richard Castle: Sorry, yeah I am still here. Just realised I was about to dump my worries on a complete stranger.
Beckett shoulder sunk in defeat; he wasn't going to tell her. Not that she blamed him, technically she was a stranger.
Kathy Kett: Sorry I didn't mean to intrude on your personal life.
Richard Castle: No your right, if I didn't want people in my person life then why post it online.
Beckett bit her lip, he sounded sincere. How could he sound sincere it was words on a screen.
Kathy Kett: I know I am a stranger but if you ever feel like talking I am a good listener. It won't end up in tabloids or anything, I am a very private person.
Richard Castle: I noticed!
Kathy Kett: How?
Richard Castle: Lack of pictures of you. Most people like to flaunt themselves online, me included. Ha ha
Pictures, PICTURES. Pictures as in multiple, which meant me had to have gone though her photo album. He had checked out who she was, for what reason?
Richard Castle: You really want to hear my pathetic story?
He was going to tell her! Now that he was she almost felt guilty for lying to him about who she was.
Kathy Kett: I am not one who thrives on gossip but you seemed almost sad with that, "I am not worth it" line. I'd like to know what got you thinking like that.
Richard Castle: A girl
Richard Castle: Well a woman, she would probably kick my ass if I referred to her as a girl.
Beckett smiled; yeah she probably would kick his ass. Hold on who even said she was the woman he was talking about and if she was, what had she done wot make him think he wasn't worth it.
Kathy Kett: How is this woman responsible for you dating the DSB?
Richard Castle: The other woman didn't want me, DSB did!
No way could he be talking about her. Who said she doesn't want him?.
Kathy Kett: What makes you think the other woman doesn't want you? Can we not call her the other woman it sounds sordid.
Richard Castle: KB we can call her KB. It's hard to explain without going into personal details.
Beckett rubbed her hands down her face. She was so close to finding out what had happened. It was clear now that the other woman was her, how many other KBs did he know?
Kathy Kett: Can you rewrite what happened so it's a different situation but same out come?"
Richard Castle: Duh how stupid of me. I am a writer after all. Give me a second to get my creative juices flowing.
Beckett waited a total of two seconds before she saw him begin to type a message again.
Richard Castle: Ok so this is the best I can do at such short notice. I told KB that I loved her when she was drunk. She passed out after that and when she came to she told me she didn't remember anything about the situation. Yet I found out recently she remembered the whole thing.
Beckett's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open as she read the words on the screen. He knew, he knew, she knew. How did he know she knew?
Kathy Kett: How did you find out?
Richard Castle: I overhead her. She didn't realise I was in the other room listening.
Oh god Castle had seen her interrogation. This was a disaster.
Kathy Kett: So how does that translate into her not wanting you?
Richard Castle: I may not be a detective but I know how to connect the dots.
Well she was a detective and she was completely lost.
Kathy Kett: Connect them for me!
Richard Castle: The only reason she has to lie about it, is that she doesn't feel the same way. I've embarrassed her, probably have been since day 1. Running around after her like a lost puppy. I am a fool, I can't believe I honestly thought she could love someone like me.
Kathy Kett: No
She typed the words before she could even stop herself. Her heart was breaking. He thought she didn't love him. Castle thought she couldn't love someone like him. 'Like him' as if he was something unlovable.
Richard Castle: No? What do you mean by that?
How do you tell the one you love that you love them when they don't know they are talking to you.
Kathy Kett: I think your assumption is wrong!
Richard Castle: Well your entitled to your opinion.
Kathy Kett: Yeah and my opinion is you are wrong.
Beckett waited and was worried when he didn't start typing immediately. Had she offended him?
Kathy Kett: Hello?
Richard Castle: Ok I'm listening. State you case!
Her case. Her case for lying. Her case for keeping the truth to herself and not even telling Lanie. The truth scared her for that very reason, she was scared.
Kathy Kett: She was scared.
Richard Castle: Sorry you don't know KB, she isn't afraid of anything.
Kathy Kett: What if she is and won't admit it because she is scared of what others will think!
Richard Castle: Ok I'll bite. What is she so afraid of?
Beckett sighed a lot of things but it all boiled down to one major thing.
Kathy Kett: You
Beckett wasn't expecting the reason she got
Richard Castle: Ha ha ha ah ah ah ah aha ha ha ha ah
Richard Castle: Me, she is scared of me! Umm have you not seen my profile picture? Yes I am bit of a big man but I am not scary.
On face value Castle wasn't scary. He was scary like a puppy was scary; with just one look you were worried you would lose your heart.
Kathy Kett: What you represent is?
Richard Castle: Huh?
Kathy Kett: What do you want from this KB, is she another DSB to you?
Richard Castle: What, God no. KB is so much more than a DSB. DSBs and KB aren't even in the same category. I love KB! I want her in my life always, not for just a quick fling. No I want more than that, I want her in my heart, in my home and in my family.
Beckett's heart clenched. He wanted her in all parts of his life.
Kathy Kett: You want her in your future?
Richard Castle: No
Beckett's heart was all over the place racing one minute dying the next.
Richard Castle: I wanted KB to be my future and I hers
I want that too, she wanted to scream.
Kathy Kett: As nice as that sounds, it also sounds a little scary. Maybe she just isn't ready for that. It's a lot to take in.
Richard Castle: Than she never will be.
Beckett saw the words appear on the screen. Was it true? Was she just using her fear as an excuse. If she wasn't ready for Castle than why did it hurt to see him with that DSB.
Kathy Kett: What if she was just trying to make sure she was capable of taking in everything you have to offer. Maybe she wants to be perfect for you.
Richard Castle: She already is!
Beckett couldn't help but smile. Castle knew almost everything about her life. Her messed up past, issues with her mothers death, the shooting, the scar on her chest. He knew all this yet he thought she was still perfect
Richard Castle: Corny I know but it's true.
Kathy Kett: Have you told her this? Properly, not just joking around.
Richard Castle: The last time I told her how I felt it didn't go down too well.
He was right; she had pretended it didn't happen.
Kathy Kett: If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
Richard Castle: If at first you don't succeed than skydiving isn't for you.
Beckett burst out laughing at Castle joke. He was joking, lately his jokes seemed more like quips than anything else.
Kathy Kett: ha ha
Richard Castle: Sorry.
Kathy Kett: That's fine I think we both needed a laugh.
Richard Castle: Sorry to drag you down tonight. I can't believe I have just vented to a stranger.
Kathy Kett: You didn't drag me down. I came home quite angry and now I feel better so thank you.
Richard Castle: You're thanking me. Ha ha. It's me who should be thanking you.
Kathy Kett: So you believe my theory then. Did I win my case?
Richard Castle: They jury is still out on that one, but you did give me a lot to think about. I appreciate you being honest with me. I better go. Thanks again maybe we can talk again under better circumstances. Bye
Beckett didn't even have a chance to respond as Castle had logged off. She gave him a lot to think about, she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She badly wanted to call him to talk, but she decided against it. Castle wanted to think and she would give him time to do that. Tomorrow she would confront him, not take no for an answer. Maybe she should go to his loft tomorrow and bring him coffee. Speak to him there, hopefully have no interruptions. Yes that is what she would do.
Shutting down her computer Beckett walked into her bedroom she still hadn't eaten but decided she would make herself something after she had a shower. She hoped a nice hot shower would cleanse her body and mind. Stripping off her clothes she turned on the shower and stepped under the spray. Beckett stayed under the water until she was red and wrinkly it was way to relaxing. As she grabbed a towel to dry herself off she heard a knock at her door . it wasn't all that late really at least not by her standards but she normally didn't have guests. A few people in the building knew she was a cop, maybe one of them needed help. Beckett threw her satin robe over her towel and raced to the door when she heard the person knocking again.
"Just a second" she yelled out as she reached the door.
Taking a look though the peep hole she was surprised to see Castle standing there. She fumbled with the locks in her haste to open the door for him.
"Hi" she beamed not being able to hide her excitement at seeing him here.
He looked flustered at the site of her.
"I umm. I should have called first. I am sorry I didn't mean to interrupt whatever it was you were doing."
She watched as the dejected man turned and walked away.
She chased after him trying to hold her towel in place. He certainly moved fast and Beckett gingerly ran down the hallway in her bare feet. She grabbed his arm with her free hand and spun him around.
"Castle I just stepped out of the shower. I was about to have a glass of wine and something to eat, join me"
She watched as he looked over her shoulder towards her open door, she wondered what he was looking for.
"Are you sure?"
Beckett was shocked since when did he turn down an offer to enter her apartment. She nodded before running on her tip toes back to her apartment. Running through the doorway and headed back to her room.
"I'm just going to change. There is wine and dip in the fridge , chips and crackers in the cupboard."
She didn't wait for his response, the shower may have been hot but she was now freezing. Closing the door Beckett tore off her robe and towel. Castle was here, here in person not online. He had obviously taken her advice and now wanted to talk. What did one wear to what may possibly be the biggest night of her life. Prom dress was out she knew that for sure. Jeans and a t shirt? It was late she had just showered. T shirt and cotton pyjamas pants. Not the most flattering but hey he said she was perfect right. Pyjamas and all. She quickly changed and roughly scrubbed the towel over her hair to remove most of the moisture. Grabbing a band she walked out of her room twisting her hair into a plait. She twirled the band around the end of it before taking the glass Castle offered her.
"Thanks" she said clicking her glass with his before taking a sip.
She was glad she hadn't decided to drink it when she had gotten home earlier. Castle the ever gracious host even when he wasn't in his own place had moved her laptop over to the other chair. The table now contained the strange yet tasty red coloured beetroot dip and a plate full of crackers. Suddenly feeling hungry Beckett leaned forward and loaded up a cracker and shoved it into her mouth. Castle copied her action and for a few silent minutes the pair sat there munching on crackers and sipping their wine. Castle eventually drained his glass and then placed it on the table before turning to look at her. Beckett nervously took the last sips out of her glass. This was it, this is what he came here for and she was a little nervous. She sat there frozen as he took the glass out of her hand and placed it next to his own.
"I guess I should explain why I am here."
Beckett nodded her head but bit her lip. Oh God what if it blew up in her face.
"Do you care about me?"
Well she hadn't been expecting him to start out with that.
"Of course I care about you."
How could he even ask such a question? He obviously wasn't happy with her answer as he shook his head before lowering it, no longer looking at her.
"I don't mean like you care for Ryan and Esposito, your friends, your partners. I mean do you care about me, the way I care about you?"
His head lifted and his piercing blue eyes had her frozen. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, all she could do was stare at his eyes filled with so much fear. He tore his eyes from hers and suddenly stood.
"I guess I have my answer."
He walked around the couch and headed for the door.
"It's Ok Kate. I asked, you answered. I just had to be sure."
He didn't stop walking away so Beckett jumped up from the couch and went to chase him for the second time that night.
"I didn't answer."
He reached the door and stopped.
"I took your silence as your answer."
"Well you misinterpreted my answer then. I don't care about you Castle"
She watched as his head fell forward and hit the door lightly.
"I love you Castle."
His head snapped up and turned to look at her so quickly she almost believed he was about to have an Exorcist moment. His gaze was confused and almost accusatory.
"Kate you don't have to..." he couldn't finish his sentence.
"Yes I do." She took the final few steps towards him. "I love you. I am scared as hell about what that means but I know I can't hold back anymore. I love you Rick and it hurt worse than the bullet when you left today to go sleep with that Dirty Slutty Bitch."
"I didn't sleep with her." The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.
The confused smile she gave him encouraged Castle to continue. "She wanted to but I couldn't get you out of my mind. I kept putting it off until she got annoyed so I took her to her hotel tonight and left her there."
"I'm sorry." Beckett wasn't even sure why she was apologizing.
"Don't be, she was just some DSB."
Beckett nodded not sure on what else to say.
Castle ran a hand through his hair. "DSB." As he said the acronym he looked at Beckett shocked.
"DSB. You said she was a Dirty Slutty Bitch. A DSB."
Beckett failed miserably at hiding her shocked expression. She watched as his eyes flew to her laptop then back up to her.
"Your computer was still warm when I moved it. You were online tonight. You were on my face book page."
Beckett bit her lip; this was far more terrifying than facing the bomb.
"Castle I can explain. I need to use a fake identity from time to time."
His eyes squinted in confusion. "Fake identity?" It was like turning on a light switch. Bam it hit him. "Kathy Kett. Katherine Beckett."
He covered his face with his hand.
Beckett put her hand on his arm and pulled it down from his face.
"Castle I never meant to deceive you either time I was just"
"Scared" he offered.
Beckett nodded. "But losing you over something so stupid scares me even more."
"You haven't lost me. I love you Beckett. I guess I was a little scared to. Scared you wouldn't want me and the first hint that you might not feel the same way and I went running into the arms of a DSB. Which makes me a DSB"
"Daring Stunning Beautiful" she asked mimicking his words from a short time ago.
He shook his head then shrugged and nodded. "Well that to but this time DSB stands for Dumb Stupid Boy. I am sorry I scared you Beckett, it was never my intention. Telling you I loved you while you were dying probably wasn't the smartest thing I have ever done. Talk about dropping a bomb."
"It's not like you could have asked me out on a date or anything, I was dating Josh."
Castle shrugged. "I know but I could have handled it better."
Beckett nodded. "So could I"
A minute slid past with them alternating between looking at each other and looking at the floor. It was Castle who finally took the imitative to speak.
"So I love you, you love me but what does that all mean. I can wait until you're ready, now that I know you feel the same way."
"I don't want to wait Castle but I do want to take things slow. To ease into it, to get used to the idea."
Castle nodded. "Ok great, fine. I umm . Can I ask you out on a date in few days time?. Something low key. Dinner at home or a movie but it's an official date.
"Castle I said slow, I didn't mean glacier slow. I just meant no marriage proposals in the next 6 months ok. "
Castle face broke out into a huge grin. "Really I only have to wait 6 months."
Beckett smiled as she rolled her eyes at him,
"So when can I kiss you" he asked with a cheeky grin.
Beckett crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eye brow at him. "It had better be within the next two seconds or ill. Mmmmfffffww"
Beckett speech was cut off by Castle crushing his lips to her own. His hands encircled her waist as her own ran up his chest. When it comes to Castle DSB stood for DAMN SEXY BODY.
Authors note: I seriously have no idea where this idea came from. Well maybe a little While reviewing the last ep(Fellow author LittleLizzieZentara watch the eps and then send each other emails with our review of it with questions and theories) I started referring to the flight attendant as DSB and I guess the story idea spawned from there.
Although I do use Face book I am not up to date with the terminology so sorry it that's wrong. For the purpose of this story everything is perfect lol yeah right.
Anyway I hoped you liked it, review either way : )