The chocolate went to my head and I ended up writing this! OMG 18 DAYS TILL THE AVENGERS COMES OUT! :D :D I've already booked my tickets! IT'S GOING TO BE BEAUTIFUL! So yeah! To expel my excess fangirl-ness I present for your consideration a series of Avengers' one-shots, unrelated, and NO SLASH! But there may be some Natasha/Clint at some point, even though apparently there's no time for romance because 'There's shit to avenge.'
PLEASE REVIEW! :D :D
Natasha stormed into Tony's room and threw the paper on the bed next to him, where the (still slightly sore) superhero was lying on his pillows, eating popcorn and watching The Big Bang Theory.
'What the fuck, Tony!' she shouted at him.
Tony looked up at her bewildered. He probably would have been slightly more frightened had he not been slightly concussed by a DoomBot earlier in the day.
'If this is about the egg thing I swear they'd gone out of date, they were green, Tasha, green. They looked like something out of Star Trek.'
Natasha looked at him blankly. 'What egg thing? You know what, never mind, read the article and tell me what the fuck you were thinking.'
Tony pushed himself into a sitting position, being very mindful of his ribs, and skimmed the article Natasha had outlined in a angry red pen. Both eyebrows shot up when he got to about the fourth line and a grin snuck its way onto his face.
'This is not funny!' Natasha yelled. 'This is the opposite of funny!'
Tony raised an eyebrow at her. 'You seriously think I wrote this? It's one of those cheap paper things supermarkets sell to try to get some extra money. They obviously made the whole thing up and some people are stupid enough to believe them. Seriously, Tasha, no-one cares. Plus, it's me everyone thinks wrote this crap. Since when has anyone ever taken me seriously? Not even the SI board do!'
In response, Natasha grabbed the TV remote and turned on CNN, where the headline was 'SUPERHERO TEAM MARRY SECRETLY IN VEGAS.'
Tony coughed popcorn across the room and stared, wide-eyed as the newsreader began to speak.
'Earlier today Stark Industries' CEO, Tony Stark, admitted that after a few too many drinks in Vegas, the superhero team known as 'The Avengers' decided to celebrate their recent victories by getting married in the Little White Chapel. Iron Man married Captain America, Black Widow married Hawkeye and Thor married the Hulk. When peace-keeping organisation SHIELD found out, it was too late to do anything or stop the nuptials. Stark proclaimed that: 'it was bound to happen eventually, we're all really close, it was just a shame that Agent Coulson wasn't there, he could have married his paperwork.' From all of us here at CNN, we wish them a long and happy union.'
It was at this point that both Tony's and Natasha's phones went off simultaneously, however they were both ignored by their owners, who were staring with mouths agape at the screen.
'I married HAWKEYE?' Natasha screeched.
Tony banged on the wall connecting his room to Steve's. 'ROGERS!' he yelled.
'STARK!' Steve yelled back through the wall.
'I DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU, YOU'RE A NICE GUY BUT I DON'T SWING THAT WAY.'
There was a long pause, then: 'THAT'S SOUNDS OKAY WITH ME, NOT THAT KEEN ON MARRYING YOU EITHER!'
Stark looked at Natasha seriously. 'We need to fix this,' he said. 'JARVIS, found out who wrote that article and shoot them.'
Tony glanced down at his phone. 'Ah shit it's Pepper, I better answer it, she won't stop ringing otherwise.' Tony flipped the phone open and immediately held it away from his ear, Natasha could hear snippets of words in between the screaming. Stuff like: 'what were you thinking?' and 'do you have any idea how many emails I'm going to get now?' Amusing though it was listening to Tony try and fail to calm Pepper down and reassure her that he hadn't married Steve and he loved her very much, Natasha's own phone was vibrating for attention and, unlike Tony, if left unanswered it wouldn't just keep ringing, SHIELD special ops would track the signal and come after her.
Natasha took a deep breath and answered it. 'Hello, sir,' she said, trying to sound calm though by the sound of it Fury was about to suffer a death by cardiac arrest.
In the room opposite Tony's (Clint's room), Natasha heard muffled swearing, the sound of several things falling over and a noise that sounded like Clint had just fired an arrow at the TV screen.
Clint burst out his room just as Tony managed to calm Pepper down and promise to take her for a vacation on his yacht that weekend to make up for it, even though he assured her he had nothing to do with it.
'WHAT IS HAPPENING?' Clint yelled and Tony hung up and quickly put his phone on silent, shoving it under his mattress where it could ring to its heart's content.
Tony stood up and put his hands on his hips, looking cross. 'What happened, Agent Barton,' he said. 'Is you got married to Tasha and didn't let me throw you a bachelor party!'
Clint glared at him. 'Well you married the American flag and didn't let me throw you one either, so I guess we're even.'
Steve opened the door and stuck his head into the hallway. 'Why is everyone shouting?' he asked.
Tony sighed. 'Steve, you have a TV in your room, do you never turn it on?'
Steve shrugged. 'I keep forgetting I have one, I prefer reading anyway.'
'Then read this,' Natasha said darkly, thrusting the paper under his nose.
Steve stared at it horrified. He looked up at Tony, then back to the paper, then at Tony again. 'Why would you write something like this?' he cried, scandalised.
'Oh please,' Tony said. 'Give me some credit, I did have a private education. If I had written it there'd be more posh sounding words and less exclamation marks. Plus, why do you all think it was me? There's loads of SHIELD agents that would die to be able to pull a prank like that!'
'BY ODIN'S BEARD!' a voice proclaimed from down the hall. Thor came storming out his room, Mjolnir in hand, looking furious. Natasha quickly stepped in front of Tony before he threw it at his head, not that she'd have minded, but it would've caused a lot of paperwork.
'It wasn't Tony,' Natasha said. 'There's too many exclamation marks.'
Tony turned to Steve. 'Even the Norse God of Thunder watches TV occasionally.'
'He watches the cooking channels,' Steve said, raising an eyebrow at him.
Tony shrugged. 'Still counts.'
The group then heard a strangled cry from the room on the other side of Clint's and Bruce came out, wide eyed and looking panicked, and by the looks of it also close to breaking into Hulk Mode.
'Calm yourself, friend Bruce,' Thor said. 'It was not the Man of Iron's fault due to the quantity of exclamation marks.'
Bruce took a deep breath and sat on the floor. 'What do we do?' he said in a half strangled voice.
'Sir, I have traced the article to its source,' JARVIS said from above, making them all jump. 'It was written by a Peter Parker, currently residing in New York. I believe you are all acquainted with him.'
There was a pause.
'Sonofabitch,' Clint muttered under his breath. 'He never did forgive me for eating his last raspberry yogurt.'
Tony grinned. 'So,' he said. 'Who wants to go pay our friendly neighbour Spider-Man a visit?'
There was another pause, then they all marched back into their rooms to get changed, with the exception of Tony who went to the shop to get armoured up.
The quickest ten minute change later, the six members of the Avengers, with Bruce in Hulk Mode, were ready to go. Natasha wrapped her arms round Tony's neck and placed her feet on his, fitting them into the armour's groves. The Quinjets had been all but blown to smithereens by the DoomBots and she had no intention of walking or taking the tube, plus she preferred flying with Tony, Thor's muscles were like rocks. Clint clambered onto Hulk's back and Steve jumped up onto Thor's bench-like shoulders.
'Avengers Assemble,' Steve said seriously. Tony's face-plate snapped down and he jetted off into the air with Natasha clinging on tightly, Thor behind him with Steve, Bruce and Clint crashing along underneath them. Clint patted Hulk's head. 'Try to not destroy too many paving stones, buddy,' he said. 'And watch out for the cars, Fury gets pissed.'
Peter Parker was feeling rather pleased with himself. That article had had a billion hits online and it was the hot topic on Twitter and Facebook. He even checked his tumblr site and there had been many gifs of various people weeping hysterically. One post had even said: 'WHY TONY WHY. I WOULD HAVE MADE YOU SO MUCH HAPPIER! WE COULD HAVE HAD IRON BABIEEEEES!' Another simply had an arrow pointed to Steve's picture in the article with the caption: 'Your face, congratulations.'
It was then he heard the rap on his window. Peter turned round slowly and was not surprised to see Iron Man floating there, mask still down, with Black Widow pointing a gun at him. Thor was holding Mjolnir threateningly and Steve looked like he was about to use his shield to smash through the glass.
'HULK SMASH TINY SPIDER PERSON,' Pete heard from somewhere below them. He rolled his eyes. Hulk, eloquent as always.
Pete stood up and opened the window, Iron Man pointed at him accusingly. 'Why,' he said.
Pete shrugged. 'I was bored! And Clint ate my last raspberry yogurt.'
Black Widow cocked the gun and glared at him.
'That's not what I meant,' Tony said, waving it off and flipping the face plate open. 'I was referring to why I had to marry Steve, not offence buddy,' he added.
'None taken,' Steve said. 'I think…'
Clint fired an arrow attached to a rope through the window, where it embedded itself in the back of Pete's sofa, he scampered up the rope and simply hung there outside the window, one foot on the wall to stop himself swaying.
Pete grabbed his laptop and showed it to them. 'I've already written an email explaining it was a harmless prank,' he said. 'I didn't know it would go global! It's the crap that only gets mentioned in Men in Black for heaven's sake, that kind of garbage is referred to as the "hot sheets".'
Steve looked confused and Tony looked at Natasha. 'Another movie night, I feel,' he said.
Natasha nodded seriously. 'We can't have Steve not knowing who the Men in Black are,' she said.
'Not that they're much use,' Clint muttered. 'We could really do with their help the next time Loki turns up.'
'So… forgiven?' Pete asked.
Natasha put her gun away and Tony shrugged. 'Personally I thought it was hilarious,' he said. 'It was only the marrying Steve bit that I disagreed too.'
'I vote we stop at Target on the way back and get some food for the movie,' Natasha said.
'We need to be holding hands,' Tony and Clint said simultaneously.
Natasha turned to Pete. 'We are willing to forgive you on one condition,' she said.
Pete nodded and Natasha pointed a slender finger at him. 'You have to deal with Fury.'
Pete felt his heart sink. 'Oh hell,' he said.
MOVE ASIDE REED RICHARDS AND SUSAN STORM! AVENGERS' WEDDING TAKES PLACE AS THE NEW WEDDING OF THE CENTURY.
It was revealed today that the Avengers have got married… to each other! The superhero team were seen partying into the late hours at Las Vegas last night and it seems the tequila shots have gone to their head as they take their vows at the Little White Chapel!
'It was obvious there was chemistry,' an onlooker (18 year old student Susie Partridge) said of the group! 'Iron Man and Captain America kept grinding and Thor was going this weird dance with Hulk, personally I think it was an Asgardian mating dance or something.'
The 6 superheroes were seen leaving the chapel holding hands and with wedding bands on their fingers! Our sources report that Iron Man and Captain America couldn't get their hands off each other and Black Widow wasn't letting go of new husband Hawkeye!
'It was bound to happen eventually, (Tony Stark tells the shocked assembled crowd!) we're all really close, it was just a shame that Agent Coulson wasn't there, he could have married his paperwork.'
Well whoever Agent Coulson is I'm sure he'd love to join in the fun! The only other couple was Thor and the Hulk! With their big burly sizes it sure looks like a match made in Heaven!
'I can't wait to take him home to meet my dad!' Thor said of husband Hulk. 'He'll LOVE him, I'm looking forward to battling Frost Giants with him!'
Well good luck with that! I'm sure you'll make a great team and personally, rather you than me!
Article submitted by- anonymous source.
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