Pairing/Characters:Loki/Steve, Frigga, Avengers, Dr Doom, Thor, Magneto, Norman Osborn, Deadpool.

Summary: Based on this prompt, and the subsequent comments, at norsekink: "Frigga followed Odin out onto the bridge, and when she sees Loki let go of Gungnir promptly dives after him, because that's her baby. Now it's kinda hard to take over a realm when your mother is tagging along and baking pies..."

And then Loki challenges the Queen of England to a duel...

~o~ A BOY'S BEST FRIEND... ~o~

"Loki, no… NOOOOO!" Thor shouted as he watched his brother loosen his fingers on Gungnir, and slowly plummet into the void towards his death.

"No," he heard his father gasp behind him, as the remains of the eddy left by the bifrost begin to swirl out of existence

There was another sound, tip tap tip tap, of someone running in heeled shoes, then Thor watched as his mother dived elegantly from the end of the bifrost, headfirst into the vortex, and vanished.

As Loki stirred into consciousness he listened to the soothing sounds of his mother singing, then wondered when his bed had become so rough and uncomfortable and… craggy. His eyes snapped open and he sat up suddenly, slightly regretting it when the world span on its axis slightly.

"You are awake," Frigga said. Then she picked up the hem of her dress, moistened it with her tongue, and wiped gently at a smudge of dirt on Loki's cheek.

"What are you doing here?"

"Is a mother not allowed to join her son for an adventure? Or is that too unladylike?"

"No, but… I let myself fall…"

"And I jumped after you," Frigga said brightly.

"That was incredibly dangerous mother, anything could-"

"Oh hush now, child," she said. "What kind of mother would I be if I left you to fall alone?"

Loki faltered over his words for a moment, trying to think of a way to explain to his mother that he hadn't really cared if he lived or died when he let go, then looked around at his surroundings, and noted he was inside a cave. "Did you carry me in here?"

"You think me weak?" Frigga asked. "Tut tut, Loki. You should not underestimate your mother so."

"You aren't my mother," he said. "You aren't my mother, and I am not your son."

"And? You think it matters to me where you came from? You are my son, regardless of whether you sprang forth from between my legs or not."

Loki screwed his face up slightly at the image that came to mind, and then repeated, "But I'm not your son."

"Oh Loki darling, your father was always bringing home stray children he found on battlefields. Most were later reclaimed, only you and Thor were not."

"What?" Loki asked, completely stunned by her words. "Thor is not your child either?"

"Oh, no. Odin and I only had one child together, and he was named Balder. Someone took him during a battle. Never did find him again."

Loki thought back over the events of the previous few days, suddenly feeling a slightly despondent and tearful. "I failed in everything I set out to do."

"I beg to differ," Frigga said. "I told you to make your father proud. It is hardly your fault if he is too stupid to see that your actions were those of a king. He could never kill Laufey, but you did. You made ME proud."

"I-I did?" he asked, his voice faltering and tiny.

"You were always my favourite, Loki." Frigga said, kneeling by his side, and running her hand comfortingly over his shoulder. "Thor may have brawn, but you have brain, and your intelligence would have made you a great king. The Aesir are fools for being so blind to your many talents."

"What are we to do now?" he asked, feeling slightly cheered by the praise.

"You were born to be a king. We must find you a kingdom to rule."

"I do not wish to go back to Asgard."

"Oh no…" Frigga frowned, "I would not wish to go back there either. They stifle you with their notions of what makes a warrior."

"Jotunheim?" Loki asked.

"Too cold, and Jotunheim is beneath you. You deserve far better," Frigga said. She pondered for a moment and then said, "What about Midgard?"

"Midgard," Loki said, and then thought for a moment. Last time he had been there it seemed a little dusty, but its inhabitants were like ants, the lowest sentient life forms in all the realms resided on Midgard, and they had no ruler. They were ripe for the taking. He smiled, and said, "Midgard would be perfect."

When they arrived on Midgard, travelling through the tear in space left by the last bifrost activity, they found themselves in the dusty New Mexico desert. After teleporting to various cities, they eventually landed in Central Park in New York, and marvelled at the tall buildings that sprung up from behind the trees.

"I like this place," Loki said.

"It's beautiful," Frigga said, pointing at the horse and carriage on the far side of the park. "There is transport. We must ask that man to take us to a suitable location to rest."

Loki teleported them next to the first empty carriage, they climbed inside, and he said, "Take us to the nearest palace."

"Yes, your majesty," the carriage driver said, then he told his horse to walk on.

"He knew you are a king?" Frigga asked.

"A simple mind control trick, mother," Loki replied.

"You are very talented, darling," Frigga said, smiling at him, and then she patted the back of his hand.

Loki smiled at her, and he felt a curious warmth in his chest. It had been a long time since anyone had ever praised anything he did, he was far more used to being told to shut up, or to know his place, which apparently was always second place, behind his brother.

Here on Midgard, he was second to no one, he was free to receive praise and his mothers love, and for the first time in an age he actually felt good. It was a beautiful day, warm and sunny, but with a gentle fresh breeze, and Loki settled back into his seat to enjoy the pleasant journey, relishing the feel of his mothers soft hand closed over his.


When the carriage driver had dropped them off at The Palace Hotel, Loki had been marginally disappointed with the quality of palaces on Midgard. When they had been shown to the Royal Suite he decided he was wrong and their quarters were magnificent.

It had a beautiful entrance with columns and a statue, and a delicate mosaic on the floor. The bathroom was marble, with a bath that had golden taps, and something called a shower, which seemed as pointless as standing outside in the rain to get clean. The living room had wide windows, with stunning views, red velvet sofas and a thing called a television, which Loki deemed to be the most annoying creation he had ever seen.

"Oh yes," Loki said, as he looked round. "I believe this will be adequate."

"We should rest tonight and then tomorrow you can begin your takeover," Frigga said, brushing Loki's hair behind his ear, and then kissing him on the cheek. "Goodnight darling."


It had taken Loki three days to find a fellow king on Midgard. His name was Doom, and he ruled a small nation called Latveria, in the mountains of Eastern Europe. He had basic knowledge of sorcery, he could create mechanical men, and most importantly, he would make a great ally, simply because Loki knew he could sacrifice Doom to save himself, if the need ever arose.

Through Doom he found Norman Osborn, also known as the Green Goblin, a man Loki disliked immensely, since he laughed too much and had tendency to wear a shade of green that clashed with the green of Loki's cape. The Goblin had his uses though, he was another expendable who would no doubt come in useful, but more importantly he introduced Loki to Emma Frost, who in turn introduced him to Magneto.

Loki found Magneto fascinating. He wore a helmet, smiled like a shark, and seemed ruthless in his pursuit of victory. Sometimes at meetings Loki would sit and idly wonder what their children would look like, but he knew it was unlikely to happen, since Magneto seemed to be completely obsessed with someone named Charles, who he claimed to hate, but never shut up about. It would be a shame to sacrifice him, but Loki had bigger plans.


They sat round the large oak dining table, blueprints of a building lay in front them, and were loudly debating the best way to enter, when the door opened.

"I brought you and your little friends some beverages, Loki," Frigga said as she entered the room with a tray.

"Mother!" Loki exclaimed. "We are trying to work!"

"Oh, nonsense Loki, it is time for afternoon tea," Frigga said, then she smiled at Magneto and said, "Everyone works better after cake, wouldn't you agree Erik?"

"Yes Ma'am," Magneto replied.

"Now Victor, would you like tea, or I have some juice in the kitchen if that is more to your liking?"

"Tea would be lovely, Lady Frigga."

"Cream? Sugar?"

"No, thank you."

"Very well," Frigga said, placing a cup and saucer in front of him, and pouring him a cup of tea. "Would you like a slice of Lemon Drizzle cake, Victor? I learnt how to bake it today and it is delicious."

Victor, Norman and Erik eagerly accepted their tea and cake, and then Frigga held out a slice on a plate to Loki.

"I don't want cake!" he shouted.

"All growing boys like cake, and I'm not leaving this room until you have at least a little bite."

"Alright, alright I'll eat it," Loki snapped angrily, snatching the plate, and then he took a bite of the cake. "Oh, that actually is delicious."

Frigga smiled at him, then leant over the table, and said, "I believe the best way into that building would be through the pantry… but what do I know? Enjoy your game, boys!"

"I apologise for my mothers intrusion," Loki said, after Frigga had left the room.

"Don't worry about it," Magneto said. "She makes great cake."


They had entered the White House through the pantry and moved swiftly through the kitchens, with the intention of a show of strength, to show the world that they could enter anywhere they pleased, and could not be stopped, but the whole thing was an unmitigated disaster. They fled back to Loki's hotel, and the recriminations had begun.

"How was I supposed to know they would show up?" Magneto shouted.

"You are a pitiful excuse for a villain!" Loki raged.

"Keep talking like that and I'll crush that helmet into your skull."

"Just you try it, and I'll flay the flesh from your bones before you can so much as dent it!"

"Boys! Boys!" Frigga said, entering the room with a tray, which she placed on the table "Indoor voices, please! There is no need for such anger. Now, who would like pie? It's cherry."

"This is no time for your interruptions mother!" Loki shouted.

"I'd like pie," Doom said quietly, from the corner of the room.

"Excellent, Victor," she replied, cutting him a generous helping. "Now, why don't you tell me what happened?"

"These imbeciles failed to inform me that there were other individuals who possess powers, who would attempt to thwart our plans," Loki shouted.

"Oh Loki, you have been injured," Frigga said, picking up a napkin, which she dipped in warm water from the teapot, and then dabbed at the dried blood under Loki's nose.

"Stop fussing, mother. It's nothing," he said, shooing her hand away.

"Someone made my baby boy bleed," She said. "I hardly think that counts as nothing. Tell your mother what happened."

"A man appeared in a red, white, and blue suit. He took me by surprise, and hit me in the face with what appeared to be a shield."

"Oh my poor darling, give your mother a hug," she said, then wrapped her arms around him. At first Loki accepted the hug gratefully, but then pulled away when he saw Osborn grinning at him like a Cheshire cat. "You must not give up hope. None of you must give up hope. You must plan another attack immediately and defeat your enemies!"

"Yes," Loki said. "We must begin at once."

"Yes!" Frigga said, happily. "Now, who else would like some pie?"


Their second attack had not gone well. Doom had planned to use an army of mechanical men to invade a heavily populated area and take people hostage until their demands were met, but their enemies had shown up and thwarted their plans again.

They had learned that they were known as The Avengers from the television box, one was known as Iron Man, two smaller individuals were named Hawkeye and Black Widow, and there was one from the past, who had recently been found in the Arctic and thawed out.


"That's the one who hit me in the face!" Loki had said when he saw Captain America giving a press conference on TV.

"That one?" Frigga asked, "But he seems such a polite and handsome boy. Are you sure you aren't mistaking him for someone else."

"How many men are there running round the city in red, white and blue pyjamas, mother? I'm sure it was him."

"Well he is a very naughty boy then," Frigga had said. "I'm sure you will have your revenge next time you encounter him."


Except Loki didn't get his revenge, and shortly after throwing Iron Man through a storefront window, Captain America appeared and hit Loki in the arse with his shield, which he had thrown from 10 metres away.

The blow caused Loki to collapse, temporarily losing control of his legs as the nerves in his lower spine went haywire, and he rolled himself over to face the approaching Captain America as he waited for his magic to heal him.

"My mother said you're a naughty boy," Loki told him. "She will be very upset if you injure me further."

Before Cap had a chance to react Loki teleported himself to the roof of a nearby apartment block, and watched as Iron Man emitted some kind of energy pulse which caused all of Doom's mechanical men to shudder, then collapse. Loki rolled onto his back, and sighed heavily at the thought of being defeated again.


Loki sulked on the rooftop for an hour, watching a crew in the street below sweep up the shattered remains of Dooms mechanical men, and place them in huge black trucks with the emblem of a bird on the side of them.

He teleported himself back to the hotel, then entered the living room grandly, but was disturbed to find Doom sat on his mothers knee, very clearly looking down her flimsy dress.

"MOTHER!" he shrieked. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Victor's Doombots were all destroyed by your enemies, darling," Frigga said, as Doom stole a cheeky glance in Loki's direction, and then looked down Frigga's dress again. "He had worked on them for months. He needed cheering up."

"You are cheering him by showing him your bosoms?"

"Loki! That is very rude of you! I was giving him a hug. All boys need a hug from time to time."

Loki knew that under his mask Doom was grinning at him, he squeaked in frustration then walked out of the room slamming the door behind him.

They held another meeting to discuss future targets and dissect exactly what had gone wrong on their previous attacks, and had all decided that the only thing that stood in their way on the path to world domination was The Avengers. The television box was kind enough to disclose that their secret hideaway was Stark Tower, and a plan was formulated to wipe out their enemies, to attack them during the night, while they slept in their beds.

After the meeting Magneto and Doom had left quickly, but Norman Osborn stayed, claiming he wanted to discuss tactics further, and had poured two glasses of wine, then sat next to Loki on the sofa.

"You wish to discuss the attack?" Loki asked as Norman handed him the glass of wine.

"I want to talk about what happens after the attack," Norman said, edging closer. "You and I, we would make a magnificent team. We don't need Doom & Magneto; they are disposable, and weak. Imagine a world where you and I rule together."

Loki thought about it for a moment and decided he couldn't possibly imagine anything worse, but then was shocked when Norman leaned closer and kissed him.

"We would make a great partnership," Norman said when he pulled away, and then he took Loki's glass, and placed it, with his own, on the table.

"Your proposal is interesting," Loki said, as Norman leaned in again. At first Loki was hesitant, he let the other man lead the way, then opened his mouth when Norman probed his lips with his tongue. The kiss deepened, as Norman pushed Loki back onto the sofa and leaned across his body, then ran his hand down to Loki's crotch.

"I made you boys some hot chocolate!" Frigga announced as she brightly stepped into the room, carrying a tray. "Drink it while it's still steaming."

Loki pushed Norman away roughly, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and said, "Mother! Must you intrude when I am discussing urgent matters?"

"Oh, I'm sorry darling," Frigga said, placing the tray on the table. "It's just that it is awfully late, and I know you like your hot chocolate before bed. I have miniature marshmallows!"

"Yes," Loki said. "It is rather late. Perhaps we should discuss this matter in the morning."

"I could stay over," Norman suggested, raising a hopeful eyebrow.

"That will not be necessary," Loki replied. "I am tired. You should leave now."

Norman stood up, feeling like he wanted to throw Loki against a wall and smash his skull to pieces for denying him, then he turned to Frigga and gently kissed her hand, "Thank you for your hospitality, Lady Frigga. It's always a pleasure."

"Why, thank you Norman. Good evening," she said. After he left the room she said, "He's such a nice, polite boy."

"If you will excuse me mother, I would like to get some fresh air before bed," Loki said, picking up a handful of marshmallows and scattering them into his cup.

"Of course darling," Frigga said giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Sleep well."

Loki moved out onto the balcony, blew on his cup of hot chocolate as he looked out over the bright city skyline, and contemplated what it would be like to rule such a place. He noticed a movement in the shadows out of the corner of his eye, then turned to see a man, dressed all in skin-tight red, sitting in the darkness. His face was covered in a red mask, and two diamonds of black surrounded his eyes.

"Hey," Deadpool said.

"Who are you and what are you doing on my balcony?" Loki snapped, furious at the intrusion.

"I heard your mom gives the best hugs."

"If you are here to look down her cleavage you are wasting your time."

"Damn..." he said. "Hey, I have a rash. Wanna see it?"

"No, I do not!"

"Oh, shame," Deadpool replied. "You look nice. Wanna fool around?"

"Fool around?" Loki asked. "I may be the god of mischief, but I am no fool."

Deadpool blinked at him for a second, and then decided that being straightforward was probably the best idea, and said, "You wanna fuck?"

"I most certainly do not!" Loki shrieked. "Get off my balcony before I throw you off, you insolent wretch!"

"Is that vein in your forehead meant to be throbbing like that?" Deadpool asked, and then watched as Loki went back inside, slamming the door loudly behind him.

The attack on Stark Tower needed careful planning. Loki was determined that they cover every single eventuality, think of anything that might go wrong, and develop contingency plans.

The night before the attack Magneto had stayed behind, to discuss tactics, but had spent most of the time talking about Charles.

"He abandoned me," he fumed. "All I did was accidentally get him shot in the back, and he left me, just because he cares for the pathetic humans more than he cares for me."

"Yes, yes, the pathetic humans," Loki said, rubbing his forehead, and getting tired of the constant moaning. "It's hardly your fault he has to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair."

"Exactly," Magneto said. "I'll make a plan to win him back. I shall-"

Loki could stand the complaining no longer, so instead threw himself on Magneto and kissed him.

"Are you thinking about Charles now?" Loki asked, when they parted.

"Charles who?" Magneto asked with a grin, then threaded his fingers into Loki's hair, and pulled him back down into another breathless kiss.

Loki wanted him, wanted him badly, and had ever since had heard that delightful accent of his. He was forced backwards on the sofa, until Magneto was on top of him, grinding their crotches together.

"You are wearing far too much clothing," Magneto said. "I want to touch you, but I don't know where to start."

"Consider it like unwrapping a gift," Loki said, with a grin.

He looked around for a moment, hoping to find buckles or catches, or some way of getting Loki's tunic off, then he pushed it up, and grinned when he found the laces that held his trousers closed.

Loki held his breath and felt his heart start to hammer in his chest as Magneto teasingly began to pull on one end of the bow. The knot unfurled slowly, one loop at a time, and his trousers loosened, exposing the pale flesh and a small amount of dark hair.

Magneto moved his head lower, then slowly dragged his tongue down Loki's stomach till it reached the hair, then he was suddenly flung across the room in a shower of green sparks, hitting the wall on the other side and landing in heap on the floor.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he shrieked.

"I'm sorry," Loki said, quickly fastening his trousers back up, and before Magneto could respond the door opened.

"I baked cookies," Frigga said, in a singsong voice. "I thought you boys would like to try my first batch."

"I would love to Lady Frigga," Magneto said, "But it is time I was leaving."

"Won't you take one," she asked. "You can eat it on your journey home."

Magneto smiled as she held out the tray to him. He took a cookie, then bit into it, "Delicious, as always." He bowed slightly to her, then left the room without giving Loki a second a glance.

Frigga placed the tray on the table, and then sat next to Loki on the sofa.

"Would you like a cookie, darling?" she asked. "You look like you need one."

"Mother," Loki said, throwing himself into her arms and weeping.

"Oh hush, baby," Frigga said, as she gently stroked his hair. "Everything will be all right. Tell me what happened."

"I'm so glad you are here," Loki whimpered through his tears. "It was awful. I wanted him to touch me and when he did I was so scared."

"You are so young, Loki," she said. "Far too young to be dealing with the physical side of love, especially without the spiritual side first."

"Thor is not much older than me and he has."

"And you are not Thor, my sweet, precious boy. Thor was ready for that a long time ago, but I knew you were not. Why do you think I intruded when Norman laid his hands upon you?"

"You knew?"

"A mother always knows these things."

"How will I know? How will I know when I am ready for that?"

"You have all the time in the world to be exploring the physical," Frigga said. "I was much older than you my first time. I'm glad I waited."

"You are?"

"Oh yes. Your father is a very gentle lover," she said, and Loki felt like he wanted to throw up.