Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice. Greg Weisman, Brandon Vietti and Cartoon Network do.
Summary: Powerand fame come with a heavy price. The Justice League discovers one of Earth's greatest kinks: fanfiction. About them. In every scenario imaginable. With pairings that boggle the mind. In full, explicit detail. Why are their protégés not as surprised as them? CRACK fic!
A/N: Fill for my own YJ anon meme prompt, lol^^
The Price We Pay
Martian Manhunter liked to think he had been on Earth long enough for him to have gotten a handle on things. He liked to think that he had pretty much learned all he needed to know in the "what was normal versus not" category that the humans seemed to take for granted.
He wasn't entirely certain if the reaction of his niece when she had caught him idly glancing at the screen of her opened laptop was considered normal. On one hand, M'gann was not human, merely masquerading as one, and martians in general would not emit a startled shriek, snap the laptop shut, send it shooting underneath the bed with telekinesis and then begin to hint overtly that he should leave her room and please inform her ahead of time when he was coming to visit her. On the other hand, M'gann did enjoy imitating human traits to the extent that she almost was like a human under the façade of a martian instead of the other way around.
"Tell me, Black Canary, is it normal for humans to act in the manner M'gann has?" Martian Manhunter asked his fellow college while on his way to the zeta-beam.
Black Canary smiled wryly at him after hearing how the incident had gone. "Well, it is considered pretty rude to look through other people's stuff when they are not around. Maybe you Martians have a different idea of privacy since you believe it funny to go about pretending to be someone else and playing games with your victim's minds."
Interesting, Martian Manhunter thought, duly noting the vein in her temple and the way her lips formed a half-grimace. So she was still irritated at M'gann kissing Superboy while taking her form. Then it was normal for humans to hold grudges too even though they had accepted apologies.
"In this case though," Black Canary said. "I think it's more of a young girl being horrified that her male guardian was in her room and probably thought you had caught her looking at something she shouldn't have on her computer. What did you see anyway?"
"I did not have time to view the full extent of the webpage before she whisked her laptop away," J'onn admitted.
"Ah, well, Megan's a sweet girl," Black Canary shrugged. "I don't think it was anything serious. Probably a few naughty pictures of her celebrity crushes. Nothing for you to worry about."
J'onn wasn't worried when he checked out the same URL that had been displayed on his niece's laptop earlier, courtesy of his photographic memory. He was not worried at all—merely curious. M'gann was functioning and understanding humans on a level far superior to him and under such a short amount of time that she had been present on Earth. Perhaps it was the influence of the internet, more specifically the website she had been browsing. Perhaps it would help him relate with his teammates better. He knew they sometimes grew frustrated at him for not understanding things with much clarity as they possessed in certain situations.
The Young Justice: Animated Anonymous Fic Meme, read the opening header on the webpage.
J'onn frowned. A fic meme? What was that? The English human Earth language still confused him.
He attempted to read the rules and guidelines as well as several links entitle ETA, but he was still baffled. Finally, he scrolled down past all the text and discovered the website appeared to be a forum of some kind going by the numerous threads and comments. A forum, but what about? He scrolled down further when all of a sudden, his hero name popped up, surprising him.
Okay, so I'm eatin' an Oreo Cream Pie right now and its giving me cravings in the worst way! Gimme some Martian ManhunterXChocos b/c that is my OTP, yar! Make it CRACK-ilicious! 3
J'onn blinked. He wasn't sure he entirely understood all of that, but somehow he got the impression that it revolved around him and Chocos, his favorite Earth food. Was this forum somehow affiliated with the media? He knew he had been getting a lot of requests from the company that owned Chocos for him to sponsor their product ever since a paparazzi had snapped a picture of him snacking on a few.
He continued reading.
HOMG, I just had a brain-gasm! I want a fill where Superman and Batman accidentally switches capes (laundry problems in the Watchtower much? lol) and have to go on an emergency mission to save their cities, but their arch-nemesis(es) won't take them seriously b/c of their wardrobe malfunction!
Starring embarrassed!Supey, pissy!Bats and LMFAO!bad guys at them! XD
Well, that didn't sound like a sponsor-ship offer of any kind at all. J'onn still hadn't figured out what a fic meme was. And it appeared the members of this forum were speaking in some sort of code (lol, homg, lmfao, XD). Perhaps coordination would be wise to engage in here.
"Yo, M-Man, wassup?" Flash greeted him as soon as J'onn had contacted him on his communicator.
"Forgive me if I have intruded on your time," J'onn was quick to apologize, remembering Black Canary's emphasis on the importance of humans and their personal space. "However, I am having difficulty in understanding the 'net-chat' I believe you call it, and I was wondering if you were available to interpret."
"Wait, wait," Barry could be heard laughing. "You're surfing the net? This I gotta see! Be there in a flash!"
"Pun totally intended!" Flash's voice sounded next to his chair in less than a handful of seconds. "So," he said leaning forward to peer eagerly at the Martian Manhunter's computer screen. "What type of websites are you interested in? The Green Lantern and I have a bet going on about you, hehe."
Perhaps the Flash was the exception to the norm if the majority of humans were so sensitive about their personal space. Barry didn't seem to care.
"'The Young Justice: Animated Anonymous Fic Meme'," Barry read out loud, scratching the side of his cheek. "Huh, didn't see that one coming."
"Then you are familiar with what a 'fic meme' is?" J'onn questioned.
"The term is vaguely familiar," the Flash said. "I think I overheard Kid Flash mention it while he was talking to Robin once. I'm not quite sure what is though. Gimme a sec and I'll check it out."
J'onn was silent while the Flash speed-read through the page for the next few moments. He didn't have to wait long before Barry started snickering over something.
"Hahaha, oh man, this is great!" he chortled pointing to the screen. "I didn't think anything written could ever be crazier than the stuff the Sun or Weekly World News comes up about us! But these guys are freaking amazing! Sheer, creative geniuses!"
"What is a fic meme then?" J'onn asked.
"It's just a website run by our fans, that's all," Barry explained jovially. "Fans who admire us and show their love through writing stories. Albeit, some really insane, ridiculous ones, but they're not all like that. Listen to this," clearing his throat, he began to read. "'I want some mentor/protégé bonding. Flash and Kid Flash are fighting the Rogues and Kid Flash gets hurt. Cue some over-protective and doting Flash while Kid Flash recovers. Bonus: if you include ice cream outings and family fluff! Give me cavities, plz, anons!' Awww," Barry crooned, his eyes getting overly-moist. "That's so cuuute!"
"So, a fic meme is where humans post stories they write about the Justice League," J'onn stated.
"We're heroes! We have celebrity status, M-Man!" Barry cried, clapping him on the shoulder. "People have to show affection some way. Some give us gifts, some hang our posters in their room, some make action figures of us, and some people write fics. Fanfics, short for fan-fiction. It's all an expression of artistic devotion in the end."
"This… is a good thing then?" J'onn asked still confused. "Then why did M'gann attempt to hide this fic meme from me before if it is nothing to be ashamed about?"
"She did that?" Barry asked raising his eyebrows then glancing back at the webpage. "Hmm, kids only do stuff like that if they're hiding something. Hold on, there might have been something I skipped over." This time J'onn waited for more than a minute. Barry was reading slower than usual to be thorough.
"This sounds suspicious," Barry said narrowing his eyes.
J'onn glanced back at the screen. There wasn't much description for this 'fanfic' request. Only two words in the title bar: BatFlash. And in the comment box below was a short sentence (at least J'onn assumed it was a sentence): SMUT to this NAO! Next to it was an URL and underneath that was a line with tiny font saying, X-posted on YJ kink meme.
An unsettling feeling crept over the Martian Manhunter's stomach. Although he was not knowledgeable in most of the "net-chat" lingo, he had picked up a lot of Earthly slang during his stay, and he understood what "smut" meant as well as every definition of the word "kink".
"Flash," he spoke up tentatively, "Perhaps you should not—"
It was too late though. Barry had already clicked the link.
Which led to a picture.
Of the Flash and Batman in graphic liaison.
"Is it that even anatomically possible for humans?" J'onn inquired leaning forward and staring intently at the picture.
It was later said that the Flash's scream could be heard three cities over.
Bruce Wayne was regretting ever taking the Flash's call. The man irritated the living daylights out of him when he was in costume and in his civilian identity as well. Why should it be any different over the phone?
His ears had nearly been deafened by the man's shrill screeching the instant he had picked the phone up off the silver platter Alfred had held out to him. He hadn't been able to make one coherent word out of his teammate through his hysterical babbling and Bruce had threatened to hang up before the Flash had started speaking clearly and even then, he wasn't making much sense.
"HAVE YOU READ THESE STORIES ABOUT US THAT ARE FLOATING OUT THERE? THEY'RE ALL OVER THE NET! PEOPLE ARE ADDICTED! IT'S AN EPIDEMIC!" Barry wailed.
"I shudder to ask what you are so upset over," Bruce sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"FANFICS, BATS! I'M TALKING ABOUT FANFICS, THEIR DISTURBING SIDEKICK, FANART AND THEIR EVIL CREATORS, THE FAN-AUTHORS!" Barry exploded.
"Are you on a secure line?" Bruce asked sharply, the slip of his hero identity not lost on him.
"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?" Barry shrieked. "PEOPLE ARE WRITING UNTRUE STORIES ABOUT US AND WE NEED TO STOP THEM BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! I BET THE INJUSTICE LEAGUE IS BEHIND THIS! THIS IS THEIR PLAN TO TARNISH THE HEROES' REPUTATIONS!"
"Look, how many times do I have to tell you people don't really take the tabloids seriously no matter what the newspapers print out or the media come up with," Bruce said impatiently.
"THESE AREN'T TABLOIDS!" Barry howled in frustration. "DAMMIT, I'M COMING OVER! DON'T YOU DARE GO ANYWHERE!"
Blast, Bruce thought as the dial tone drifted out of the receiver. He pressed the "end" button and threw the phone over his shoulder. Maybe he would be lucky and the Flash would run into traffic. He might still be able to make it to the Batjet if he hurried. See, if the Flash could catch him in the sky, ha!
"Not so fast!" the Flash growled zipping in front of him as he made a move towards the grandfather clock that was the entrance to the Bat Cave. He was panting heavily with a wild gleam in his eyes. "Trying to skip off on me, eh?"
"Tell me you didn't break another wall on the grounds or another hole in the manor," Bruce ordered tersely.
"Well, if you would stop making them so darn hard to vibrate through!" Barry protested. "It's like you're trying to stop me from visiting you!"
"Wouldn't dream of it. Things would be so dull without you," Bruce said dryly. "The only entertainment we had around here was Dick swinging off the chandelier yesterday."
"There's not much damage this time. The hole's in the parlor this time. I remembered you said you thinking of redecorating the room so I gave you a head start," the Flash said. "Now, hear me out while I explain about these 'fanfics' and their eminent threat to all mankind."
"Stop," Bruce commanded holding up a hand. "I played dumb on the phone, alright? I know all about these 'fanfics'. I found out about them when I caught Wonder Woman checking her favorites for updates on the computer in the Watchtower and had to give her a warning that it was to be used purely for business not pleasure."
"Wha-wha-what?" Barry sputtered looking dumb-founded. "Wonder Woman? Wait, is she just a fan or does she contribute to the entire monstrosity too?"
"I didn't really try to find out. I left when she and Hawkgirl started arguing on over who your arch-nemesis was. They couldn't decide between the Zooms or any one Rogue in particular. I'm not sure whether they were disappointed because they wanted to have Flash-whump in a fic and were trying to help the author out or if they wanted to write it themselves."
Barry gaped at him in silence for a whole three seconds (which was a long time for him). Then he appropriately threw a speedster hissy fit.
"SEE! SEE?" he wailed zipping around the room in a scarlet blur. "THESE FICS ARE ATTACKS OF THE ENEMY! IT'S LIKE MIND-CONTROL OR SOMETHING! THESE FICS DEVOUR PEOPLE'S BRAINS FROM THE INSIDE-OUT! THEY MUST BE STOPPED!"
"Please don't tear a hole in the carpet," Bruce said. "I just had it vacuumed."
Quite suddenly, the Flash was up close to his face without warning. "If I told you to hack the website in question and erase its existence, you wouldn't do it, would you?" he asked eyeing him with a calculating gaze.
Bruce did the best Batglare he could manage outside of costume. "That would be an infringement of the first amendment. I am aware that some of these 'fanfics' can be unsettling and include scenarios and pairings that pulls the mentality of the creator in question—let's not go into the lies the newspapers tell about us—however, this country has been blessed with a government that gives a reign on the freedom of speech and I will not—"
"What if I told you there are some people out there who enjoy portraying Batman and Robin in a less-than-innocent relationship?" Barry interrupted swiftly, shoving sheets of paper into Bruce's hands.
Bruce's eyes roved over the printed-out copy of a prompt and Barry had to bite back a grin. This would only work if he was serious. There was no way Bats would back out after reading that.
Gimme some BatXRob, anons! With semi-evil!Batsy "instructing" his little bird in all the ways villains can torture their victims. From full out blood-play, S & M, to dub non/con. All for Robin to get "experience in the field" and lessons in how to try and escape the clutches of the bad guy (which he doesn't of course 'cuz Batsy is a scheming, manipulative BAMF)!
The prompt alone wasn't the worst thing. No, that was the prompt getting nine different fills for it that took up ten-plus pages when printed out.
Bruce growled low in his throat as he skimmed over some of the fills on the first page before he crushed the sheets of paper in both his tightly-clenched fists. His shoulders were shaking in silent rage. "THEY MUST BE STOPPED!" he roared in an angry Batman-tenor.
"YES, DOWN WITH THE FANFICS!" Barry cheered pumping a fist into the air. "THEY ARE EVIL AND MUST BE DESTROYED!"
"Excuse me, while I hack a website," Bruce snarled, stalking off to the Bat Cave.
Barry let himself out of the Wayne Manor through the ballroom. Bruce would thank him later for having an excuse not to host as many parties for a while. Right now, the Flash had to hunt down and have a very serious discussion with Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl.
Bruce had stumbled across a minor hitch in his plans. He had tried to hack the Young Justice Anon Fic Meme. Only the livejournal's omni-mod's account could not be hacked. He had attempted in practically every way possible.
There was only one other person in the world capable of blocking the Batman's hacking abilities.
Bruce steepled his fingers together and stared at the omni-mod's user name: masked_highflier.
He all but mashed his finger down on his desktop button, knowing that somewhere in the manor a buzzer on the intercom system had sounded.
"Yes, Master Bruce, what is it?" Alfred's voice sounded. "Do you wish for your meal to be brought to you in the Cave?"
"Alfred, do you know where Dick is at the moment?" Bruce tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible.
"He is at the dining table. We were just about prepare to eat without you."
"Send him down immediately."
"At once, sir."
Bruce clicked on masked_highflier's profile while he waited and searched the interests they had listed: gymnastics, aerobics, mathematics, motorcycles, spelunking, chocolate-chip cookies, Kid Flash, hair gel… Superman? What? Batman wasn't even listed at all? That little…
"Oh, hey, I didn't know you frequented the LJ community," Dick said from behind him.
Bruce swiveled his chair around quickly. Dick was fidgeting where he stood, looking like he was struggling with the effort to keep a blank, clueless expression on his face.
Quite a feat, considering the webpage the giant computer screen was displaying in front of him at the moment.
"Dick, we need to have a very, serious talk."
"Before or after dinner?" Dick asked sounding bored even though Bruce could see his knees shaking. Oh he knew he was in hot water.
"You're skating on very thin ice, young man," Bruce warned him.
Or cold water. Either way, Batman had had a change of plans. Instead of being deleted, the Young Justice anon fic meme was going to have some new management.
Mt. Justice. Two days later.
"Distraught?" Kid Flash shouted throwing up his arms. "I've course I'm dis-traught, dude! Our meme has been completely hijacked by your dad who deletes any prompts over the PG/K+ rating and seems to be restructuring it into a freaking 'How To Care For Your Protégé' manual!"
True enough. The first thing Bruce had done was change the rules of the website.
Attention all members of the YJ anon meme, new rules and guidelines have been issued. It is suggested you read through them before requesting any new prompts. Any violation in regards to these rules will have me tracing your ISP signal to your proxy server, pin-pointing your exact location, and putting an end once and for all to any more sick, twisted scenarios your extremely, warped minds have imagined. B(
The entire first page of the newly-reorganized meme were full of prompts like the one below.
Requesting Daddy!Bats and babybird fill. The Dynamic Duo are on patrol in Gotham when one night when they are ambushed by the Joker and his henchmen. Robin is taken hostage but he is rescued by Batman who then beats up and defeats everyone. The Joker is playing unconscious and leaps at Batman's unsuspecting back. Only Robin sees this and stops him with the newest addition on his utility belt Batman has given him as a present for being such a good boy and loyal partner. Wants fluff, cuteness, and adorable-ness as the two flee into the shadows of the night reveling in the trusting bond they share.
"I think I just read a summary for a cheap dime-store romance novel," Kid Flash grimaced as Robin bit his bottom lip and shook his head painfully.
"I am so sorry, Robin," M'gann apologized for the fifth time that day. "This is all my fault. If Uncle J'onn had not seen the website on my laptop, then gone to it himself, then called the Flash, who then—"
"Yeah, I got it. It wasn't your fault. It was a string of really bad luck, alright?" Robin sighed.
"How's the Young Justice kink meme doing?" Kid Flash questioned worriedly. "Did he delete that one?"
"No, it's still there," Robin said, pulling it up on his mini-computer from his glove so they could all see. "And surprisingly, he didn't even change any rules at all. Weird."
"Not as weird as all these Lex Luthor/Superman prompts that take up two whole pages," Artemis pointed out.
"Wow, look at that. There must be about forty of them," Robin said.
"Dude, that's as many as four tens!" Kid Flash exclaimed.
"And that's just terrible," Robin nodded solemnly.
"Yeah, whatever," Artemis sulked, "Look, I had a thirty-part multi-fill going on when Bats shut me down with his hostile take-over. Now how are my fans going to know how it ends?"
"Chill, my peeps," Robin grinned. "I've found us a suitable alternative that can be our HQ while I hack back my omni-mod status. It's a little different from the YJ anon meme, but the fans are just as vigorous: any of you guys ever heard of Fanfiction net?"
Lex Luthor's morning cup of coffee while he stared out of his floor-length glass window over Metropolis and plotted how to take over the world was interrupted by his front desk secretary's voice on the phone, "Mr. Luthor, Superman is on line five for you."
Lex's eyebrows shot up his forehead as he pressed the button down. "Well, Superman," he drawled. "This is a surprise. To what do I owe the honor of your call?"
"Like you don't know!" Superman snapped sounding very annoyed. "I know all those prompts on the YJ kink meme are yours! They have your handiwork all over them! Especially all the bondage/non-con ones, you perverted, balding, sociopath—"
"Hold it right there, you underwear-flaunting, caped, super-dick head," Lex Luthor interjected angrily. "Are you accusing me of writing slash-smut fics about us? Oh, that is so you! 'Waaah, waaah, everything revolves around me! I'm the Man of Steel—ooh, look at me: I can fly around the world in the speed of light and don't have to microwave my frozen dinners because I have heat-vision! Na-na-na-boo-poo-on-you!' Well, I don't have to sit here and listen to you brag all day about yourself! I'm going to Paris to have a croissant and guess what? I don't need to have super flight powers—I have a freaking private jet, so there! Do you have a private jet, Super-loser? No? I didn't think so! Good-bye and good riddance!"
And somewhere in a giant cave underneath a sprawling manor, a large bat was cackling maniacally as he hunched low over the keyboard and typed out prompt after prompt of kinky goodness that was Superman torture as well as side helping of more fluffy Daddy!Bats prompts.
A/N: I think I might have broken the fourth wall somewhere in there^^;; Hehe, what can I say? The YJ anon meme is very addicting and inspirational! For those who haven't visited yet, you totally should! I actually filled my own prompt, lol! XD I didn't have any anons know the YJ or JL's secret identities here b/c in this fic, YJ created the meme themselves and no one on Earth-16 knows any of the heroes's civilian identities. And yes, Bruce is jealous that Dick seems to admire Superman more than him, lol. Google Lex Luthor stole forty cakes. It's a net meme. The YJ anon meme alerted me to it and now I can't stop laughing at every new screencap pic someone invents! XD I'd love to alert you to all the stories prompted, but unfortunately, I invented every prompt in this fic and to my knowledge none of them have been filled, sorry.
Glad you enjoyed my fic!Sorry for not posting this directly on the meme, guys, but I hate copying and pasting pieces of it and then having to worry about the word count. So, here it is on both FF net and LJ. You can still review anonymously on either website. Just be careful, Batman may be lurking somewhere just off-screen!
I hope you have enjoyed reading this! Please review and share your thoughts and favorite scenes. I love hearing what you liked best and it's the only reward a fanfic author gets. I like knowing what my readers think and feel. Thank you!