Disclaimer-I own nothing! Except two newly acquired Easter eggs. Happy Easter everyone!
Rated 'M' for sexual situations and lemons, very bad language and eventual violence.
Big thanks to mynxi for being the world's greatest Beta and taking me in when I fell on her proverbial doorstep, needing help. You're amazing!
Thanks also to those-nights-kept-me-alive for being a wonderful human being and for pre-reading.
And finally, gracias to bloodofbeckie for being a source of humor in my tedious life and for Beta-ing.
"Get me out of my mind, get you out of those clothes"
- Fall Out Boy, Thanks for the Memories
EXTRACT FROM PAGE 547 OF CHAPTER 24/ NEW MOON
"He got up slowly, and came to put his hands on either side of my face as he stared into my eyes. "Forever" he vowed, still a little staggered.
That's all I'm asking for," I said, and stretched up on my toes so that I could press my lips to his.
"I'm just going to go back to the house, Bella and get changed whilst you have your shower," he murmured, backing out of the kiss before it could get too heated. Careful, he was always too careful. I was about to grumble but his lips spread into that crooked smile I loved so much and he whispered, "You won't even have time to miss me." Before I could sigh or grumble, he had slid open the window and was out of sight.
I sighed as I walked to the bathroom, entirely sick of being rejected. I'd thought once we were back from Volterra, after we'd come so close to losing each other, he'd want to show much how much he'd missed me. I wanted more than chaste kisses and holding hands with him; I wanted him to love me and to show me love.
His flippant rejection once again instilled in me a sense that we were right back to affection in the form of a quick peck on the lips here and there and whispered vows of love.
Something inside me began to hurt as I handed myself the punch line, "How could he want me when he so easily rejects me?"
I quickly shrugged the thought off my shoulders. Hell, we'd just come back from saving him from trying to kill himself because he thought I was dead. Of course he wanted me! I've already had this epiphany. I just had to wait a while.
I clambered into the shower and immersed myself in the billowing steam and the running water. I let my mind wander running through the events at the big white house not more than an hour ago in dawn's early light. Only one particular vote shocked me. I had counted on Emmett and Alice's votes, the brother and sister I never had and of course, Carlisle and Esme, the ideal parental unit in perfect synchronisation, caring infinitely for their would-be children. Hell, I even counted on Rosalie's "no" vote, in a way. But not Jasper's.
Although I had forgiven him for my birthday party events, I wasn't sure he'd forgiven me.
Me, who had run his family from their home, sent Edward away from their family temporarily and then put his beloved Alice and his brother's lives in danger because I wanted an adrenaline rush. Me who just waltzed back into their lives and expected them to take me in.
We barely knew each other, since he was always merely shadowing Alice, always on the edge of proceedings when I was there. It would've seemed entirely natural for him to say no and make up an excuse.
But he hadn't reacted in the way I'd expected him to and despite that all the facts pointed to a "no", he had said "yes" and even though his voice had been grave, his golden eyes had been kind and warm. In that moment, I felt I'd known him much longer and much more than just the few polite comments exchanged either side of Alice's tiny shoulder.
Now that I thought about it, the only private conversation Jasper and I had ever had was a year ago in the entry way of the Cullen house in which he had told me I was worth it, worth the risk of their family fighting two nomadic, almost feral, human-drinking vampires.
An emotion settled in my stomach, somewhere between affection and appreciation and I quickly pushed it away. It was nothing to dwell on. There were seven Cullens, all of them strong and seasoned fighters, it should've been easy to take out the two nomads- if my bad luck and stupidity hadn't gotten in the way.
The thought was replaced with something else, a distant memory just as far back in a seedy dark Phoenix hotel room, Alice by his side and his words played in my head again- "our only fear is losing you" (Twilight, page 358).
At that moment, I resolved that maybe his vote was something that I should have and could have counted on.
After drying myself off and putting on my tatty pyjamas, I finally settled down into bed, daylight pouring through my window, daring me to sleep through the hazy, gloomy light.
Due to the exhaustion of racing through Italy in Alice's stolen yellow Porsche, facing an Italian royal family intent on murdering or collecting us and then facing my future family, I fell asleep. I found myself drifting off, slipping under the soft waves of a dream.
In the back of my mind, I knew I was dreaming because of three particular reasons.
The first was the sun -in itself, such a rare occurrence in Forks, Washington that it is practically a miracle when it does happen- was pouring in through a wall made of glass. I was definitely not in my cluttered bedroom anymore.
The second was that the sunlight itself was dancing on my skin with such perfect clarity, reflecting diamonds off the pale alabaster. I had only seen this before on Edward's skin when it was laid bare to the sun's rays which could mean only one thing. I was a vampire.
The sensible reality that seems so often to evade the unconscious mind tried to drag itself to the forefront of my mind to remind myself that this was not real, because I COULDN'T be a vampire. It wasn't possible. I tried to no avail to remember my transformation, to remember when Edward gave in to my request. It was like trying to drag my tired body through mud. So I gave up questioning and gazed in wonderment at my shimmering skin.
The third reason was that I was lying on a bed with a man that was not Edward. The man himself was the very man I had been musing about in the shower.
As I stared at him, I noticed that he was holding me and I was snuggled into his sculpted shoulder. I could hear a purring emitting from him and his eyelids were closed, his face the perfect picture of beautiful serenity as his strong muscular arms wrapped themselves around me. They too were shimmering in the sun.
Whether it was the dream or the sudden apparent closeness, I suddenly realised how very beautiful Jasper was. On that first day in the cafeteria, I had been so captivated by Edward; I'd never truly paid any attention to his brothers. Right now, in this moment, I
sawhow wrong my assessment of Edward's beauty was, in comparison to the tall, gorgeous man here before me now.
His honey blond hair framed his sculpted high cheekbones and his strong jaw. His arms were taut and muscular. I'd never noticed how long his eyelashes were or how his collarbone gave way to a well-toned chest and strong abs.
It was in that moment, I realised he was shirtless.
My mind tried to get through the muddy haze to tell me that this was wrong, impossible even. Where were Alice and Edward? And more importantly, why wasn't I fighting to escape the iron-strong arms that were wrapped around me? Why did I like how strong they were around my frame?
As he opened his eyes slowly, all coherent thoughts seemed to wash right under the mud again and the gold of his eyes, bore into mine stirring a ferocity and passion inside me so strong, I found that I could not have cared less where Edward was.
I had described him as leonine when I was first introduced to him and so he was.
He was every inch that very leonine warrior as he raised himself onto powerful forearms, hovering above me on the bed as he looked down, his eyes set me aflame in their devastating glare.
When I looked down again, I was naked.
"How odd," a tiny voice in the back of my mind commented, "I could've sworn I was dressed a minute ago."
I gasped in horror as I realised, and tried desperately to scramble my limbs into hiding the more private areas of my body from Jasper's vision.
He suddenly growled with those primal eyes still glaring at me, challenging me, he grasped my arms with his big hands and pinned them either side of my head.
"No," he said, teeth clenched, his eyes daring, "I want to see you, Bella. I want to see all of you."
He trailed his fingertips down my arm, causing me to shudder, either from the cool of his skin or the fire left by his touch. As he reached my shoulder-still continuing south- his eyes softened, asking permission. I nodded, not quite remembering how wrong this was. I felt his fingertip brush my nipple, causing it to harden and I shivered, feeling a tingle between my thighs.
Slowly, he lowered himself to me and he kissed me softly. Our lips whispered against each other and his hair tickled my cheeks. As his sweet honey breath washed over me, I felt myself sigh in contentment, my conscious mind screaming at me to stop fooling around with my boyfriend- no, my fiancé's- brother but I ignored sense and continued.
I had never kissed anyone like this before. It was sweet yet building, slow building like the ache developing between my thighs as the denim of his jeans grazed and scratched at my hips. The sensation of our tongues dancing together was totally new to me and totally beautiful. I wondered vaguely why Edward had said I was not strong enough for this. Yet here I was, lying underneath his brother, strong enough to kiss and love like lovers should.
"Make love to me, Jasper," I whispered firmly, despite the screaming in the back of my mind that this was wrong, that I belonged to Edward but my mind was on auto-pilot and I so wanted to just go along for the ride.
I so wanted him.
His ochre eyes did not widen as he captured my gaze as I thought they would. Instead, they flashed with mischief and his full perfect lips twisted up at the corner into a knowing grin as if this was not something new to us.
His gaze held me, daring me to continue and challenging me to take this further, I shocked myself as a sense of confidence filled me and I met his challenge, reaching for the crotch of his jeans and demanding quietly but firmly, "off".
As so often in dreams, when I looked down they were gone and all I could see was his dick, at attention. I'd only ever seen one of those before from pictures in Health class and this one was a lot bigger.
I gasped as the ache between my legs burned at me, begging for it, but I had a problem.
"Shh, calm down, sugar. We've been here before. That tight little pussy fits me just fine," he drawled, but I wasn't so sure. The very size of him was huge.
I caught his eyes and the passion inside them, the adoration filled me with something resembling a memory. And I did trust him. Somehow, in my mind, I knew this would work. It was like we'd done it before.
His cock brushed my entrance and I shivered, the ache and moisture between my thighs causing me to try desperately to squirm onto his dick. I tried to move my hand to feel him but I was met with Jasper's hand pinning me back down to the bed. "No, baby. You don't get to touch. You just get to feel."
I trembled as his big hands grasped my hips and in a swift blindingly fast movement, he had sheathed himself inside me to the hilt, causing me to moan his name and drag my fingernails down his back, all previous fears and concerns forgotten.
He withdrew from me steadily, re-entering just as slowly, painfully slow. I wanted more, I needed more. I bucked my hips against him, feeling him deeper inside me.
"More," I groaned and as I opened my eyes, it was like he was catching fire, as if the fire from his eyes was spreading to his muscles, and his movements sped up, thrusting into me faster and faster. He growled inhumanely, peppering my body with kisses, one hand ghosting up my body to clutch at my breast as he fucked me.
I wrapped my legs around his back instinctively, drawing him closer, further inside, the sensations inside my body causing me to reach back for the headboard and shatter it within my hands, trembling as Jasper projected all his lust onto me, his teeth bared in desire.
His other hand knotted in my hair, pulling my mouth to his as he kissed me roughly, no longer dancing his tongue with mine- he dominated. He wasn't careful with me but he never once hurt me. All I could feel was an insatiable pleasure, a need to be satisfied. It was not enough as he pounded me, the tingling in my clit the most teasing pleasure I'd ever felt.
"Oh!" I moaned as he slammed into me and I snaked my hand between us, ignoring his earlier instruction, to massage my clit, feeling my climax on its way.
"You do not cum until I tell you to, Bella. You got that? Do not come until I tell you to," he commanded, authority ringing in his tone as he thrust into me and I felt my orgasm coming so close.
"Please, Jasper!" I begged, rubbing my clit furiously, feeling his cock pounding my pussy.
"No," he snarled, nipping at my neck, licking from my shoulder to my earlobe, his cold breath edging me closer towards the brink as it tickled the hairs on the back of my neck.
"Please," I pleaded, so desperate in my need for him, my need to let it go and I grasped at his hair, pulling at the honey blond in my hands, moaning.
"Now! Cum now, Bella!" he roared and he slammed into me one last time, shooting his cold seed inside me and we fell off the edge into bliss together, my orgasm earth-shattering as the waves of pleasure drowned me. I couldn't see or feel anything that wasn't Jasper or pleasure. And so the two rolled into one. Jasper. Pleasure. Bella. Jasper. Pleasure. Jasper. Bella. He was everything.
Jasper collapsed on top of me, panting for breaths he didn't need and he gathered me up in his strong arms and kissed my forehead, rolling us to the side, still sheathed deep within me, our pale glittering bodies still tangled into one.
"I love you, Bella," he vowed, his deep voice clear and full of affection.
"I love you too," I replied against the cool, hard plains of his chest.
"Happy Anniversary", his voice whispered and faded out as my dream slipped away and I returned to reality. A reality where things made more sense.
I awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright. I was alone in my room, the light blue walls disorientating momentarily and I realised I was covered in a light sheen of sweat.
My room was empty and silent except for my heavy breathing and shock.
What the hell was that? Oh my God!
My heart was pounding and the heat between my legs that I could feel confirmed it. I'd just had a sex dream about Jasper!
SHIT! I doubt I've ever been happier that Edward can't read my mind,I thought, fear and guilt seeping into everything. How was I meant to look at Jasper now? How was I meant to look at Edward or Alice?
Calm down, Bells, it's just a dream. We all have stupid dreams. Edward's not even here, it's fine. Just chill out, I thought, swinging my legs off the bed, to sit on the side with my head in my hands.
Judging from the light outside, it was evening again as the light spilled in from the west filling my room with the yellow shades of the late afternoon.
I decided to take a shower again and as I returned to the small bathroom at the top of the stairs, I wondered vaguely if Charlie was too angry about my running off to Italy to lecture me on using too much water and having too many showers. I went through several responses and arguments but came up with nothing.
I was trying desperately to think of anything but Jasper and how I felt about the dream. After all, how is a person supposed to react to a sex dream about their boyfriend'sbrother? I supposed I should be horrified with myself and disgusted that my brain had downloaded the day's information and spewed out a vivid dream like that. I was disgusted in myself, trying desperately to scrub the deceit and betrayal off my skin when in truth, there was no betrayal. I had done nothing wrong! You can't help your dreams and you can't stop them.
Why do you feel so guilty then if it doesn't matter? questioned the same small voice in the back of my mind that had screamed at me during the dream.
I told myself it was because of how much I loved Edward, how it should have been him in that dream and how in my heart, it would be some day. I told myself it was for Alice because I loved her like a sister and only 24 hours ago had I seen her run to Jasper's side and I had watched them exchange such a private look that I had felt guilty watching them.
Deep down inside of me, I knew I was kidding myself, because the problem was, my sex dream of Jasper Whitlock Hale, I had liked it.
A/N: So what did you think? Did you like it or hate it? What do you think should happen or will happen? Review! I'd love to know what you think