Time is a weird thing, sometimes it feels like minutes pass, but really its hours. My life sometimes doses this to me. One minute I'm learning how to ride a Bike happy and hopeful, my youth getting the better of me. The next I'm trying to escape depression by using drugs and drinking alcohol, because of my so called daddy issues. When he isn't the problem, the world is. This week feels like that, everyday my thoughts run back to what happened last weekend. How natural it felt to be next to Double D. How wonderful it was to find something that makes me happy, something that makes me smile. We're close, and we get closer every day. No matter what, at this point I'll do anything to keep him by my side. To have him bring long forgotten happiness back to me. I'd do anything to keep him near me, and happy as well. It was then that I realized I loved him. I haven't told my sisters and mother about my fixation with him, I don't think they would understand. My love for him is irrational and unstoppable. I feel jealous when Sarah and Nazz flirt with him. I feel wonderful when he only notices me. I feel special when he looks at me and not through me. These emotions are foreign to me as Rolf is to America. I don't know how to react when I feel this way. So I try to hide my emotions as they come raging forward and express them later in solitude.
I no longer have those sudden flashes of want for my old habits. I no longer need sex to feel passion and pleasure. I found those in ways less hurtful. I placed passion in boxing and pleasure in being with Double D. I no longer needed the release of drugs for my walks take care of my stress. I no longer needed alcohol to escape the disappointments of life. Before my new life in Carolina I would give in to the temptation. I had nothing else to keep me from it, to help me with self-control. That was over now; I have a new friend and a place to escape to. I was so close to having my love.
At school I started paying attention in all my classes, not just history. In class I love how Double D always has his hand up first. At night I Dream of me and Double D Oddly I don't imagine having sex like what I use to do when I saw a hot guy. Well Double D isn't the normal kind of guy you go for. Instead of rock hard abs, douchebag personality and abusive both physically and emotionally. Double D's a gentle, soft, kind guy who would rather study instead of hurting a fly. Actually he would safely study the fly. He was perfect, too perfect for a train wreck like me. He deserves someone like that Nazz girl. She is blonde, and naturally at that. She has a perfect life and gets everything she wants. She has a loving father and many friends. She may not be smart, but no one even compares to Double D at this dead end school of idiots. That's why I have to make myself worthy enough. I needed to change for the better. And not just for him, but for me too.
I sighed and prepared for bed. It was Friday again and this time there is no project. Just some math and science homework. I usually blow that off but now that I am actually trying I would probably do it tomorrow. I had free time that I couldn't spend with Double D. He was visiting some relatives that lived nearby. I got in my pj's and climbed into bed. I had walked previously during sunset so I could go to sleep now. Plus I was exhausted. I wasn't going to be able to make the walk let alone last until dawn. I laid my head down on the soft pillow and I grabbed Leo. My mind drifted to my happy place, being in some foreign country with Double D him telling me he loves me. I wondered if I'll ever really get to be there.
The next morning around ten, I got up took a shower. Getting out of the shower I looked in the mirror, whipping off the steam. I had slight bags under my eyes and a pimple on my forehead. My hair color was fading away. Maybe for a new me I should let it be natural. With that thought in mind I dressed and went to my room where I did my homework. When I finished it was around twelve thirty. I called Harriet and left a message. She wouldn't be up until later tonight. So I went downstairs to watch TV. May and lee didn't get up until One, "Oh, Marie morning." I gave her a grimace and she yawned. She went upstairs and was in the shower when May came down stairs. "Oh hey Marie, me and Lee are going shopping today, want to come?" she asked while getting some cereal. I thought for a minute, "Alright doesn't seem like a bad idea." I answered. She squealed, "Yay sister day!" I rolled my eyes at her. Before being wrapped into a big hug with Lee and May.
Later that day Lee, May and I went to the bus stop and onto the mall. Mom had given us money for May to get new shoes because her current red vans where duck taped together. And Lee had a job at the local candy store so she had money to burn. Being the oldest she decided to get a job and help with the bills. So Lee pays the cable and water bills and still has a little left to herself. I had some from back when I sold my dad's crap.
We were passing a pet store when I saw the cutest little dog. "Hey Lee will mom agree to getting a dog?" I asked. She shrugged. "We actually use to have one but it died of old age the year before you came here." I looked back at the dog as Lee spoke. We agreed to talk to mom later about it. Then we passed a hair salon. "Hey Marie are you good at doing hair?" May asked. I shrugged. "I'm not bad." I remembered doing Harriet's hair in middle school before she shaved it. "Let's do makeovers, please!" May exclaimed. Lee cowered away for once in her life. In the end however, we both succumbed to Mays begging, we bought some makeup and hair care stuff and caught the bus home.
We got back home around five. May ran in and straight into the kitchen. Mom was cooking dinner, Pasta tonight it smelt like. We dropped off our bags and went to the table. "So mom what do you think about getting another pet?" I asked. She turned to me and smiled her motherly smile. "I don't know girls maybe. Let me think about it." We nodded as she served us food and sat down herself. "What did you girls do today?" she said as she blew on her steaming spaghetti. Dinner preceded like this and we talked about makeovers Lee and I are being forced to participate in. mom of course agreed with May, saying it was good bonding time.
May decided that I was going first. So after dinner I sat in a chair in front of the bathroom mirror. Lee began playing with my hair while May searched the draws for something. "Marie how long have you been dyeing your hair?" May asked while hiding something behind her back. "I don't know, since I was ten maybe." I shrugged watching may in the mirror. She and lee smiled devilishly and pulled out a bottle. 'Dye away' it read. "What are you guys going to do?" I asked nervous. "Nothin you need to know about." Lee smiled as she blind folded me.
After about an hour of tugging, pulling, washing, and brushing I was then brought to another room where I was dressed. Then brought before a mirror I guessed. I was un-blind folded.
Before me stood a girl with short strawberry blonde hair. She had light makeup on and a dress I assumed was originally May's. She had one bum eye that didn't look quite right and a light sprinkle of freckles across her cheeks.
I looked like someone different. Someone new. Maybe this makeover thing wasn't such a bad idea.